


What Could Have Been

by whisperofgrace



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, The Enchanted Forest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-25
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-09 00:23:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 121,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3229220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whisperofgrace/pseuds/whisperofgrace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A few years after the events in Neverland, a new spell has been created to finally send everybody home to the Enchanted Forest. Something goes awry, and this time it's up to Killian to break the curse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

'Emma, love? Is everything all right?'

There was silence, then a shuffling sound. Killian rested his head on the bathroom door, his hand hovering over the door knob. She'd been in there for quite a long time now, and he hadn't missed it when Mary Margaret had disappeared inside as well. He'd learnt not to push between them when she and her mother were having a moment, but they were running out of time.

'Emma?' he asked again, closing his hand over the handle.

Before he could turn it there was a light click that told him it had been locked anyway, then the knob turned under his hand. The door opened quickly, but it was Mary Margaret who he saw first, standing in the doorway and blocking his view from most of the room. She looked at him, her expression oddly appraising.

He hadn't seen that look on her face since she'd realized that he was genuine in his courtship of her daughter, or perhaps when he'd told David and herself of his intention to make her his wife. He didn't have time to worry about what that meant now, however. He was sure that there was a reason why the two of them had been closeted away, and the fact that Emma was still hidden by the door was making him anxious.

'We don't have much time left, ladies,' he said slowly, frowning at Mary Margaret.

'I know. I can feel it.' Emma's voice came from further inside the bathroom, and he started to move forward before he restrained himself, knowing that bowling over his mother-in-law probably wasn't a good idea. Mary Margaret hesitated a moment before giving his arm a quick squeeze and stepping aside. He couldn't see Emma's face, only the reflection of her back in the bathroom mirror. He watched as her shoulders lifted and fell as she took a deep breath, then brought her hands to her face for a moment before she stepped out of sight of the mirror.

She stepped into the hallway and smiled up at him, but it was her blotched cheeks and red eyes that he noticed first. She had been  _crying?_  Feeling a heaviness in his chest that seemed to be reserved for when she was upset, Killian stepped up to her, catching her upper arm with his hook and cupping her cheek with his hand. 'Emma,' he breathed, torn between wanting to watch her to make sure she was all right and wanting to kiss her face all over to make her feel better. All right, and to make him feel better from seeing her like this. He settled with a quick kiss to her forehead before he drew back to look at her. 'What is it? What's wrong?'

'Everything's fine,' she told him, covering his hand with hers. 'Everything's great,' she added with a small laugh, and he raised his eyebrow at her - if everything was so great, why was she crying? She must have assumed his unasked question. 'I'm just nervous,' she conceded, shrugging slightly. 'More than I thought I'd be. It's all going to be so different.'

He'd been expecting this. Emma had been working with Regina and Rumpelstiltskin to completely reverse the curse, and a few days ago they had finalized their plans. They were going home. Rumpelstiltskin had made the spell as he had the first one, but Regina and Emma were to cast it since they were the caster and breaker of the original curse.

Everyone had been at varying stages of stress, worry and excitement, including Emma, but he'd wondered when she'd realize just how much she was leaving behind.

'Aye.' Moving his hand from her face, he twisted it to hold hers and then twined their fingers together. Bending his head without taking his eyes from hers, he pressed his lips to the palm of her hand, the soft skin on the back of it, the ring that he'd given her. 'It will be different, but no matter what world we end up in we'll have each other, and Henry. You've helped to accustom me to your world, and now it's time for me to return the favour.'

Her eyes began to well up again and he started to wonder what part of that had been the wrong thing to say. But she was still smiling, that beautiful true smile that he had made his life's mission to keep on her face. 'I love you,' she told him warmly.

His lips twitched as he tried to suppress the grin that took him whenever she said those words to him. After a moment he gave up and let the smile spread across his face. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Emma pulled him down to her, pressing her lips softly against his.

He still couldn't quite believe how... easy the last few years had been for them. Since returning from Neverland, it hadn't taken him long at all to convince her that he was worthy of her time - his help in Neverland had told her that, or so she said. He'd lived on his ship for a few months, until Emma's parents had moved into a new place and he'd moved in with her. He'd never played house with a woman before, not like this, but he wasn't surprised at how much he really enjoyed it, even - or especially - when Henry stayed with them. The boy, now fifteen, spent his time equally with them, Regina and Neal, and he'd never met a lad who was happier with his lot in life than Henry.

When he'd sought David and Mary Margaret's permission to ask for Emma's hand, it had been purely as a courtesy. He'd also asked Henry, and it was his approval which he had truly needed. He'd told him that nothing would make him happier than having Captain Hook as a stepfather, and when Henry had stood beside him a few months ago on his wedding day, the two of them watching his Swan walk towards them with the biggest smile on her face, it had been the happiest day of his long, long life.

Smiling fondly at the memory, Killian returned Emma's kiss, parting her lips with his and deepening the kiss, settling his hand and hook on her waist.

When Emma broke the kiss it was with a sigh of contentment, but Killian was enjoying their closeness. He knew she was as well, and he also knew that if she was worrying so badly about their relocation that she was crying to Mary Margaret then she needed a minute or two of comfort. Not that she would admit that too freely. Wrapping his arms fully around her, he held her body against his, pecking a kiss to her neck before he tucked his chin over her shoulder. 'I love you too, darling,' he told her, happy to be able to take some of her tension away.

She did relax, her whole body loosening against his. They stood like that for a few minutes, the simpleness of the action giving him joy even after the years that they'd spent together. How was it possible for two people to fit together so perfectly?

And for someone to fit this well  _with him_. He'd thought that there was no coming back from the kind of life that he'd led, but Emma and her family had proved him wrong. This was family. This was all he'd ever wanted, once he realised that it was what was missing.

A part of him was still worried, so he pulled back enough to see her. She definitely looked calmer, and the redness had faded from her cheeks, if not quite from her eyes. 'Are you sure that's all that's wrong?' he asked imploringly.

She tried to hide her face against him but he held her still. It looked like she was trying to scowl, but she couldn't quite cover the smile that was slipping out. 'Can you please take one day off from being able to read me so well?' she asked. He just raised an eyebrow at her, knowing how much that frustrated her. Eventually she huffed out a sigh. 'Why aren't you nervous about today? You've told me that this place is the closest you've ever felt to home.'

He chose not to press her since she was quite obviously changing the subject, and he knew that she'd tell him when she was ready. Chuckling lightly, he used his hook to brush her hair away from her face. She still didn't understand. 'Emma. Darling. Storybrooke isn't where my home is. You are.'

She just looked up at him, and he could read everything he needed to in her eyes. She did understand. It had taken her just as long as it had taken him to accept the fact that they could have happiness with another, that they  _deserved_  it just as much as anybody else.

All of a sudden she seemed nervous, but she didn't pull away. 'There is actually something -'

'Mom!' Emma pulled back slightly as Henry popped his head in from the living room. 'Dad's back,' he said, giving them a loaded look.

Killian let her pull out of his embrace but kept her hand in his. She looked between him and Henry, biting her lip hesitantly. 'It can wait,' she said to him after a moment. 'We can talk later.'

Nodding, he followed her into the living room. She'd at least had a chance to talk to Mary Margaret about whatever was bothering her, and they'd have more time later. Neal's arrival was more important at the present.

Neal was talking with David and Tinkerbell by the front door, but turned to include them as they approached him. His face looked ashen, and Killian knew before he shook his head that he hadn't had any success.

Things hadn't been that perfect for everybody else recently.

Since last week, anyway. It had been better for Rumpelstiltskin and Belle than almost anybody else: they were happily married and expecting their first child in a few months time. Killian had been having lunch with Belle and Neal when the pains had started, and no one had been able to get in contact with Gold. Neal had gone to find him while Killian took Belle to the hospital, but by the time they had turned up, it had been too late. The baby had come quickly and Belle's body had hemorrhaged - the doctors hadn't been able to control it in time. By the time Neal and Gold had arrived at the hospital, it had been too late.

The baby, a little boy, had been so tiny. Too tiny, too young, too weak. He hadn't made it past his second day.

Gold hadn't been seen since then, over a week ago.

'Neither Blue or I have had any luck tracking him,' Tink said. She'd been helping Neal search since Regina and Emma were stockpiling their magic. 'He must know that we're trying to find him with magic, so he's being careful. He just doesn't want to be found.'

Emma put her hand on Neal's shoulder comfortingly. 'We'll find him in the Enchanted Forest. The spell will take everybody in Storybrooke, so he doesn't have to be here with us. Regina has his spell, so we don't need him to cast it. He might be able to cope better when he gets there.'

Neal's frown only deepened. 'What if he's not  _in_ Storybrooke anymore? What if he wanted to forget, so he crossed the town line?'

'The dwarves are watching the town line,' Killian reminded him. He'd thought it through enough to know that it could be an option for Gold to cross the town line willingly, to forget. If Killian had had that option all those years ago, he honestly couldn't say what his decision would have been.

Neal's eyes met his and he nodded in acknowledgement, then slowly started to relax. Huffing out a sigh, he ran his hand through his hair. 'You're right. There's nothing more we can do, not until we get home.'

'Speaking of, we're out of time.' Regina stood up from the couch and went to stand by the breakfast bar, gesturing for them to follow.

He heard Emma's breath catch slightly from beside him and he drew her aside for a moment, pressing his lips to her forehead. 'Have faith in yourself, love,' he told her, keeping his voice low for a measure of privacy. 'I do.'

She straightened her shoulders, and rolled her eyes at him. 'Thanks for the pep talk,' she said dryly, but he could see the thank you in her eyes. Squeezing her arm, he pushed her gently toward Regina before moving to stand next to David and Mary Margaret.

'Excited, mate?' David asked him, wrapping his arm around his wife. For all of the barb in the word, there was warmth there too. He'd found a good friend in the prince since their return from Neverland.

'Yes, well.' Rubbing the back of his neck, he kept a close eye on Emma as she stood by Regina, the two of them placing their hands on the parchment that bore the spell to send them home, directing their magic into the ink and paper. 'I don't really have that many very fond memories of that place.'

'You didn't have fond memories of this world, either, until you and Emma were together,' Mary Margaret reminded him. 'You just knew the wrong people. This time will be better.'

He hadn't forgotten that strange look in her eye earlier, but now was not the time to pursue it. 'I hope so.'

He hadn't taken his eyes from Emma, so he noticed when the set of her shoulders started to tighten. He couldn't see her face clearly, but she looked like she was frowning. After a few seconds her hands started to shake. 'Regina?' she asked hesitantly.

'Something's wrong,' Regina confirmed. As she spoke, the ground beneath them started to tremble, and Killian had to grab onto the bench to keep himself upright. The empty fruit bowl on the counter fell to the ground and he heard a crash as that and other unseen objects fell and broke. As quickly as it started it stopped again, and he glanced around to check on Henry - he stood beside Neal, his father's hand on his shoulder - before he approached Emma. She was still focusing on the parchment and he was hesitant to touch her and break her concentration, but he needed to be close to her just in case. Her cheeks were red again and her brow was furrowed, and she looked equal parts confused and scared.

'What's happening?' he asked loudly, directing his question at Regina since Emma's focus on the spell was required more than the queen's. Regina looked up from the parchment, and the expression on her face chilled him to the bone.

'The spell isn't working like it should,' she said, looking around to make sure everybody heard her. 'Something's not right, but it's too late to fix it. It's still going to take us there, but I can't say what we'll find when we get there. It's not just a spell anymore... It's another curse.'

The silence that filled the room was broken when the ground started to move again. Killian felt a hand grabbing him and wrapped an arm around Tink to help her steady herself. 'How could it have changed?' she yelled over the sound of things crashing around the room.

'It's never happened before,' Regina yelled back.

The room stopped moving, but Killian didn't feel any more settled. Out of the corner of his eye he saw David helping Mary Margaret up from the ground, and Neal and Henry moving closer to them, but he couldn't take his eyes from Emma. She'd barely moved her attention from the spell - curse - but he knew that she was listening to them. 'Can we stop it?' he asked.

Regina looked quickly between him and the parchment, trying to focus on the curse and the conversation at the same time. 'The magic is flowing too strongly in me, and even more so through Emma. If we stop it now, it will kill us both.'

'No!'

Henry started to jump forward, the look on his face so  _utterly painful_  but Neal tightened his grip on him and held him back. 'That's not going to happen,' he said. 'What can we do?'

The silence was deafening as they each held their breath, waiting and hoping for some way out. Killian knew better than to hope too strongly for a solution that wouldn't have consequences when it came to magic, and this magic was about the strongest that had been attempted since the original curse.

'We need a way to break the curse,' Regina said finally.

'A saviour. I'll do it,' Mary Margaret said with conviction.

 _It couldn't be that easy._  'It has to be one who wasn't cursed originally,' Regina said, proving his thought correct. 'I can build the power to break the curse into the spell for only one, and I have enough magic to spare another, so they needn't be alone this time.'  _Like Emma had been._

A heaviness settled over Killian as he understood Regina's words. Looking around, he found Neal and Tink staring back at him and at each other, their eyes wide. It would have to be one of them. It didn't even occur to him to consider Henry, and he knew that it wouldn't be an option for anybody else either.

'I'll do it,' Neal said, stepping forward.

Regina turned to face them fully but kept one hand reaching back to the parchment. Every few seconds her face distorted and a shudder passed through her, and he hated to think of what the magic was doing to her and Emma. 'It won't be enough,' Regina told Neal, her expression reluctant but sure. 'You don't have what is needed.' Her eyes moved to look at Killian, and he knew what needed to be done.

'No.' Emma spoke for the first time since she'd discovered the fault in the curse, and with her distraction the earth started to move again. 'You can't.'

But he could, and he had to. There was only one sure way to break any curse, and neither Neal nor Tinkerbell had the type of connection with the product of true love that he did. Hopefully their love was true enough to break this curse, whatever it was. 'I love you, Emma,' he said simply, knowing that she'd understand just why he had to do this, why it had to be him.

There was silence again for a few seconds. Killian nodded to Regina, who tilted her head in acknowledgement.

'I'll do it with you,' David said, stepping forward. Mary Margaret clutched at his arm, a look of horror passing across her face.

'No you won't,' Killian said, reluctantly stepped away from Emma to approach her parents. 'You can't leave her alone again,' he said quietly. 'Not if this is anything like the last curse. She will need you.'

'She'll need  _you_ ,' David whispered harshly.

'Then you'll just have to look after her for me until I can break this damned thing,' he replied, trying and failing to make himself sound cheerful. After a moment David's hand clapped on his shoulder and Killian turned back to the rest of the group.

'We don't have much time,' Regina said.

It was true. The last time that the ground had started trembling it hadn't entirely stopped, and it looked like a hurricane was tearing through the town from what he could see through the window. He moved to stand beside Regina and Emma, wanting nothing more than to reach out and touch her, but afraid of what could happen. If he broke her concentration too much and the spell failed... He restrained himself but it was so difficult, with tears pouring unchecked down her cheeks.

There was someone else standing beside him and he turned partially to find Tink looking over his shoulder. 'I'll go with you,' she said quietly, and he just nodded, taking her hand.

Regina put hers on his shoulder, leaving the other on the parchment. Emma's hand curled over Regina's other hand tightly, and he was jealous of that small measure of comfort that somebody else could give her. He couldn't tell anymore whether they were shaking because of the ground moving, or whether it was the fear or the magic affecting them.

'Find us, Captain,' Regina said softly, before both of her hands started to glow as she poured all of her magic both into the spell and into him.

And he was falling, falling, crumpling to the ground in a heap as pain spilled through his body. He felt a hand clutching his tightly as his head hit the ground hard, making it spin. He heard cries from above him, around him, but couldn't place any of the voices. A shout of his name that sounded awfully like Emma, but it sounded muffled, gurgled, like she was speaking from underwater. Or maybe that was caused by the cloudiness in his head.

He tried to move but couldn't. He couldn't really feel much at all anymore. Just the hand in his, and the ground beneath him, which suddenly felt more like grass than floorboards...


	2. Chapter 2

Killian woke slowly. The first thing he noticed was a steady beeping sound, the only thing he could hear. Soon after came the strong smell of disinfectant. Bloody hell, what the hell had Emma been cleaning with? He tried to ignore the smell, to burrow deeper into the blankets, but the bed just didn't feel right. He reached over for Emma but instead of her warm body, or even empty sheets, his hand felt the edge of a bed that he realized was not his own.  _Where the hell am I?_

The memory hit him all at once and he felt like he'd had the breath knocked out of him. Opening his eyes, he sucked in air desperately, intending on figuring out where he was and how to get to Emma, but the brightness of the room made him flinch and squeeze his eyes shut again. Struggling to sit up, he forced them open the barest amount, trying to see anything he could.

Everything was so white and bright, and it took him a few minutes before he could open his eyes fully and actually take in his surroundings.

He was sitting in a narrow bed in a small room that looked similar to the hospital in Storybrooke. He could see no sign of Tink so he figured that he must have been there for a while, and he was immediately wary of any time that had passed being too much. How long had it been - days?

He tried to get out of the bed but found that his body wasn't responding quite as well as it should. As he moved he felt a discomfort at his elbow and looked down to see a needle piercing his skin, attached to a few tubes. He knew what an IV was, but didn't hesitate to pull it out. There was a plastic  _something_  stuck on one of his fingers and other things stuck to his skin, and he tore those off too. He didn't have time to worry about why he was in the hospital, he just needed to find Tink.

It took more effort than he'd like to admit to stand up, and he leaned backward to rest his hand on the bed for support. It wasn't until then that he noticed that his hook was missing, along with the brace that normally held it in place.  _Bloody doctors._

Intent on finding his hook and clothes, he only made it a few steps across the room to the cupboards before he heard footsteps racing outside and the door flung open. Two people in those badly fitting, coloured clothes came through the door and stopped when they saw him, but he ignored the shocked looks on their faces. 'Where have you put my belongings?' he asked them, gesturing to the thin blue garment that they'd put him in. He grimaced at the hoarseness of his voice.

They didn't answer him, but his words seemed to bring them out of their surprise. One of them darted out of the room as the other walked quickly up to him. 'You should sit down, Mr Jones. Your body won't be the strongest right now.'

Unfortunately she was right, and had no difficulty in pushing him back to sit on the bed. He didn't have time for this, and told her so, feeling a mix of anger and panic starting to build inside him. He had to find Emma. 'I'll be fine,' he said, trying not to lose his patience or his temper. 'Just give me my belongings and I'll be on my way.'

The woman ignored him, pushing him back to sit against the pillows. She reattached some of the devices to him and then pulled something out of her pocket. Forcing his eyelids open, she shined a light into his eye. 'Look here,' she instructed.

As if the room wasn't bright enough already. 'Bloody hell,' he muttered, trying to push her away, but she just moved his hand away and brought out another device.

She spent a good few minutes poking and prodding him, ignoring his protests. 'Do you know where you are, Mr Jones?'

'A rather fancy library,' he snapped, scowling.

She ignored his sarcasm - apparently the doctor was quite adept at ignoring the people that she was supposed to be caring for. 'Can you tell me your full name and date of birth?'

He answered the first part automatically, but hesitated on the second. He didn't know where he was besides in a hospital, and he'd found out that this world was rather particular when it came to identity. He'd been alive for so long that he didn't quite remember anymore, so he'd just celebrated with Emma at her insistence.

The woman was starting to frown at him, looking more worried than irritated like she had before, so he decided to just go with that. He opened his mouth to tell her Emma's birthday but before he could the door to his room opened again and the other doctor came in, followed by -

'Tink!' He pushed the doctor away and leaned forward in the bed, managing to keep the woman away from him for a few seconds. The doctor that had come in with Tink moved to the other side of the bed and was looking at the numbers on the machine that was making that annoying beeping sound, but he barely paid him attention. 'Will you tell them to get me my things so I can get out of here? My clothes and my -'

'Can we have a moment?' Tink asked the doctors quietly, interrupting him. Feeling a warning in her tone, he paused and actually looked at her properly. She looked tired, older, with lines around her eyes that hadn't been there before. Just what had happened in these last few days to make her look so worn?

The doctors must have heard something in her voice too, because to his surprise they actually stepped back, giving him some space for the first time since they'd found him awake. 'Just a few minutes,' the first one said after a moment, nodding first to her colleague and then to Tink before the two of them left the room, closing the door quietly behind them.

Tink's head had turned to follow the doctors' departure and when they left she turned back to him, but her eyes stayed on the ground. 'Tink?' The sense of alarm inside him only increased when she shuffled awkwardly. 'Tinkerbell,' he said warningly.

'You should call me Tina while we're here,' she said softly, squeezing her hands together in front of her. 'Tink isn't really a name that people here respond well to.'

He started to push back up off the bed but she jumped forward, putting both hands on his shoulders and holding him to the bed. He let her, but grabbed onto her arm to stop her from drawing away again. 'Why won't you look at me?' he asked slowly.

Eventually she did, and he almost wished that she hadn't. She looked... damaged. And scared. 'How much do you remember?' she asked carefully.

He remembered it all too clearly. 'I -' The scratching of his dry throat made the words catch and he coughed hard. Tink pulled away and grabbed a bottle of water from her bag, which he accepted gratefully. 'Thank you,' he said after a few long mouthfuls. 'I remember everything. Regina was trying to alter the curse so that the two of us were unaffected and so that I could break it.'

'Well the first part worked, at least.' He shuffled over as far as he could in the bed, and after a moment she perched herself on the edge of the mattress. 'The force of Regina's spell knocked you out, and a few seconds later the curse took them all away. They all just... disappeared into thin air.' Her face was carefully expressionless. 'Not only the people, but the whole town. It was as if it had never existed at all. But you and I were still there.'

There was something there in her eyes, something that she wasn't quite telling him. 'How did we get here? Where is this place?'

She was silent for a few more seconds. Looking down at her hands again, she turned them over slowly in her lap. 'After everything was gone, I waited with you for a little while, hoping that you'd wake up. You didn't, no matter what I tried. I figured I'd have to get you to a hospital but I couldn't just leave you. I didn't know if any remnants from Belle's cloaking spell would still hold, and I couldn't risk leaving Storybrooke - where Storybrooke had been - without knowing if I'd be able to find my way back to you.'

Suddenly she stood up. 'Come on, you should try walking around for a bit. Make your body get used to moving again.' She looked away from him again as she helped him to his feet.

Killian started to walk around the small room awkwardly, ignoring the loaded way that Tink was watching him. 'Why is my body so weak?' he asked. Surely his muscles hadn't suffered so badly after a bit of time in a bed.

'Um, I'm getting to that.' She sat on his bed in the spot he'd just vacated, crossing her legs in front of her. 'Speaking of your body. You're bloody heavy, by the way.'

He stopped and stared at her, feeling a sense of confusion and gratitude flare in amongst the dread that had turned into a low ache in his gut. 'You carried me?' he asked flatly.

'Keep moving,' she instructed him. 'And yes, I did, okay? Until we reached a road, anyway, and then I had to wait until someone drove past and got us to the hospital, because I just couldn't go any further.'

She sounded defensive, as if her efforts hadn't been enough. He turned and walked back across the room toward her. 'Tink.' She looked up at him almost reluctantly, and he tried for a small smile. 'Thank you.'

Her sad smile mirrored his own, and after a moment he sat back down beside her. Not because his legs were shaking, no, not at all. 'There's something that you're not telling me,' he said pointedly, giving voice to the thought that had been bothering him since he'd first properly looked at her. There was something that she'd been holding back from the start and the sooner that she got it out, the sooner they could start trying to find a way to get to Emma and everyone else. If they'd gone to the Enchanted Forest and Killian and Tink had been left in the world without magic, they were going to have a difficult task of trying to find a way to get to them. They  _would_  find a way, he knew it, but the sooner that they could get started, the sooner the curse could be broken.

She started to withdraw from him but he grabbed her arm lightly and held her so that she couldn't pull away. Which reminded him to ask about his hook, but he knew he had to get this out of her. 'Tink, please.'

She sighed heavily then sat up a little straighter, as if it was a struggle. 'How long do you think you've been in here?'

That pit in his stomach grew a little larger and he frowned. 'I'd assumed a few days. Has it been longer? Weeks?' He made to stand up again but this time she grabbed his arm, this time holding him on the bed. 'If it's been that long then we need to start trying to...'

He trailed off at the ashen look on her face. Emotions raced through his head, thoughts that he didn't want to put a name to but knew that he had to. 'It's been longer than weeks, hasn't it? Tink?' She didn't answer him, didn't look at him, so he reached for her again, grabbing her chin in his hand and forcing her to look up at him. ' _How long has it been?_ '

She fought him, trying to pull away, but his desperation had suddenly taken a stronger turn and he couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't let her hold anything back, no matter how much he knew it would hurt. He didn't even notice how tightly he was holding her until both of her hands grabbed his forearm, her nails digging into his skin. 'Killian,' she pleaded, and he let her go, pushing himself off the bed and storming across the room.

He hadn't wanted to hurt her, but he didn't feel very in control of himself right now. He just needed space, but mostly he needed Emma. 'How long, Tinkerbell?'

He turned back to her just in time to see her look up at him, and the hollowness in his centre opened up and swallowed him before she even spoke. 'Three and a half years,' she whispered.

His chest constricted and his legs felt suddenly unstable, but he knew it had nothing to do with the state that his body was apparently in. Stepping carefully, he sank into the chair beside his bed. 'Three years,' he breathed, rubbing his hand across his face as if he could rub away the truth. 'They've been in the Enchanted Forest, stuck in whatever curse that was inflicted, for  _three years?_ '

'They might not be in any danger,' Tink pointed out quickly, moving to the edge of the bed so that her legs hung over the side. She leaned forward toward him, elbows on her knees. 'They weren't with the original curse, not really. Time might not even be moving for them. You can't be worrying about how bad it is for them when you don't know.'

'It's not about how bad it is for them!' It certainly mattered, but it wasn't what he was worried about right then. 'There's nothing that I can do to change how bad it is for them, but I  _am_ supposed to be there to break it! But instead of trying to figure out how to get there in the first place, let alone break the bloody thing, I've been  _asleep._ '

'You've been in a coma,' she snapped. 'There's a difference. I thought you were dead, Killian! By the time I got you to the hospital you were barely breathing, and for a while they couldn't find a pulse, not even with the machines that they have here that can tell practically  _anything_. Eventually they did, but your vitals were so weak that they've never thought that you'd pull out of it.  _I_  was starting to think that you wouldn't come out of it.' Her voice caught, but she continued with barely a pause. 'At first I thought that Regina had kept you out of the way on purpose, but I honestly don't think she'd do something like that anymore. She didn't want to be cursed just as much as anyone else. I think that the magic that she used to write your part into the curse was too much for your body to handle.'

He nodded slowly, barely hearing her words. What she said made sense, and she'd apparently had a lot more time to consider it than he had, but it didn't make the reality of it feel any less wrong. Glancing up, he noticed that she was trembling a little, and went to sit back on the bed next to her. 'Please tell me there's at least some good news,' he asked her.

Tink cleared her throat and wiped at the skin under her eyes, taking a deep breath. 'There is. I have a way for us to follow them. I hid it where Storybrooke used to be after I figured out that I'd be able to find it again. As soon as you get some strength back, we can get to the Enchanted Forest.'

Groaning loudly, Killian squeezed his eyes shut threw his head back in frustration, wishing he had something nearby to bang it against. 'That's the type of information that you should probably have led with, love.'

'Yeah, well, there's rather a lot to catch you up on,' she told him dryly.

Which was true, but it didn't change the fact that this changed things for them drastically. 'There's no more waiting, at least,' he said, grateful that at least one thing was working in his favour. 'I thought we'd still have to spend months, or who knows how long, looking for a way there. We can go now. I'm not waiting on anything else.'

'That's all well and good, Killian, but you need to think further than just getting to the Enchanted Forest,' Tink pointed out, crossing her arms over her chest. 'I have a car that can get us to my hiding place, but once we go through the portal we're not going to have cars to get us around.'

'I'll be fine,' he growled at her. He wasn't going to wait any longer, not now that he'd found out how long Emma and her family had been held by the curse. Especially not if it was his weak body that was holding them back.

Tink just looked back at him, eyebrows raised. 'All right,' she said, voice suddenly flippant. 'If you can walk down the hallway and back without falling over, we can go now.'

He glared at her, knowing better than to call her bluff. 'I just don't want to leave them for any longer than I have to,' he said after a moment, his body slumping as the fight went out of him.

'You'll be no use to them if I have to carry you, because trust me, I'm not going to be able to get us very far.' She smiled at him faintly. 'I'm really glad you're awake, Killian,' she told him quietly.

The relief in her voice comforted him marginally. He hadn't even considered what she must have been through while he had been in his coma, but he was suddenly glad that he didn't have to do this alone. Whatever they found when they got to the Enchanted Forest, at least he'd have somebody by his side to face it with. 'Thank you, Tink,' he said, hoping she knew that he meant it for more than just her sentiment. She just nodded.

The sound of the door opening made them both look up, and Tink moved from the bed to the chair as the two doctors entered the room. 'How long before I can leave?' Killian asked them as they approached him.

'Let's just run a few tests and we'll see.'

Tink's reassuring smile did not even come close to making him feel better.


	3. Chapter 3

Tink pulled the car to a slow stop on the edge of the road, coming as close to the trees as she could. 'That's the marker I made,' she said, pointing toward a large pile of rocks leaning against an upturned tree. 'We'll have to walk the rest of the way but it's not too far, a mile or so due west of here. I can't get the car any closer.' She turned in the seat to look at Killian apologetically. 'Sorry.'

'It's fine,' he said, unclipping his seat belt and opening the door. 'We've wasted enough time, let's just keep moving.'

He was out of the car and heading west before she could say anything. Unfortunately she caught up before he could get very far. 'Hey, I don't have time for your brooding,' she said, falling into step beside him. 'We haven't wasted time, we've made sure that you're capable of surviving. There won't be cars in the Enchanted Forest, remember?'

'I've survived long enough without them before,' he said shortly, trying to ignore her and keep his eyes on the ground where he walked.

'Yeah, but how many times have you been unconscious for this long, huh? It's a miracle that you're as well as you are.'

As true as that was, he resented every spare second that they wasted, especially knowing how much time had passed since the curse had taken Emma and the others. He knew that it wasn't his fault, or probably anyone's, but the idea of Emma and Henry stuck in an unknown curse without him chilled him to the bone. He'd wanted to leave the hospital the day he'd woken, but the doctors hadn't allowed it. When Tink had sided with them he'd reluctantly stopped arguing with them, knowing it would be fruitless, but he spent as much time on his feet and walking around as possible, just to prove that he could.

And just like his slumber, his recovery was rather unnatural too. He figured that it was a result of the magic that had wrecked his body since a normal body would take weeks to recover from the loss of mobility and muscle tone, but the hospital staff had reluctantly deemed him in reasonable health after only few days. They'd wanted him to stay longer, to conduct more tests to find the reason for his coma and his quick recovery, but he'd been out the door the moment the discharge papers were signed, worried that they'd change their minds.

'How did you find a way to make a portal here, anyway?' he asked, breaking the silence between them.

She didn't answer him straight away, probably annoyed with him for snapping at her. 'I didn't look, at first,' she told him eventually. 'When I first took you to the hospital I was too scared to go too far in case you... got worse. And I had to pay for your hospital bill so I got a few jobs. Nothing important,' she said quickly before he could ask. She moved forward so she was walking in front of him, leading the way, and now he couldn't see her face. Was she hiding something from him? 'When I had enough money to cover your bills for a few months I started to look around and ask some questions. A few leads turned out to be duds, but after searching for a few years I found a family of witches in the south who came here a long time ago. They had a bean. They wanted to sell it for a favour.'

'What was the favour?' he asked the back of her head, wondering if this was what she seemed to be avoiding.

She looked over her shoulder at him, smirking. 'They haven't called it in yet. Bad luck for them, right?'

He snorted. 'Classy work, love. And you didn't think they'd come after you?'

'Kinda hard now when I've got their bean.'

After a few minutes they came across a small hut and Tink led the way up to the door, opening it and gesturing for him to come inside. There was only one tiny room and Killian looked around quickly, taking in the pile of blankets in the corner and the couple of canvas bags that were piled next to the wall. His brow furrowed as Tink moved to the corner of the room, pulling up a floorboard and starting to dig into the dirt beneath with her hands.

'Tink,' he started slowly.

'Just don't, okay?' she said quietly, not looking up from what she was doing.

'Tink, do you live here?' he asked, not quite believing it, but the blankets told him almost enough. Walking to the other side of the hut, he peered into a few of the open bags, finding tins of food and clothing in a few of them. 'Tinkerbell...'

'It doesn't matter.' Straightening up, she pushed a black bag into his hands. 'There's the bean and your hook. Let's just go.'

'Wait a minute.'

'I thought you were in a hurry,' she snapped at him. She tried to move past him to go back outside but he tucked the bag under his arm and grabbed her elbow, pulling her to stand in front of him.

'We have time for this,' he insisted, dropping the bag onto the blankets. 'Why have you been living out here? I thought you said you've had work, why not rent a place?'

'Because my pay checks barely covered your hospital bills,' she said exasperatedly, finally looking at him. 'I was working three jobs at one point and still hunting after a way to make a portal, and I didn't have any money to spare for rent. Especially not a regular payment or anything like that. This place must have been here before the curse brought them here, otherwise it would have disappeared with them, but it's enough, all right?'

'Bloody hell, Tink, it's not even weatherproof,' he said, gesturing up to the gaps in the roof and in the walls. A clear plastic sheet covered the single window, held on by duct tape. 'At least tell me you paid for somewhere to stay in the winter.'

Her silence was answer enough and he turned away from her, cursing. 'Hey, I managed,' she said, darting around him to stand in his way. 'If it got too bad I found a shelter in the city to stay in. And I've kept myself fed. I managed.'

Killian frowned down at her, his stomach twisting painfully. He hadn't even spared a thought to what kind of life she'd been living during the last few years. She'd sacrificed a proper bed in order to ensure his care, and he was sure that she was stretching the truth about keeping herself fed. 'This hasn't been easy for you, has it?' he asked quietly.

Surprising him with a laugh, she smiled up at him sadly. 'We both know I've had worse.'

He didn't need to ask.  _Neverland._

'That doesn't make it better.' She shrugged noncommittally and he sighed, bending to pick up the bag she'd given him earlier. Breaking the heavy tape that held it closed, he pulled out first his brace and then his hook, followed by a small pouch which he assumed held the bean. 'Thank you for keeping this for me,' he said to her, pulling off his shirt so that he could settle the brace over his wrist and the straps around his shoulder. It fit as well as it always had but his skin wasn't as rough as it had been last week.  _Not last week_ , he reminded himself, adjusting the buckles to tighten them slightly. He hoped that it wouldn't be painful when the leather started to rub.

'It's fine,' she said, eyes on the ground as he pulled his shirt back over his head and clicked the hook into place. He couldn't help the sigh of satisfaction when he tugged on it firmly, testing it. He hadn't felt like himself without it.

'Why didn't you leave as soon as you got the bean?' he asked her, turning to face her squarely as soon as he was reassembled. It was something that had been bothering him since he'd first seen the inside of the hut and come to the conclusion that she'd been living here, with barely four walls and a roof. 'You could have gone anywhere. You could have gone home.'

'And what, been alone?' Tink crossed her arms and leant against the door frame. 'Sure, we don't know exactly what the curse that took them did, but Regina was scared for it so it can't have been good. And if I just left you behind there would have been no way to break it, so I couldn't really do that, could I?'

'Some people would have,' he said softly, wondering if he'd have had the strength to wait like she had, with no knowledge of if or when he'd wake up.

'Yeah well I didn't, okay?' She stared at him challengingly for a few seconds before she dropped her gaze to the floor in front of her feet. 'I did think about leaving town,' she said reluctantly. 'For good, I mean, not just for finding the bean. You were asleep for so long, and I figured... I guess I figured that you might be able to do it without me. Maybe I could start a life somewhere and not live in a crappy cabin in the middle of the woods. I'd left a contact number with the hospital to call me when you woke up, and I thought about leaving until I got a call. And... And I thought about ditching that phone and trying to forget all about you.

'But I didn't.' Looking up at him with a new determination on her face, she opened the pouch and tipped the bean into her palm. 'I couldn't leave you, not after everything we went through in Neverland together. Both times. You and your family got me off that island, and you helped me to get my wings back, even if I haven't been able to use magic since Storybrooke vanished.' When she stepped toward him he could see a glistening to her eyes that belied her outward resolve. 'I haven't had a family for a very, very long time, Killian, and I couldn't leave you, not after you made me a part of yours.'

Her lip trembled slightly and he threw away the pretense of not noticing her distress. Closing the distance between them, he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, letting hers go around his waist. 'I'm sorry for how you've had to live,' he told her quietly, pressing his cheek against her hair. 'I'm sorry that you've been alone for so long. Thank you for staying with me, Tinkerbell. If you remember rightly, I never thought to have a family quite like this either,' he said, tightening his arms before letting go. 'And now I don't know what I'd do without them. So let's go find our family.'

He felt her take a deep breath and then she pushed away, dragging her fingers under her eyes before offering him a smile. 'Yeah, well. Someone's got to help you save the saviour, right?' The smile wavered when she looked down at her hand. 'How many portals have you been through?' she asked warily.

He eyed the bean with the same unease. 'Three. Twice to Neverland and once back. The other times my journey was assisted with the Pegasus feathers. You?'

'Never.' Her voice was barely above a whisper. 'Pan's shadow took me to Neverland, and your ship brought me here.' She took a deep breath and steadied herself. 'I know that we need to think about the place that we need to get to.'

'But what if the curse has changed the Enchanted Forest?' he wondered aloud, scratching at his jaw thoughtfully.

Tink was silent for a moment. 'Then I suppose we have to think about the people we're trying to get to. You should think of Emma and Henry. Your love for them is strong enough.'

A hell of a lot was riding on the hope that his love was strong enough. If it wasn't, then he had no idea what love could be because he didn't believe it was possible to care more for someone than he did for Emma. And he'd taken to the lad rather quickly as well, developing a fast respect for him. 'And who will you think about?'

He expected maybe Regina - he knew they'd been friends before in the Enchanted Forest and Tink seemed closer to her now, more than anyone. But Tink hesitated, closing her fingers around the bean and bringing it up to her chest. She glanced away, then met his eyes carefully. 'Neal.'

He blinked at her, eyebrows raising. 'Neal?' he asked, confused.

'Shut up, you can give me shit about it later,' she snapped defensively. 'And you can't talk anyway,  _Captain Hook,_ married to a princess.'

He didn't know what expression was on his face but she was scowling at him something fierce so he made an effort to smooth his features. 'I'm not laughing at you,' he told her honestly, spreading his arms. 'I'm just surprised. I didn't know that you felt that way about him.' She clearly felt more for him than just the friendship he'd assumed, else she wouldn't be reacting this way to him finding out. Although he wasn't quite sure why she was acting so defensive anyway. 'Does Neal know?'

'Yes. Well, kind of.' She shifted uncomfortably. 'We were still getting to that bit. I don't know if he wanted anything more than something casual, but I do.'

He smiled at her sadly, hearing something in her words that he was sure she hadn't intended, but it touched him anyway. 'And you still waited for me,' he said.  _What have I done to deserve friendship like this?_

She sighed heavily. 'Yeah, I guess I did. Now can we please just go to them?'

Killian led the way outside - the portal could end up being bigger than Tink's hut and he didn't want the walls falling in on them. He held his breath as she tossed the bean and a swirling vortex opened up in front of them. He'd had complete faith in Emma's magic and so had found no reason to worry about the spell that was to take them home, but this was different. Portals could be unpredictable, and it was only their will that would determine where they ended up.

A wind sprung up where there had been none before as the portal tried to suck whatever it could into it, but Killian planted his feet firmly in the grass, determined to go through it on his own terms. Reaching for Tink, he grabbed her hand, and the tightness with which she squeezed it back made him feel a bit calmer. No matter where he ended up, he wouldn't be alone.

'To Emma,' he muttered, pushing his breath out and trying to steady himself. 'And to Henry.'

'To Neal,' he thought he heard Tink say over the sound of the wind. Turning his head, they exchanged a long, hard look before he nodded. After a moment, she did too.

As one, they jumped.


	4. Chapter 4

Killian couldn't have kept the grin off his face if he'd wanted to as his head turned quickly to follow the green glow that flitted every which way in the small clearing that they'd landed in. 'My neck's getting rather sore here,' he said loudly, rubbing at the back of it for effect. The glow didn't waver or stop and he let out a low chuckle. 'Tinkerbell, we have a curse to break!' he reminded her, trying to put a bit of exasperation into his voice, but although he wanted to resent every passing minute that kept him away from Emma, he couldn't really begrudge Tink this excitement.

'You don't understand,' she said, coming to dart in circles around his head. Although she was smaller, her voice was just as loud and clear. 'I haven't had any magic since Storybrooke disappeared, but when Blue gave me my wings back after Neverland, all it did was give me that magic. None of us were in our true form.' She came to stop in front of his face but she was practically jumping up and down in mid air. 'I haven't actually had proper wings since before I went to Neverland. It's been over forty years since I've been able to fly.'

She flashed him a grin and then darted off again. Instead of flying around the clearing, she flew straight upwards into the sky. Killian squinted but couldn't see her, her brightness swallowed up by the sun.

She still hadn't returned after a few minutes but Killian wasn't worried. After what she'd lived with to see him safe, he'd let her have as much time as she needed. As he waited he walked slowly around the clearing, taking in their surroundings. They were in a forest but he couldn't really tell whether it was the one they'd sought or not yet. He'd spent as little time ashore as possible for most of his life, and when his feet were on land it had usually been along the coast. He couldn't smell the saltiness of an ocean over the woody smell of the trees, but that didn't really give him much to go on yet.

When the sun set it would be another matter. He'd been in Storybrooke a long time, but he could never forget the layout of the stars in any place that he'd tracked them.

He heard her laughing before he saw her light, then felt a slight pressure at his shoulder. Turning his head, he had to squint a little since she was so close. 'Can't you control that?' he asked.

'I suppose.' She sighed heavily, crossing her arms over her chest, then dimmed the light that emanated from her to a dull glow. She sat on his shoulder, her legs swinging back and forth playfully so that they lightly tapped against his chest. 'I found a village a little way in that direction,' she said, twisting to point behind her. 'I think I recognize it, but it's been a long time since I've been here. This is definitely the Enchanted Forest, though.'

Killian let out his breath slowly, letting the relief fill him. He hadn't really had a clue what they would do if they'd ended up in the wrong world, but he was glad that it was something they wouldn't have to worry about. And he appreciated the confirmation that his love for his family was enough to guide them home.

Trying to focus on the idea of hope rather than his frustration at the curse that had taken them away from him, he turned his attention back to Tink. 'So you were actually doing something productive instead of just having a joy-fly?' he asked dryly, reaching up to grab the back of her shirt between his thumb and forefinger. Picking her up, he brought her around to hang in front of him, getting in a good look at her for the first time since he'd landed in a heap on the ground and he'd heard her surprised shout.

In her natural form she was roughly as tall as his head, and aside from her size and the fact that she was glowing, she'd also sprouted wings. He didn't try to stop the smirk that spread slowly across his face until it turned into a fully fledged grin.

At first she just hung there, arms crossed while she waited for him to take her in, but when she saw the look on his face her eyes narrowed suspiciously. 'Ah... Why are you looking at me like that? That's not a "I'm so happy for you to have your wings back, Tink" kind of grin.'

He tilted his head to look over her quite obviously. 'You look quite ridiculous.'

Looking down at herself, she let out a loud huff and twisted out of his grip. 'Don't think that you can pick on me when I'm small,' she warned him.

'I'm not referring to your size, love,' he told her. 'I can't say that I've seen many fairies in denim.' He paused, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck again. 'I'd like to say that I've never seen people in denim with wings, but I think Halloween will negate that.'

'Well you certainly don't look much like the dashing pirate that you think you are,' she told him, gesturing to him. The green glow intensified into a shower of sparks and grew larger until Tink stood in front of him at full size, her wings gone. 'It's not like we could dress to prepare, Killian.'

'Regardless, we'll have to acquire clothing that will make us fit in,' he said, turning and walking in the direction she had said the village was in. 'And just because I'm not dressed like a pirate doesn't mean I'm not dashing,' he quipped, looking over his shoulder to wink at Tink.

She rolled her eyes then jogged forward to catch up with him. He could swear that he heard her mutter  _idiot_  under her breath.

The village was only half an hour's walk away but Killian stopped them before they broke through the tree line near the edge of the village. She looked at him inquisitively.

'I think that it would be a good idea to avoid notice until we know what the curse is and how it's affected this realm and its people,' he said, his eyes taking in as much as he could of the village. It was only small and he could only see a few people making their ways between the buildings. A road ran through the village, splitting it in two, and he could see where it disappeared into the forest about one hundred metres from where they stood. 'Barging toward the first place that we find dressed as we are is definitely not a way to lay low.'

He could feel her eyes on him, and after a moment he reluctantly turned to look at her. She was watching him with a knowing expression. 'Are you more afraid that you'll find her so easily, or that you won't?'

Killian tried to hold her gaze, but after a moment he sighed and dropped his eyes. He'd been trying not to think about that just yet. More than anything, he wanted to find Emma and everybody else as quickly as possible, to break whatever curse had been inflicted on them and just be with his family.

But a part of him was worried about what he'd find when he found them. What kind of lives were they living? Were they happy, or were they living in some kind of hell?

He needed to find them. More than anything, he just needed them.

'How much can you carry when you're small?' he asked her, choosing not to answer her question aloud.

She didn't push it. 'More than you'd think,' she said. 'I only have limited magic unless I can get my hands on some fairy dust, but I'll have enough to shrink some clothes for us until they're small enough to carry.'

'You're not averse to stealing?' he asked, glancing at her sideways. Would her moral compass be more righteous now that she was truly a fairy again?

But she just rolled her eyes. 'Seriously, how do you think I've been living for the past few years? I did as much as I could honestly, but there's only so much that sticking to the law will get you when you're living in a hut.' He scowled at the reminder but she spoke again before he could comment. 'I'll be as quick as I can but it might take me a little while to find things in the right sizes for both of us.'

'If you see some money take that as well,' he suggested, still eyeing the village. None of the few people walking the street looked familiar. 'Just in case they're not here. We may need it.'

She nodded, transforming again into her smaller form and hovering in front of him. 'I'll take what I can. Will you wait here?'

'I've nothing better to do until you get back,' he said lightly, attempting to hide the nervousness that was starting to build in his stomach. 'Just be quick, all right?'

Tink flew off in the direction of the village and Killian disappeared further into the trees. It was bad enough that they were stealing clothes that belonged to the people they might come across in the village, and he'd rather not be spotted lurking in the shadows on top of that. He should have made a point to tell her not to get anything too fancy or recognizable, but he could only hope that she had enough common sense for that.

Sitting down, he propped his back against a tree and leaned his head back, closing his eyes for a moment against his own better judgement. It felt like less than a week since the curse had taken everybody from him, but he missed them so much already. Gods, how he missed Emma. He'd been trying not to think too much about the weight of the task before him, but all of a sudden it settled heavily on his shoulders, pressing like a stone in his stomach. He didn't doubt the things that he could accomplish with her at his side, but the magic that he needed to rescue her from had taken her from him too. Sighing heavily, he wished for her arms around him, giving him strength.

 _You've been without her before,_  a voice reminded him.

_And what kind of person was I then? I will not be that man again._

Bitter.

Angry.

Alone.

Perhaps it was a good thing that he had Tinkerbell with him. To save him from himself while he tried to figure out how to save everybody else.

Once, deep in his life on Neverland, he would have scoffed at the idea of strength through family. But that was before he'd met the Charmings, and their notions of hope. Emma had shown him the strength that could be had in love. David and Mary Margaret, Henry, even Neal had shown him the kind of power that could be found in family.

It was half an hour before Tink returned, and Killian had just started to consider going in after her when he saw a green glow coming toward him. Pushing himself to his feet, he made himself wait patiently as she transformed in front of him. The things that she was carrying grew in size as she did.

'Take your time, did you, Tink?' he asked, his mood soured by the conflicting hope and worry that was battling inside of him.

'Oh, shut it,' she snapped, pressing a bundle of rolled up material to his chest. 'I found an inn, so there was plenty to choose from, but I had to get big to search and someone almost found me. You can go next time if you're in such a hurry.'

He eyed her warily for a moment before he shook out his clothes, regretting the harshness in his words almost immediately. She was going through just as much as he was. 'Anyone you recognized?' he asked nonchalantly.

She'd turned her back on him and was starting to lift her shirt over her head so he did the same. 'No,' she said, her voice muffled by the fabric. 'I didn't really go looking around - I thought I should wait for you - but I did see a few people. Nobody that I know,' she added.

That didn't mean that they weren't there, he reminded himself, but he was finding it harder to believe it. Dressing quickly, he looked down over himself. The clothes fitted well enough - tan coloured trousers and a long sleeved black shirt. It would do for now, but he couldn't help but hope to find some familiar black leather since he couldn't wear the clothes that he'd become accustomed to over the last few years.

Turning back carefully, he saw that Tink had dressed again as well, wearing breeches and a tunic that were as plain as his. 'No pretty gown for the lady?' he asked, attempting to bring back some of the levity between them.

Tink just rolled her eyes. 'Average travelers don't wear dresses if they can help it. And I couldn't steal enough money to make us well off.'

'How much did you get?'

She threw him a pouch, which he peered into to see a jumble of silver and bronze, and even a few gold coins. 'We'll only need it until we find them,' she reminded him. 'If they're here we won't need it at all. And I can always steal more if I need to.'

'It'll be enough,' he said, clipping the pouch to the belt that he'd tightened around his waist, taken from his jeans.

They doubled back into the forest so that they could approach the town from the road, in case anybody happened to see them coming. There were few people on the road once they got to the town, and Killian recognized none of them. Tink suggested that they try to get some information from the inn.

After they'd just stolen from there? Killian looked at her askance. 'Are you daft?'

Shrugging, she just headed toward the inn. He hesitated a moment before following her. They didn't really have that many options.

He would have expected a village inn to be pretty empty at this time of day, too late for lunch and slightly early for dinner, and only a few of the tables were occupied. He didn't know one of the customers from Storybrooke. Tink made her way directly up to the man that Killian assumed to be the innkeeper. The portly man looked up at them from behind a low counter and smiled warmly. 'Welcome! My name is Master Gill, and this is my inn,' he said cheerfully. 'What can I do for you?'

'We're looking for some people,' Tink said before he could speak. 'Friends of ours. They go by the names Emma Swan and Neal Cassidy. We're also looking for a Mary Margaret and David Nolan.' At Gill's blank expression Tink gave him a quick description of each of them but he still shook his head.

'There's nobody of the like that lives here, and I've no knowledge of anyone passing through to that description,' he told them, completely oblivious to Killian's sinking heart or the way Tink's face fell. 'We do have quite a few people passing through, but I almost never forget a face.'

Tink recovered quickly and continued asking questions, trying to determine exactly where they were without making them sound suspicious, but Killian's attention had left them once he'd found out that his family weren't here. Of course it couldn't be that easy.

He'd spied a large map hanging on the wall near the doorway, and moved back to stand in front of it. He had plenty of maps of the coastlines on his ship that he'd drawn himself, but it had been a long time since he'd looked at them, and much longer since he'd seen a complete map of the Enchanted Forest. It looked old so there was no guarantee of its accuracy, but it looked much like the maps he'd remembered. Reaching up, his hand hovered over the paper and ink.

Somewhere marked on this map, Emma and Henry and countless other people that he cared about were living their lives. Did they miss him? Did they still hope that he was coming for them?

Were they even together? Regina's original curse had taken everybody from the Enchanted Forest to Storybrooke except for those that were protected by Cora along with himself, and this newer curse had brought them all back. He still didn't know most of the people in Storybrooke, and had certainly never met anyone that he'd seen in this village before that he remembered, so what was to say that they'd been brought back to the same parts of the Enchanted Forest?

Someone had drawn a mark on the map where the village was located and he stretched his palm across that point, trying to imagine them within the spread of his fingers. They could be only finger lengths away.

They could be weeks away.

They could be anywhere.

'Killian,' Tink said quietly from beside his shoulder, and he reluctantly turned away from the map. She looked at him searchingly for a moment before holding out her hand. 'I need the money, I've organized some supplies. I declined a room for the night but he's going to sell us a horse each and some food.'

Nodding absentmindedly, he unclipped the purse and handed it to her. She went back to the innkeeper and handed over some coins and he disappeared into what Killian assumed was the kitchen.

Not ten minutes later they were both on horseback and heading out of the village, down the road in the opposite direction that they'd come from. They had a small pack tied to each of their saddles filled with food and a few other supplies, plus a blanket roll each. Thankfully Gill hadn't asked too many questions regarding why they had so little on them in the first place, and they'd left as soon as they could before his curiosity could get the better of him.

'I still find it hilarious that he sold us horses with money that we took from his inn,' Tink said light-heartedly, glancing over her shoulder to smirk at him.

'He didn't have any decent information for us?' Killian asked, not feeling quite the same amount of levity as Tink was.

'No,' she said, sighing heavily. 'He didn't know anybody that I asked him about. All I could gather was that we're in the north-western part of the forest.' His mood apparently spread to her quickly because she slumped in her saddle. 'How the hell are we supposed to break this stupid curse if we don't even know where anybody is? Or where we are, really?'

'I know where we are,' he said, curling the reins more securely around his hook so that he had use of his good hand. 'And I know where we should look. This road eventually leads to where David and Mary Margaret's castle used to be, and still is according to the map in the inn. The spell that Gold made was supposed to take everybody home, so maybe it did that rather literally? Maybe everyone returned to where they lived while they were here?'

Tink nodded slowly. 'It's as good a place to start as any, I guess.'

They fell into a long silence. The afternoon turned slowly into evening but they didn't stop - he guessed that it would take them a good few weeks to reach the city and he wanted to move as quickly as he could while the horses were fresh. After a while of pondering the distance his thoughts started to sink into darker waters, the idea of being so far away pulling him down, so he tried to distract himself.

Remembering his earlier gratefulness that Tink was with him, he decided to put her to the best use he could think of.

'So,' he said casually, breaking the silence between them. They rode side by side and she looked up at him. 'Baelfire.'

She turned a delightful shade of red almost immediately and that alone was enough to push most of his bitter thoughts away. She glanced away quickly, clearly embarrassed, before swallowing and looking back to him. 'You said you weren't going to laugh at me about it,' she accused.

'Actually, no. You told me to not bother you about it until later, so I'm merely obeying your wishes.'

He winked at her and she scowled. 'Asshole,' she muttered under her breath, loudly enough for him to hear, and he grinned at her. 'All right, fine,' she snapped. 'I have feelings for him. He knows how I feel, I think, but he hasn't really told me what's going on in his head.' She held his gaze for a long moment before turning her eyes to the road ahead of them. 'Before the curse, he was spending a lot of time with Henry, trying to help him with the big move and all. I know Henry was excited, but it was still a big deal for any of us, let alone a fifteen year old. I was kind of keeping my distance until they'd settled in here.'

He opened his mouth to tell her that she should have made her move earlier, but he swallowed the words before they came. Although he did want to say something to tease her, he realized that if there had been anything defined between Tink and Neal before the curse had taken them, it would have only made it harder for Tink during the years that she'd waited for him to wake up. He imagined that it had been hard enough to be separated from everybody for that long anyway, without having the knowledge of being separated from a lover.

But then was it really better to be stuck with the uncertainty?

'I know that the two of you have your problems,' Tink said after a few minutes, interrupting his thoughts. She was still looking ahead but her brow had furrowed into a frown. 'Even if we weren't on this mission together, I still think of you like a brother, Killian.' She looked back at him now, and he could clearly see the caution in her eyes despite the fading light. 'I get your teasing for that very reason, but you can't go all defensive on me.'

Killian frowned right back at her, taken aback. 'What are you talking about?'

She raised her eyebrows. 'Even without going into what happened between the two of you in Neverland - the first time! - I was there when we all got back the second time. When you were both vying for Emma's heart and you were full of reasons why he wasn't any good for her. I'm the one who had to listen to most of them from you.'

Turning his eyes to the road, he shifted in the saddle. Emma had made it clear from the start that it wasn't about making a choice between the two of them, but rather choosing herself and Henry. He hadn't backed down, and had courted her steadily until she'd conceded to make their relationship official, which basically consisted of telling Henry about it since everybody else knew that there was something going on there anyway. It had always felt more like waiting for her to come to terms with letting him in, rather than waiting for her to make a decision, but Neal had been slower on the uptake than he had. Even when Emma had made it clear who her heart belonged to, Neal had been reluctant to back down.

Although it had been Emma's battle to fight and not his, he had been frustrated by how little he could do. She'd asked him not to speak to Neal when he had offered, and so all he could do was vent about it. He'd become good friends with David after their time in Neverland but didn't really feel at ease complaining to him about Emma's ex-lover, so he'd gone to the only other person who he'd felt comfortable with at the time - Tinkerbell.

Which hadn't been as great an idea as he'd thought, or so he was learning.

'Neal wasn't any good for Emma because of their past together,' he said eventually, wanting to be honest and yet not discouraging. 'He was a different person when they first knew each other to how he is now, but Emma wouldn't have been able to move forward from their past. She was finally able to let go of that abandonment thanks to her parents and to Henry, but he brought all of that back to her. He wasn't healthy for her.' He looked back at her, trying to gauge her expression, but he couldn't clearly see her face. 'My only problem with him is what he put Emma through, but he's not that person anymore. And although I disagree with him, I do honestly believe that he thought he was doing the right thing for her.'

She didn't say anything or react. 'Overall, I think he's a good man, Tink,' he added after a minute or so. 'He's fantastic with Henry, especially considering how quickly he was thrust into fatherhood. He and Emma were at a good place, and so were he and myself. Even taking into account Neverland - both times. I want his happiness as much as I want yours.'

Tink nodded slowly, then finally turned back to look at him. 'You can't say anything to him, or to anyone. We don't know what it'll be like when we find them, but even if everything is normal, I need to sort this out without you or anybody else leaning over my shoulder.'

'Your love life is your own business,' he told her. He waited until she smiled at him before he smirked and gave her a wink. 'Unless it suits me to bother you with it.'

Groaning loudly, she nudged her horse to pick up speed, moving ahead of him. 'If you don't shut it I'm going to fly off and leave you to travel on your own. I can make it there a lot easier than on horseback, remember.'

He knew she was joking, but it gave him an idea. 'Do you think there's a chance that we could actually get a hold of some fairy dust?' he asked, urging his horse to keep pace with hers and move beside her.

'If only. I'd rather not risk seeking out the other fairies until we know more about the curse. Things could go rather badly if somebody unknown came seeking fairy dust.'

'You could fly ahead,' he said slowly. 'To see what you could find out.'

He watched her carefully, not relaxing until she shook her head. 'No. We're doing this together. We'll find what we're dealing with when we get there, and I'll help you do whatever you need to do when we have to.'

He wanted to tell her thank you, but the look on her face said that she understood. Their mission was already weighing at him, and she wouldn't leave him to face a second of it alone. Swallowing the lump in his throat that his gratitude had caused, he silently thanked Regina for her foresight. It would be a long few weeks, a long ride, but he wouldn't be alone.

 _I'm coming, Emma._  Adjusting his grip on the reins, he urged the horse slightly quicker. They could make it a little further before they had to stop for the night.  _We're coming._


	5. Chapter 5

Slipping into a chair beside her sister, Emma raised her eyebrows at Henry, who sat across from them. 'Why are you up so early?' she asked him suspiciously.

It wasn't earlier than the time that she'd normally start her day, but Henry had developed a tendency to lay abed in the mornings as he'd gotten older. He just shrugged, scooping up a fork full of egg and stuffing it into his mouth. 'Lots to do today,' he said with his mouth full.

Turning to Snow, Emma gestured exasperatedly to Henry. Snow just laughed. 'Don't look at me like that, he's your son.'

'Yeah, with his father's manners,' she muttered, filling her plate with eggs and toast. The bacon was almost gone, which she was sure had something to do with Henry's presence at the breakfast table so early.

'You can't blame the father for everything,' David said from Snow's other side, leaning forward so Emma could see his wink.

Snow looked between the two of them. 'Of course not. But if James ends up with manners like Henry's I'm blaming you completely,' she said, pointing her fork toward her husband.

David and Henry adorned identical looks of hurt, but Emma could see through both of them. 'I have perfectly fine manners,' David said indignantly.

'So do I.' Henry held her gaze for a moment, then grinned. 'When we're in public, anyway. This doesn't count.' He shoved another load of food into his mouth, and she was sure he overloaded it on purpose.

As much as she wanted to roll her eyes at him, it was an effort for Emma not to laugh. In truth, she didn't really care how graceful he was when it was just the family, but if she told him that then who knew what lengths he'd go to in order to make her regret that. She had a feeling that he knew anyway.

'Speaking of lots to do today,' Snow said, 'I need you for this morning, Emma. I have the dressmaker here for the final fitting of our gowns.'

'I hardly see the need to have such a big celebration for James' birthday,' Henry said before Emma could respond. 'He's two. He's going to be asleep about an hour after everyone arrives, and he's not going to remember any of it anyway. I don't remember balls that were thrown for me when I was two.'

Emma exchanged a quick glance with Snow. 'It's important to celebrate family, Henry,' Emma said quietly. 'Not everybody has the chance to be together like we do.' She saw Snow's arm moving and reached under the table to grasp her hand tightly. 'Your father and I didn't get much of a chance to celebrate with you.'

Their lives had once been very different to how they lived now. Emma and Snow had grown up together in this castle with their father, King Leopold, but their mother had died when they were young. A few years after that their father had married Regina, who had been friendly and loving toward both Emma and her sister, until Leopold had died. Not long after that Regina's hatred for Snow had become apparent and Snow had been forced to flee for her life.

Emma had wanted to run with her younger sister, to protect her, but she'd just given birth to Henry and she could neither take him with her nor leave him behind. For some reason Regina's anger at Snow hadn't extended quite as strongly to Emma, so she'd made no threat to her life as long as she relinquished any claim to the throne. Emma had signed away her rights gladly, wanting nothing more than to protect her family, and so she had lived in luxurious captivity for over ten years.

She always knew that Snow would fight back, that she'd come for her and their kingdom. Emma had fought where she could, sowing discord into Regina's court, and when Snow and David had returned to take their kingdom back it had been easier than they'd expected. Regina had been exiled and since then...

Well, their lives had been pretty perfect.

Snow had become queen and had married David, and they now had their son James. They weren't completely free of Regina - battles were being fought on their borders, more forcefully now than they had been in the past - but they were together, they were a family. And Emma had everything she needed, Henry and -

'Morning, folks.' Emma twisted in her seat to smile at Neal as he entered the dining hall. He had one arm wrapped around Eva, holding her on his hip, and he had to bend awkwardly to kiss Emma on the top of her head. 'Is there anything left?' he asked, grinning at Henry, who merely added more food to his plate as though accepting a challenge.

'Why are you here, chickie?' Emma said, reaching out for Eva and shifting her chair back so that there was enough room between her and the table to prop Eva on her lap.

'Granny couldn't get her to eat anything,' Neal said, giving her a look. He took a plate and picked out a few pieces of fruit, putting it on the table in front of Eva. 'Said that she wouldn't eat anything unless she got to see you.'

As much as she should have been annoyed at her daughter causing trouble with Granny, she couldn't help the happiness that still flooded through her that she was happy to see her. 'Well, then,' Emma said, trying and completely failing at a stern voice. 'I guess you better eat up then.'

Eva grinned up at her and Emma gave her a squeeze, nudging the plate closer to them. Eva started to eat with no further complaint, and Neal rubbed her shoulder before taking a seat next to Henry.

She'd been happy enough with just Neal and Henry, their small family more than she could have hoped for, but she'd been over the moon when she had discovered that they were to have another child. She was a mighty trouble maker though, and Emma dreaded to think what she'd be like when she was older. The combination of Emma's green eyes and the dark hair that must have come from her namesake spoke of a beauty in the making, and she was not looking forward to the angry father in Neal coming out.

Thankfully they still had a good few years before they had to worry about that.

'So Uncle David,' Henry said, finally pushing his plate away. 'Do you have some free time this morning?'

David laughed. 'I only have free time if I make it myself. What do you need?'

'I thought we could go through some forms in the practice yard,' Henry said nonchalantly. 'I can beat almost all of my teachers now, but... Well, you're still the best.'

David was grinning at the compliment but Emma narrowed her eyes at Henry. 'Aren't you supposed to be working with the clerks today?'

Henry rolled his eyes. 'Yeah, because doing bookkeeping is so much fun.'

'It's important to understand the details of how the kingdom is run,' Snow reminded him. 'James will be learning all of this as well, once he's old enough.'

'Not me,' Eva piped up.

'Eva will be doing  _all_  of the bookkeeping if she doesn't eat all of her breakfast,' Neal joked. Eva poked her tongue out at him but popped another piece of fruit into her mouth.

'I don't see the point of studying bookkeeping when we're preparing for war,' Henry grumbled, scooting his chair back and crossing his arms over his chest.

Emma exchanged a glance with first Neal and then with Snow. 'The kind of war that we're fighting isn't won by knights, Henry,' David said carefully. 'The strength of our family and the support from our kingdom and the fairies is what will keep Regina and Rumpelstiltskin at bay.'

'But there are still battles being fought on the borders,' Henry protested. 'I can be there fighting alongside the people. Every battle won is a victory, no matter how small, and I have a duty to my kingdom just as much as you do.'

'You do have a duty, and that is to be a leader,' Emma told him, tightening her grip on Eva. Henry's eagerness to be in the thick of the fighting was something that they'd all tried to discourage. She didn't think that she could bear to be parted from either of her children for long enough for Henry to go to battle, and the thought of him not coming back... She had to take a deep breath before she could continue. 'One extra man on the battlefield will make no difference, but when the time comes you may be needed to inspire our people to hope.'

'One person could make all the difference,' Henry argued, oblivious to how this conversation was bothering her.

'And what if you were killed?' Neal said, forcing him to confront the idea. 'Even if you won't consider what that would do to your family, think about how the kingdom will react to that?'

Henry didn't argue further, but it was obvious that he hadn't conceded completely. 'How about you spend your morning with the clerks and then I'll spar with you this afternoon?' David said to Henry, who nodded glumly.

'And then later the two of us can spend some time together, all right, kid?' Neal said.

Henry seemed to perk up slightly, then nodded again and got to his feet. 'I'll see you all later, then.'

Emma knew that they would have to come back to the conversation eventually, but she was glad that it was over for now. Hopefully David could talk some sense into him in the practice yard later in the day. 'Can you take your sister back to Granny first?' she asked quickly, pecking a kiss to Eva's head. Henry nodded and took Eva's hand as she got to her feet. 'I love you both,' she said. She got a muttered response from Henry but a more cheerful one from Eva, and she was grateful that at least one of her children was oblivious to the troubles that they faced.

Neal reached across the table and took her hand as soon as Henry and Eva had left. 'He'll calm down,' he promised. 'We just need to focus on the good things.'

'You're right,' she said, pushing her worries away, and turned to Snow, who had remained quiet throughout Henry's outburst. 'He's right,' she told her. 'Our family is still together, and we should be focusing on the ball tomorrow night for James.'

'We should have done things differently, and then this war wouldn't still be waging,' Snow said quietly, poking her fork at her breakfast.

'And what could we have done differently?' David asked her. 'You stopped her execution because that kind of ruthlessness isn't a part of you.'

'Because I am weak.'

'Because you are strong.' David's smile was full of the faith that Emma knew so well from him. 'Together, we are strong. We will win this fight, I promise you.'

After a moment Snow smiled at him. 'I love you, Charming.'

Emma smiled at them fondly, then shared her smile with Neal, wanting to send the same message to him that David had given Snow. As much as Snow blamed herself for the troubles that they faced because of Regina, Neal thought he was at fault for the threat that Rumpelstiltskin bore them. Rumpelstiltskin was Neal's father, but had driven Neal away with his hunger for power when he was a boy. Neal had fled for half his childhood to escape his father, and had only stopped running when he'd met Emma. They'd kept his linage hidden from the world, but a few years ago Rumpelstiltskin had found them, and had spent his time since then trying to get his son back.

Neal wanted nothing to do with him, but he had mentioned to her a few times that if he sought his father out then he could rid themselves of one of their enemies. Emma wouldn't have a bar of it, and neither would her sister and her husband if she told them about it. They were a family, and they wouldn't give up one of their own.

After a moment Snow took a deep breath from beside them, and Emma put her attention back to her. Snow flashed her a grin. 'So, let's go try on these dresses then, shall we?'

Emma grinned back widely. She loved the chance to try a new dress. She loved her family, and the life that she led, the fact that they could all be together.

Her life was pretty perfect.

'Leroy? Is that Leroy?  _Leroy!'_

Killian craned his neck, trying to follow where Tink was running off to. It took him a moment but then he felt a grin slowly spread across his face and he shouldered his way through the crowd after her. Leroy stood out the front of a shop, talking to someone that Killian didn't know, but that didn't matter, because they had found  _somebody that they knew._  The first person that they recognized since landing in the Enchanted Forest.

Leroy apparently didn't hear Tink's call since he didn't respond, not turning away from his companion. 'Leroy,' Killian heard Tink say, reaching out to grab his arm just as Killian caught up with her.

The dwarf turned reluctantly, and Killian shouldn't have been surprised to find him quite uglier than the man that he'd known, his nose and ears large and deformed, an unfortunate aspect of the being that he was. Leroy looked at Tink blankly before dropping his eyes to her hand on his arm. 'I'd be keeping your hands to yourself, lady,' he told her gruffly.

Tink's eyebrows rose just as Killian's heart started to sink. 'Leroy?' Tink said slowly, her voice filled with confusion.

Leroy scowled. 'I don't know who you think you're talking to, but I ain't anyone named Leroy.' He looked up to Killian. 'You mind telling your woman to get her mitts off me?'

'Tink,' Killian said quietly, and she reluctantly withdrew her hand. It hovered in the air for a moment before she dropped it. 'My apologies, sir,' he said, forcing his most charming self to the surface while his darkness battled away inside him. 'She thought that you were somebody that we are searching for.'

Grabbing Tink's arm, he tried to draw her away, but she struggled against him. 'Killian, wait. It's him! I'm not stupid!'

'Well you're acting it,' he snapped under his breath, tightening his grip and pulling her away. Leroy started after them for a few seconds, his brow drawn to match his scowl, before turning back to the man he'd been speaking to. Killian pushed Tink into an alleyway and let her go, but kept his eye on her in case she tried to dart past him back to the dwarf.

'That was Leroy, as I live and breathe!' She rubbed at her arm where he'd grabbed her, but he ignored the guilt that he felt for hurting her.

'I know that,' he told her, glancing over his shoulder to make sure that no one had followed them. The throng of people on the main street didn't seem too interested in the alley for now. 'But what if he doesn't?'

Tink just stared at him blankly for a few seconds, then her face fell. 'Oh.'

'Yeah.' He rubbed his hand across the back of his neck. 'Oh.'

They simply stood in silence for a few minutes as the idea sank in for both of them. 'That was a part of the original curse, wasn't it?' Tink asked eventually. 'They all forgot who they were, had a whole new life's worth of memories in their heads.'

'That was it,' he said. The dark feeling was growing, threatening to spill out, but he had to talk to her about it so she understood what they could be up against. 'They each had their happy endings ripped from them, and lived the same miserable day over and over again until Emma came to town.'

Tink's eyes widened slightly as the full idea seemed to hit her. 'And if they don't remember who they all are... They could have been living their most miserable thoughts every day for the past three and a half years...' She trailed off, breath puffing out of her. She looked lost, and he knew exactly how she felt. If only they'd been quicker. Then her resolve seemed to harden. 'But that stopped when Emma got to Storybrooke, right? So now that you're here, maybe it'll stop for them as well?'

'Perhaps,' he said slowly. 'But their misery didn't end until the curse was broken.'

'So we break the curse,' Tink said, the optimism suddenly back in her voice. 'It was true love's kiss that broke it last time, right? Between Emma and Henry? It might not be as simple as just showing up, but maybe all you have to do is kiss Emma and then the curse will be broken?'

'I doubt it will be that simple,' he said roughly, turning away from her. He paced away and back again, needing to sort out the jumble that was his thoughts. Damn it, but he needed a drink. 'We don't even know that it's the same thing.'

'Well Leroy was pretty damn grumpy just now, if you ask me.'

He didn't want to look at her, didn't want to think about it, just wanted Emma in his arms. But what if she didn't remember him? What if Henry didn't remember him, or David, or Mary Margaret or Neal? 'They'll be in the castle,' he told her, and she just nodded. It was only a guess, but they both knew the likelihood of it was high. Emma hadn't had a chance to grow up here, but that was where her parents had lived, and it was a good a place to start looking as any.

'So we should find an inn to stay in and go to the castle in the morning.'

His head snapped up and he stared at her. 'No.  _No._ ' He stepped up to her, crowding her but he didn't care. 'You think I'm going to wait until morning when we're so bloody close?' he growled. 'After I've waited this long?'

'I've waited longer,' she retorted, 'and so have they. One night won't make a difference to them, but it will to us.' Putting her hands on his chest, she pushed him away gently but he resisted. 'We've been travelling for over two weeks and we're both exhausted.' She wrinkled her nose. 'And you could use a bath.'

He scowled at her, staring at her hard, but after a moment he reluctantly stepped back. 'I don't give a bloody damn how pretty I smell,' he snapped at her.

'You don't, but the castle guards will. Do you really think they're going to just let us anywhere near the royal family when we're as dirty and worn as we are right now? Just one night, Killian, and it'll make it easier for everyone.'

Damn her, but she was right. He sighed heavily, closing his eyes and squeezing the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, trying to calm himself down. 'Fine,' he said quietly. 'But we'll find an inn close to the castle, and go early in the morning.'

'Sounds good to me.' Her hand was on his arm, tugging his hand away from his face, and he let her pull him back to the main street, let her hook her arm through his. 'I think I remember a half decent one, if things are much the same as they were pre-curse.'

They walked in silence for a few minutes. They'd sold their horses to an inn near the city gates and had their few belongings with them, so Killian let Tink lead the way to whatever inn she had thought of. 'I'm sorry,' he sighed eventually, his guilt starting to eat at him. She deserved better than this. 'You know the kind of man I've been, Tink. You know the darkness in my heart, better than most.' He glanced down at her where she walked beside him. 'Life had been too good to us since Neverland, and the few times that the anger in my heart drew me too far down, Emma was there to pull me back.'

'Well I guess that's what I'm here for, isn't it?' she said lightly, smiling up at him faintly. Then she smirked. 'Although I'm not kissing you, if that's what she did when you got this grumpy.'

Killian narrowed his eyes at her. 'I'm not grumpy,' he said, despite knowing that that was exactly what he had been. 'And you're not kissing me.'

'Yeah, whatever. And you're not going to manhandle me like that again. This is the inn.' She nodded toward the building and changed their direction, withdrawing her arm from his. The sun was setting and less people were filling the street now, and he hoped that they could find a room easily since it seemed to be so busy. He didn't doubt that there would be rooms somewhere, but finding one so close to the castle could be difficult.

He hesitated when she pushed the door open, drinking in the sight of the castle one last time just in case he wouldn't see it again until morning. He'd never been one for royalty or castles, not since he'd left the King's Navy and thrown away that whole life, and he'd never felt more conflicted than he did now, starting up at the large castle. She could be right there. So close.

Sighing, he turned away from it, promising himself that he'd be up with the dawn to seek out who or what he could. Tink was waiting for him, holding the door open, and they stepped through it together. The common room was almost full, with only a table here or there to spare, but it could be overflowing for all he cared as long as they had a bed each to sleep in. Killian's eyes swept the room, automatically searching for any kind of familiar face, and Tink did the same from beside him.

She gasped and clutched at his arm, her nails digging into his skin even through his thin shirt. His heart skipping a beat in hope, he spun in the direction she was looking, toward the counter where an innkeeper would be overseeing business and directing their staff. It wasn't the innkeeper that had caught Tink's attention, but rather the man that he was talking to.

'Neal,' Tink whispered, but he heard it above the noise of the customers.

Neal couldn't have heard her but some fluke had him looking up at that moment and his eyes settled on them immediately. Killian smiled in relief to see his friend again, to know that there was someone here who he cared about, and if he was here then it was more likely that Emma and Henry were here as well. He expected Neal's gaze to brush over them in ignorance and prepared himself for the lack of recognition, but his breath caught in his chest when Neal froze, his eyes widening. His mouth opened and closed, his conversation with the innkeeper forgotten, his hand raised as if to reach out to them or ward them off, he wasn't sure.

'Killian? Tink?' Neal looked over his shoulder and then back again quickly, taking a hesitant step toward them.

Could they have been wrong? Did they have their memories after all?

Tink moved first, running forward to wrap her arms around him. Neal's arms closed around her slowly but his eyes never left Killian.

It had been a long time, but Neal's reaction wasn't quite what he'd been expecting. He was staring at Killian with something that was starting to look more alarmingly like horror with every moment. 'Do you know us?' Killian asked quickly, grabbing a hold of his shoulder.

Neal swallowed hard, glancing down at Tink. He pulled away from her but grabbed her upper arms, starting down at her before looking back at Killian. 'Yes. I know you.'


	6. Chapter 6

'Oh no. No, no, no.' Neal took a step back from them, eyes wide and not leaving Killian. 'Oh, God.'

Killian watched him warily, his joy at having someone recognize him held cautiously back. Neal definitely knew them, but why did he seem so unhappy to see them? Except unhappy wasn't quite right. He felt like he must be exaggerating, but Neal almost looked horrified.

Just what had happened in the last few years to make him react this way to see them?

The confusion on Tink's face indicated that she wasn't having the same thoughts as he was, and was probably seeing only the way that Neal was backing away from them. She stepped toward him, reaching out her hand. 'Bae,' she began hesitantly.

'You can't call me that here,' Neal said quickly, closing the distance between them so that they could hear his loud whisper. He glanced around again, but the closest people to them seemed to be engrossed in their own conversations, and the innkeeper had withdrawn enough to give them a semblance of privacy. 'Not outside the family. They can know me only as Neal.'

'Alright, Neal,' Tink said slowly. 'What's going on?'

Killian was quickly losing patience with whatever was bothering the other man. 'Emma?' he asked, having to force the word out around the sudden lump in his throat. 'Is she here? Is she all right?'

Neal just looked back at him for long enough that he felt his chest start to tighten with worry. Letting his breath out violently, Neal rubbed his hands across his face. 'She's fine. Great, actually.'

Closing his eyes, Killian felt the tension that had been stewing in him since finding out about the curse flow out of him. She was here, she was safe. She wasn't alone.

'She doesn't remember you,' Neal said carefully, and Killian opened his eyes, a relaxed smile sliding across his face despite what Neal had said. Although the idea of his love forgetting about him should have torn him to pieces - and it truly did bother a part of him - he at least knew how to find her, and that she was all right.

'We guessed as much,' Tink said, and Neal's eyebrows shot up. 'We came across Leroy just before we came here, and he had no clue who we were. We assumed that a part of the curse was a new set of memories, just the original one.'

'The main question at the moment, however,' Killian said, 'is how you remember us, and Emma and Leroy don't.'

Neal hesitated again before answering. 'It's not just them,' he said. 'Nobody remembers you. Me included, until the two of you walked in that door and I saw you both.' He looked between the two of them, eyes still slightly wide as though he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing. Or who, rather. 'I had this whole other life's worth of memories in my head that seemed - hell, they still seem so real. I can hardly... Hang on, just give me a second.'

Neal turned away from them, hands rubbing at his face again, and Killian thought he could hear him cursing lowly. He exchanged a quick glance with Tink, who returned it worriedly. David had told him some time ago how confusing it had been to live with two identities in your head, even knowing that one of them was a fabrication. He'd been able to distinguish between the two of them most of the time, but he'd found his personality had changed to accept both parts of his new self.

_What kind of person was Neal battling with?_

_What kind of person was Emma, now?_

'So you were completely cursed, believing yourself to be a different person, right up until you saw us?' Tink asked Neal's back.

'Yes,' Neal said, turning back to them after a few seconds. His jaw was set firmly, as though he'd come to terms with whatever had been going on inside his head. 'I  _was_  a different person. We all are.'

'Then why did just seeing us force you to remember, when Leroy had no idea who we are?' Killian asked.

'I don't -'

'Because you weren't affected by the original curse,' Tink said, interrupting Neal. They both turned to look at her, and she shrugged. 'I've seen it before, where a counter-curse is cast, but people who weren't involved in the original spell react differently to it than to the people who were originally cursed.'

'The original curse started to weaken as soon as Emma came to Storybrooke,' Neal said. 'Maybe your presence here is enough to start weakening this one. And maybe the weakest parts of the curse are the people who weren't originally a part of it.'

'Emma wasn't cursed,' Killian said quickly.

'Yeah, but she's the key to breaking this one,' Tink said, dashing his hopes before they could form. 'If she remembers who you are as soon as she sees you then the curse will be done just like that. Magic just isn't that easy. It may be weaker around Neal because he wasn't involved originally, but I can guarantee you that it will be stronger around Emma than anyone else.'

'Who else, then?' Killian said. 'Henry? Regina?'

'Ariel, Wendy and her brothers,' Tink added. 'Plus anyone who was spared by Cora along with you.'

'Not many of them will be that much help,' Neal said slowly. 'Most of the people that weren't taken by the curse wouldn't know you anyway, right? Wendy, Michael and John live with Ariel and Eric in Eric's kingdom, so they'd only be useful if we brought them out here, and we can't risk that with the war.'

'War?' Killian asked, alarmed. They were dealing with a war as well as everything else?

'The reason why we can't get to Regina,' Neal said wryly. 'I guess you could say that she's back to her Evil Queen ways, with the help of my father.'

Tink reached out and squeezed his arm, and he smiled down at her sadly. Killian felt bad for the man, to know that he and Gold had been on good terms before the curse and now Gold was apparently the enemy. There was more to ask about, so much more to know, but Killian couldn't seem to follow up on one thought before another took over. 'What about Henry?' he asked, focusing on his family, the most important thing.

Neal's head moved to turn but he stopped, his eyes holding Killian's for a second before they dropped. 'He's back at the castle. I can take you to see him in the morning and we'll find out then.'

Had he been about to look for someone? Killian's eyes narrowed suspiciously and it wasn't until he felt Tink's hand on his arm that he realized he'd stepped forward. 'He's here, isn't he?' he asked, his heart speeding up painfully. When Neal didn't look up at him he pushed past him, his eyes searching the tables frantically, trying to find his step-son. He'd been so close this whole time?

A firmer hand grabbed at him, and Neal pulled him back. Killian spun angrily, his hand curling into a fist before he could help it. 'Just wait a second, all right?' Neal hissed, holding up his free hand as if to placate him. It wasn't working, but Killian managed to restrain himself from hitting him, instead just twisting his arm to pull out of Neal's grip. 'Think about it, Killian. What if he doesn't remember? You can't just barge up to him acting like you're desperate for a reunion if he has no clue who you are. Especially if I need to take you to see his mother. He's going to think you're insane, that we all are!'

'Are you so certain that he'll not know me?' Killian asked, gritting his teeth against the harsher words that wanted to come out.

'We just have to be careful,' Tink said from behind him, her voice quiet and barely heard above the other people in the inn. 'Just let Neal introduce us, and if he recognizes you straight away then no harm done.'

Killian looked between the two of them, trying to ignore the thought that they were ganging up on him. Their words made sense, but that didn't mean he had to like them. Of course Henry would know him.

But even if he didn't, it would only take a kiss with his mother to bring everything back to normal.

He made himself focus on his breathing until it was steady again before he nodded to Neal. 'Fine. Introduce me to my step son,' he said, unable to keep the sarcasm from his voice.

Neal led them across the common room to a booth in the corner where two people sat opposite each other. He should have been more excited to see Ruby but he couldn't take his eyes from the young man who sat with her. Those shoulders were far too broad to be Henry's, surely, but when the man turned around Killian sucked in his breath sharply. Tink gripped his arm but in support this time, and Killian wasn't sure that he would have been able to keep upright without it.

Both Henry and Ruby smiled up at them politely when they stopped at the end of the table. He barely saw the warning look that Neal shot at him, but he swallowed hard and tried to keep himself under control as he stared at Henry harder than he had at anything else before in his life.

There was no sudden flash of recognition, no look of understanding or knowing. Just well-mannered smiles as they waited for Neal to tell them why he'd brought them over.

Neal cleared his throat, looking rather awkward. 'Ah... Henry, Red. These are friends of mine from Neverland.' Killian glanced at him sharply - why did he give that information, of all things? What did they know about Neverland? Or think they knew. Neal ignored him, focusing on his son. 'This is Killian, and this is Tinkerbell.'

Killian held his breath, still waiting for that sudden moment of recognition, but it just didn't come. It took everything he had to press down the despair that was welling in his heart, and he knew he must be doing a poor job of keeping it off his face.

'This is my friend, Red,' Neal continued, 'and my son, Henry.'

Henry twisted further in his chair and offered his hand, which Killian had to force himself to shake instead of using it to pull the boy forward into a hug. But the boy wasn't really a boy anymore. Even though he was sitting, he could tell that he was tall and well-built, and his grip was firm and confident.

He was eighteen now, Killian realized. Time mustn't have frozen like it had in the original curse.

'Pleasure to meet you,' Henry said, nodding over Killian's shoulder to include Tink. Killian stepped back reluctantly. 'My father doesn't talk that much about his time in Neverland. I'd be interested to hear more from the two of you, if you're staying in town a while?'

'Aye, we will be,' he said quickly, offering a tentative smile before he forced it into a more cheerful one. He knew - or hoped - that all he would have to do to break the curse would be to kiss Emma, but for the unthinkable chance that it wouldn't be enough, he had to make sure to charm his way to the lad's good side. Henry had taken to him rather easily after he'd assisted his rescue from Neverland, but it was likely that Henry's personality could be very different now.

But if the new curse had given them personalities similar to their true ones from their lives before they came to Storybrooke, as they'd seen from Leroy - Grumpy - what would Henry be like? He didn't have a true self from the Enchanted Forest.

What would Emma be like?

_Why didn't Henry remember him?_

'Hook?'

Killian stiffened, turning to the wolf girl. Ruby was looking at him with an expression that he'd almost call challenging, and after a moment he remembered how close the moon had looked to full last night. She wore a red cloak that Henry himself had once told him would stop her changing form, but it would be the easiest thing for her to simply push it off her shoulders.

The look in her eyes didn't seem to be remembrance, but where had she heard that name? People in Storybrooke had still called him that after Emma's closer circle had taken to calling him Killian, and Ruby had called him pretty much whatever she felt like at the time, ranging from his name or his moniker to a ridiculous range of pet names.

He'd gotten on rather well with Ruby.

'Do you know me?' he asked cautiously.

Ruby - Red - just shrugged, then glanced pointedly to where his left hand had once been. 'No, I just have eyes. What happened to your hand?'

As tactful as ever. 'Red,' Neal began warningly.

'A crocodile bit it off,' Killian said, bringing his arm up to hold it in front of him, twisting it so that the metal glinted slightly in the light from the lanterns hanging from the walls. Henry stared at it with undisguised interest.

Ruby looked him up and down, clearing assessing him, and after a moment she gave a short nod. 'Welcome to town, Jones.' Her smirk changed to a genuine smile when she turned to Tink. 'And to you, Tinkerbell.'

'We have a few things to catch up on,' Neal said, putting his hand on Killian's shoulder and pushing him backward slightly, away from the table. 'We'll be in Bran's private room if it's free, so just yell out if you need me.'

'We'll be fine,' Ruby said, winking at Henry, who raised his drink in salute. That was something that Killian and Neal had agreed to do together - to take Henry out for his first drink when he was old enough, which had been very likely to be earlier than Emma had said would be old enough. How many other things had he missed?

'It was great to meet you both,' Tink said cheerfully.

Killian mumbled some sort of agreement but Neal was already pulling him away. He barely paid attention to Neal as he spoke to the innkeeper and then headed deeper into the inn, to a private room. 'We'll need something to drink,' he heard Neal say as he dropped into a chair at the table in its centre.

'Ale?'

A pause. 'I think we'll be needing something stronger.'

A few minutes later a cup was thrust into his hand and he tossed it back without bothering to check its contents. The familiar burn of rum ran down his throat, stronger than the stuff he was used to from Storybrooke but damn it felt good to have a decent drink for once. There was a bottle in front of him and he grabbed it, poured another drink, downed it. Forsaking the cup, he brought the bottle to his lips and tipped it back.

'Hey, hey, hey,' Tink said, sitting beside him, grabbing the bottle and pulling it away from him, tipping it so that only a little spilled. Killian reached for it but she slapped his hand - actually  _slapped his hand_  - before pouring some into his cup and then putting the bottle out of his reach. 'Share,' she said, pouring some for herself.

'Why doesn't he remember me?' he asked, wishing he could feel as dull as his voice sounded. 'We were wrong, it can't be just because Neal wasn't cursed. There's got to be another reason why he knows us and no one else does.'

'Maybe it's just a fluke?' Neal said, taking a seat opposite them.

'I don't think so,' Tink said. 'I'm still inclined to believe that it's because you were spared from the original curse. You guys surely remember just who Henry is, right?'

Stumped, Killian just stared at Tink blankly, his expression surely mirroring what he saw on Neal's face. Tink sighed far too dramatically. 'He's the truest believer! And whether what he believes in is true or not, since this curse was cast he would have been completely, fully believing in what he thinks his new life is. He's got a whole head full of memories, and his belief is one of the most powerful things I've come across. Unless he finds a reason to doubt his memories, he's going to be stuck with them.'

'And what makes you such an expert?' Killian snapped, not liking what he was hearing.

'I'm not an expert in curses, but you have to admit I know a fair bit about magic. Trust me, with the exception of Emma and Henry, the people who weren't taken to Storybrooke will be the weakest parts of the curse.'

He needed to stop taking his frustration out on Tink, but he felt so completely out of his depth that he really didn't know how to deal with it. And when it came down to it, there was only one thing that he desperately needed to hear about, that could make him feel better. 'Tell me about Emma,' Killian asked Neal, tilting his cup and staring into the dark liquid as though it could offer him some answers.  _As long as she's happy,_  he thought.  _As long as her and Henry are together, then I can take it._

'Emma's good,' Neal said from across from him. In his periphery he saw Tink hand him the rum and he drank from the bottle just as he had done. 'She thinks that she's Snow's... Mary Margaret's... Well I guess she was both before, anyway. She thinks she's her sister. So she's with her parents, and she knows that she's Henry's mother.' Neal paused, looking between them. 'How long have you been here for? Did the curse leave you in Storybrooke or were you brought here with us?'

'Wait,' Tink said before Killian could answer, and he looked up to see her holding her hand in front of her, her action and her voice hesitant. 'There's something that you're not telling us,' she said uncertainly.

Killian turned back to Neal and felt his heart sink at the stricken look that he caught before Neal tried to hide it. Killian leant forward, resting his elbows on the table. 'Neal, please.'

Neal's eyes dropped to the table and it was a full minute before he looked back up at him. He let out his breath heavily, rubbing his fingers over his eyes again. And then he shifted his chair back slightly, glanced toward the door.

_What the hell was going on?_

'Neal,' Tink said.

'All right, all right, I know.' When he met Killian's eyes again, he almost looked haunted. 'Emma and I... ah, shit.'

'Emma and you what?' Killian asked slowly, reluctant for him to finish the sentence in case it matched anything like what his mind automatically produced, but needing to know. 'Emma and you what, Neal?'

'Emma and I are married.'

Killian's body reacted before his mind could, but apparently he had enough sense to dig his hook into the table rather than reaching across for Neal's neck. A long crack spread along the old table from where his hook had thrust into it.  _'What?_  What the bloody hell have you done to her?'

'I haven't done anything,' Neal said defensively, pushing his seat back further as he eyed the hook planted into the table. 'I swear to you, I had no idea that this wasn't actually my life until you walked into the inn just before. Emma has no idea either, she has no idea who you are.'

'You don't get to talk about her,' he snarled, jerking his hook out of the table and pushing off it to stand up. This was too much, too wrong. She believed that she was married to Neal? Of all bloody people it had to be him. A traitorous voice told him that he wouldn't have been able to accept it if it had been anybody else either, but he forced that down with the anger that was quickly taking over him.

It had taken him and Neal a long time to move past what had happened between them in Neverland, and it had been severely hindered by their common feelings for Emma. That animosity had fled a long time ago, especially after Killian had married Emma and Neal had given them his support. But now here he was, playing happy family with Emma and Henry. Killian had only known the pain of separation for the past few weeks, but Emma had spent the last three and a half years in another man's arms.

It was just too much.

Neal was still talking but Killian didn't try and understand whatever bullshit was sprouting from his lips. Picking up his cup, he crumpled the tin with his fingers and threw it across the room. The outburst wasn't nearly enough to settle the fire in his veins. 'Does she love you?' he asked, his voice dangerously soft.

Neal swallowed, his skin turning slightly paler. 'Killian -'

'Does she bloody tell you that she loves you?' he roared.

'Killian,' Tink tried, but the look he gave her sent her sinking back into her seat.

'She does,' Neal said. He was on his feet now too, with the table in between them. 'But Killian, she doesn't -'

'Do you love her?'

Neal hesitated, and that was just about enough to make him snap. 'No. I don't think so. But I remember loving her, both back home and here. It just feels like a very real dream.'

A dream? It had been their  _lives_  for  _years._  And with that a darker thought took him, dragging him deeper, deeper into the fury that was taking him over. 'She's your wife,' he clarified. Neal nodded slowly, still watching him warily, and Killian stepped back from the table, lifting his hook and rubbing his thumb lightly across the tip. 'You've had her, haven't you?'

Tink shifted uncomfortably from beside him but thankfully kept quiet, and Killian ignored her anyway. Neal's eyes dropped from his, staring down at his hands, which gripped the top of the chair in front of him. 'Yes,' he whispered, and Killian barely heard him, but he did.

And he felt cold, so deeply cold, he felt it in his bones and in his heart. Neal's hand on her, his body over hers, loving her, her loving him.  _Loving him_. He turned away, unable to look at him anymore, seeing only his wife, his Emma, in his arms. And it was torture but he needed to know, he needed to see how deep this went. Tensing himself against the truth, he closed his eyes, still grasping onto his hook, the one thing that was familiar and safe. 'When was the last time, Baelfire?'

'Don't call me that,' he snapped, and Killian's grip tightened on his hook involuntarily, the tip piercing the skin of his palm slightly. He ignored the sting, and when he spoke again his voice was about as cold as he felt.

'When was the last time?'

'Last night, okay?'

Killian turned slowly, with no clue how his movements were so controlled when he was falling apart so completely inside. 'Do you want her now?'

Neal looked back at him, his expression incredulous. 'I haven't really given it that much thought,  _mate._ What I know of my whole life has just been turned upside down -'

Killian didn't realize that he had crossed the room until he was in front of Neal, but he didn't try to stop himself this time as he fisted his hand in the collar of Neal's shirt, throwing him back against the wall. His hook hovered threateningly right beside Neal's neck, and his wide eyes flickered quickly between Killian and the hook. 'You will keep your dirty fucking hands off of her,' he growled, wanting nothing more in that moment than to just push the hook forwards and sink it into Neal's throat, the sound of blood pumping in his ears drowning out almost everything else.

But when Tink grabbed his arm and tried to pull him away he let her, giving Neal just one last jolt before pushing away from him. He needed air, he needed space... he needed Emma, but he couldn't have her _because she was Neal's._  'You two sort something out,' he said numbly, waving his hand between the two of them, who were both staring at him with something entirely too close to pity. 'I can't deal with this right now.'

'Wait, Killian,' Neal said, stepping forward from the wall and reaching out to him. The bloody fool just couldn't help himself and if he didn't bloody stop he wouldn't be able to keep from hitting him, and he felt his fist clenching... 'There's more that I have to tell you. It's important.'

Letting out his breath violently, trying to find some semblance of calm, Killian reluctantly nodded. Neal gestured toward the table and Killian stepped back to his previous seat, straightening the chair that he must have thrown over just before. He stared at the blood on Neal's collar for a few seconds before realizing that it had come from the cut on his hand and not from Neal himself. 'Well?' he asked when Neal didn't speak.

'Maybe you should have another drink.' Neal reached for the bottle, offering it to him.

'Oh bloody hell, Neal,' he said, exasperatedly. He couldn't take any more of this avoidance, and if Neal kept offering it he couldn't bring himself to just hang around.

'I know!' Neal said loudly, and it was the look on his face that made Killian's chest tighten. Neal almost looked defeated, and he didn't know what could be worse than having to tell him that his wife thought that she loved him instead, but Neal's reluctance now sent his mind searching for the worst.

'There's a child.' Neal's words interrupted Killian's train of thought, stopping it in its tracks. 'We have a daughter.'

A child? Where before he'd lost all thought and simply acted, he was now stunned into immobility, his thoughts spinning too quickly for him to keep track of. A daughter? Emma had a daughter? If she was older than three years old, then the girl couldn't be Emma's. The curse could have given her somebody else's child to raise as her own, and she never would have known. If she was younger... the child would be Neal's.

'How old?' he choked out, knowing that this sanity likely weighed on the answer.

'She three next month,' Neal said, looking between Killian and Tink. 'How long have we been here for? I can't seem to sort the memories from the time I've actually lived here from the memories that the curse gave me.'

'Think back three years and... seven months,' Tink said, her brow furrowing slightly as she counted back the right time.

'Were you with her then?' Killian asked, his voice sounding hollow even to his ears.

If Neal looked uncomfortable with the question then it was rightly so, but Killian wasn't accusatory anymore, just desperate. 'I think so,' he said, watching Killian carefully. 'Is that how long it's been? I don't - and please don't punch me for this,' he said, holding his hands up defensively before him, 'but I don't remember a time where we haven't been together for too long. I would have been with her then. I feel like we've been married for twenty years, you do understand that, right? We've just always been together since we met, and I must've felt like that from the very first day of the curse...'

Killian tuned him out, double checking, triple checking the math in his head. Tink must've made the same connection that he had, for he felt her hand grasping tightly at his forearm, her nails digging into his skin. 'She wasn't pregnant before the curse?' she asked quietly.

Both sets of eyes were on him, and he didn't really know what to do with that. 'Not that she told me,' he said, feeling defeated.

Neal leaned back in his chair slowly, his expression saying that he'd caught up quickly. 'So she could be yours,' Neal said. 'Or she could be mine.'

The three of them sat in silence for a few minutes, and when Killian reached his hand out for the rum Neal handed it to him wordlessly. His previous anger at his friend was gone, replaced by a range of emotions that he was struggling to compartmentalize. He might have a daughter, but there was no way to know for sure. Their only chance at an actual confirmation either way lay completely with Emma, and only if she'd actually known if she was pregnant before the curse had taken her away.

Emma. Pregnant with his child.

And she hadn't told him.

Or she hadn't been pregnant, and had borne Neal another child.

'Tell me about her,' he said, struggling to talk around the lump in his throat.

A smile appeared on Neal's lips almost immediately, small though it was. 'Her name is Eva,' he said, his voice suddenly warmer than any of theirs had been tonight. 'We named her for Emma's mother. I mean, well, Snow's mother, but Emma thinks that she's hers. She's a hand full,' he said, but fondly. Neal looked at the cup in his hands, passing it from one to the other and back again. 'She's beautiful,' he continued quietly. 'She has Emma's eyes, and her hair is dark like Snow's.'

He stopped abruptly, glancing up at Killian before looking away again, but Killian didn't miss the way that his face fell when he'd looked at him. For the first time it really occurred to him that it wasn't just his world that was falling apart. Since he'd laid eyes on himself and Tink, Neal had lost his wife and possibly his daughter, and who knew what else. Even if that wife hadn't truly belonged to him anyway, Killian knew all too well what it was like to lose somebody so abruptly, and Neal had memories lasting a lifetime of Emma and Henry and Eva that weren't even real.

_Eva._

'Can I meet her?' Killian asked softly, feeling more uncertain than he had for a long, long time. Would he know straight away? Would she look like him, act like him?

If she was his daughter, how would she feel about him just turning up in her life now? What the hell were they supposed to do?

'Yeah, of course,' Neal mumbled, and Killian wanted to call him out on his less than definite tone but decided against it. 'Listen, I've got to head back to the castle.'

'Wait,' Killian said, jumping to his feet as Neal stood up. 'You can't just leave now. We have to figure out what to do, you have to tell us what's going on here.' He had more questions about Emma and Eva ( _his daughter?)_  and he'd barely asked about Henry or anybody else.

'I'll come back tomorrow.' Neal pushed his chair back in and drained his cup before setting it down on the table. 'I'll come in the morning. I just need some time to figure everything out, okay? And I need to get Henry home.'

Killian nodded slowly, sinking back into his chair. A part of him knew that he should get up and tell him goodnight, perhaps go out and catch another glimpse of Henry before he left, but he couldn't find it in himself to even look up. After a few moment he heard footsteps crossing the room, quiet words between Neal and Tink that he didn't pay attention to, and then the door opened and closed.

The chair pulled out again beside him, and he saw out of the corner of his eye as Tink perched herself on the edge of it, fiddling with the hem of her tunic. 'Do you want to talk?'

'No.'

A pause. 'Do you want to drink?'

Another pause, longer. 'Aye,' he whispered.

She returned after a few minutes, a bottle in each hand. His cup was ruined anyway but she forsook hers as well, lifting the bottle to her lips and throwing her head back much like he did. She didn't try and touch him more than a quick grasp here or there, and she didn't force the conversation onto him that he knew she'd be wanting but he knew he couldn't bear to have just yet.

_What do we do now?_

They drank in silence until the rum was gone, and then dragged each other through the inn and up the stairs to the room that Neal had organized for them. There was only one bed and they fell onto it side by side, and Killian didn't even have the presence of mind to kick off his boots before he passed out.


	7. Chapter 7

Killian looked up as Tink slipped into the booth opposite him, and wasn't surprised to see that she looked just as worn as he felt. He had no clue what time they'd gone to bed the night before, but he had found himself awake long before the sun rose, his thoughts too cloudy to let him drift back asleep. He'd spent the hours lying on his back, staring at the ceiling, trying to make some kind of sense of his thoughts. He hadn't gotten very far.

'Morning,' she mumbled, grabbing a sausage from the plate in front of him and taking a bit from it.

'Get your bloody own,' he growled, wrapping his arm around the plate to guard her off as he speared the other sausage with his fork.

'Why, when I can eat yours?' He glared at her but there was little menace in it, and after a second the corner of her lip curled up in the barest hint of a smile. 'At least we're here, right?'

Right. Sighing, he put down his fork and leaned back on the bench seat. 'That's true, but what have we come to? Things aren't as simple as we thought they would be.'

Tink nodded slowly. 'Do you want to talk about her? Eva?'

'Not particularly.' Eva was all that he had been able to think about since he'd woken, her and Emma and Henry, and he still found himself with absolutely no idea of what he felt about everything. No matter what the outcome turned out to be, he'd lost something. If Eva was his daughter then he'd missed her first years, and she believed that Neal was her father. Even if the curse broke it would surely devastate her to find out that Neal wasn't her father, and would she then see him as the enemy for breaking that relationship apart?

And if Neal truly was her father, where would that leave him and Emma now? Even if when she woke from the curse she didn't harbour any remaining feelings for Neal, that was just another link between them that he was left out of. He'd never resented Neal's position as Henry's father, and had never tried to come between them, but this was different... Emma was his  _wife_ , and as much as he knew he couldn't blame her for this if it were true, it still felt  _wrong_ , that she'd borne a child for another man.

There was just too much to think about, too much to feel, and he hadn't been able to figure out how to deal with any of it yet.

Thankfully, Tink seemed to understand, and she didn't try to push it. 'It was good to see Neal,' she said instead. 'Despite, well, everything, it was good to see someone that we know. And for him to remember us, too. That's got to make things easier.'

He was reminded yet again that her last few years had been very different from his, and how lonely she must have been with only his unconscious body for company. 'It was good,' he agreed, and she was right, despite everything that had come from their reunion, he was glad that they wouldn't be alone in their quest. Having help from inside the castle was the best thing that they could come across, and regardless of that, it had been a relief for him as well to see his friend again. Once he'd reminded himself that he hadn't known what he was doing when he was -

'And Henry,' Tink said, interrupting his thoughts before they could complete their darker turn. 'It must have felt good to see him again.'

He felt himself smiling suddenly despite himself. 'It was,' he agreed. 'He's grown up rather quickly, hasn't he?'

'Yeah.' Leaning across the table, she grabbed the mug from in front of him and lifted it to her mouth, stopping before she could drink it. Her nose scrunched up and she tipped it to get a better look at the contents. 'What the hell is this?'

He snorted. If only she'd actually drunk it, it would teach her for taking his breakfast. 'Tea, apparently. Some sort of herbal concoction that the cook says will get rid of my hangover. They didn't have anything as mundane as coffee.'

'It does work,' a voice said from beside them, and they both looked up as Neal slid onto the seat beside Tink. 'Although it doesn't usually smell that foul,' he added thoughtfully. 'I betcha that that's Bran's payment for ruining his table.'

Killian scowled at him. 'The gold I paid him was payment for ruining his table.' Taking back the mug, he reluctantly threw back the last of the horrible drink, trying not to shudder at the taste. 'Speaking of,' he said to Tink, 'we're almost out of the money you took from that first village.'

'Well isn't that just a happy coincidence.' Neal pulled a large purse from his belt and dropped it onto the table, pushing it to sit between him and Tink.

Eyeing Neal warily, Killian pulled the purse the rest of the way toward him and tugged the strings open, peering inside. His eyes flickered up to Neal quickly and then back again, before he pushed it back across the table. 'We can't take this much,' he said quietly, knowing very well that he couldn't decline all of it and hating himself for that.

'But you will,' Neal said lightly, as if it were nothing, as if it weren't enough to feed a village family for a year. 'It's the family's money, not just mine, and you're both a part of this family, even if nobody knows it.' His tone was nonchalant but his expression said clearly that he wasn't taking no for an answer. After a moment Killian nodded and took the purse back.

'Thank you,' he said quietly.

'It's fine.' Neal gave Tink a long look before turning back to Killian. 'Look, I know this whole thing is messed up, but we've moved past it before. The main thing is for you to break the curse, and I'll do anything I can to help you with that. And for the sake of honesty...' He took a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck, and Killian's eyes narrowed at him slightly, unsure of where he was going with this. 'You know that before all this, I still cared for Emma, and I always will because she meant a hell of a lot to me, but I figured it out that we weren't right for each other anymore. This curse complicates all of that again - I mean, just yesterday I was in love with her again, and it's kind of hard to get my head around all that - but I have no designs on her, Killian. However, you must know that I can't just up and leave her until the curse is broken. Whether it's real or not, she thinks she loves me, and I won't hurt her like that.'

Swallowing hard, Killian kept his eyes on his forgotten breakfast, trying his hardest to not let his frustration get the better of him. Unfortunately Neal was right. 'Fine,' he said, 'but only because I won't  _let_  her get hurt like that. And don't even think that it's all right for you to -'

'I'm not going to sleep with her,' Neal interrupted, and he actually had the gall to look  _annoyed._  'But you can't lose your shit when you see us together tonight.'

'Tonight?' Tink asked quickly, leaning forward in her seat.

'We're hosting a ball for James' birthday. Snow and David's son,' he explained at their blank looks. 'He's two. The two of you are going to come, and I'll introduce you as friends of mine from Neverland. That's partly what the money's for, since you'll have a hard time getting appropriate clothes with so little notice, and you won't be let in dressed like farmers no matter what strings I pull. You can meet Eva if she's still up when you get there, and you can meet Emma.'

There were entirely too many questions that that opened up, and Killian just stared at him dumbly for a few seconds. He disliked the way Neal implied that he was  _letting_ them see them, and he loathed the idea of waiting the full day to see Emma again, but he knew that they had to have some reason to get close enough to see her and the best way to do that was through Neal.

'Why Neverland?' Tink asked before he could say anything. 'What's your story here, Neal?'

As good a place to start as any. 'It's similar to my real one,' he told them. 'I think most people's are, now that I think about it. Snow and David, for instance, have their same history, just allowing for Emma as Snow's sister. And instead of where things turned to shit when Regina's curse came, everyone's lives just kept going on as they were. Everyone's just... happy,' he said simply, shrugging his shoulders. 'Like instead of the misery they had in Storybrooke, their lives got better. The only real bad things that we have to worry about are Regina and Rumpelstiltskin.' He paused, then shook his head, smiling wryly. 'Although I guess that if they've got their personalities from before the original curse, then maybe fighting us and causing strife  _is_  happiness for them.'

'So everyone seems to just have their happy ending?' Killian asked, his throat feeling rather tight.

'Yeah, I guess so.'

'And so you're implying that my wife's happy ending is with  _you?_ '

Neal blinked at him in surprise. 'For God's sake, Killian, that isn't what he's saying,' Tink said exasperatedly. She reached over the table and clicked her fingers in front of his face until he moved his glare from Neal to her. 'Emma doesn't have a whole life from here to revert back to, so she's just a princess with her family.'

'Her happy ending is with her parents,' Neal said quickly, 'and with Henry. The reason why she was so guarded before we came here was because her parents sent her away and I abandoned her, so this has reversed that hurt by having her parents around, even if it's as her sister and brother in law. I'm sure that I was just made to be her husband just so she didn't have to raise Henry alone, and I'm sure that if you'd been brought with us then it would have been you instead of me.'

Tink cleared her throat loudly. 'How about we stick to Neal's story for just a minute, hey?'

Neal looked to Killian and continued when Killian reluctantly nodded his agreement. It wasn't in his nature to just let all of these slights against him go, even if he knew that Neal wasn't truly at fault. 'Well the childhood that I remember is basically the same as my real one,' Neal started. 'Except that I went straight to Neverland instead of London when I went through the portal. I guess that's because Wendy and her brothers are here, so there would have been no reason for me to go from London to Neverland. Neverland was basically the same, just without the two of you there, and I was there the same amount of time and left the same way, but instead of going to the Land Without Magic I just came back here.

'Since then, I've been running from my father. He still refused to give up his power for us to be a family, so I wanted nothing to do with him. I knew the kinds of horrors that he'd caused... I met Emma just after her father married Regina, and Henry was born a few months before Regina first tried to kill Snow.' Killian didn't bother to correct him referring to Leopold as Emma's father, knowing that distinguishing between the real past and the life he'd been living would be confusing. 'Snow fled but we couldn't, not with Henry, but Regina didn't seem to be any threat to us. Didn't even try and use us against Snow. We lived like glorified prisoners with Regina until Snow and David defeated her, and everything's been perfect since then. It's just the last few years that Regina's started fighting back against us again.'

'And your father?' Tink asked.

Neal sighed loudly. 'Yeah, well. Nobody knows me as his son. I changed my name when I came back from Neverland to stop him from finding me, and we've kept the truth just in the family so it doesn't bother the people. But I think he knows. He'd have to. Regina's been attacking us with small armies and with magic, but there's been magical attacks that don't seem like her. The castle is warded against them so they can't harm us here, but there'd be no other reason to attack the kingdom other than because he knows it'll hurt me and my family.'

'He doesn't remember Belle?' Tink said, reaching out and squeezing Neal's hand.

He shrugged. 'I don't know. If he remembers her the same way as their original lives here then it was after I left anyway.'

'What about Milah?' Killian rubbed at his forehead, grateful that at least his hangover did seem to be ebbing, but the heavy topics certainly weren't helping. Neal had told him a long time ago that he no longer blamed him for his mother's death, but it would probably always be an awkward subject between them.

If Neal was still bothered by it, however, he didn't show it. 'He still told me that she died when she left us, so anything else is just rumour, but when I made it back from Neverland there was talk about Rumpelstiltskin's wife running off with a pirate and then him killing her.'

They fell into silence. The memory of what had happened to Milah had become less painful once he'd met Emma, but it was something that would always haunt him. How she'd come to his defence, had bargained for his life, and had ultimately paid for it with her own. The look on her face as she'd told him that she loved him and then had died in his arms.

Letting go of his revenge and learning to live in the same town as the Crocodile had been one of the hardest things that Killian had ever done, but he'd managed it for Emma and her family. Since they'd come back from Neverland the two of them had made an effort to be civil, for Emma and Belle's sake, and for Neal and Henry.

'What do we have to do?' Neal asked, shifting in his seat. Killian wondered if Baelfire still missed his mother as much as he did after all this time. 'What can I do to help?'

'Just get me to Emma,' Killian said, hoping that it really would be just that easy. 'True love's kiss broke the last curse, and Regina implied that it'll be the same thing this time around.'

'True love's kiss can break any curse,' Tink confirmed.

Grateful for any kind of encouragement at the moment, Killian smiled at her in thanks. 'So if I'm the saviour of this curse like Emma was of the last one, all I have to do is kiss her and the curse will be broken.' He felt rather awkward referring to himself as the saviour when that was what everyone had known Emma as, but he supposed that it was the truth. He'd never thought of himself as anybody's saviour.

Neal was nodding. 'All right. Come to the ball tonight, and I'll give the staff your names so they'll let you in without an invitation.'

Tink suggested they make a start on acquiring some clothing appropriate for a ball, and they left the inn. Neal led them through the streets to a tailor that he recommended for speedy work for the right price. Tink had headed through the door and Killian was about to say a goodbye when Neal grabbed his arm, stopping him before he could follow her. 'I just have something to say, all right?' Neal said, glancing after Tink and then around them. Other people were on the street but none close enough to hear as they spoke quietly.

'All right,' Killian said slowly, eyeing the man warily.

'It's about Eva,' he said, and Killian's chest tightened in a way that was starting to feel familiar whenever the girl was mentioned. Neal didn't sound uncertain like he had earlier, and held his gaze firmly. 'I'll keep my distance with Emma, as much as I can without making her suspicious, but I won't distance myself from Eva. I can't. I don't know if she's yours or mine but I love her more than I've loved anyone but Henry before. Even if she's not mine -' He paused, took a deep breath, but continued. 'Even if she's not mine, my love for her is completely real, not just like with Emma where those feelings have been put in my head. I've raised her, Killian, I was there when she was born, her first steps, everything I missed with Henry. I know it's crap that it's you who's missed out this time, but I just can't back off from her like I will with Emma.'

Even though he knew that his words should have only made him feel angry and jealous - and they did, reminding him of everything he'd missed - he couldn't help the sympathy that he felt for Neal. They'd both lost so much, and now Neal had the very real chance of losing the little girl that he loved as his daughter. 'I don't expect you to distance yourself from Eva,' he told him, the name feeling strange on his lips. It was the first time he'd spoken it aloud.

Neal smiled faintly, visibly relaxing. 'Thanks, Killian.'

Killian nodded. Somehow, they'd figure out what to do about it, but there was only so much they could do until they found out the truth. 'I have to apologize for my reaction last night,' he began, starting to feel more awful for Neal the longer that he considered how this was all affecting him as well.

But Neal just waved him off. 'No you don't. As I said, this whole thing is messed up. Just maybe keep the hook threats to a minimum?'

Killian huffed a laugh despite himself. He felt a little better as they exchanged farewells, and he followed Tink into the tailors.

* * *

Grinning widely, Emma did a little twirl in front of the mirror, her hands holding her skirts up so as not to step on them. 'I think this one is my new favourite,' she laughed, taking her hand and spinning her around so she could take in her gown at all angles as well. The soft lavender suited Snow perfectly, the embroidered flowers on the bodice studded with gems.

'It is gorgeous,' Snow said, coming to a stop and taking Emma's other hand in hers as well. 'Just like you.'

'Oh, shush,' Emma said, her smile softening. Leaning forward, she pecked a kiss to Snow's cheek. 'You look lovely as well, Snow.'

The dressmaker had left only a few minutes ago, delivering the final products not a moment too soon. There was only a few hours before their guests were due to arrive, and Snow usually liked to oversee most of the final preparations. Eva sat on a chair nearby with her newest doll, and Emma wouldn't even try to get her properly dressed until closer to the ball, knowing that if she put her daughter into her perfect tiny gown now then it would be a crinkled mess by the time anybody arrived.

Dropping her hands, Emma reached up to adjust Snow's hair slightly. Snow rolled her eyes and pushed away from her, going to stand in front of the mirror and look at it herself. 'I'm still thinking about chopping it all off again,' she said to Emma, taking out a pin and then sliding it back in again, making no difference that Emma saw. 'I could never remember what possessed me to do it in the first place, but now that it's grown back to a reasonable length I'm starting to understand again.'

Emma laughed lightly. 'Everyone at court would be devastated if you do. Too many of them cut it short to match yours, and not all of their hair has grown back as quickly as yours has.'

'Well that teaches them for copying me just for the sake of fashion,' she said, sighing and turning back to Emma. 'At least you're not that impulsive.'

'You girls, impulsive? Never!' Emma started slightly, having not heard the door open, but she relaxed when she saw that it was only Neal. He flashed her a grin, but it didn't quite look as though it reached his eyes.

He'd acted strange last night. He'd come home from drinking in the city with Henry - which she'd never seen the point of, since they had perfectly good alcohol in the castle, but he insisted that it was good for a boy to be around his people. Which was true, she supposed, and Snow and David had encouraged it. The first thing she'd noticed had been the smear of blood on his collar, but he'd shrugged it off, telling her that it was nothing. When she'd asked Henry about it he'd told her that Neal had run into friends that he'd known in Neverland, and when she'd pressed Neal he'd admitted that they'd had a scuffle, but the blood wasn't his, and it was nothing to worry about.

Whatever issue they'd had had been dealt with, he'd said, and he'd told her that he looked forward to her meeting them at the ball tonight. She'd tried to get more information out of him but he'd brushed her off, told her that he was tired and headed to bed.

She'd known that he hadn't been asleep when she joined him, but she let him think that she wasn't aware. She hoped that it truly was nothing to worry about, and she knew that he'd had a hard enough time in Neverland to not talk about it very often, but she hoped that these old friends wouldn't cause any trouble for Neal.

Neal had been gone before she'd woken in the morning, and this was the first time she'd seen him all day. She walked over to him, reaching up to press a kiss to his cheek. 'You shouldn't sneak up on us like that,' she admonished lightly.

He just shrugged, the smile turning into a slightly easier one, and she felt the tension in her shoulders leave her. 'Well you two ladies probably shouldn't insult the members of your court where anyone could hear you. Don't pretend you don't know that your servants gossip.'

'Of course the servants gossip, that's why we were talking after they'd left,' Snow said. She smiled innocently. 'And I wasn't insulting anybody, I was simply implying that perhaps they could choose their own hairstyles instead of copying mine.'

'Yeah, yeah,' he said, but they all knew he was only teasing. Snow was probably the most respectful and polite person she'd ever met, and not one of them believed that she'd say something nasty about anyone, whether they could hear her or not. She'd certainly given Regina more chances than any person had a right to, and even now wouldn't say anything against the woman that wasn't true for the sake of slander.

Neal left them to sit with Eva, and Emma watched them for a minute or so before turning back to Snow. 'I wish Ariel and Eric could have come,' Snow told her with a sigh.

'Next time, hopefully,' Emma agreed, but she changed the subject before Snow's mood could be brought down by just why their friends couldn't be there. She managed to get a few minutes of conversation out of her about decorations and food and guests before Snow ran off to have a hand in the arrangements.

As Snow left Emma turned back to her husband and her daughter and simply watched them, a small smile playing at her lips. Eva was telling Neal all about the doll, which Henry had given her that morning to keep her occupied while everyone was fussing about readying for the ball. He'd shifted her on to his lap and had one arm around her waist, the other stroking her hair every now and then as he listened intently.

_Why did he look sad?_

'I think she'd make fantastic friends with Lola,' Neal was telling her, referring to her favourite doll.

'I think so, too,' Eva said matter-of-factly.

Neal leant down to kiss her on the forehead. 'I have to go get dressed now, honey, or else your mama will be very angry at me,' he said seriously, sending an obvious wink in Emma's direction that Eva laughed at. 'I'll see you at the ball tonight. You'll be the prettiest little princess I've ever seen.'

Eva wrapped her arms around Neal's neck to hug him, and Emma watched as Neal's tightened around her, keeping a hold of her for a good few seconds. She didn't miss the way his face tightened as she pulled away, and when he came over to stand beside her next to the door, his eyes lingered on Eva as she returned to playing with the doll.

Emma watched Neal watching Eva, frowning in confusion. 'Is everything all right?' she asked him, reaching out for his hand.

'It's fine,' he said, but yet again she had the feeling that he was brushing her off. He squeezed her hand gently, and finally turned to look at her again. The corner of his lips twitched up into a half smile as he appraised her. 'You look beautiful, Emma.'

She pushed aside her worries, sure that if something were really bothering him then he'd tell her. She made herself return his smile and turned them to push him toward the door. 'What I look is ready, which you're not,' she said cheekily, and with his laughed she relaxed properly. There was nothing to worry about, and all she had to think about was looking forward to the ball for her nephew tonight.


	8. Chapter 8

Killian Jones had never enjoyed balls.

He'd been invited to a few in his youth with Liam - one or two had even been held in Liam's honour. He'd been too nervous at first to enjoy them, and then the disdain that some of the members of court showed to the guests and each other had irked him a tad too much to pretend he was having a good time.

And then Liam had died, and he'd put himself on the wrong side of the law to receive invitations to those elitist's parties.

Captain Hook had attended a ball or two, but not so much with the knowledge of his hosts. He had enjoyed those, and the treasures that he'd lifted, a fair bit more.

He knew that there was little chance of enjoying himself tonight. His chest felt tight. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. He was sweating despite the chill of the night, and he'd even almost speared himself through the leg with his hook.

'Relax, would you?' Tink muttered from his side. Apparently he wasn't hiding it as well as he'd hoped. 'You being a stressed out mess isn't going to help anybody.'

He nodded absentmindedly, pretending that he was distracted with the crowd of people around them to avoid answering her, and probably snapping at her. 'Where do you think Neal is?' he asked her instead.

'Probably with any one of these hundreds of guests,' she said wryly. 'I imagine that as soon as he knows we're here he'll find you so you can meet Eva. She's not even three, so she'll either be hyped up by the excitement or exhausted and asleep within half an hour. Or both.'

He eyed her sideways. 'When did you become such an expert on children?'

She shrugged. 'My type of people need to know these things.'

Her type of people. Fairies. They'd decided to keep her identity as a fairy quiet until they had more information on what link the Charmings had with the fairies. It was the fairies protection that kept the castle hidden from Regina and Rumpelstiltskin, but that didn't mean that they'd be guests tonight. Tink said that it could complicate things if the fairies found out that she was one too, since they wouldn't know her, and they'd have to hope that they believed that they were from Neverland. And that the fairies' knowledge of Neverland was minimal.

There was always doubt of how much fairies actually knew, but it was normally more than you wanted them to.

The unfortunate thing was that any of the fairies would recognize Tink as what she was on sight.

Tink certainly looked more like a court lady than a fairy tonight anyway, although she was still wearing a lot of green. He had no clue how the tailor had organized something so well done in such little time. Especially since she'd told him quite firmly that no matter how much he paid her, she wouldn't have the leather trousers that he'd requested until tomorrow, and even if she could, they wouldn't be appropriate for a ball in the castle. By the smirk on Tink's face, he had a pretty good inkling that she'd had a word to the tailor while Killian had delayed to talk to Neal.

Even if he had to resort to pants of a normal material, they were quite a good fit, and he rather liked the vest that he wore over the plain black shirt. The red was a little darker than the colour he'd favoured before he'd taken to black to match his darkening heart, and it reminded him of a time long gone, when he was more carefree.

Killian continued to survey the room. So far they'd seen a few people that they knew, but they'd decided to keep their distance if they could. Killian spotted the dwarfs standing along the wall, all seven of them, and Leroy looked up just as his eyes fell on him. He frowned at them, apparently remembering them from the day before on the street, or perhaps that was just his normal expression these days.

He turned away, hoping that Leroy wouldn't find the need to come and talk to them - he didn't want to have to explain their behaviour yesterday or draw attention to it for anyone else. He opened his mouth to say something to warn Tink to keep an eye on Leroy but swallowed his words when he caught sight of the man approaching them.

'Killian, Tinkerbell.' Henry grinned at them, shifting his grip on the sleeping child in his arms so he could hold out his hand for Killian to shake. 'My father told me that you were coming tonight, I'm glad you could make it. I'm just taking this one upstairs to bed, but I'd love a conversation with you both afterwards.'

'Of course,' he said, the words coming out strained as he stared at the little girl that Henry held. He cleared his throat, trying to give some semblance of normalcy. 'Is this your sister?' he managed, trying for a casual smile.

He felt Tink right beside him and he drew on that to strengthen himself as Henry shifted his grip again. 'Yes, this is Eva. She's been running around like a fool for the last hour in excitement and it's gotten to her, I'm afraid. I'll have to introduce you properly another time.'

Tink stepped forward, taking Henry's attention so he wouldn't notice the panic that he was sure he was completely failing at hiding. He stared at the girl, at Eva. Her head was tucked against Henry's neck and her hand clutched tightly at his shirt even in her sleep. Her dark hair was curled and pinned back so he could see her face, and she was beautiful, she was perfect.

She had Emma and Snow's chin, and he shouldn't have been surprised, but were they his oddly shaped ears or Snow's?. She mumbled something and her lips twitched in her sleep, and was that his smile that he saw on her face? Was this his daughter?

'She's gorgeous,' Tink said, reaching out to tuck a curl of hair behind her ear and Killian wished he could reach out, but he had a feeling that if he touched her then he wouldn't be able to let go until he knew the truth. Shouldn't he know, just from looking at her? Should he be able to feel it, if his blood ran through her veins?

He was starting to think that he didn't know much of anything anymore.

'Yeah, when she's asleep,' Henry joked, looking down at his sister fondly. 'I need to get her upstairs before she wakes up, otherwise she'll be in a foul mood and she'll want to stay up and meet everyone. I'll find you again later,' he said, nodding to Tink and smiling at Killian, and he hoped his face was schooled enough to hide his turmoil.

He held his breath until Henry was a reasonable distance away, then let it out quickly, staring after them. 'She's so...' He trailed off, not knowing where to start.

'I know,' Tink said simply, taking his arm and turning him. He reluctantly looked away from Henry and Eva and let her lead him away. 'You look like you could use a drink.'

There was plenty of wine but no rum and not even whiskey. Killian had hidden a flask of rum on his person but knew that he'd probably need it more later that night so he settled with the wine. They stood off to the side as people mingled and chatted around them, and he caught sight of a few people that he knew but none of them were the person that he was searching for, the one person that he needed.

A group of people parted in front of him and his eyes met Neal's through the crowd, and they held there for the barest second before they settled on the person standing beside him. She was facing away from him, talking to Neal and David, but when Neal saw them he placed his hand on her back, turning her partially in their direction as he said something to her. She looked over to them and Killian's heart didn't just miss a beat, it stopped.

She said something over her shoulder to David and then Neal was leading her across the room, his hand still on her back as they walked through the crowd, and for a moment he didn't even have it in him to feel anger at Neal's hands on her because all he could see was  _her, Emma,_  his wife, his love, his light, she was  _here_.

And she looked beautiful. Her hair fell in soft curls around her shoulders, which were bare above her strapless, burgundy gown. The corset bodice showed off the curves that he knew so well perfectly before falling to the floor in a full skirt, and she looked every bit the princess that she'd always denied that she was.

'Killian,' Tink said softly from beside him, and he barely heard her but he did catch the warning in her voice. Giving himself a shake, he tried to compose himself but he couldn't take his eyes off of her, he tried to swallow but his mouth was suddenly dry.

_Emma._

Neal and Emma finally reached them, and Neal dropped his hand from Emma's back, switching his drink to that hand as he waved his other in Killian and Tink's direction. 'Emma, I'd like you to meet Killian Jones and Tinkerbell, good friends of mine from Neverland. We were children there together, but when I returned here they traveled to a different land instead. They've only just come here, and they'll be staying here a while.' Neal gave him a pointed look, barely being subtle about confirming their story. 'Killian, Tink, this is Emma, my wife.'

Killian felt frozen in place but Tink moved before his hesitation could be apparent, stepping forward and dropping a curtsy as if she'd been born to do it. 'It's truly a pleasure to meet you, Your Highness. Neal has told us much about you.'

Emma laughed, and the musical sound of it sent a shiver down Killian's spine. 'Emma is fine,' she granted, taking Tink's hand and squeezing it. 'Although I wish I could say the same for the last,' she added, sending a wry glance to Neal. 'I think the most that I've heard of you has been in my husband's introduction just now. We'll have to change that,' she said, smiling warmly at Tink.

Hearing her referring to Neal as her husband but seeing her smile so openly did conflicting things to Killian's heart, and he tried so hard to push everything down because he was feeling far too much, but he couldn't focus on anything except for her, finally here in front of him. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms, feel them wrap around him, breathe her in like it could sustain him for the rest of his life. He certainly felt as if he needed her like he needed air. All of the stress and uneasiness that he'd felt since he'd first woken in the hospital was slowly draining away, he'd been so on edge every waking moment since then but seeing her, just being near her was making it all ease away.

He stepped forward as Tink stepped back, and pressed his glass into Tink's hand as he did so. Slipping his hand under Emma's gloved one, he let his thumb rub across her fingers as he lifted it to his lips, bowing over her hand as he pressed his mouth to her knuckles. Oh but how close she was, and all he wanted to do was trail his lips up her arm to touch her skin, and he'd take her in his arms and kiss her and it would all be done with.

They'd made him agree to pick his moment, however, and standing in the ball room surrounded by Emma's family and friends and subjects had been their definition of a bad moment. He didn't share their caution that true love's kiss might not work. He had no doubt that what they had was true love and true love could break any curse, but he'd reluctantly agreed to be careful  _just in case_. He'd rolled his eyes at _just in case_  but when they'd brought in things like "for Henry" and "for Eva" he'd reluctantly conceded.

That didn't stop him from wanting to gather her up and devour her, however, especially when her hand tightened slightly in his as he looked up at her for a second before straightening.

'You look lovely, Your Highness,' he told her, and somehow he managed to find his most charming self and push it to the front, and he smiled at her widely.

And the way she smiled back was delightful, it was magical, and  _gods how he'd missed her._  'Please,' she insisted, 'call me Emma.'

He nodded, letting her withdraw her hand but he didn't step back, merely turned his body slightly enough to still include Tink and Neal. 'Very well, Emma,' he said, and her name on his lips truly was like the thrill of a first meeting.

She looked at him curiously for a moment but then she smiled again, and he couldn't help the genuine grin he offered her in return. It faltered when she turned away to speak to Tink and wrapped her arm around Neal's in a way that looked entirely natural, like an everyday action.

And it was, wasn't it?

He closed his eyes, needing a moment to remind himself that Emma was his wife, that he'd have her again, that he'd have his family back soon. The point of this facade wore at him already and that was just from a touch, and the thought of her  _being_  with him -

His eyes flew open and he caught Neal's on him, and he couldn't help the hardness on his face or the set on his jaw, couldn't completely contain his anger, which only intensified when he saw Emma still leaning on Neal, and he making no effort to push her away. Before the curse he'd had no objection to her spending time with anybody, had had complete faith in her and their marriage.

But now she believed she was being faithful to her marriage. To Neal.

Neal's eyes were full of apology but right now it wasn't enough. He tried to focus on their conversation, hoping to distract himself from his darkening thoughts and hopefully find some calm in Emma's voice.

'We've met your children,' Tink was telling Emma, because yes, this was such a better topic than where his thoughts had been. 'Eva was asleep, but Henry seems like a wonderful boy.'

Emma laughed again and somehow, miraculously, some of his tension did leave him. She'd laughed at home, not so often at first but when she'd slowly come to accept the happiness that her life had given her she'd let herself enjoy it a lot more. She'd become more carefree around him and Henry, but no matter what she'd always kept a little bit of a guard up around everybody else. That appeared to be gone now, and the ease with which she welcomed Tink into her life surprised him. She'd always been friendly and polite to new people, but never as open as she was now, straight away.

'Henry's a fantastic son,' she said, her whole face lighting up, 'but I couldn't really call him a boy anymore.' She looked up at Neal, who nodded his agreement with her. 'Eva is a marvel,' she continued. 'She's a handful sometimes but I wouldn't have her any other way. Although I think her and James will probably get into some mischief when they're older.'

'Did James even see any of his party?' Neal asked her, grinning.

He waited for her to roll her eyes but instead she just gave another laugh. 'James saw the hall, and the decorations, but he was asleep before anybody arrived. David woke him up for a little while but he threw a tantrum so Granny took him up to bed.' Her gaze faded over their shoulders. 'Speaking of, you'll have to excuse me,' she said, turning her brilliant smile to Tink and Killian. 'I've just spotted Granny and I'd like to check with her that Eva was settled all right.' She pecked a kiss to Neal's cheek before walking away, her skirts brushing his leg as she moved past him.

Turning, he watched her walk across the room, and when someone stepped into his view and he lost sight of her he felt like he'd lost a part of himself again. A hand gripped his arm and his closed over the top of it, drawing all of the offered comfort that he could as he reluctantly lifted his eyes to meet Neal's.

'Are you okay?' he asked quietly.

Killian sighed heavily, returning the small half-smile that he was offered. 'I guess not,' he admitted, lifting his hand to rub at the back of his neck. 'I just... I miss her, and it's hard to be able to see her but to not...' He looked around them. No one was particularly close to them but he lowered his voice anyway. 'I can't wait further than tonight, Neal. You can't expect me to.'

'I don't expect you to,' Neal said quickly, squeezing his arm before letting his hand drop. 'But like I said, just be tactful about it. I don't want her to get hurt.'

'This is to  _stop_  the hurt,' Killian said, narrowing his eyes at Neal. 'Kissing her isn't going to hurt anybody, it's going to break the curse and free them.'

'He doesn't mean it like that,' Tink said, trying to step between them.

He let her, moving back. 'However he means it, it's not sounding so favourable,' he said, scowling at the two of them. 'I'm going to find my wife and kiss her. Our love will break the curse and everything will return to normal.'

Ignoring Tink's protest he turned and walked away, pushing through the crowd of people. He came across a servant with a tray of wineglasses and he stopped him, making him wait as he drained two before taking a third, not caring what he looked like to anybody who was paying attention. Let them all think he was a drunk - it wasn't like they knew him anyway.

He wanted to find Emma but he knew he was in no frame of mind to face her right now. He was  _frustrated_ , with the situation, with Neal, with himself. With the people around him, the crowd and the noise, and he just needed some space, some air, to clear his head and calm himself down. Spotting a wide set of doors along one wall, he made his way through the guests toward them, and was relieved to see that they did in fact open to a terrace.

He slipped outside, grateful to see only a few other people there, and found a quiet space with relative privacy. Leaning against the railing, he looked out over what would have been a fantastic view of the kingdom in daylight. As it was, it a spectacular sight, with lights dotting the landscape all over from various villages and towns that were in sight of the castle.

Killian sighed and put his drink down on a surface beside him so that he could rub his hand across his face, running his fingers through his hair and pulling on it as if he could pull it out. He knew what was bothering him, and that knowledge itself was probably what was troubling him the most.

She was  _happy._  She had her family that she loved and who loved her, two perfect children to care for and her parents to be there for her. His Emma had had that, and they'd been happy, she'd been happy, but he'd known how much she'd appreciated every small moment because of all of the harder ones she'd had to work through to get to a good life. He'd thought that it had been enough for her, but now she appeared to be more carefree, like happiness was something that she didn't expect to have to fight for, it was just her right.

Which is what he wanted for her. What he'd always wanted for her.

And this curse had given her what he couldn't.

This was the life that she should have lived, he was realizing further and further with each moment. Neal knew that, which was why he was acting so cautious about taking that away from her. If her memories came back to her would all the pain of her youth come with it? Or would the memory of this new life, the lingering effect of this new personality be enough to balance that out?

The Emma that he knew would've dreaded the idea of wearing such a cumbersome gown and the life that came with it, but the Emma of this world clearly loved it. She held herself differently, spoke more carefully, reacted differently. The cynicism was gone, replaced with what seemed like a perfect contentment.

How could he take that away from her?

Where could he fit into her world, now?

The rail that he was leaning on shifted very slightly and he started, knowing he must have been deep in thought for someone to sneak up on him. He turned, opening his mouth to give Tink or Neal some smart comment but his jaw snapped shut when he saw Emma there instead. She was leaning on the rail, looking out over the kingdom, a small smile playing at her lips. She was standing close enough to him that if he wanted to he could reach out and touch her but he restrained himself, making himself settle for just watching her, drinking her in.

Although it might be selfish, he knew right then that it wasn't in him to not break the curse. Even though it would bring back her haunted past, even though it would pull everybody a little bit away from their perfect happy endings that they seemed to have here, he couldn't make himself be apart from her. And he  _knew_  he made her happy, he  _knew_ that.

He hoped that having him would be worth the remembered pain that she'd been able to let go of here.

'Not enjoying the party?' he asked her after he realized they'd been standing in silence for the last few minutes.

She didn't turn to him, but he saw her smile flicker a little stronger. 'I am,' she said lightly. 'I just like to get some air sometimes. And you, my lord?'

 _My lord?_  He laughed loudly before he could stop himself. He tried to hold it back but the surprised look on her face when she turned to him only made it harder to stop. 'Oh, I'm no lord, love,' he said, somehow suddenly feeling more at ease.

She raised her eyebrow at the endearment but didn't comment on it. 'My apologies, Master Jones.'

And then there was a smirk on his lips and he just couldn't help himself, he leaned just a little closer and raised an eyebrow in an imitation of her, because normally she would do it in imitation of him. 'Actually, it's Captain.'

Emma frowned at him curiously. 'You were a ship captain in your previous realm?'

'Aye, love, and in Neverland.'

She leaned sideways against the rail, mirroring him as she turned to face him fully, lightly crossing her arms across her stomach. 'I didn't realize that children could captain ships,' she said dismissively, as though she'd caught his bluff.

And she had, just not in the way she thought. Killian was quick in his response, however. 'Well since almost everybody on Neverland is a child, there are a lot of things done by children that you normally wouldn't expect.'

Her eyes widened slightly and then narrowed as she leaned back slightly. 'Everyone on Neverland is a child?' she asked, clearly confused.

Neal had apparently told her almost nothing of the world, it appeared, which was probably good for them. 'Almost everyone,' he clarified. 'There is the odd adult here and there from time to time.'

'I don't understand,' she said slowly, the frown still creasing her brow, and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and smooth it so he picked his glass up instead.

'Neverland is a place where children can never go old,' he explained, keeping his tone light and trying not to dwell on the harder memories of that place.

'It sounds like a dream,' she said almost wistfully, and he was reminded of what the residents of Storybrooke had told him of their world's stories of that place and Pan. 'Why did the three of you leave?'

He didn't need to forge the sadness to his smile. 'Everyone has to grow up eventually,' he said, thinking of an entirely different time of his past.

She looked at him, her eyes searching, and he wondered whether she was searching for answers on him or for Neal. He wasn't sure what kind of answers he wanted to give her anyway. Her eyes trailed down him slowly and he suppressed a shiver at the idea of her scrutinizing him. What would she make of him, now? What would the polite and proper princess make of him?

Her gaze settled on his left arm, on his hook, and he felt his heart sink a little. He'd rarely been ashamed of his missing hand, and during most of the few times that he'd felt self-conscious about it he'd managed to hide it behind bravado. He'd been nervous about it the first time Emma had made him show her the bare skin and scars of his wound, but she'd been perfect in the way she'd let him know that it didn't bother her, that it was just another part of him. Somehow, tonight he felt... less, because of it.

What would a princess want with a one-handed pirate?

'Henry tells me that you lost your hand to a crocodile,' she asked carefully, eyes darting up to his to gauge his reaction.

He could have continued with that story but he didn't want to lie to her, not even now. Not about something like this. 'A man took my hand,' he told her. 'I was defending somebody that I cared very much for, and he took my hand and took her life.'

A heaviness settled on him and he wanted to look away from the sympathy that was immediately on her face, but he couldn't. The light that seemed to emanate from her had faded slightly for the first time since he'd laid eyes on her tonight, and he hated himself for taking that away from her. He'd truly never seen a soul more beautiful, and he knew that he'd love her no matter her life, no matter her upbringing, because she was still Emma where it counted, she was still the person who had brought him back from the darkness that had held him for so, so many years. 'I'm sorry,' she said softly.

Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he finally turned back to the night, leaning forward to rest his elbows on the railing. Downing the rest of his drink, he set the empty glass aside. His automatic response was to seek another drink, to drink away his pain and worry, but even just being around Emma was making him feel calmer, was easing the ache in his heart that her absence had caused.

They stood in silence, and it was surprisingly peaceful. After a little while she turned with him to lean against the railing again. 'It's beautiful,' she sighed, and he smiled, turning his head to agree with her.

She was closer than she had been last time, by accident he was sure, but he found himself just inches from her. He looked down at her, just looked at her, taking in the smoothness of her skin, the golden hue of her hair that had an almost unnoticeable hint of grey streaking that hadn't been there when he'd last seen her. There were just a few more lines around her eyes when she smiled, but she still looked glorious, more so in his mind and heart for the time he'd spent away from her. 'That it is, love,' he said solemnly.

The corners of her lips twitched and she turned her head, her eyes widening when she realized how close they were. She turned fully toward him and her eyes flickered to his lips in surprise but he knew she was about to step back. But he'd had enough, he'd been without her long enough and had spent most of his time since he'd woken imagining how it would feel to have his arms around her, his mouth on hers, their bodies pressed together.

And so before she could step away he leaned forward, capturing her lips with his as his hand moved to cup the back of her head, his fingers twining into her curls as his left arm came around her waist, holding her in place as he stepped forward, closing the last bit of distance between their bodies. She stood frozen, her arms trapped between them as he kissed her, and he felt his heart soar as her lips moved automatically against his, as though it were such a natural thing for them to do, because it was, and she only had to remember it.

She gasped and he deepened the kiss as her lips parted just enough to let him in, and he knew this must be it, her remembrance, the curse broken by true love's kiss. He'd not witnessed it before but surely that was the cause for the way his world felt like it was shifting and being put back together, his troubles solved completely from being in the arms of his love. He felt it in his heart, in his bones, that there was nothing more right in the world than this.

Emma stiffened in his arms and then started to pull back and he let her go, knowing how difficult the onslaught of information must be that would be flooding her mind. He dropped his arms reluctantly as she stumbled back, tripping slightly on her skirts.

She stared at him, confused and... surely that wasn't anger? But yes, that was definitely anger as she stalked back up to him, and he didn't realize what she intended as she pulled her arm back until she swung it forward, her open palm slapping across his cheek hard enough to have him stagger back a step or so.

'How dare you?' she hissed, looking around wildly, and he realized she was searching for other guests. They were alone on the terrace now but he hadn't bothered to check, he'd had complete faith in his task and their love and hadn't even considered the option that his kiss wouldn't wake her.

But she was very clearly Princess Emma, with no memory of him, and as she raised her hand and slapped him again he didn't even have the presence of mind to try and stop her, just stared at her dumbly as she seethed in front of him as his cheek stung. 'How dare you presume to touch me like that, to  _kiss me?_  Regardless of that I'm married, I'm the wife of  _your friend!_  What kind of person are you?'

She was looking at him with such an expression of disgust and confusion that he felt something inside of him break. She'd never looked at him like that, not even when they were on opposite sides when they'd met in the Enchanted Forest, not when she'd abandoned him or he'd done the same to her.

That wasn't even the worst of it, no. He could have taken that look from her before, but now it was just an added weight to the harsher truth. She didn't love him, not enough. He wasn't worthy of the true love that should have broken the curse. Or maybe it was his heart that wasn't big enough. She'd breathed life into it when he'd thought that there were no other chances for him, but perhaps it had been too late for him. He loved her with everything he had, but perhaps his darkness wasn't capable of the true, pure love that was needed.

Emma was still staring at him, still wide eyed and waiting as if for answers, but he had none to offer her. 'I'm sorry,' he whispered, knowing it wasn't enough, it never could be enough, not from him, but it was all he had to offer. Her brow furrowed in confusion but there wasn't an explanation that he could offer her that would make any difference, so he left, pushing past her as he fled the terrace and he wanted to turn back and apologize for that too but he couldn't take the look on her face, couldn't take the truth that her ignorance forced upon him, couldn't take it, couldn't take it.

Killian heard Tink before he saw her, and thank the gods because if he hadn't found her straight away he'd have left without her. She stood with her arms crossed across her chest and her face determined. Mother Superior - or the Blue Fairy, he supposed - was hovering in the air in front of Tink's face, looking just as unwavering. 'Even if you are a fairy from Neverland, why are you big for no reason?' the Blue Fairy asked suspiciously.

'There was no magic in the world we've just come from,' Tink answered firmly, her voice slightly monotonous as though she'd been answering questions for a while now. 'I'm used to being the same size as the people I'm around, and I rather like it. I'm not under your jurisdiction so I'm not covered by your rules.'

The Blue Fairy's eyes narrowed for a moment but then she nodded. She started to say something else but Killian ducked between them, grabbing Tink by the arm. 'We have to leave, Tink,' he said, keeping his eyes on the ground, hoping no one else would see the emotions spiraling inside him on his face.

'But -'

'Tinkerbell,' he said firmly, glancing up at her, and whatever she saw had her mouth dropping open in surprise for half a second before she snapped it shut and nodded sharply.

'You'll have to excuse us, Blue.'

Blue let them go after making Tink promise to contact her when she could to discuss Neverland and the different magic there, and then Killian was dragging her through the room, not paying mind to the dancers that they jostled or the people they bumped into. At the doors to the ball room he couldn't help it, he turned back and even though it was Emma that he was looking for his heart shattered anew when he found her watching him from the doors to the terrace, confusion still clouding her features. He felt caught in her gaze, his breath caught in his throat, but then her eyes dropped to the ground and, feeling more empty than he had in a long, long time, he turned and led Tink out of the hall and out of the castle.


	9. Chapter 9

Press and stretch, fold, turn, repeat.

_What had he been thinking?_

Press and stretch, fold, turn, repeat.

_What had I been thinking?_

No. She couldn't put it on herself. The only thing shed done was been friendly and welcoming to a man who was new to the area, who apparently meant a lot to her husband - even if she'd never heard of him before.

Perhaps a little too welcoming.

No! She had not done anything wrong.

Press and stretch, fold, turn, repeat.

It was still early in the morning but Emma had already been awake for hours. She'd skipped the dining hall for a quick bite straight from the kitchen and had gotten straight to work. The servants had been awake and busy for much longer than her but there was always something to do. Keeping her hands busy in the kitchens was one of her favourite things to do when she needed to think, and the staff knew that if she was quiet it was best to leave her be. She spent enough time here with a smile and a laugh to have earned the right to take to her thoughts in privacy here.

She also liked to come here when she didn't want to think, which was why she was there now. She could lose herself in the rhythmic movements of whatever task she took to, idly listen to the constant chatter that she faded out to a low hum, forget what was bothering her for a time. Avoid her worries before she made herself face them.

But today her mind wouldn't stay quiet. She wanted to block everything out for just a little while before she figured out just what she was going to do, but every time she thought that her mind was cleared and she let herself relax, his smile would appear in front of her eyes, or the shocked look that had been in his. The way his mouth had moved on hers as he held her  _so tightly_ , the desperate sigh that had escaped him when her lips had stupidly parted for his. His hand in her hair, the way he'd smelled -

 _No!_  She pushed harder at the bread dough, telling herself that yes, it was that easy to push her thoughts into order. Even if she couldn't keep her mind clear then she'd at least think about what she was supposed to.

She had to figure out what she was going to do about him. Killian Jones. The captain from Neverland, who had spent the last however many years in a land with no magic. She couldn't imagine a place so bizarre, or an entire realm that held only children. She knew that time didn't move forward there, which was how Neal had been there so long and had returned still a boy, but he'd never told her that everyone there had been a child as well. _Almost everyone_ , she reminded herself, remembering Killian's correction the night before, accompanied by his thoughtful smile.

He was intriguing, and so was Tinkerbell. She hadn't realized she was a fairy until Blue had told her. Neal had known, of course, though she'd been surprised to find out that he'd had a fairy as a childhood friend and hadn't told her about it. She understood why he didn't like to talk about his past because of his father, but Neverland didn't sound like a truly terribly place. How horrible could children and fairies be?

Something had been off about Neal for a few days now, and even though she couldn't really place just how he was acting differently, it did seem to have coincided with Killian and Tinkerbell's arrival. She had been willing to let him leave the past where it was, but now she was starting to think that some of the things he hadn't told her about were things that she should know.

 _He hasn't actually done anything wrong_ , she reminded herself. He was allowed to be a little on edge if his past had suddenly appeared in town.

 _You, on the other hand,_  she thought.  _What kind of wife kisses a strange man with her husband and son in just the next room?_

Huffing loudly, Emma stepped back from the bench, leaning heavily on the edge. Closing her eyes, she leaned over and bowed her head, trying to get some semblance of order to her thoughts.

He had kissed her and yes, she had kissed him back. For the barest of seconds she had responded automatically, as if kissing Killian Jones was the most natural thing in the world. His arms around her had felt familiar in a way that terrified her, and she'd been so shocked that she didn't even think to push him away in that first moment. But then the realization of what he was doing, what they were doing, hit her like a fist in her stomach and she'd been furious with him, with herself.

And what was she supposed to do about it now?

Normally she'd go to her sister if she had something to work through - there were no secrets between herself and Snow. But she knew what Snow's advice would be, to let Neal decide what to do about it since it was his friend who had acted out of line. Even if that was probably the correct course to take, Emma wasn't sure that it was the right one.

She knew she should tell Neal, but she couldn't rid herself of how broken Killian had looked when she'd pushed him away. The hollowness in his eyes was deeper than she'd ever seen. A normal reaction to the rejection of a drunken advance would normally be of embarrassment or frustration, or maybe he should have tried to laugh it off, but Killian had looked like his life was falling apart before his eyes.

And that just didn't make sense.

There was something different about him, something that she couldn't put her finger on, and against her better judgement she decided that she wanted to. There was clearly something deeper to him if he'd reacted so strangely to her pushing him away, and if Neal sent him away then she'd never find out what that was.

She found that she didn't want to do that to him, either. If Killian and Tinkerbell had come from another world then it was probable that they didn't know anybody else in the Enchanted Forest but Neal, and she didn't want to be the cause of someone being alone.

No matter what hardships she'd been through, she'd always had somebody by her side. When first their mother and then their father had died she'd had Snow to lean on, and when Snow had had to flee for her life she'd had Neal and Henry. Now she had everyone she needed, more family and friends that she could wish for.

She tried to focus on them, but those pained eyes kept swimming in front of hers. Why the hell had he gone and kissed her, anyway? Surely he couldn't have thought she was interested in reciprocating. Sure, it was probably her who had gotten so close to him initially but it hadn't been on purpose - they had just been enjoying the view.

_It's beautiful._

_That it is, love._

Pushing the dough further out than she needed to, she folded it back at rotated it. He hadn't seemed drunk, unless he hid it well. And he'd met her only a few minutes before, introduced as Neal's wife, they'd talked about  _her children._  But even if she'd been unwed, younger, she still would have been affronted by his forwardness. She was a princess! She could have thrown him in a cell for even touching her, let alone kissing her so thoroughly. And maybe she would have, if he hadn't kissed her so well -

_No!_

She did not enjoy it, he was not a good kisser, and his arms hadn't felt nice around her. Scowling, she clenched a fist and punched into the mound of bread dough violently, wishing she could maintain some sort of control on what was happening in her head, because half of the things she was thinking were just wrong.

'I know I'm nothing of a baker, but aren't you supposed to let it sit for a while before you do that?'

Spinning around, Emma found Neal watching her with a cheeky grin on his face, arms crossed loosely over his chest as he leaned back on the opposite workbench. 'How long have you been standing there?' she asked, her heart beating a little too fast.

'Long enough to know that something's bothering you.' The smile on his face slipped slightly. 'You weren't in bed when I woke, nor were you at breakfast.'

He'd come to check on her. Which she'd normally appreciate, but right now all she'd wanted was some privacy to think. Not that it was doing her much good.

She frowned at him slightly, caught in her uncertainty. Should she tell him that Killian had kissed her?

'It's nothing too important, just a few things I have to work through,' she said, hoping that that was true. She'd find out more about Neal's friends - and what had caused Killian's actions - before she condemned him to Neal's anger.

Neal looked at her thoughtfully for a few seconds before he gave a little half shrug and smiled again. 'Did you have a good time last night? I didn't see that much of you.'

'It was fun,' she said lightly, turning back to her workbench. He followed her, coming to stand on the other side, opposite her as she set the dough aside and spread some more flour on the bench for the next lot. 'Did you enjoy it?' she asked, keeping her eyes on the mixture as she began that rhythmic press, fold, turn.

'I really did,' he said. 'I'm glad you had a chance to meet Killian and Tink, although I'm not sure why they left so early.' She glanced up at him quickly but he wasn't watching her with any sort of suspicion. 'What did you think of them?'

Emma fumbled in her movements and looked up again but he still hadn't appeared to have noticed anything. 'I only met them briefly,' she said, and either was it was true. 'Tinkerbell seemed quite lovely, although I don't know why you couldn't have told me she was a fairy.' She stopped, blinked, frowned. Looking up at Neal properly, she found him with a curious look on his face. 'I'm sorry,' she said slowly, using the back of her wrist to brush her hair out of her eyes. 'I was confused about why you hadn't told me about knowing a fairy, but it's not as if it really matters. I don't know why I snapped at you just now.' What was wrong with her?

Neal was looking at her intently, but after a moment he smiled again. 'Don't worry about it,' he said, stepping around the bench and taking a hold of one of her flour covered hands. 'I suppose I should have mentioned it, but I've never really thought too hard on it. I've always just known her as Tink.' He squeezed her hand and then dropped it, dusting his hands clean. 'And what about Killian? What do you think of him?'

What did she think of Killian Jones? Crazy, or confused? Dangerous, or misguided? She turned back to her workbench, using her kneading as an excuse to not look at Neal as she thought it through.

Should she tell him?

It wasn't guilt holding her back. She hadn't done anything wrong.

She had to at least find out why.

'I honestly don't know,' she replied honestly after a pause that she hoped wasn't too long. 'He was fairly quiet when you introduced us, but I saw him again a little while later and he appeared friendly enough.'

 _Friendly enough?_  She cringed at her own words, and hoped Neal hadn't noticed how unsure she sounded.

'They're both very important to me,' he said after a few seconds that certainly felt awkward to her. 'It would mean a lot to me for you to get to know each other.'

Emma stopped, her hands still in resting in the dough, staring down at it. There had to be something in Neal's past in Neverland that made these people so important to him, but she knew that he wouldn't appreciate being pushed into divulging it if he didn't want to talk about it. But she couldn't shake the feeling that it was important, and if it would affect her then surely she had the right to know.

Perhaps...

'Why don't you bring them by the castle?' she asked casually. 'We have plenty of spare rooms here, there's no need for them to waste their money at an inn. Do you know how long they'll be staying in the city?'

He didn't answer her straight away so she made herself turn and look up at him. He was frowning at her with an expression she couldn't quite place. 'I think they might be staying a while. Are you sure that's something you're all right with?'

'I don't see why not. It'll be easier for you, won't it?'

'Yes,' he began.

'Well then it's settled,' she said, interrupting him. She couldn't think of why he seemed hesitant but she pushed it to the back of her mind to join the way that his smiles were starting to not quite reach his eyes. He'd been acting just the slightest bit strange since Killian and Tinkerbell had come back into his life, and if he wasn't going to talk to her about it then she'd find someone to fill her in, who also owed her an explanation for his confusing behaviour the night before.

And if they took rooms in her family's castle, she could keep an eye on them.

'All right,' he said slowly. 'I'll let them know.'

'You could send someone,' she suggested.

'I'd rather go myself. I have a few things to speak to them about anyway.'

Her thoughts were battling again in her head. If Killian told him what happened and she hadn't spoken to him of it...

...Then she had a perfectly good reason, which she shouldn't feel guilty for. Neal was already behaving a little strangely, and she didn't want to add to whatever was worrying him with something that hadn't meant anything. At least until she talked to Killian.

Neal stepped up to her and she leaned up to kiss him but his lips landed on her forehead instead. He was gone before she could pull him down to correct that, stepping back and flashing her a smile before turning away from her. 'I'll be seeing you later today,' he told her over his shoulder as he walked from the room.

Emma frowned after him. 'I'll see you,' she said quietly, confused, even though he was already out the door.

* * *

Killian woke, and reached for the rum.

He'd drunk himself to sleep the night before, knowing it was his only chance at rest and mostly failing even so. He remembered settling the half empty bottle on the ground beside his bed so he could start drowning his pain as soon as he woke, but his hand felt only the ground when he reached down. Assuming that he'd either put it further away or it might have rolled, he stretched further, hanging himself half off the bed and wincing when his head protested the movement with a heavy throbbing.

The only thing his hand came in contact with were floorboards. Resting his head against the side of his mattress, he groaned softly, still only half on the bed, but not quite finding the incentive to move.

'That can't be comfortable.'

He didn't need to open his eyes to know it was Tink who spoke, and he didn't need to be fully awake to know that he didn't want to deal with her right now. 'Bugger off, Tink,' he said gruffly into the mattress, but after a moment he pulled himself back up and turned onto his back, covering his eyes with his forearm. Why the hell had she opened the curtains?

'I don't think so,' she said, and then there were footsteps as she came closer to him. The bed dipped slightly but Killian didn't react except to press his arm harder against his face. They stayed that way for a few minutes in silence until the pounding in his head started to increase to something near unbearable, and even that was nothing on what else was going on inside his head.

The things he was trying to forget.

The way she'd felt in his arms. The way she'd smelt - her perfume was different but it had never been able to completely cover her own scent and that was still achingly the same. The way she looked - not just to look at her again, but how  _happy_  she was. How she'd tasted, how she'd started to kiss him back before...

Before she'd pushed him away. Before she'd unknowingly told him that theirs wasn't true love, that he'd never really deserved her after all.

'Did you take my rum?' he said suddenly, his voice more of a growl than he'd intended but damn it, he needed  _something_  to dull his emotions.

'I might have,' she said lightly, and he finally opened his eyes, squinting at her against the light in the room, but he could see her unapologetic shrug quite clearly. 'You don't need it.'

'Bugger off, you don't know what I need.' Forcing himself upright, he ignored how his head spun as he stood and reached for his shirt. He'd managed to get that and his boots off before stumbling into bed the night before, as well as removing his hook, but the brace was still in place so he didn't have to try and fumble that on with the mood he was in.

He didn't look at her as he picked up the hook, but he could feel her eyes on him. 'You wouldn't think so, would you?' she said, and the casualness she'd had before was gone. 'I didn't press you last night to tell me what happened that made us need to leave in such a hurry, but that doesn't mean that I can't tell that  _something_  happened. That doesn't give you the right to snap at me.'

'And me snapping at you doesn't give you the right to choose how I deal with it,' he retorted, clicking his hook into place with probably a little more force than necessary.

Tink stood up from the bed. He finally met her eyes as she stepped around the bed and approached him. 'You don't need it,' she said again but this time she spoke more gently, and the sympathy that he saw on her face told him that yes, he needed it very much.

Forcing a deep breath, he pushed aside his anger. He wasn't angry at her, not really, but at himself, at whatever had caused this wretched curse that had given everybody their happy endings except for him. He knew that he had to stop trying to take it out on Tink but there was no one else that could know what he was going through, not truly.

And the look on her face told her that she'd understand. 'I kissed her,' he said heavily. 'She didn't remember.'

Speaking it aloud made it feel more real than it had before and he felt his shoulders slump in defeat. She didn't remember, it didn't work. Their love wasn't true.

'I know,' she said. 'Well, I guessed that was what happened,' she added quickly when he frowned at her. 'There had to be a reason for why you practically dragged me out of there last night.' She cocked her head to the side. 'Come on, I came up here to wake you up anyway. Neal's here, he wants to speak to us.'

'I don't particularly bloody care what Neal wants,' he grumbled, stepping into his boots anyway.

'Yeah, well, he deserves your anger just as much as I do, so I'd appreciate it if you could rein that in.'

He followed her down the stairs to the common room. It must have been late afternoon by now and the inn was having a lull before their lunch rush started, so Killian spotted Neal easily at one of the tables along the wall. He mumbled a greeting as he dropped onto the seat opposite Neal.

'Morning,' Neal said as Tink slid beside him, sounding way too chipper for Killian's taste. 'I heard that you'd probably wake with another killer hangover so I got you this.' He pushed the plate of food in front of him across the table, followed by a faintly steaming mug. 'And since it was me that asked for this instead of you, it won't taste as foul as the last one the cook sorted for you.'

Ignoring the faint rumbling in his stomach, Killian pushed aside the plate of food and picked up the mug, swiftly drinking almost half of it at once despite the burn to his mouth and throat. Neal was watching him when he lowered it. 'Now what the hell happened?'

There was no point in putting it off - as much as he wanted to throttle the man for being so close to his wife, he needed Neal's support. 'I kissed Emma,' he said, staring into the mug. The damn thing tasted as pleasant as a regular tea. 'She pushed me away and slapped me. Twice,' he said, grimacing.

The other two were silent for a few seconds, and there was certainly nothing more that Killian felt the need to add. Either Emma didn't love him, or his own heart was too darkened by his long past for him to have a chance at true love.

'Well I'm not  _that_  surprised,' Neal said eventually, and Killian's eyes snapped up to his, anger immediately boiling inside him. He hadn't wanted their pity but he'd expected it at least a little, had expected their understanding and their support.

'What?' he said, his voice dropping low.

'I don't mean it like that,' Neal said, brushing it off like the insinuation was nothing. 'Hasn't Henry shown you his book?'

He could only mean his storybook full of the histories of the people of Storybrooke, that he adored so much. Killian frowned, rubbing at his forehead in an attempt to push his headache away, wondering what the hell this had to do with anything. 'Of course he has.'

'And have you read Mary Margaret and David's story?'

'I believe so,' Killian said. 'It's mostly all about how they found Regina and fought for each other, never gave up hope.'

Neal was looking at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world, and Tink didn't look much more helpful. 'What about when Snow White lost hope?' Tink said, clearly having caught on before he had. 'And she drank the potion that Rumpelstiltskin gave her to forget her Prince Charming? The love between those two is as pure as I've ever seen, and true love's kiss didn't work when David tried it  _because Snow didn't remember him_. She couldn't love him if she didn't know who he was.'

Killian stiffened, his eyes flickering between Tink and Neal, neither of which looked surprised. For the first time since Emma had pushed him away, he started to feel hope. 'You mean... It didn't work because she doesn't remember, not because she doesn't love me?'

Tink's face softened. 'Is that really what you thought?'

What else was he supposed to think? 'Either that or my heart is too blackened to be worthy of true love's kiss,' he said, swallowing hard, his mind working quickly now to try and figure out what this could mean. 'You could have bloody said something,' he said to Neal.

Tink smiled sadly as she reached across the table to grasp his hand, and he let her take it and squeeze it gently. 'If he'd told you then you would have doubted it, and it wouldn't work if there was doubt in your heart but Killian, your heart is not unworthy. And she does love you - you know that I could see that. You just need to get her to fall in love with you.'

 _That was all._ He couldn't stop the bitter laugh that slipped out of him, and ignored the confused look on Tink's face as she withdrew her hand. Just as things looked to turn in his favour - their love could be strong enough - it dipped right back down again. 'Of course,' he said, leaning back in his chair. 'It'll be a breeze to make Emma fall in love with me when she's in love and happily married to you,' he said, gesturing to Neal and scowling.

Neal sighed. 'Killian, we'll make it happen. She's chosen you over me before, remember?'

The twinge of guilt from that statement dug into his glumness, but he knew that they were long past having trouble between them because of  _that_. 'It wasn't the same,' he said quietly. 'She wasn't married to you then. She didn't trust you, but she does now.'

'Perhaps not as much as you think,' Neal said slowly, and Killian frowned at him. 'She was up early this morning and working in the kitchens, which is something that she does normally sometimes anyway, but it's also something that she does when she needs to think. I asked her about last night and what she thought of you both, and she seemed... flustered? I don't know, but uncomfortable at least. And she certainly didn't tell me that you kissed her.'

'Why wouldn't she tell you?' Tink asked, the same thought in Killian's mind.

'Maybe she's trying to figure out what it meant,' Neal said, his eyes not leaving Killian's like he was imploring him to see the good in it. 'Even if it didn't work like you thought it would, maybe it sparked something in her that she wouldn't want to tell her husband about.'

'That's still a far cry short from true love,' he pointed out.

'Yes, but it's a start. She also suggested that the two of you come and stay at court. To save your coin, she said, even though it's the family's either way, but also so you'll be closer for us to spend time together. And knowing Emma, I'd say that she wanted a chance to better figure you out if you kissed her out of the blue.'

Killian sighed, downing the rest of the tea and then scrubbing his hand across his face. 'She shouldn't want anything to do with me.'

'Well you're lucky that she does,' Neal said. 'So I'd suggest that you quit feeling sorry for yourself and get your shit together, because you have a princess that you need to make her fall in love with you, and the more time you spend sulking in your misery the quicker this can be done with.'

'Neal,' Tink said reproachfully before Killian could speak, but Neal held up his hand to stop her.

'No, all right?' he said, looking firmly from Tink back to Killian. 'I have every right to want this done with as soon as possible. Knowing that the last few years of my life have been a lie is hard enough, but I need Emma's memories back so I can find out whether the little girl that I'm raising is actually my daughter or not. I need this curse broken so I can find my father and help him fix all the terror that he's been causing since he's been here. I know that this is hard for you, but you're not the only person that's suffering with this.' He turned his gaze, now more heated, to Tink. 'I need to rebuild my life. So can I please just take you to the castle so that we can be closer to breaking this curse and I can be free to live my life how I want to.'

Tink's cheeks flushed slightly and she dropped her gaze. 'There's not much to pack but I'll get our things,' she said quietly, sparing Killian the barest glance before she stood from her seat and headed to the stairway at the back of the common room.

Killian watched her go, unwilling to look back at Neal but when she vanished from sight he made himself meet the other man's eyes. 'I'm sorry,' he said. 'This isn't easy for any of us. I just really believed that it would work. To think that it didn't...'

Neal nodded his head slowly. 'I know. I'm sorry as well. I'd hoped that it would work somehow, but this isn't the end of it. I'll do whatever I can to bring the two of you together.'

After a few minutes Tink returned and Killian went to finalize their stay with Bran, the innkeeper. As he handed over the remainder of the payment he glanced back to where Neal and Tink sat together, wondering if Tink would get the happily ever after that she wanted.

And if he could go back to his.


	10. Chapter 10

'Breathe, pirate.' Tink slapped him on the back in a way that he was sure he was supposed to think was encouraging but was a tad more forceful than truly necessary. 'It's only Emma. She's fallen in love with you before, just relax a bit, would you?'

Killian glared at her sideways as they followed Neal through the halls of the castle. The staff had organized rooms for them and they'd deposited their few belongings, and now were on their way to see Emma. To thank her for her kind suggestion, officially, but he would have taken any excuse to see her again, to just be in her presence.

And to apologize. His behaviour from the previous night was what was truly worrying him. There was no way that he wouldn't have tried true love's kiss, even if he'd known the unlikelihood of it working, but his failed attempt left him in an incredibly awkward situation with Emma. It was more than just the embarrassment that one would normally feel in such a situation - how could she trust a man who threw himself at his friend's wife? She'd made her disgust with him quite clear last night before he'd fled, and how was he supposed to work his way back from that?

The only thing that was settling his nerves even slightly was the knowledge that she hadn't told Neal about their kiss. Perhaps he had a chance after all.

'I feel like a bloody hero out of one of Belle's adventure books, come to woo the princess,' he grumbled.

Tink snorted in a rather unladylike manner and Neal glanced over his shoulder with a smirk, first to Tink then at him. 'You certainly don't look like one,' Tink said. 'I wondered if Princess Emma likes leather as much as saviour Emma does?'

Killian huffed, ignoring the slight. The tailor had had his final garments ready when they dropped in on the way to the castle, and the first thing Killian had done when he reached his new rooms had been to change into the more familiar clothing. The black leather pants and billowing shirt were almost identical to the style he'd preferred before he'd come to Storybrooke, but he'd chosen a few different colours as well as a black one, for variety.

'I won her over before, as a pirate. Why should this be any different?' He flashed them a grin full of confidence that he did not feel and ignored Tink's eye roll.

'At least we're actually here now,' Tink said. 'We have a lot to be grateful to Regina for. If she hadn't spared us then who knows what could have happened?'

'You can thank Regina all you like, as soon as you stop her from trying to kill us,' Neal said wryly, glancing over his shoulder again. After a moment his expression turned thoughtful and he paused for a moment, falling into step on his other side so the three of them walked abreast. 'What would your happy ending have been if you'd been brought back with us?' he asked Killian.

His happy ending? Killian laughed. 'I already had my happy ending, mate. All I need is my wife and Henry. What more could I ask for?'

_A daughter?_

_Shut up._

'There's nothing else you'd want for?' Neal asked cautiously, his expression almost unreadable. Almost.

Tink noticed as well. 'No curse can bring back the dead, Neal. Not without them losing what makes them who they are.'

Neal looked away quickly, clearing his throat. Killian shouldn't have been surprised that after all this time Baelfire still hurt for his mother, because he still missed her too. He knew he always would. He'd never truly be able to let go of Milah and Emma had never asked him to, just as he'd never asked her to stop wearing the shoelace around her wrist once he'd learnt who it had belonged to. 'Let's focus on the living for today,' he suggested quietly.

Neal nodded sharply and gestured to the wide double doors in front of them - the royal library. Normally Emma would assist Snow and David when they held court in the afternoons but some days she would retreat to the library instead; even her new, happier self found the benefit in solitude.

Killian followed Neal and Tink into the library, staring around in wonder. He'd seen castle libraries before but nothing so expansive. 'This is enormous,' Tink said, clearly sharing his thoughts.

Neal chuckled, his grey mood broken. 'This is just one room. I suppose that this is one of the pros of the curse, right? The ogres were never here and we didn't have to put any work into restoring the kingdom like we thought we would.' There were a few people in sight but none close enough to overhear them. Killian stepped further into the room, looking around and taking in the floor to ceiling shelves filled with books, this room alone filled with more volumes than he'd seen in his life. 'You just wait until you see the map room,' he told Killian with a grin.

Although his interest was definitely piqued, his mind was still back on the offhand comment that he'd made just before. 'Belle would have truly felt at home here,' he said quietly, running his thumb over the spine of a book. 'She told me about the library at your father's castle, but from what I've heard this one surely challenges that for size.' His hand clenched into a fist and he pulled away so as not to damage any of the books. He missed her, the sweet, lovely young thing who somehow had had a heart large enough to forgive him for shooting her and making her forget her true self. He'd mourned her before the curse had struck and while he'd been stuck in the hospital, but things had moved so quickly since then and he'd been so focused on finding Emma that he hadn't given the girl enough thought, and he felt ashamed. 'We didn't even have a chance to give her a proper funeral. I'm so sorry, Neal.'

He felt the other man's hand on his shoulder and turned back to them. 'There's nothing you could have done,' he said, just as he'd told him multiple times after the fact. 'We'll give her a proper goodbye once I get my father back.'

'I don't even know if her body came here with everything else,' Killian said, and the look on Tink's face said she knew no more than he did. 'None of the people that she meant the most to remember even her life, let alone her death. You lost a brother and nobody knows of it.'

'Which will change as soon as the curse is broken,' Neal pointed out. 'She's not going to blame us for not mourning her when she was magically erased from our memories. Belle would want us to fight for truth more than anything.'

'More than everyone's happy endings?' he asked bitterly.

'This isn't my father's happy ending. Not really.'

'But I think I know why he got it,' Tink piped up. Killian turned his body slightly to include her again. 'Yes, this curse has seemed to mostly give everyone their happy ending, but not quite for everyone. You've been happy with Emma until Killian woke you up, right? But before, and now that you remember, you don't actually want to be with her.'

The fairy was doing her best to look casual in her question but Killian noticed how her brow drew together slightly in anxiety and her lips twitched into an almost hopeful smile. He wondered if Neal noticed as well or if Tink had managed to speak to him about her feelings yet.

Neal's face gave away nothing except for an uncertainty of where she was going. 'That's right,' he said slowly. 'I'll always care for her, but she'd not the woman that I want to be with.'

Tink's cheeks coloured slightly but she kept her head up steadily. 'Exactly. But you'd want to be with Henry, and Emma would have wanted to be with Henry, so the two of you ended up together.'

'At least it didn't put me with Regina,' Neal joked, but sobered again quickly. 'I don't see what this has to do with my father.'

'I'm saying that maybe your father was different, too. He couldn't have his wife, so he was given the next best thing.'

Neal's face fell the smallest amount before his guard snapped up. 'Which wasn't me. Power and fear were more important.'

'And escape,' Tink said quickly, reaching out to grasp his arm. 'He's mostly been alone since you left him, hasn't he? Maybe he wanted to retreat into the familiar?'

Killian narrowed his eyes at her. 'What do you mean, "he wanted"? Do you think he had something to do with this curse?'

'He didn't do it,' Neal said, sounding more tired than affronted. Killian opened his mouth to point out that he did create the original one but Neal held his hand up to stop him. 'I'm not saying that it's not something that he would do, just that this isn't like him. Why would he make everybody happy and then make himself the enemy? If this was his doing, he'd have made everybody as miserable as he was. Better to see us suffer. He's reverted completely back to Rumpelstiltskin and our happiness would have made him sick.'

'Could it have been just a flaw in the magic?' Killian asked Tink. Who else would wish them harm?

She shrugged. 'It could have been anything. Honestly, I'm more interested in breaking it. We can figure out the rest then.'

Breaking the curse. Making Emma fall in love with him. Killian rubbed at the back of his neck, hesitating as the others moved further into the library. Neal glanced back at him, his smirk telling him that he guessed exactly where Killian's thoughts were. 'When was the last time that she was angry with you?' he asked.

Killian snorted. 'Every other day. However, I had the benefit of her knowing that she loved me to help with that. I'm afraid that this isn't so simple.'

'You mean you can't distract her with sex,' Tink said dryly.

'Which is a fantastic place to stop this conversation,' Neal said before Killian could reply. 'Come on, and let's hope that she'll give you a chance without you having to pull her into a bed.'

Killian followed him through the library, Tink by his side. There were several rooms as large as the first, filled with books and tapestries and other historical artifacts. He wondered how many of them were unexplainable due to the peoples' altered memories, and whether they had new stories for them or whether they were just forgotten. Was it just their recent histories that had changed, or did it go back further than that? Would events from fifty years ago alter their happiness now?

It would have altered his, if not for Emma. Until a few years ago, he'd given up his hope for happiness and had wished only for his death and the death of the man who had killed his Milah. If he'd been trapped in this curse then, would he have forgotten about her? Would he have forgotten Liam? He knew that his memory of them was ever fading, their faces slowly becoming fuzzy over their years and the sound of their voices muffled, but to not remember them at all...

He shook himself slightly. There was a time for remembrance, but like he'd said just before, they had to focus on the living.

Emma had a favoured place in the library, a small table nestled in an alcove that offered a little privacy from the rest of the library. She sat there now, sitting on the edge of her chair with her head bent over the desk, her fingers tracing the words quickly as she read. She looked up as they approached, surprise on her face before it smoothed into an easy smile. Killian saw straight through it. She looked tired, her skin pale with dark smudges under her eyes that hadn't been there the night before. She looked genuinely pleased to see Neal as she rose to her feet and planted a kiss to his cheek, but he didn't miss the haste with which she snapped her book shut and tucked it into the middle of the pile in front of her before she did so.

'You were gone awhile,' she said to Neal, keeping her eyes on him and barely acknowledging himself of Tink, but Killian could read the tension in her shoulders and the way she held herself to mean that she was very aware of them. He scratched idly at his beard, using the movement to hide his smirk. Her choice not to look at him only gave him a better opportunity to take her in.

And he'd never get tired of looking at her, separation or not. She was dressed a lot less glamorously today but no less beautiful, wearing a simple long sleeved dress that he was sure was just the everyday clothing for a princess but that the Emma Swan he knew would never have dared been seen in.

Neal smiled down at her, shrugging. 'We had a few errands to run in the city, and I've just shown Tink and Killian to their rooms.'

With no excuse not to acknowledge them now, Killian still wasn't surprised when she turned first to Tink, who smiled at her brightly. 'Thank you for your hospitality, Your Highness. Emma,' Tink corrected herself when Emma opened her mouth and Emma returned her smile.

'It's no trouble, I guarantee it,' Emma said, reaching out to take both of Tink's hands in her own. 'I'm looking forward to getting to know you.'

'And we, you,' Killian said, stepping forward and making her attention fall openly on him for the first time since they'd arrived. Emma's face was carefully guarded when she finally turned to him, but not anywhere near as guarded as it should have been. A person's experiences made them who they were, and even though she was quite clearly distrustful of him now, she wasn't as used to keeping her walls up as her true self was. Although she tried to hide it, he saw the hesitance in her eyes, the caution.

The curiosity.

After a moment she returned to her seat, turning her back on him in a way that was a dismissal if he'd ever seen one, but that curiosity encouraged him. 'I thought our guests would like to see some more of the library,' Neal said to Emma, who turned in her seat to smile at him, all traces of conflict gone from her expression. 'Would you like to join us?'

'Perhaps in a while,' Emma said, nodding toward first Tink and then himself before taking the top book from the pile in front of her and opening it to a page in the middle. She clearly had no interest in entertaining, and although Killian was determined to find the reason behind her curiosity for him, he was feeling a little on edge from her attitude.

'There's a section on the fairies of this world that you might find interesting,' Neal said to Tink, offering her his arm and the two of them started to step away. Killian hesitated, unsure of whether or not to follow. He knew he needed to talk to Emma alone, but the forcefulness of her rejection the previous night coupled with the magnitude of the task in front of him weighed at him suddenly. He was about to step after Neal and Tink when Tink threw a glare over her shoulder to him, nodding toward Emma with an expression on her face that he was sure meant that she'd come over and hit him if he didn't take the opportunity to speak to her.

He wasn't sure whether Emma was aware that he'd stayed behind or not, but her attention seemed to be completely back on the book in front of her. He took a moment to steady himself, taking a deep breath before stepping closer to the table.

It was only Emma.

She looked up at him as he seated himself across the small table from her, the small pile of books between them but low enough that he could see her quite clearly. Her brow rose slightly at him as she noticed him, before it drew down into a frown. 'You've little understanding of court etiquette don't you, Captain?' she asked, the dryness in her tone  _almost_ the same as the one he was familiar with.

Should he have asked her permission to sit? Feeling strangely encouraged by her words anyway, Killian flashed her a grin. 'I'm rather terrible at playing by the rules, milady, but I  _am_  a gentleman.'

Her eyebrows shot up again and he felt his grin widen despite himself. She seemed more expressive without those guards around her emotions, and he had a feeling that he could use that to his advantage - if she let him in. 'Your actions so far show you in a different light,' she said, immediately pulling his mood down a notch. That wasn't quite contempt in her voice, but it didn't feel like it was too far off.

He had to work quickly, and even if time had been on his side, the expression on her face made his insides twist rather painfully. He couldn't bear for her to think of him like that, even if she didn't understand what was truly going on.

He wanted to drop his gaze, to look away from the disdain in her eyes - was that real, or was she exaggerating it? - but he made himself look right at her, into her as he silently pleaded with her to see into him. 'I'm here to apologize,' he told her seriously, all traces of humour gone from him. She seemed to notice, for her hands left the book in front of her and settled in her lap, turning her full attention to him. He wished that he could read her but she kept her expression neutral now, and he knew that she was making some sort of judgement on him. 'My behaviour last night was deplorable.'

'Why did you kiss me?' she asked him quickly, quietly, glancing around them before returning her eyes to him. He started at her bluntness - he'd had more that he'd been prepared to say about how atrocious his actions had been, but she went right to the thick of things.

He considered her for a few seconds before dropping his gaze to the table, sighing lightly. Did she still have her talent for telling a lie? He'd have to risk it. 'I'm not proud of my actions,' he told her softly. 'I feel uncomfortable in this realm. I have no good explanation for you, Emma, other than that it was a foolish act by a man who was not in his right mind at the time.'

She was silent until he looked up at her, and he found her eyes on him still, narrowed. 'Are you in your right mind now?'

Ignoring any slight that could have been taken from that, he offered her a small smile. 'As right as I can be,' he tried, but wasn't surprised when she didn't laugh.

He wasn't surprised when she rolled her eyes, but she seemed to be from the frown the immediately flawed her brow. Leaning forward in her seat, she studied him seriously. 'I don't trust you,' she said bluntly.

His mood slipped further. 'Emma -'

'No. I think you're going to cause trouble. I know almost nothing about your past with my husband, or why you're here, but since you rocked up he's been acting differently.' Her gaze hardened a little further, if that were possible. 'I gather you've figured out that I didn't tell him about what we did since he walked in here with such a big smile on his face, but that's only because I'm not going to bother him further with something that meant nothing to either of us. I'm hoping that you're not such a terrible friend as to try and do something that stupid again.'

Killian closed his eyes, giving himself a moment to sort through his thoughts. So many mixed feelings, but he tried to focus on the few good ones. It was harder than he'd imagined, with things like  _meant nothing_ echoing around his head.

'Neal doesn't have many people of his own,' Emma continued after a moment, and a lot of the anger had left her voice. 'Most of the friends he has are mine, and he's had to live a rather solitary life with us because of his father and Regina. For his sake, I'm glad that Tinkerbell and yourself are here, and that's the only reason why you're still here. The second that I tell him about what you tried to do, you would both be out on the streets, and I won't lie to him twice.' She leaned forward further and he looked up at her, feeling just as chastised as she intended, even if the situation wasn't quite as she understood. 'You'll forget what happened and not wish for it again. I know your type, Jones, and your charms will not work on me.'

 _We'll see about that_. 'I don't intend for them to,' he said aloud, hoping she wouldn't catch the lie. 'I was hoping we could start afresh,' he said honestly, widening his eyes to implore her to believe that, at least. 'I would like to stay here awhile, to get to know yourself and your family. For Neal's sake,' he added quickly.

They watched each other, Killian trying to figure out what she was thinking. He'd always been able to read her so well and although she wasn't as used to hiding herself from people now, he had to remind himself that she wasn't the person that she used to be.

'Fine,' she snapped, then paused, took a deep breath. 'Very well,' she corrected, her voice calmer. 'I don't trust you, but I feel as though I should. We can start afresh. But I'm keeping my eye on you.'

He relaxed, feeling a weight lift from his shoulders. She still might be hesitant about him, but at least she was willing to give him a chance, and that was one step closer to making her fall in love with him.

He pushed away the thought of how much further he had to go.

Reaching out his hand over the table, he smiled at her warmly. 'Friends?'

She arched her eyebrow at him. 'You're pushing it already,' she warned him, but her lips twitched a little.

He raised his right back at her, smirking openly and keeping his arm outstretched. The Emma that he knew was as bad as he was, in that she could never back down from a challenge. Would she now react the same?

After a moment she placed her hand in his, her fingers wrapping around his and giving his hand a quick, short shake. 'Friends.'

He pushed down the idea of bringing her hand to his lips before it could truly form, knowing he shouldn't push his luck. Settling for a warm squeeze - gods, it felt good just to touch her, and screw the idea of kissing her hand, he wanted to pull her into his arms and just hold her, to feel her against him again - he reluctantly let her go and pulled his hand back, resting his arm on the table in front of him. 'What are you reading?' he asked, nodding to the pile of books in front of her.

'That's a quick change of subject.'

'I'm trying to get to know my new friend,' he said lightly, shrugging.

She hesitated for a moment before smoothing her hands over the open book in front of her. 'They're just stories,' she said awkwardly. 'I like to read. It helped me to distract myself when Regina held us prisoner.' She glanced back up at him. 'I assume Neal told you about that.'

'Aye, he did.' She offered him a small smile but he wasn't buying it. Leaning forward in his chair, he tilted his head toward the other books on the table. 'However, I wasn't asking about the book you were pretending to read, but rather the one that you tried to hide from us when we arrived.'

Sucking in her breath, Emma's eyes widened and she reached out to snatch the book from the pile but he was quicker, his hand closing over her wrist just tight enough not to hurt her. Using his hook, he knocked the top few books off the pile until he revealed the one that she'd been reading before they'd come. Grinning at her, he ignored - or tried to - the hot flush of her cheeks, whether it was in anger or embarrassment he was yet to find out. He kept his hand around her wrist and he was surprised that her free hand clutched at the table instead of trying to hit him. Again. Twisting the book around so he could read the title, his smile dropped into a frown of confusion as he read the words.

'Why wouldn't you want him to know that you're reading a history book?' he asked her, genuinely curious.

Sighing heavily, she relaxed herself in his grip. 'My son is restless,' she said, and he was about to point out that she was changing the subject but she continued quickly. 'He sees the strife that Regina and Rumpelstiltskin are causing and he's itching to be able to pull his weight, to share the burden that we ask of our people. It worries me so, that he wants to be at the forefront of the danger, but at the same time I am proud of him for I feel that same restlessness.' She smiled at him tightly. 'I gave up my right to rule and I don't regret it for a second, but I still feel my duty to my people to protect them, Killian.

'There is a lot of wisdom to be taken from history,' she said, gesturing at the book in front of him with her free hand. 'This kingdom has seen wars before, has dealt with villains just as dangerous as what we face now. I thought perhaps, that I could find an answer somewhere in these books, and since we're trying to convince Henry that just being seen to be in control is enough, I didn't want Henry to know that I... didn't necessarily agree with that.' He chuckled at that, and her smile stretched slightly before fading completely. 'It's been useless so far,' she said hopelessly. 'The only way to defeat magic seems to be by using magic, and we're already stretching the fairies to their limits as it is with defense. Aside from them, I don't think I could trust anybody else with it. Magic only begets darkness.'

Killian started, his shoulders tensing before his mind made sense of it.  _She didn't know she could wield magic_. She'd used is so scarcely in Storybrooke that he hadn't even noticed the difference since he'd been here, and hadn't even thought to ask about it. It was no surprise that she believed most magic to be evil, since the majority of it that she would have experienced was from Regina and Rumpelstiltskin. He didn't blame her for that association.

Hopefully he could break the curse before she had a need to use her magic, or else he'd have to come up with a way to explain to her that she'd been able to do it all along, and it wouldn't darken her heart.

'We'll find a way to stop them,' he promised her.

'We?' she asked.

'Perhaps,' he said, leaning forward and winking at her. It was a risk, but his obnoxious flirting was part of what had won her over before, or so she'd reluctantly admitted one time. She could have pushed him away, could have told him that he needed to take the hint and stay away from her, but he hoped that her unhardened heart would see him as harmless.

She looked at him searchingly for a few seconds before she chuckled and he relaxed, grinning at her. 'Would you mind letting go of me, Captain?' she said dryly, looking pointedly at where he still grasped her wrist.

He held onto her a moment longer before withdrawing his hand, and when he did so she lifted her arm to her chest, rubbing her wrist gently with her other hand even though he knew he hadn't held her enough to cause her pain. It was only then that he noticed something else about her, something that made his breath catch in his throat.

She wasn't wearing the shoelace.

Last night her forearms had been hidden by the long gloves that she'd worn, and today they were covered by the long sleeves of her dress so he hadn't noticed before. But as her fingers caressed her wrist her sleeve was pushed out of the way and it was unadorned.

And why should she wear it? Graham had died in Storybrooke, and even if anyone still had a memory of the Huntsman now, Emma would have been married to Neal and had a son by the time Snow would have met him, so there would have been no room for him in her heart.

She'd told him a little of Graham, but a little had been all that she could manage. She hadn't had the chance to find out whether she loved the previous sheriff or not, but he'd been one of the first people who had fought for her in a long time and Killian understood how much that had meant to her. Graham deserved to be remembered.

This curse needed to be broken.

Emma was looking at him curiously, confused about his silence, but he was saved from having to find something to say when he spotted Neal and Tink walking toward them, a servant in tow. Emma followed his gaze and started slightly, but he was already tucking the history book underneath one of the fictitious volumes and received a secret smile of thanks before they both turned their attention to the others.

'Snow's finished holding court and has called a meeting of the council,' Neal said as they approached, and Emma stood immediately, smoothing her hands over her skirts as she did so. He grimaced at Killian in apology, apparently having already explained to Tink. 'You two are going to have to entertain yourselves for a while.'

Killian forced a laugh - despite his progress with Emma, the other revelations had left him with a bit to dwell on. 'I'm sure we can manage,' he said, lacing his voice with sarcasm for Neal's benefit.

The servant took his leave, his message delivered, but Killian's eyes were on Emma as she hesitated, with Neal waiting for her. She looked thoughtfully at Neal for a moment before turning to Tink. 'We will probably be kept past dinner, but you could join us for breakfast, if it pleases you. Both of you,' she added quickly, gesturing to Killian.

'Of course,' Killian responded, probably too quickly but he was past caring. He'd take any opportunity to see her, the more frequently the better if he was to have any chance of making her fall in love with him.

Emma and Neal said a quick goodbye and as soon as they disappeared down the main aisle of the library Killian slumped back into his seat, ignoring the quiet laughter as Tink took the chair that Emma had just vacated. 'Well?' she asked.

Rubbing his hand across his face to try and rid himself of some of the tension he was feeling, he then reached around to scratch the back of his head as he grinned at her ruefully. 'Well she didn't hit me this time,' he joked, and even though the effects of the curse were still really bothering him, Tink's bluntness eased his stress somewhat. 'Although, I don't think she'd quite ready for me to kiss her again just yet.'

'Progress is progress, Romeo,' Tink said cheerfully, shrugging her shoulders playfully.

She seemed in a rather good mood, he noticed. Stretching his shoulders, he leaned forward again. 'How much progress is progress of yours, darling?' he asked, waggling his eyebrows at her suggestively.

'Shut up,' she groaned, kicking his leg under the table, and the blush that rose to her cheeks was answer enough for him.

'I'm happy for you, Tink,' he told her, meaning every word.

'Yeah, well,' she said, shifting a little in her seat and dropping her eyes to the table. 'You know it's not really that easy, is it? Neal's married to Emma, or so everyone believes, but he knows how I feel.' A small smile played at her lips as she looked up at him again. 'But once everything's sorted we're going to give it a shot.'

'So I guess you'd rather I break this curse rather quickly, then?'

'Sure, why not?' she said dryly.

He shook his head, chuckling. 'In the meantime,' he said, pulling the history book from the pile in between them, 'we're going to try and find a non-magical way to defeat someone with magic.' Hopefully the curse would be broken before they'd need to find other ways to defeat Regina or Rumpelstiltskin, but his efforts would at least win him some regard from Emma. He leaned forward further, lowering his voice to a stage whisper. 'But you can't tell anyone, it's a secret.'


	11. Chapter 11

'You have got to be kidding me.' David tossed his half eaten bread roll onto his plate and crossed his arms over his chest, leaning back in his chair and scowling at the man sitting across the table from him. 'Do you really expect us to believe this nonsense?'

Emma exchanged a grin with Snow. She was having a hard time believing the things Killian was telling them about the world he came from - this Land Without Magic - but she was enjoying the stories nonetheless. David, however, wasn't so easily convinced.

'He is actually telling the truth,' Tinkerbell said, keeping her eyes carefully on her breakfast. 'We didn't believe it ourselves when we first arrived there, but we could cook without fire or other natural heat, and talk to people on the other side of the world, and drive, ah, horseless carriages -'

'I believe that you could,' David said, nodding his head in apology for interrupting her. 'I don't, however, believe that you can do all of these things without magic.'

As amusing as David's disbelief was, Emma was inclined to agree with him. Killian had started to talk about things like motors and electricity and, as intrigued as she was, it was all a bit perplexing.

'I want to hear more about those airplanes,' Henry piped up. Emma smiled at him, knowing how strong his curiosity was for the unknown. To be able to fly...

Neal shifted in his seat beside her and cleared his throat, drawing Killian's attention to him. Killian hesitated for a moment before he inclined his head slightly in acknowledgement. 'Another time perhaps, lad.'

Henry was a clever boy and caught on quickly, looking from their guest to his parents. 'What's going on?' he said warily.

'There's been some trouble on our borders,' Neal said. 'The attacks are getting more frequent and we need to send more men. Your uncle David and I will be joining them for a few days to show our support.'

 _Some trouble._  Emma suppressed a grimace at the words, finding them inadequate. A messenger had arrived from the eastern borders the previous afternoon, causing Snow to call her council of advisers. She'd gathered a strange collection of friends on her journeys but they each had their range of wisdom to share and Snow was more than open to guidance. After leaving Killian and Tinkerbell in the library, Emma and Neal had joined Snow, David and the others in the large council chambers.

 _More frequent attacks_  meant an onslaught increased almost threefold and spread over a larger area. The armies were Regina's and Emma knew that she was taunting them, testing them. They'd been warding off her mocking raids for months now, wearing down the spirits of the men who defended their kingdom and they'd all agreed that sending someone to lift their hopes was as important as sending more men, even if it were only for a few days. Especially since David and Neal would happily fight alongside their men while they were there.

Henry's eyes lit up and Emma could practically see the idea as it formed. 'I could go with you,' he said eagerly.

She exchanged a glance with Neal. They'd anticipated this. 'Henry,' she began.

'Why not?' he said, straightening in his chair to emphasize his height. She had dreaded the day when it had succeeded her own. He certainly didn't look like a child anymore but he knew that she couldn't help but see him that way. 'You said it would only be a few days, so you won't even have to worry about me for that long. Dad and Uncle David will be there. What's the worst that could happen?'

'You know what the worst is,' Snow said, her voice a lot harder than her usual tone. When they'd discussed it yesterday evening she'd been sure that Snow would have encouraged Henry to go, if only to see a bit of the world and live rough for a few days, but she'd understood Emma's need to keep him close. Henry opened his mouth to no doubt argue the point but Snow held up her hand to stop him. He must have finally seen that he was dealing with his queen instead of his aunt for he closed it, albeit with obvious reluctance. 'It may be only for a few days and we may not be officially at war, but there is always danger, especially if Regina's men learn who you are before you return. David and your father are going not because they need their swords, but to give the men hope that we have faith in them. You will not find glory there. Your accompaniment would be excessive and I will not put my husband  _and_  my heir at risk.'

Emma turned from where Snow sat beside her to see Henry's reaction but her eyes hesitated when they fell on their guests. Tinkerbell kept her eyes on her plate, trying to hide a smug smile. Killian was staring at her sister, eyes wide and eyebrows raised, looking more than a little impressed. Had he never seen a strong woman before? What had he heard about the Queen that her firmness surprised him so? His eyes turned to her and a smile spread across his face when he saw her assessing him, changing his face completely to warmth. She returned it quickly, turning her attention to her son.

Unfortunately, Henry wasn't quite so impressed. He respected Snow as much as he loved her, but he'd also been raised to stick up for himself. He'd never talk back to her in public if she was pulling rank, but from the confident look on his face he was going to hold his own at the moment. It was interesting, Emma realized, that he so easily considered Killian and Tinkerbell's presence as family, even though they did have a rather broad meaning of the term. 'With respect,' he said clearly, 'if the danger was so great then you wouldn't be sending the king. Nobles of my father's status or less would have the same effect of showing our personal support and gratitude.'

Snow narrowed her eyes at him shrewdly and without knowing exactly what was going through her head, Emma agreed with it. She loved this confidence in him, but she still remembered Henry as a child, running around the halls and causing a ruckus, not spouting politics to get his way.

David answered instead, leaning forward on his elbows to get a better view of Henry from across the table. 'As much as I am king, Snow is my queen and the ruler of this kingdom. If something were to happen to me it would not change the succession or rule of our land.'

'Politically,' Snow muttered, and Emma reached for her hand under the table. She might have approved David to go but she knew her sister hated to be parted from him for too long. Snow smiled at her tightly in understanding.

'Which brings me to my other point,' Henry continued, oblivious to their mood as a smirk crawled across his face. 'I'm not actually your heir anymore, remember? So my death wouldn't change anything either.'

Those simple, offhanded words stabbed at Emma's heart and she felt Snow's hand now squeezing hers tighter. For a child so smart... 'It's up to you, Emma,' she said quietly and Emma nodded in acknowledgement, staring at her plate. Until Henry's last words she'd considered retracting her refusal to let him go, and she knew that he was just trying to make fun, but that nonchalance had thrown her. She knew he still had that boyish disregard for danger if there was excitement to be had, and he always craved adventure.

Henry and Neal were speaking but she found herself unable to take in the words. Like Snow, she wanted to give him a chance to see some of the kingdom, even if it were only for a few days. It was true that he wasn't Snow's heir anymore now that they had James but he'd still be an important part of the court when it needed him, just like she was when it needed her. He was a man grown now, but to send him into a place where there was open fighting for the first time... She didn't think that it was wrong for her to feel hesitant.

Feeling eyes on her, she looked up and found Killian watching her. His brow was creased with what looked like worry and... empathy? He'd stopped eating as well, his hand clenched on the table. In a way that she couldn't explain, the concern on his face seemed to calm her. His lips twitched up in the corner into a small half smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, but somehow she felt reassured. His smile increased a little when she didn't immediately look away, and he gave her a tiny nod.

Neal would be there, and David. They would keep him safe for her, return him in one piece. And Henry deserved it really, after all of their refusals to send him into the fighting proper.

'All right,' she said quietly, interrupting Henry and finally looking away from Killian. 'You can go. But if you don't come back whole you're not going to live past your next birthday,' she added, trying and failing miserably to sound like she meant it.

Henry's face lit up and she felt guilty for almost denying him this. 'Really? You mean it?' He grinned at everyone at the table. 'When do we leave?'

'As soon as I finish my breakfast,' David said, picking up his roll again. Henry was up and running toward the door immediately.

'Essentials only!' Neal yelled over his shoulder.

'Yeah, yeah.' Emma huffed a laugh and returned to her breakfast, his obvious excitement eating away at her nervousness. She needed to finish eating quickly if she was going to be able to take Eva down to the harbour in time. 'Oh, good morning little princess. Quick, give me a hug, I'll not be seeing you for a few days.'

As though her thoughts had drew her, Emma turned in her seat to see that her daughter was indeed being swung around in a hug by her big brother. Seeing the two of them together had always brought an easy smile to her face. Eva had been blessed with a brother who cared so much for her.

And, she realized quickly as she watched them, Eva's plans were going to be ruined for the day.

About a year ago, Emma and Henry were touring the city and had ended up at the large harbour. She'd always loved the smell of the sea and it had been one of the things that had settled her more easily after she'd escaped Regina's grasp, her dark castle residing further inland. Just as they'd reached the harbour a ship had come into sight along the horizon and it had fascinated Eva to no end. As it had come closer Emma had been able to identify it a ship belonging to the royal fleet,  _The Jewel of the Realm_ , and it was indeed aptly named. She'd never known young girls to be so interested by a ship of all things, but even though she'd been barely two years old she'd remembered it and asked about it frequently. When it was in dock they visited it, the Captain letting them aboard to see the deck and below.

Emma was more than a little scared that she'd see her little girl sail off on it one day.

Today,  _The Jewel of the Realm_  was due to leave port for a few months. Emma and Henry had promised Eva that they'd take her to see her off, and now Henry wouldn't be able to join them.

'She's going to be devastated that Henry can't come today,' she said to Neal under her breath, dreading pointing it out to Eva.

Neal was silent and after a moment she turned back in her seat to look at him. 'Are you sure that you should be going today?'

Frowning, Emma studied his face, trying to figure out what he meant. 'Why wouldn't we go?'

Snow made a sound from her other side and she twisted the other way. 'We're taking a reasonable amount of men with us today, Emma,' David said gently. 'The men that are remaining behind are stretched thinly enough across the grounds as it is, and we can't spare any more to act as an escort. If Henry to go with you that would be different, but just you and Eva...'

Emma stared at him, bewildered by his opinion and startled to see that same look on Snow and Neal's faces. Killian and Tinkerbell's were carefully blank. 'So you're telling me,' she said slowly, 'that you all trust Henry with his own safety but not me with mine?'

That revelation hurt her a lot more than she'd thought it would. But then, she'd never really considered it before.

'That's not what we meant,' Snow said quickly.

'It's different with Henry,' Neal said. 'We'll be there. We'll keep an eye on him.'

'It was you that agreed to him going,' David pointed out.

The way they were working against her bloomed a resentment inside of her that she'd never felt towards her family before. 'I might have made the decision just now, but if any of you truly disagreed with it, we all know that he wouldn't be going. Do you really think I can't take care of myself?'

'We know you can look after yourself,' Snow said. 'But can you look after yourself and Eva? On a busy street in the middle of the day?'

'I don't want to be worrying about you and Eva while we're away,' Neal said firmly. 'You shouldn't go until we get back.'

'Surely you can spare one man, if that's all that makes the difference to you,' she said, rolling her eyes in exasperation.

'Every man is accounted for.'

'If we wait until you return then we'll miss the ship.'

'Then you'll miss the ship.'

'Mama?'

Emma turned back again and was running toward Eva as soon as she saw her face, taking her from Granny's arms. Henry had disappeared to pack. 'Mama, you said we can go! You promised!' As she spoke the wobble in her voice increased and tears started to form in her eyes.

She looked up at Neal, who looked back at her regretfully and she knew she'd get no support from him. Yes, she'd normally have a guard or two with her if she left the castle alone, but she hadn't ever seen it as a necessity. Neal certainly had no trouble traipsing around the city by himself. 'Shh, sweetheart,' she said soothingly, dropping to her knees and standing Eva on the floor so her hands were free to smooth her daughter's face. 'We'll find out when they're due back and see them return.'

Her words only made it worse; Eva started crying loudly and trying to push her away. Instead Emma tightened her grip on her, wrapping her arms around her and holding her close despite her protests, sending a reproachful look at her family. She didn't care what they said, she decided. She didn't need anybody's permission to take her own daughter out for the morning and if they waited until the men had left then they wouldn't even know until they got back. Or at all, if she could convince Snow to silence afterwards.

Although, she was perhaps more upset with her sister than any of the others. After the life that she had lived, on the run from the Evil Queen for so long, she'd have thought an excursion to the harbour wouldn't have sounded too dangerous.

Eva had stopped fighting her but hadn't calmed her cries. Emma rubbed her back soothingly, trying to calm her down in time to say goodbye to the others, who surely only had a few minutes before they were due at the stables.

'Maybe you'll be able to see it leave from the tower?' Snow tried. Eva only cried harder. She'd never have thought that she'd raise a daughter to be so excited (or upset) about ships, especially one in particular, but then she'd never been able to explain the way that he smell of the ocean called to her, either.

'I could take you.' Emma's eyes snapped to Killian, who was staring at her daughter like her crying was painful for him. He jumped a little at his own words, then started to look flustered. 'I mean, I could escort yourself and... your daughter to the harbour, if you wish it.' He hesitated for a moment, looking to Neal cautiously. 'I'd like to see the harbour myself, if that's all right.'

'It's fine, thank you,' Emma said quickly before Neal could say something stupid. Eva had finally stopped sobbing, her head tilted and obviously listening carefully to their conversation.

Killian's face brightened slightly with her acceptance but he seemed tense, and kept his eyes on Neal, who was looking back at him thoughtfully. He glanced back to Eva and Emma could have sworn that that strange sadness was back in his eyes, even if it were hidden. 'It's only fair,' he said quietly, and Killian relaxed fully. 'Eva deserves a chance to go,' he added more loudly, grimacing at Emma in apology.

She didn't want it. Not right now. Instead she turned back to Killian, eyeing him as she came back to the table with Eva, settling her on her lap. She'd reluctantly decided yesterday to forget about his strange behaviour at the ball -  _strange behaviour,_  because she refused to think of it as anything else. He confused her, and she had a feeling in her stomach that she needed to figure out why. She normally had a gift for reading people, especially for hunting out truth and lies, but Killian was somehow throwing her right off. When she'd asked him about the ki - his behaviour, for the first time that she could remember, she couldn't tell if he was lying.

The thing was, she wanted to believe him, wanted to trust him. She wasn't sure what his appearance in their life meant for Neal, but she had the feeling that he didn't mean any harm. Even if he was behaving strangely himself recently, Neal seemed to like that Killian was there.

Friends, he'd said. Friends would take a walk through the city together, right? She really hoped that he wasn't offering to join her in the hopes of another kiss - he'd seemed so genuine yesterday when he'd told her he just wanted to get to know her. Surely he wouldn't try anything with Eva there, anyway.

'Is everything all right?' Snow asked, and Emma realized that she was still staring at Killian. Giving himself a little shake, she forced a smile to Snow.

'It's fine,' she said. 'You should ready yourself to go, Captain,' she said to Killian. 'We'll have to leave in a few minutes or else we'll risk missing it, anyway.'

'Her,' he said with a smile, and she frowned at him, not understanding. 'We risk missing  _her,_  anyway.'

'Her, Mama, not  _it,_ ' Eva added, rolling her eyes. Emma couldn't help a laugh, despite wondering where she'd learned that look.

'I'll just fetch my coat and then we can be on our way,' Killian continued with a grin at Eva, excusing himself from the table.

'We'd best be off as well,' David said. 'We'll meet Henry at the stables.' He leant across to kiss Snow and Emma turned her head to give them a semblance of privacy. That left her facing Neal, who smiled at her faintly.

'You look after him,' she said firmly, not bothering to keep the annoyance out of her voice.

He nodded. 'Of course.' He came in to kiss her. She considered turning her head to show her frustration that he hadn't supported her, but didn't want to be that petty when she wasn't going to see him for a few days. Even so, she pulled back quickly, keeping the kiss brief.

'Goodbye,' she said shortly. 'Goodbye, David.'

David frowned at her, but left it be. After a few more goodbyes the two of them left the room, leaving Emma alone with Snow, Eva and Tinkerbell, who had been sitting quiet throughout the argue. 'You're welcome to join us if you like, Tinkerbell,' she said, hoping to sound as friendly as possible.

Tinkerbell smiled at her easily. 'You really can call me Tink,' she insisted. 'But I was hoping to find the Blue Fairy today and learn some more about the magic of this realm.'

'Perhaps next time.' She jostled Eva playfully on her lap. 'Looks like it's just you and me, darling, and Captain Jones.'

* * *

The streets of the city were in a healthy buzz, filled with people and wagons. They didn't keep to the main streets, Emma leading them through whichever way she deemed quickest. Their route was clearly a regular one for them since Eva was just as helpful with directions as her mother. She kept trying to jump and race forward but Emma kept her tethered with her hand tightly around hers. Killian couldn't keep the smile from his face as he watched them, still not quite believing how easily he'd managed to find some time to spend with them alone, not only his wife but Eva as well. Emma's carefree grin and Eva's frequent shouts of 'This way, Mister Captain!' were like a soothing balm to his soul after the stress he'd felt over the past few weeks.

They walked in silence for a little while, except for Eva's directions and occasional encouragement to walk quicker. Killian chuckled when Emma told her to stop trying to pull her arm off. 'She's quite excited, isn't she?' he commented.

Emma grinned at him. 'She always gets like this when we take her to see her ship.'

He raised an eyebrow at her. 'It's actually her ship?'

'Oh no,' Emma laughed. 'She wishes it were, but no. The ship belongs to Snow's Navy. She was really taken with it when she first saw it, and I thought that she'd forget about it since she's so young but I know Henry encourages it, too.' Her expression turned curious. 'What made you become a sailor?'

Even when she didn't know who she was, she still managed to dig into the deepest parts of him without knowing of it. 'My brother,' he told her after hesitating a moment. 'He was, before me, and I aspired to be like him.' He wanted to tell her more, to tell her that he'd been a lieutenant in the King's Navy himself a long time ago, in the hope to see even the slightest bit of surprise on her face. He wanted to impress her, he realized, now that he had the chance to win her over without his dark past hanging over his shoulders. That hadn't mattered to Emma before, once he'd shown himself redeemable, but he knew he couldn't tell Princess Emma about the pirate he'd once been.

'Did he stay behind in Neverland?' she asked him, bringing him out of his thoughts. 'Or in your Land Without Magic?'

After all this time, his heart still felt a little more hollow each time he thought of Liam. 'He died in Neverland,' he said quietly, hoping that she'd leave this conversation for another time. It was the truth, as far as he was concerned; Liam had been dead the moment the dreamshade had marked his skin, and everything from then on had been borrowed time.

He forced himself not to dwell on the darkness for now, knowing he had to saviour the time that he had with his girls -

-  _his, like Emma saw him and loved him and knew herself to be his wife. His, like Eva was surely his daughter, like there was no doubt to her parentage -_

\- while it lasted. He turned his head to see Emma frowning at him. 'I'm sorry,' she said awkwardly.

He shrugged half-heartedly. 'It was a long time ago, love.'

They fell into silence again for a few minutes, and although Killian tried his best to pay attention to where they were going, he found his attention quickly returning to the woman by his side and the girl on her hand. 'Will you tell me about Neverland?' Emma asked eventually, surprising herself as much as him from the look on her face.

'What do you want to know?'

'Anything.'

He considered his options quickly. He didn't want to tell them the full truth about that forsaken place, not when Eva was within earshot. She might be distracted with the idea of seeing her ship, but he'd noticed quite quickly just how observant the girl was. His heart had ached to see her so upset at breakfast, but he hadn't missed just how quickly she quietened and had watched him when he'd suggested a way for her to still get her way. Even if she wasn't openly listening, he didn't want to scare her with the truths about Pan and his Lost Boys. The poor girl would be frightened of her own shadow.

There was no way, however, that he was going to tell them about the farce that was Disney's version, so he settled on a midway point. He told her of the beauty of Neverland, the warm, sandy beaches and the clear waters, the dense forests and beautiful plants, the most gorgeous of which tended to be the most dangerous. He told her how he met Neal when he first reached the island but omitted most of those details, and of how he met Tink while he was searching for a way to leave.

Emma was quiet through his telling, aside from a question here and there. He made sure to tell her not to let Eva stand at the window and say "I believe", resting his hand on her shoulder and leaning in close to whisper the words in her ear so Eva wouldn't hear them. He laughed when she pushed him away and rolled her eyes at him, enjoying not just the brief closeness but her reaction to it as well; Princess Emma would be too elegant to roll her eyes like that. 'I'm telling you the truth,' he insisted, to which she laughed.

When he finished, however, her brow puckered slightly into a frown. He wished he could see her expression better but she kept her eyes ahead, or on Eva. 'Interesting,' she said quietly, and it seemed that she'd managed to build a few walls all of a sudden, even here, for he couldn't read her further than that.

'What is?' he asked, a flicker of dread sparking in his stomach. 'Has Neal told you differently?'

She turned to look at him properly, then, and immediately he wished he couldn't read her so well, after all. Her eyes were filled with a barely concealed hurt, the one thing he'd been wanting to avoid. 'Neal hasn't told me anything.'

He stopped walking, reaching out to touch her arm gently to guide her to do the same. She did so reluctantly, looking first at Eva then down the street and he knew they didn't have long but he needed to make her see. 'Neal had a very different experience in Neverland than I did, Emma,' he told her quietly. 'I went there willingly, but his journey there started with his father abandoning him for power. I wouldn't want to talk about that, either.'

Her eyes dropped to the ground and he wanted so much to reach out, to caress her face and bring it back up to look at him, to kiss away the creases on her brow. Instead he kept the space between them, satisfying himself with a grasp of her arm that he hoped was comforting. 'I'm angry at him for not believing in me before,' she said quietly, as though she were confiding in him with something he hadn't already known.

Well he was still able to read her that much. 'I know,' he told her. 'He's just trying to look out for you and Eva.'

'Yes, but he should trust me to walk through the city,' she grumbled, turning away from him and leading him down the street, idly hushing Eva's cries for haste. 'Thank you for coming, by the way,' she added, glancing at him sideways.

He grinned at her. 'You needn't thank me, love. You'd have gone with or without me.'

Starting slightly, she looked at him askance. 'How could you know that?'

'Open book, love,' he told her with a wink.

'Come on, come on,' Eva yelled, pulling on Emma's arm and dragging their attention back to her. She was practically dancing with excitement, and Killian couldn't help but hope that her obsession stemmed from a link between them. He knew the situation was more than awkward, but he was grateful to Neal for approving this time with her.  _It was only fair._  And it was lucky for Neal that he had agreed so, because just like Emma, he'd have joined them anyway.

'It's not too far,' Emma told him with an indulgent smile at Eva. He'd been able to smell the salt of the sea for a little while now. The roads were busier, the buildings fewer but larger, and mostly made up of inns and taverns and shops. Stalls lined the edges of the street as well, which was not uncommon for areas like this in a city, and there was a bustle of people in a hurry, people having a stroll and a browse. It was noisy too, with men and women in conversation with each other, haggling prices, shop owners crying their wares. They had to slow their pace but he could see the people thinning toward the end of the street, where the area opened up to the harbour. Wary of getting separated, he kept as close to Emma as he could, brushing up against her a few times by accident, and was mildly surprised when all she gave him was an apologetic smile.

'Is it always this busy?' he asked, raising his voice slightly to be heard above the crowd.

'Yes, but just for this little bit, and this way's still the quickest,' she told him loudly. 'But look, that's it.' Raising her arm, she pointed through the crowd. 'That's her,' she corrected. ' _The Jewel._ '

' _The Jewel?_ ' he asked. He squinted, trying to better make out the masts that were now in view, searching for one grand enough to catch Eva's attention.

'Yeah. That one, there. Ah, you can't see properly from here, but she'd beautiful close up.  _The Jewel of the Realm._ '

It was a name that he hadn't heard for hundreds of years. He'd tried to forget it, along with the memories of the corrupt man he'd worked for while he sailed under his brother, but hearing it now sent a shiver through him, rooting his boots to the ground.  _Surely, not..._ His arm reached out of its own accord, his hand grabbing Emma's arm tightly and forcing her to a stop. 'Eva's ship is called  _The_   _Jewel of the Realm_?'

She frowned at him, clearly wondering why he'd stopped when Eva was clearly in such a rush. 'Yes. Why is that important? Shh, Eva, just a second.'

He swore, rubbing at his face with the brace on his wrist as he tried to suppress the shock running through him and compose himself. 'That's my ship,' he said numbly, barely seeing Emma's eyes widen. ' _The Jolly._ '

'What? How can that be your ship?  _The Jewel_  belongs to Snow.'

'No, no, no.' A possessiveness rose quickly inside him. Somehow, his ship had not only been brought over with the curse, but belonged to the royal family. Eva's favourite ship, when girls that age shouldn't care for ships. And someone was about to sail her away from him. Realizing how tightly he was still holding onto Emma's arm, he let go of it quickly. 'She's  _The Jolly Roger_ , and she belongs to me.'

Turning away from her, he started to push his way through the crowd, but found his way even slower as he tried to force his way through, the people oblivious to his need. He could hear Emma shouting his name but for the first time that he could remember he tried to block her out. Her family might not trust her to look after herself but he did, he knew she'd be fine for just a few minutes, she didn't need him right now but  _his ship was there, about to leave!_

'Killian? Damn it, Killian, where are you going? What - Killian! Ki- Eva, Eva, no, wait,  _wait!'_

He might have been able to pretend to ignore her crying out his name, but he couldn't disregard the desperation in her tone when she yelled for her daughter. He stumbled as his body froze at the same time as his mind did, turning back toward Emma. A brightly clothed, dark haired blur darted past him before he could realize that it was Eva, yelling something about needing to see the ship, and disappeared into the crowd before he could grab her.

Suddenly his thoughts sped up, making up for lost time as panic started to fill his chest. Emma reached him just as he figured out how to move again and then the two of them were running through the crowd, forcing people aside more violently than before, both of them screaming for Eva. His eyes swept over everything, paying little attention to the people in his way as he searched for her, eyes downward to find the small girl. The space to where the street opened up into the harbour, which had seemed so short just minutes ago, now seemed like the longest distance he'd ever faced.

There was a tug on his left arm and he looked down quickly, hoping that he'd missed her somehow and that she'd found him, but instead Emma's hand had closed tightly around his hook and was helping pull him forward. He knew it was just to keep them from getting separated as well, but he tried to draw a little comfort from it. It didn't work.

'Would she try and get on the ship?' he asked loudly. She froze, then turned to look at him quickly, panic filling her eyes. Swearing with a vehemence that would have made the old Emma blush, she hastened her pace.

Finally, finally the crowd started to thin as they reached the end of the street and they broke into a run, Killian needing no assistance in finding the ship Eva was looking for. She stood as proud as the day he'd first seen her, with the same lettering painted into the wood, a ship far too majestic for the pirate that he was. His eyes swept quickly across the docks, trying to find a child amongst the people there. They were mostly sailors and merchants, mostly men and a few children, none of them well dressed girls.  _The Jolly_  was docked a hundred or so paces away from them, a group of people nearby her, most likely family members of the sailors about to set off. She couldn't be aboard so quickly, surely? Someone would have seen her and stopped her... Perhaps she  _could_  be there by now, her smaller body making way through the crowd quicker than them.

It didn't matter who's daughter she was, he realized as he ran. He didn't care. A week ago he hadn't even known that she'd existed but he was not ready to let go of her now. He couldn't lose her, he couldn't let Emma lose her daughter.

They were almost there, but the ship was clearly seconds away from leaving. Dockhands were loosening the ropes that held  _The Jolly_ to the dock. Emma's hand dropped his hook as she pushed herself harder, pulling out in front of him. 'Wait, wait, wait! Eva! My daughter, please!' Her voice broke as she shouted, breaking Killian's heart along with it.  _No._

Somebody stepped into his way and he twisted to avoid him but only managed to barrel them both over, landing together in a mess of limbs on the hard wood of the dock. Growling a curse, he forced himself to his feet as quickly as he could, resenting the wasted seconds and glancing around quickly to get his bearings.

The ship was still there and he took a step towards it but then did a double take, his head twisting around so quickly that he felt it crick. He'd seen it, he swore he had, the soft blue of her dress. He hesitated, unsure of what he'd seen and wondering if he shouldn't be still running for the ship, but then the crowd parted briefly and she was there, standing on the edge of the dock on the other side of the crowd that were watching  _The Jolly_ , and he was moving before he'd even thought of it, running quicker than he had in his life, reaching Emma just as she neared the ship. Grabbing her wrist, he dragged her past the ship, ignoring her protests. 'Eva,' he cried out, his voice full of a fear and relief that he couldn't stop.

'Killian, I need to - oh God, Eva!' She finally saw her and rushed forward, pushing the last few people aside. Eva looked up at them just as they reached her, a huge grin on her face as Emma crashed to her knees before her. Her excitement turned to surprise and then her face disappeared altogether as Emma pressed her head to her chest, wrapping her arms around her possessively and pressing her face against her hair.

Now that they knew that Eva was safe, Killian looked back up to  _The Jolly_. The ship was just casting off, slowly moving away from the dock. He needed to stop her, could still reach the rope ladder hanging over the side if he could jump far enough. Even if they broke the curse, there was no guarantee that she would return anytime soon, and he'd managed to hold onto her for three hundred years. He couldn't let her go.

But he did.

Taking a deep breath, he turned away quickly, turning his back on the one thing that had stuck with him throughout his long, miserable life. His ship and his hook - it was who he was.

Who he had been. The two ladies in front of him were who he was, now.

Eva seemed to realize that _The Jolly_ was leaving, for she started struggling harder. 'Mama, let me see.'

The annoyance in her voice almost made him laugh but he held it back, fearing that he'd sound a little hysterical. Emma didn't move, which caused Eva to whine more loudly. Kneeling down beside them, Killian lowered his hand gently onto Emma's shoulder, squeezing it reassuringly, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around them as tightly as he could and never let them go. 'It's all right, love,' he said quietly.

Reluctantly, she loosened her grip, but only enough that Eva could turn around to watch  _The Jolly_  sail away. One arm stayed around her stomach and the other around her chest, keeping her tightly against her. She didn't protest his hand on her shoulder so he kept it there firmly, and after a minute or so he realized she was shaking and adjusted his grip so that his arm was around her in an almost embrace.

When Pan had taken Henry in Neverland, he'd seen her angry. He'd seen her frustrated, furious even uncertain, but her walls had been too high to let anything deeper than that show. He'd never seen her scared, not like this.

He'd never thought that he'd feel it, too.

'You've got her, love,' he told her soothingly, wishing he could comfort her like she needed.

She nodded stiffly, not taking her eyes off of Eva. 'I know,' she said, her voice wobbly. 'I just need a minute.'

They stayed like that, the three of them on the ground with their arms wrapped around each other. Eventually it faded away far enough into the distance that the glare from the sun made it hard to see and the people around them started to dissipate. Killian ignored their curious looks, his whole attention focused on the woman in his arms and the girl in hers.

As soon as Eva's interest faded the barest amount, Emma spun her back around so she was facing them. Killian saw the rising anger on her face and withdrew his arm, not wanting to interfere. Eva's grin slipped off her face with almost comical speed as soon as Emma started talking. ' _What did you think you were doing?_  You can't just run off like that, Eva! We're not in the castle where there's about fifty people waiting to look after you. All of these people are strangers, they don't know who you are. What would happen to you if you got lost?'

Eva kept trying to look at the ground but Emma's fingers wrapped around her chin, keeping her head upright. 'I didn't want to miss the ship,' she mumbled, her voice barely audible.

Emma sighed, shaking her head in exasperation before pulling Eva into a proper hug again. 'Just don't do it again, all right?'

Killian stood up and turned away from them, feeling a little overwhelmed by the emotions churning in his stomach. He hadn't anticipated the fear and worry that would come along with this possibility of fatherhood, and he couldn't even act on it like Emma could. Couldn't squeeze her tightly against him to remind himself that she was indeed there. Couldn't yell at her for nearly scaring the life out of him.  _She might not even be your child_ , that terrible voice in the back of him mind screamed, but he blocked it out as best as he could.  _I want her to be._

He wanted this family, this life. He wanted it back.

A hand pressed against his shoulder and he turned his head to see Emma watching him. He hadn't even heard her stand. She was holding Eva against her hip, one arm wrapped around her. 'Thank you,' she said solemnly. He hated himself for pretending not to notice how red her eyes were. 'Are you all right?'

She was worried about him? He rubbed his hand across his face in an effort to hide, well, everything. 'I just really, really need a drink,' he told her honestly, peeking over his fingers to see the tiniest smile on her face, worn though it was.

He suggested returning to the castle but Emma wouldn't have it, complaining that she hadn't come all this way to spend thirty seconds here, so he followed them closely as she gave him a quick tour of the harbour and the surrounding shops. There were a few that Eva recognized, some that sold sweets and one that sold puppets and dolls. Eva quickly found her favourite one and reached down to get a better look, almost falling out of Emma's arms as she wriggled. 'Can I have it?'

'You've just gotten a new one,' Emma reminded her.

Feeling the need to contribute in any small way that he could, Killian quickly pulled his purse from his belt. 'How much is it?' he asked the shopkeeper.

'You don't have to do that,' Emma protested, surprise clear on her face.

'Of course I do,' he said, winking dramatically at Eva, who looked overjoyed, and he'd have bought the whole shop to see that smile every day. 'I hear someone has a birthday coming up soon.'

As it neared noon they stopped at a tavern for something to eat, but neither Killian or Emma did much more than pick at their food. The first tankard of ale went down much too easily for both of them, however, and Killian made an effort after that to watch himself for Eva's sake. Emma was still clearly shaken up, for she wouldn't let Eva move off of her lap. After a while of silence Killian could feel her eyes on him and looked up to meet her gaze. She held it for a few seconds before her expression softened. 'I'd really appreciate it if you didn't mention this to any of the family,' she said quietly, clearly embarrassed. 'Especially after this morning.'

He just nodded, swirling his drink around in his tankard. 'Of course. It's not your fault, you know.'

Her eyes fell to the table. 'I'm her mother. Anything that happens to her is my fault.'

'You can't help that she's quick, or that she was excited,' he insisted. 'Didn't Henry do anything like this as a child?'

She didn't look up at him, but she did frown slightly. 'I don't remember.' She fell quiet again, though Killian could tell that something was working hard in her mind, that she had something more that she wanted to say. 'Killian... You said that was your ship.'

Now it was his turn to look again. Eva seemed distracted enough with her new toy to not notice what they were talking about. 'Aye,' he said hesitantly.

' _The Jewel of the Realm_  belongs to Snow.'

'She belongs to me,' he said immediately, his voice rougher than he'd have wished. He raised his eyes to look at her, expecting her to look hurt from his outburst but she just looked confused. 'She used to belong to me,' he corrected reluctantly. 'In Neverland.'

She watched him almost cautiously, and he dreaded her next question. 'You called her  _The Jolly Roger._ '

'Aye. That's her name.'

'The Jolly Roger is the flag that pirates sail under,' she said slowly.

He straightened slightly, staring back at her defiantly. He'd wanted to keep this part of himself from her, just for a while, but yet again, she found her way to the things he wanted to keep hidden. 'Aye,' he said again, simply.

Her gaze dropped to Eva, who was playing with her doll obliviously. 'I see.'

He didn't want to have to defend himself - had never felt the need to, before now. He was who he was at that was that, but he was trying to make Emma trust him, and for the first time he felt like he needed to explain himself. 'My brother Liam was my captain, and we were enlisted in the King's Navy,' he said, keeping his voice low in case Eva started to pay attention. 'He was searching for a weapon deadly enough to commit genocide, and send us unknowingly after it. Our journey resulted in my brother's death, and I vowed never to follow the orders of a man so corrupt. I had more honour than that.'

They watched each other for a few seconds, each trying to gauge the other. Eventually Emma nodded. 'All right,' she said, offering him a smile and he felt himself relax. 'When she returns, we'll get her back for you. Come, let's head back to the castle.'

She lifted Eva into her arms and he stared after her as she headed toward the door, stunned. She'd accepted him so easily, after everything he'd done and told her to make her not trust him? At the door she turned back to him, clearly waiting impatiently, and he shook the surprise away, following after her like he always would.

This time Emma led them a different way, through quieter streets, and Killian had the feeling that she was still nervous about what had almost happened with Eva. She still carried her in her arms, Eva's head resting on her shoulder and her eyes drooping slightly. He didn't really blame her for not wanting to let her go.

He could tell when her arms started to get tired, however, and their longer route meant that they were still quite a ways from the castle proper. She shifted Eva awkwardly from one hip to the other, shaking out her free arm as she did so.

'She's getting heavier every day,' she said by way of explanation when she noticed Killian's questioning look.

'I can imagine,' he said lightly, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

'I'm not putting her down,' she snapped, then blinked like she was surprised at herself. Taking a deep breath, she forced a smile. 'Look, she's tired anyway, she'll likely fall asleep any minute.'

'I never said you should put her down,' he said. 'I was, however, going to suggest that you still give your arms a rest, and I can carry her for a while.'

Emma stopped walking but didn't move closer to him, and he wondered whether she was bothered by the pirate thing after all. 'All right,' she said slowly, surprising him yet again.

He hadn't really thought that she'd agree, that she'd be too stubborn to let him think her weak, but apparently Princess Emma wasn't above accepting help. He reached out quickly, before she could change her mind. Eva barely reacted as Killian wrapped his left arm around her, keeping his hook carefully out of the way while his right hand steadied her back. She burrowed her head against his neck, sighing deeply and he almost felt his heart stop, then swell so quickly he thought it might burst.

'Are you all right?' Emma asked him dubiously, and he schooled his expression.

'Fine,' he said, nodding for her to continue leading the way.

He barely noticed the streets that they passed or the people on them, and certainly not which way they went. He tried to pay attention to Emma and responded to her when she spoke to him, but probably managed only barely. He couldn't keep his attention off of the little girl in his arms, telling himself that he only held her so tightly to not drop her.

His breath caught when he felt a tug at his necklace, and his chest tightened unbearably when he looked down and saw that her tiny hand was pressed against his chest, closed around his wedding ring.


	12. Chapter 12

Deep breath in, pause, slow breath out, release. Emma held her position as she watched the target, waiting for the arrow to hit it and when it did, she let out a growl of frustration. She couldn't remember the last time that she'd missed so consistently, and the more she did, the more she simultaneously wanted to give up and not stop until she got at least one stupid arrow on the mark.

It had been a week since she'd had the scare down at the docks with Eva, and this was the first time that she'd let her out of her sight since then. She knew that she was in good hands with Granny, and that she was overreacting for wanting to keep her so close for the past few days anyway, but that didn't make her feel any better. The panic that had raced through her heart when Eva's hand had slipped out of hers and she'd disappeared into the crowd seemed to resurface every time she tried to leave her side over the last few days, but she'd forced that down as best as she could when Snow had asked her to join her in the practice yard. She knew that Snow could tell that she'd been on edge, but she'd managed to divert her every time that she'd come close to asking what was wrong.

After the show of defiance she'd made that morning, she wasn't about to admit to anyone that she'd lost Eva, no matter how quickly they'd found her.

Shaking out her arm to try and get rid of some of the tension in her limbs, she pulled another arrow out of the quiver, nocked it. Lifting the bow, she drew her hand back to her chin, taking her aim. She breathed in deeply, tried to clear her mind, and closed her eyes before she released the string.

She didn't want to look. She didn't need to.

'Why don't I take a turn?' Snow said gently from behind her, and without turning around Emma walked up to the target, pulling out the arrows and shoving them back into the quiver strapped to her waist. She kept her eyes on the ground as she walked back over to where Snow stood, walking past her to place her bow on the stand and then taking a seat on the nearby bench.

Snow took her shots, the first arrow hitting the target straight in the middle and the others in a tidy pattern around it. Emma watched as she retrieved her own arrows, but didn't stand up to take her turn as she approached. Hesitating for a moment, Snow put aside her bow and slowly lowered herself onto the seat beside her. 'Do you want to talk about it?' she asked carefully.

Emma suppressed the urge to roll her eyes, hating the recent habit that she'd picked up seemingly out of nowhere. Killian seemed to find it amusing but she was aware that it wasn't quite proper behaviour for a princess, even if they weren't in public. 'Not particularly,' she said honestly, keeping her eyes on her shoes.

The two of them sat in silence for a little while, and it was the first time that Emma could remember that she'd felt awkward in the company of her sister. The two of them had always been close, even if their circumstances had pulled them apart for a while when they were younger, but she couldn't remember them having secrets from each other before and that made the lack of conversation between them uncomfortable, for her at least. Even if she didn't tell her what was on her mind, Snow obviously knew that there was something that she wasn't telling her.

She was about to stand and attempt to take another shot when Snow finally spoke. 'I miss them too, Emma. I miss David. It's normal to miss Neal.'

Raising her eyebrows, Emma turned to look at Snow in surprise. 'I'm sorry?' she said.  _That's_  what she thought was upsetting her?

Snow smiled at her supportively. 'I know that there haven't been many times that the two of you have had to be apart for long, and that can make it harder when you are. Charming and I were separated quite often when we first met, and it hasn't gotten easier over time. But they'll be home soon. The days seem awfully long in the meantime, however.'

Emma frowned at the wistful tone in her sister's voice, and that it was completely at odds to what she was feeling. 'It's not that I'm missing Neal, I've barely even... I've been spending a lot of time with Eva and with Killian, they've kept me occupied,' she said quickly, the words stumbling over each other as she rushed past what she was going to say - that she'd barely even noticed his absence. She had been kept busy, she reasoned to herself, hiding away in the library with Killian, reading through history books. When Eva had grown bored in the quiet library, she'd taken her back to her rooms and Killian must have seen her reluctance to leave for he'd shown up not long after, books hidden under his coat that she was sure he wasn't supposed to have taken, but she hadn't been able to stop the warm smile or the gratitude that she felt for him for being so supportive of her and helping her without needing to be asked.

When her head had started to hurt and her vision to blur from staring at the tiny writing for too long, they'd played games. He'd taught her card games and she'd taught him to play stones, although she had a sneaking suspicion that he'd already known the game, or at least a variety of it, from how quickly he picked it up. Surprisingly, he'd given his fair share of attention to Eva as well, listening to her attentively as she told him all about her different dolls and not acting confused at all when she told him about their different personalities, drawing her pictures of her ship and others that he'd seen before, telling her all about his life as a ship captain.

Well, perhaps not all about it. She hadn't pushed him for more details on his piracy after their conversation that day, and she wasn't sure she wanted to.

'It's Henry,' she continued, pushing her thoughts of Killian aside for the moment. 'It's not just that I miss him, but I'm worried about him. You know how he is, Snow. He'll throw himself into anything if he thinks it will help defend his land, and he won't think of the consequences until it's too late. I only hope that Neal and David can keep him in check.'

Looking up at Snow, she found her smiling at her reassuringly. 'They won't let any harm come to him. Neal is there to keep an eye on him, and you know that David adores him as if he were his own. I've no doubt that they'll be back soon, and you'll feel silly for having worried.'

Her words might have made her feel better, except for the fact that she'd been keeping just as good an eye on Eva until she hadn't been anymore. And if Eva, who wasn't even three years old yet, could escape her so easily, then she didn't have any delusions over the likelihood of her eighteen year old son doing the same thing. 'I'm sure I will,' she said instead.

'Speaking of Killian, he and Tinkerbell seem to be settling in rather easily,' Snow said as Emma got up to retrieve her bow.

Emma fiddled with the bowstring for a moment before she turned and came back to stand near her sister. 'They are,' she told her, her forced smile turning to a real one when she thought of how easy the last few days had felt to her when she'd been in the company of one or the other. She felt more like herself than she had in a while when she was with Killian, the two of them falling into a natural companionship. He seemed to know when to talk to her and when she wanted to keep in her thoughts, and when to push her out of them even when she thought she didn't want him to. The things that she was most worried about lately, she didn't have to hide from him, and so she found herself more relaxed in his company. She'd mostly only seen the fairy at meals or when she'd come by to spend some time with Killian, but she found herself feeling a sort of kinship with her as well.

'They do,' she said. 'I hope it doesn't bother you to have them here. I think they intend to stay here a while and spend some time with Neal.'

'You know it's not a problem,' Snow said, smiling at her in that warm way that she had.

Nodding to her, Emma took a few steps away and considered the target. Closing her eyes, she took a few deep breaths, trying to refocus her mind. Using a method that Snow had taught her, she calmed her mind, taking everything that was bothering her and unsettling her and pushing it away with each exhale until she felt as one with the bow in her hand. She pushed away her guilt for losing Eva and her worry for Henry, how she felt bad for not missing Neal more in his absence. Killian's face lingered in her mind but she didn't dwell on that, ridding herself of the thought forcefully.

It was an exercise that she'd performed countless times and it was only a few seconds before her mind was clear. Opening her eyes, she raised the bow and drew it at the same time, taking the barest moment to aim before releasing the bowstring.

The arrow landed in the target dead in the centre, and Emma couldn't help but grin as Snow's pleased laughter rang out through the yard. Satisfied with her success, she took a step toward the target to retrieve her arrow but paused when a slow, firm clapping reached her ears. Spinning on her heel, she found Killian leaning against the stone archway at the entrance to the courtyard, his hand slapping against the brace that held his hook in place.

When he saw that he had her attention he stepped away from the wall, dropping into a low bow with an exaggerated flourish. 'Very fine form if I may say so, Your Highness,' he told her.

The wink he sent her would have completely ruined the effect if it hadn't been overdone anyway. 'Thank you, Captain,' she said, meaning the words even if she laced some sarcasm through them. 'I had a fantastic teacher,' she told him, nodding toward her sister.

Killian smiled at Snow pleasantly and dropped into a bow that was somehow more ridiculous than the last. Snow glanced at her quickly, her lips twitching in amusement, turning back to Killian before he rose. 'Your Majesty,' he greeted her.

'Normally somebody would be required to announce your presence,' Snow said, her tone a lot less stern than her words implied.

Killian gestured over his shoulder dismissively. 'I told them they needn't bother. I'm sure that I've spent enough time with you that you know who I am by now.' Emma caught the wink that he directed at Snow, this time, and had to stop herself from laughing at his audacity.

She would have expected Snow to at least reprimand him lightly for that, but was surprised when she chuckled instead. 'I'd wager that he wasn't too happy with that,' she said, and grinned at his answering smirk.

Emma fetched the arrow from the target and came back to join the two of them at the bench. 'Care to take an excuse to show off?' she said, holding the bow out toward him.

When he turned to look at her he still wore that smirk, but it looked a little tighter around the edges. 'As much as you know I'd like to take up that offer, love, I'm afraid that it's been quite a while since I've used a bow,' he said, lifting his left arm and waving his hook slightly.

 _Nice work, Emma._ She bit her lip thoughtfully, feeling just as guilty as she did confused. 'I'm sorry,' she said, trying not to see the sudden awkwardness in his eyes, 'but there are ways.'

He looked away, cleared his throat, and by the time he looked back to her she could feel a rather large pit of guilt in her stomach from how uncomfortable he clearly was. 'Perhaps drawing a bow with your teeth might be well enough for competition shooting, but it doesn't quite prove a useful enough skill aboard a ship and the learning of it seemed rather time consuming and pointless.' He glanced at Snow, taking a deep breath, his eyes wary. 'My apologies for my tone. But I decided to put my time toward learning a more practical skill,' he said, patting the hilt of the sword that sat at his hip.

Emma eyed him thoughtfully for a few seconds. 'And you're skilled with your weapon?'

She didn't miss the wicked glint in his eye as his eyebrows shot up. 'Aye, love.'

Choosing not to take back her words or respond to him like she knew he expected her to, she stalked out of the practice yard, returning with a sword in hand, fighting back her own grin when she saw the surprise on Killian's face. 'What are you doing?' he asked warily.

'Giving you a chance to show off,' she said, moving to stand in the middle of the courtyard, waving her arm to indicate that he should follow her. As she walked she stretched her neck and rolled her shoulders, grateful that she was wearing fitted trousers and a blouse rather than a dress today. When she turned back to him she saw that he had followed her, albeit slowly and obviously reluctantly. She could see Snow grinning at them and watching the two of them with amusement from the edge of the yard.

'I'm not fighting you,' he said, his voice firm and clear, a half-hearted grin on his lips as though he was trying - and failing - to laugh her off.

Having more fun with this than she probably should, Emma took a step toward him when he stopped. 'Do you think that I can't handle myself?' she teased.

His eyebrows flickered up and down again - did he have no control of them? 'I'm well aware that you can  _handle_  yourself, but that doesn't mean that you need to fight me to prove it.'

She felt her cheeks redden despite herself at the memory of the only time he could be talking about, when she'd struck him after he'd kissed her, but she  _certainly_  wasn't going to dwell on that right now. 'This isn't about me proving myself to you,' she said, filling the words with scorn. 'Show me what you've got, Captain,' she said, darting toward him, sword extended.

He didn't react quickly enough to draw his sword to defend from her attack, but he managed to step out of the way and catch her blade with his hook, twisting away from her and freeing his sword in one swift motion. He had the most peculiar look on his face as he studied her quickly. She couldn't help but feel that she was surprising him.

They circled each other for a few minutes, Emma jumping forward to attack every now and then while Killian only defended. Eventually she lowered her sword and sighed heavily. 'If I'd have known that you wouldn't be up to the challenge -'

'Oh, I'm always up for a challenge.' And with no further warning he darted toward her, sword extended to strike. She backed up quickly, almost tripping over her feet as he advanced on her, so caught by surprise that she barely deflected his blows. Both hands gripping the hilt, she pushed back against him, their blades crossing between them and she caught his grin from the other side.

'It's about time you stopped taking it easy on me,' she told him.

He chuckled quietly. 'Darling, you have no idea,' he said, his voice low enough that it was clearly for her ears only.

She couldn't tell if they truly were reasonably matched or whether he was still taking it easy on her, but Emma found herself thoroughly enjoying the fight. She was hot despite the chill of the day, sweat causing her clothes to stick to her body, breathing heavily, and she loved it. She'd always enjoyed swordplay, as much as archery, and while it wasn't the first time by far that she'd fought a man in such a way, it felt like it had been far too long since she'd enjoyed it this much.

She didn't feel fragile.

She hadn't realized that she had, before.

Although the majority of her attention was on his blade, she managed to sneak a glance at Killian himself every now and then. His posture was relaxed, but his expression was anything but calm. There was a trace of amusement, and of surprise and respect, but there was a fire in his eyes that she hadn't expected, devouring her with every glance. She tried to ignore it but soon the intensity of it started to unnerve her, and when his sword came forward to strike, she wasn't fast enough.

Instead of striking  _at_  her - which he very well could have, but somehow she'd never considered the possibility that he would - his sword swung sideways, twisting hers out of her grip and flinging it away from her.

Frustrated at her own distraction, Emma didn't give him a chance to comment or even smirk like the smug bastard that he was. She didn't need a sword. Moving quickly, she leant back and kicked out at him, aiming for his wrist to force him to drop his own sword, but either his reaction was unbelievably fast, or he'd known that she wouldn't give up so easily. His hook snagged her around her ankle and he tugged, pulling her off balance. She saw his sword fall from his hand before she hit the ground with a thud, feeling the jolt throughout her body, momentarily stunned.

She sucked in a quick breath, gathering her momentum to propel herself upward and back onto her feet, but before she could move a hand caught both of her wrists, pulling them up over her head. A weight settled over her legs and she felt something cold pressing against her throat.

Her body stiffened when she realized that that coldness was his hook.

Killian was straddling her legs, his body stretched out over hers to hold her arms above her head, his face hovering inches above hers as he pressed the sharp metal to her skin. She stared up at him, wide eyed, not daring to breathe.

_The fire in his eyes..._

'You're dangerous,' she whispered before she could help herself, but she didn't recoil from him. She felt a tremor run through her that surely must have been fear, because what else could it have been? But she didn't feel afraid.

She felt exhilarated. The heat in his eyes matched the warmth in her veins, her blood pumping loud in her ears. She was suddenly very aware of just how intimate the position was, with his hips pressing down on her so close to hers, one forearm brushing her face as his fingers tightened around her wrists. She could feel his hot breath on her face and she breathed in the smell of him, of clean sweat and leather.

Slowly, slowly, his eyes cleared but he didn't move to put any distance between them immediately. His eyes flickered all over her face, but she didn't know if he found what he was searching for. 'Not to you,' he said eventually, his voice thick. 'Never to you.'

Before she could respond he was moving away, withdrawing his hook and letting her arms go. He stood up quickly, then bent down to offer his hand and she took it reluctantly, her head spinning and she still couldn't quite figure out why. Pulling her to her feet, he didn't let go of her hand immediately, instead bowing over it, the intensity from the previous moment apparently gone. 'I hope you're sufficiently impressed, Your Highness,' he said as he rose, and she wanted to slap him for his smugness.

'I am,' said someone from the edge of the yard, but the voice was too masculine to be Snow. She spun around quickly, her heart jumping when she saw Henry sitting beside her sister. Grinning stupidly, Emma ran over to him, uncaring of how she looked. He stood up as she reached him and let her wrap her arms around him, returning the hug as she squeezed him tightly. 'I'm fine, Mother,' he laughed.

She ball of tension that had ridden in her stomach all week was slowly dissolving, soothed by the knowledge that her son was home and safe. She pulled away after a few seconds. He looked tired but happy. 'I'm allowed to worry  _because_  I'm your mother,' she reminded him.

He huffed, but didn't look truly annoyed. 'You might have to claim me back from David, then. He did enough mothering for the week while we were away.'

'Will you tell me about it?'

'At dinner,' Snow interrupted them, standing as she spoke. 'I'd like to hear about it as well, Henry, but first I must see to my husband.' The barely concealed relief in her voice reminded her of her own.

Emma realized that Henry's arrival must mean that of her husband at the same time that she remembered Killian's presence. As Snow took her leave Emma turned slowly to face him, her arm loosely wrapped through Henry's. Killian was smiling at the two of them warmly, but his expression slipped into uncertainty when he noticed Emma's eyes on him.

'I should find Neal,' she said, not sure where her reluctance was coming from but biting it back.

Killian nodded to her. 'I'd not be averse to a rematch if you wanted to win back some pride, love,' he told her cheekily. When he didn't get a response he shrugged and turned to Henry. 'What do you say, lad? Fancy a spar?'

Henry quickly agreed and Emma retrieved her sword from the middle of the yard, giving Henry another hug and a kiss of the cheek as she passed him on the way out. She nodded to Killian, told him that she hoped she'd see him at dinner as well, and went in search of Neal.

He wasn't that hard to find, thankfully; the first place she looked was their bedchambers and he was stretched out on their bed, fully clothed on top of the covers. He grinned up at her when she entered the room, propping himself up on his elbows. 'You've got no idea how comfortable this mattress is compared to the ground,' he told her by way of greeting.

'You could at least have taken your boots off,' she told him, and waited until he'd kicked them off and onto the ground before she climbed onto the bed, lying down next to him. He lay back properly and she slipped underneath his arm, wrapping hers around his waist and resting her head on his chest.

'Did Henry find you?' Neal asked after a moment, his fingers idly tracing up and down the arm that was stretched across him. It felt nice to sink into his familiarity. 'I told him that the first thing he did had better be to seek you out, else you'd probably not speak to either of us.'

She laughed quietly. 'That's probably true,' she admitted. 'He did find me. I was in the practice yard with Snow and Killian.'

Neal's hand paused in its motion, then dropped to his side. 'Yeah? How's he settling in?'

'Fine,' she said dismissively - she did  _not_ want to talk about Killian right now. Or think about him, the compromising position that they'd been in so recently, the look in his eyes... Pushing all of that down, Emma craned her neck, pressing her lips against Neal's jaw. 'Did you miss me?' she asked, letting her voice drop lower.

'Of course I did,' he said quickly, turning his head to kiss her forehead. It was a lot more chaste than she was planning on, however, and twisted her body so that she was mostly lying on top of him, letting her leg slip between his. Pulling herself higher, she kissed him gently at first, then more forcefully.

'Show me how much,' she said, before pressing her body more firmly against his. Her nerves were still on edge from the thrill of the swordfight earlier, and she poured that restlessness into kissing him.

His hands rested lightly on her waist and his mouth moved against hers slowly, as though he were trying to slow her down. He might be wanting to take it slow, but she'd been without her husband for the last week and for half of that time she'd been a highly strung mess, and wanted to rid herself of some of that tension. When her hands reached for his shirt, however, his moved from her waist to grip her wrists. 'Wait, Emma,' he said hurriedly, leaning back into the mattress to create some space between them.

Slowly, she pulled her hands away from him and pulled back, supporting herself over him with her arms on either side of him. 'Is everything all right?' she asked carefully, looking at his face searchingly.

He clearly didn't want to look at her, and kept glancing away. 'It's fine,' he said, and she could practically see the lie in the air between them. He swallowed before continuing. 'To be honest, I'm just feeling really tired. We've spent the last two days riding, and I haven't slept well.' He smiled at her faintly, apologetically. He did have that same tired look as Henry did, perhaps more so.

She considered him for a few seconds before leaning down to kiss him again. 'Very well. You can just sit back and enjoy it then,' she said suggestively, shuffling back and reaching for the laces of his trousers, but his hand caught hers again before she could get to them.

'It's fine,' he said again, squirming until she moved off him and he sat up against the headboard of the bed. 'I thought you would have wanted to spend some time with Henry since you were so against him leaving.'

Emma blinked at him, surprised and confused. That was a dismissal if she'd ever heard one, and she couldn't remember a time where he'd kicked her out of their bed. Her movements automatic, she moved to the edge of the bed and stood up, turning to see him lying back down on the bed, an arm thrown over his eyes. 'Are you sure you're all right?' she asked him quietly, trying not to let herself feel uncertain or hurt because of his rejection.

He was her husband. Why wouldn't he want to make love to her after spending time apart?

_He's tired. He's sore. He just wants to rest._

She still couldn't help the heaviness that settled in her stomach because of it, even if she felt ridiculous for feeling that way.

He didn't speak to answer her, just nodded, his face still covered. She still hesitated before leaving, wringing her hands together. 'Will you be at dinner?' she asked him, trying to sound unworried.

Moving his arm, he smiled up at her, and she felt herself relax slightly. Everything was fine, and she was being ridiculous. 'I'll be there,' he promised her.

Not sure what else to say or do, Emma back away a few steps and then turned around, walking to the sitting room and softly closing the door behind it. Alone, she leant against the wall, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against it with a sigh.


	13. Chapter 13

Pulling her lower lip gently between her teeth, Emma frowned at the board that sat on the table in front of her, considering her next move. Although Killian was adamant that it had been a few decades since he'd played the game and was likely to be rusty, she was still losing miserably, but her pride wouldn't let her admit defeat just yet.

Her mind was only half on the game anyway. Eva and James sat at the other end of the table, their own game board between them because Eva had almost started to cry because she'd wanted to be included. Neither of them seemed to care that they didn't understand the game or that almost all of the moves that they'd played had been illegal; they were enjoying themselves, and that's all that mattered as far as she was concerned.

She was enjoying herself too, despite the fact that even without minding the children, their full attention wasn't on the game. Sighing heavily, she moved one of her white pieces from one square to another, knowing it probably wouldn't do her any good.

'We could drop a boulder on her,' she suggested eventually with a shrug. They'd been searching for weeks for a way to defeat Regina and Rumpelstiltskin without tainting themselves with magic - she wasn't sure when it had become their mission rather than him helping her - and had so far found nothing. They'd given up on the books a while ago, and the suggestions had consistently become less and less serious as the morning had worn on, her frustration hidden by humour.

Killian chuckled, raising an eyebrow at her before he leaned forward to move one of his pieces, taking one of hers as he did so. 'Have you been holding out on me, Emma? Have a touch of super strength that you haven't told me about?'

She ignored the teasing tone of his voice and the way that he bit his tongue between his teeth cheekily. 'You never know,' she said airily, but couldn't keep a straight face for more than a few seconds. 'We could cause an earthquake, and a boulder would come down and squash her flat.' She slapped the palm of her hand down hard on the table, knowing that Eva and James were listening.

James jumped a little from the noise, and Eva laughed loudly. 'How are you going to cause an earthquake without magic?' Killian asked with a grin. 'You obviously haven't thought this through.'

'Yeah, Mama,' Eva agreed haughtily, her quick wide-eyed glance at Killian ruining the effect somewhat. 'Obviously.' Her young tongue stumbled over the word for a moment, but the smug look on her face made up for it.

Emma tried to exchange a look with Killian, intending to blame him for her daughter's sudden attitude, but she softened slightly when she saw the pleased surprise and the warmth in his eyes as he grinned at Eva. She wasn't surprised at how easily Eva had taken to him, considering how charming he could be when he tried and that he turned that on to full force when she was around, but it  _was_  a little surprising how much he clearly cared for her already.

Maybe he'd not been around children before, so Eva's constant wonder and energy impacted him more. Or perhaps he had known children, and she reminded him of someone in the past. She considered for a moment whether he'd had a child of his own, once, but dismissed the idea quickly; she was sure that he'd have told her.

And that was another thing that was constantly taking her by surprise: how much she trusted him. She had no shortage of friends and confidants, but they didn't seem to come with the complete ease that her time with Killian did. She found herself feeling stronger, more daring, funnier when she was with him.

But maybe that was because he laughed at all of her stupid jokes.

'Well that's easy,' she said, jumping back into the conversation. She sent Killian a wink before turning to the children. 'All you have to do is  _stomp really hard on the ground_ ,' she said in a rush, starting to slap both hands on the table and stomping her feet really hard and fast. Eva joined in immediately, squealing with laughter, and she felt something inside of her warm when Killian surprised her and started imitating her as well. James stared at them for a few seconds before hitting at the table uncertainly.

'Well this is interesting.' Emma stopped and turned to grin at Granny, who was standing next to the door and obviously trying to keep a smile from her face. Killian stilled immediately, his cheeks tinging pink, and she guessed that it wasn't in the dashing captain's best interest to be caught partaking in such childish activities.  _He doesn't seem to mind sharing that with me, though,_  she thought curiously.

'I suppose that this means it's nap time,' she said, instead of following that thought. Eva's face fell immediately.

Knowing that look, she steeled herself for a tantrum, and wasn't proven wrong. Eva cried and screamed, wanting a few minutes more, adamant that she wasn't tired even though her attitude clearly proved otherwise. James was not fussed by any of it, taking advantage of Eva's distraction to take all of her pieces off of the board one by one and then start slowly stacking them into piles.

Eventually she managed to calm her down, with Granny's help, although Eva was too sulky to say a proper goodbye to Killian. She smiled ruefully at him after the three of them had left. 'I'm sorry about that,' she said, unsure whether to feel embarrassed or not. Most of the people that Eva knew where regular friends, and although Killian had been around for a few weeks now and clearly liked her, she knew that a screaming child wasn't as much fun as a happy one.

Killian just waved his hand dismissively, standing and starting to tidy the game board that had been abandoned by the children. 'It's not a worry, love. I'm sure your sister's lad will start with the same soon enough.'

Laughing quietly, she moved to help him but he waved his hand to indicate it was fine and she settled back in her seat. 'He already has, really. You've just caught him on a good day.' She hesitated, her mind still on her earlier thoughts. 'Have you considered having children?' she asked carefully, watching him out of the corner of her eye to gauge his reaction.

He froze, his hand tightening on the game piece in his hand before he slowly set it down with the rest and looked up at her, his expression guarded. 'Aye, a few times. But a pirate's life isn't very accommodating for a babe. Recently, however...' He returned to his chair opposite her, and a cheeky smile replaced the thoughtful look on his face. 'You could say that spending time with your daughter might have enlightened me.'

Emma turned her eyes to the board, trying to look nonchalant. 'She really likes you, you know,' she told him.

He was silent for a moment until she looked up at him again, but his eyes were on the table between them, a small smile on his face. 'I'm glad,' he said softly.

She watched him for a few seconds, trying to place where his mindset was at, and she decided that the mood needed lightening again. 'You came here through a portal, didn't you?' she asked quickly. 'From your world?'

He finally looked up at her, his thoughtful look replaced by confusion, likely at the change of subject. 'We did.'

Finally spotting a move that would work in her favour, she moved her white stone and took one of his black ones, adding it to the few on her side of the table. 'We could make a portal and push her through it,' she suggested lightly. 'Hopefully she'll land in a land like yours, without magic, and then we just won't have to deal with her.'

It looked like it took him a moment to realize she was talking about Regina again, but when he did he raised his eyebrow at her, staring at her as though she'd grown another head. 'Darling, it takes magic to open a portal. And good luck getting close enough to push her anywhere without magic.'

She was about to say something just as teasing back to him when she caught herself, realizing just how at ease she was despite her earlier frustrations at their lack of success. 'Thank you,' she said instead, before she could stop herself. 'I know it's been a pointless task, and that it's not going to make any difference, but it means a lot to me that you've been helping me anyway.'

His face softened and she saw a hint of something there before he ducked his head. When he looked up at her again his expression was normal, the corner of his mouth raised in a half-smirk and one eyebrow raised slightly. 'It makes a difference to you, love, so it's not a waste of time. At least things have been relatively quiet since Eva's birthday.'

Emma nodded slowly in agreement. A few weeks ago, Eva's third birthday had almost been cancelled, or at least the celebration of it, when news had come from the border of an attack. Quick to begin and fast to end, but severe in casualties. Emma still felt guilty for the devastation on her daughter's face when she'd been told that perhaps they should postpone out of respect for the fallen men and women, until Snow had insisted that no one would begrudge a young girl enjoying her birthday.

Since then, there had been almost no activity except for the odd skirmish here and there, and the council wondered whether Regina and Rumpelstiltskin were testing them, feeling them out. They'd waited with bated breath for news of a new attack, but at least they were safe here.

At least her children were safe.

And she and Killian had still searched for a non-magical solution, the need to be doing something desperate inside of her.

She frowned at him, taking her lower lip between her teeth again. 'Are you sure that you don't mind me taking all of your time?' She had noticed how much time they were spending together, but it hadn't occurred to her to worry that there might be other things that he'd prefer to be doing, that he'd be bored with her. 'I know you're here to see Neal.'

Killian rubbed at his chin, and she got the feeling that he was choosing his words carefully. 'I've figured that since I'm not in any hurry to leave, I've no particular need to rush anything.' He hesitated, then looked back to the board. 'Besides, Neal was closer to Tink than myself in the end, and I know it means a lot to her to spend some time with him. Neal and I will have time.' He glanced up at her again, amusement in his eyes. 'As long as you're willing to entertain me in the meantime,' he added with a wink.

She'd noticed that Neal had been spending most of his free time with the fairy, and he'd said much the same thing when she'd asked him about it. She'd wanted to be curious - curious, not jealous - that he was spending so much time with Tink, but his suggestion was that she spend time with Killian in the meantime, and he was someone who she was  _definitely_  curious about. She felt a little guilty for letting herself brush it off so easily, but she couldn't make herself care too much when she saw that look on his face.

Smiling despite herself, she huffed a laugh and rolled her eyes. 'Well, you're not terrible company,' she teased.

They finished their game, Emma pulling a face at him when he triumphantly took her last piece. 'You're not a very lady-like princess, are you dear?' he said, waggling his eyebrows at her.

In response, she stuck out her tongue at him, and when he laughed she couldn't help but to as well. They grinned at each other, the skin crinkling at the edges of his bright eyes, and Emma felt a warmth spreading through her chest, something that felt like contentment. When her smile spread, so did his.

It wasn't until he cleared his throat, breaking the short silence between them, that she realized they'd been watching each other for a few minutes, and she was surprised by how unsure he looked all of a sudden. 'Today is a special day in the land where I've been living,' he said carefully. 'May I tell you about it?'

She smiled at him reassuringly, both curious and wanting to encourage him to share his customs with her, even if he seemed reluctant to call them his own. 'Of course.'

He nodded, starting to look a little more confident again, and she couldn't help but find it endearing. First the big, bad pirate was playing pretend with her daughter and nephew, and now he was self-conscious about talking to her. 'The holiday is a religious one, but a lot of people, myself included, have more regard for the way it is celebrated than its origins.'

'This isn't about virgin sacrifices or anything like that, is it?' she asked dryly.

He raised an eyebrow and bit his lip cheekily. 'Why, love, are you offering?' He grinned at the look she threw him before he continued. 'It's called Christmas, and usually families come together to spend time together and exchange gifts.' He paused, first dropping his gaze and then looking up at her from underneath his lashes. 'I have a gift for you, if you'll accept it.'

Feeling her eyes go wide, she stiffened out of surprise. It struck her that he thought of her as family at the same time that she wondered if he had gifts for anyone else.

Straight away, she knew that he didn't. If he did, then he wouldn't have waited until they were alone to mention it. She felt a flutter in her gut at the thought that he'd bought something just for her, but squashed it back down quickly. 'I can't -'

'Why not?' he asked, and the way he that he had interrupted her made it harder to answer. He'd known that she'd protest, that she'd try and refuse. She searched his face for some kind of guilt, some inkling that he was intentionally doing something wrong, but there was only genuineness, a hint of amusement, and a lot of challenge. She was mostly convinced that his company and friendship over the past few weeks had been innocent, but the memory of that kiss was still constantly in the back of her mind when she was with him, and even when she wasn't.

The challenge in his eyes was absolutely there on purpose, because somehow he always seemed to be able to tell what she was thinking, and she decided that that was only more of a reason for her to not let it worry her too much. If he wasn't going to treat it as something to feel guilty over, then neither was she.

He was waiting for her response, watching her watch him, and probably expecting her to hit back with sarcasm. Instead, she gathered herself and grimaced at him. 'But I haven't anything to give you.'

Leaning forward, he rested on his elbows, his face softening. 'Aye, but that's because I didn't tell you about it. I don't need a gift from you, love. I just want you to accept mine.' He raised his eyebrows at her knowingly. 'And you can't deny that you're curious about what I have for you.'

Damn him, but he was right. She was insanely curious, not only because he'd bought her something but because she wanted to know what type of thing he thought she'd like. Part of her wanted it to be something she didn't care for, to show that he didn't know her as well as she was afraid of.

She knew that wouldn't be the case.

'Fine,' she sighed after a moment. 'I'm curious. What is it?'

With her words he started to look nervous again, though he tried to hide it, and she wondered whether this was a good idea after all. But she wasn't encouraging him, nor herself, and there was nothing wrong with a man making a nice gesture for a friend. Without taking his eyes off of her, his hand disappeared into his coat, and when he brought it back out it was with a small, black velvet pouch in his grasp. 'Close your eyes.'

She hesitated, but did what he'd asked after a moment. As soon as his eyes were closed she heard him move, slipping out of his chair and walking around the table, the chair beside her creaking slightly as he sat next to her. She jumped when she felt the cold metal of his hook curve around her wrist, but she wasn't afraid, oh no.

He laughed quietly, the sound coming from closer than she thought, and then she felt something draping over her wrist just above where his hook held her. After a moment warm fingers brushed her skin and she shivered, then felt her cheeks redden. Killian paused, his fingers stilling on her wrist but still so warm, before he moved again and she heard a quiet click. His thumb gave her skin one more entirely unnecessary caress, before he let her go.

Why was her heart beating so fast?

'You can open your eyes, love,' he told her and she did, looking straight down at her wrist. Her breath left her quickly, eyes widening slightly as she took in the fine bracelet. Lifting her arm, she touched the fingers of her other hand to the tiny swans that were carved delicately into the silver.

'This is beautiful,' she breathed, surprise taking over her previous feeling of... whatever that was. 'Killian, it's too much.'

'I had it made for you,' he told her, and her breath caught. 'Because of your grace, like a swan's.'

His tone said that he was joking, but she couldn't bring herself to laugh. Instead she stared at the bracelet, shaking her head slightly. Something like this would have cost him a decent amount of coin anyway, let alone if he'd had it custom made for her. She had no shortage of pieces like this or even finer, but she knew that he didn't like taking money from her family, and that anything that he bought for himself was from coin he'd won while playing cards or the like. He'd said he preferred to at least pretend to support himself.

When she looked back up at him, feeling more touched than she could have expressed, it was to catch his gaze on her, his eyes warm and smiling. 'Do you like it?'

How could she tell him that it was perfect,  _and too much._

'Killian, I -'

Something like an explosion sounded outside at the same time as the floor started to tremble beneath them, and Emma reached out quickly, one hand grabbing that edge of the table while the other gripped onto Killian's arm, her nails digging into him. It only lasted for a moment but then the sound repeated from outside and the tremors began again, and Killian was on his feet, pulling her with him and wrapping an arm around her shoulders protectively, setting his legs in such a way that she knew must be a practiced position from life on a ship. Dread built in her gut quickly.  _No. No, no, it can't._

'I thought we were joking about the earthquake,' Killian said, his voice coming from just above her ear, but any humour in it was eclipsed by worry.

A moment later another sound came, a loud, ringing musical sound like someone hitting a gong, and she immediately felt sick as her fears were realized. Pulling out of his grip, she darted to the closest window as quickly as she could. Just as she reached it, there was another explosive sound and she fell forward, gripping onto the window sill to keep herself upright. Leaning forward, she looked out of the window, and felt her stomach drop.

The normally invisible magical barrier that covered the city and kept out anyone who was darkened by Regina's darkness was no longer invisible. A large part of it was lit up in a purple hue, darkest at the edge near the main gates, about halfway to the top, with trails branching out like veins. As she watched, a large, glowing ball of the same colour was flying towards it from outside of the barrier, and she braced herself just in time as it collided with the barrier, the veins spreading out further.

No, they didn't quite resemble veins. More like... fractures in glass.

About to crack.

'What is that?' Killian breathed from her shoulder.

She stared outside in dismay, horror twisting her stomach. 'Regina.'

Turning away from the window, she barely made a step before Killian's hook was around her arm, holding her back. 'Why is she here?' he asked her, his face more serious and intent than she'd ever seen.

Frustration building in her quickly, she shook his grip off of her. 'For my sister, why else? She'll do anything she has to, to get to her. She'll kill anyone she has to. That bell is a warning,' she said, pointing somewhere towards the window. 'She'll break through soon, and I need to get to Snow.'

He started to nod, but then froze in place. 'Henry. Eva. Where are they?'

And just like that, she couldn't breathe.

Surely she wouldn't go for them. She'd shown no malice toward Henry when they'd been her prisoners, all of those years ago.

But then, she'd liked Snow as well, before her lover had died.

'Nursery, third floor,' she said, and then they were moving, running as best as they could through the library. They were on the first floor, a good few minutes from where Eva would be, and she knew better than to assume Regina would need traditional means to get her army - that she had one, Emma had no doubt - into the heart of the city. They only had until the magical barrier fell, and then Regina would have her men in the castle in an instant.

They had barely made it out of the library and were standing in the main foyer when the trembling intensified, and continued for long enough that Emma and Killian had to grip onto each other to stop from falling again. As soon as it stopped she felt something shift in the air, and then there were a dozen men in front of them, dressed in black armour, their faces all but hidden by their helmets.

Casting a quick glance sideways at Killian, she wasn't surprised to see that his sword wasn't on his hip, but that didn't seem to overly bother him too much. Pushing her behind him, he didn't even give the soldiers a chance to react to their surroundings before charging toward the closest one, burying his hook in the man's neck before he even realized that he was under attack. Killian grabbed the man's sword as he fell to the ground and was already onto the next one, running him through with the stolen blade. Emma watched dumbly, frozen from shock and fear, as he kicked the man off of the sword before turning it onto someone else.

There was a grace to him, a fierce determination that she hadn't seen on him before, or at least not quite like this. She wondered if he'd looked so deadly during the times that they'd sparred together, and knew that there was no way that he'd given her his full efforts. He killed five men before throwing her a glance over his shoulder. 'A little help, love?'

* * *

Killian saw the moment that Emma broke out of her shock, but he didn't have time to watch her to see what she would do. There were two men upon him and it was all he could do to keep them back with sword and hook, and he had cause once again to be grateful of his metal appendage. He heard a heavy footfall behind him and ducked quickly, taking a chance that paid off when one of the soldiers that he'd been fending off cried out. He flinched when hot blood sprayed across his face but didn't have time to worry about that either, instead twisting his body and pushing his sword up and back, into the chest of the man who's tried to sneak up on him. He moved again quickly to take out the other man in front of him, but before he could swing his sword around, the man was falling in front of him, another blade buried in his neck.

When he crumpled to the ground Emma was revealed behind him, the look of horror on her face worse than it had been just before, and he'd bet anything that this was the first time that she'd taken a life. They'd faced their share of horrors together before, but she'd always had her magic or a gun, and she currently had no idea of the things she'd been able to do. He pulled himself to his feet and he had to give her credit for not coiling away, knowing what kind of sight he must be. He wanted to put an arm around her, but his hook was bloody and he couldn't drop his sword, so he settled for stepping close to her, making sure she was looking at him. 'You're all right, Emma.'

Closing her eyes, she took in a deep breath and then nodded firmly, and he knew that his words would be true sooner than he'd thought. She might be a proper princess here, but his wife was just as strong willed.

Opening her eyes, she opened her mouth to speak but before she had a chance, the room was filled again with men, this time over twice the number but facing the other way, and once again he stepped forward, putting himself between the threat and Emma. He knew quite well that she was capable of taking care of herself, but he'd not take any chances, not with her. His stomach was in knots as it was from this sudden attack, knowing that every man he came across stood in the way of him making sure that Eva was safe. But to get to Eva, they had to somehow defeat these men and more, and who knew if others were popping up throughout the castle.

Pushing all of these thoughts away, he stepped forward and lifted his sword, wondering how many he could take before they turned around this time.

He didn't have a chance to find out. He hesitated when men wearing Snow's colours started filing into the room from the other side of Regina's men, briefly hoping that they could leave them to it and seek out Eva.

That thought had barely started to form when the soldiers charged at each other, but Snow's men were flying backwards before they could meet, and it was only then that Killian saw the flash of colour standing amid the black soldiers, Regina dressed in a purple so dark he'd dismissed it for black, her form mostly hidden by her guards. The Evil Queen in all of her glory, her hands upraised from the flicking motion that had directed her magic as she'd taken out the two score men before her.

Emma let out a gasp and he knew that she'd seen her too, but the sound of her reaction meant that any chance they'd had of sneaking off had been lost. He stepped forward quickly and to the side, hoping to put more space between him and Emma and draw their attention to himself instead of her, raising his sword challengingly.

He wouldn't let anything happen to her. He couldn't.

It worked. When the men closest to them turned, their eyes fell straight on him as he'd intended, but he kept his eyes on Regina, knowing exactly where the true threat was. It hit him quickly as the first men stepped forward, the remembrance that Regina wasn't affected by the original curse. If it worked the same as with Neal, then all she had to do was look at him and she would remember herself.

He opened his mouth to shout but he didn't have the chance to speak. Regina was spinning around, a ball of fire burning above her hand and growing in size alarmingly. It left her hand before he saw her face, and then it was flying toward him too quickly for him to react.


	14. Chapter 14

Things were moving too fast, and Emma couldn't keep up.

There was no time to think about the man that she'd killed, the bodies lying scattered on the ground, the blood that had sprayed onto Killian's face. No time to think about the men that had been sent flying, men that she'd known for years, that she cared about, to worry if they were alive or injured or unconscious. No time to panic that the use of magic meant that Regina or Rumpelstiltskin were  _right there_ , that their appearance most likely meant their deaths.

The sound of her shocked gasp had made the enemy soldiers aware of their presence, and the quick press of her lips together did nothing to erase that fact. Before she could even begin to consider what to do Killian was moving away from her, walking quickly in front of her and to the side, and she realized as he raised his sword, brandishing it in front of him, that he was trying to draw their attention away from her. She took a step toward him, determined to face this together, but she wasn't fast enough - the men at the back of the group had turned, swords raised in his direction.

In those quick few seconds, her attention was so focused on the threat of those men that she didn't see who else was hidden by them, but she did see the flash of fire as it appeared from nowhere and grew, before it was hurtling towards them.

No, toward  _Killian._

And in that moment, that half a heartbeat, she was sure that she felt more panic inside of her than she had before in her life.

The fireball continued to grow in size as it flew towards him until it was twice the size of her head, and she knew without a doubt that if it hit him, he wouldn't survive it. He didn't have time to move away, barely had time for the horror to register on his face but his head whipped around, his eyes meeting hers and all she saw was fear, a terror that must have been mirrored on her face.

He couldn't die - she just couldn't accept that. Everything that he'd done for her, for no apparent reason other than that he wanted to help her, the friendship that they'd made... She cared about him, didn't want to know what her life would be like without him, refused to allow that it would even be a possibility.  _She couldn't let him die._

And with that thought, she felt a pulse reverberate through her, a heat that started in her chest and exploded out of her, a growl falling from her lips as a white glow burst from her fingertips, shooting toward Killian and forming in a bright shield in front of him.

The barrier of - whatever that was - didn't form quickly enough, and Killian fell back with a cry, landing on his back, scrambling quickly to put out the fire that had caught on his clothes. She heard the desperate sounds that he was making, clearly in pain, and suddenly she couldn't feel anything except for anger that someone had tried to kill him.

Her head snapped back around, looking through the men who now stood frozen in place, her eyes landing on Regina immediately. She stepped through the crowd deliberately, the pleased laughter that sounded through the room causing Emma's anger to red hot rage.

'Ah, well this is a new development,' Regina said, her voice full of amusement, coming fully into view, but Emma wasn't going to listen to whatever taunting the woman had for her. She moved as though she wasn't in control of herself, she certainly didn't know how she knew what to do, but her arm lifted in front of her, her fingers squeezing as though she was tightening them around Regina's neck, imagining the feeling of her thin skin under her hands, revelling in what it would be like to feel her gasping for air in her grip. Regina's eyes widened and her hands flew up to her neck, her mouth falling open as she gasped just like she'd imagined. 'What -'

'Regina!'

She heard Killian calling the witch's name, but it sounded like he was calling from a place much more distant than he could have been, and when her preoccupied mind couldn't understand why he'd call to her, she blocked it out. She was so focused on  _hurting, protecting, pain_ , seeing only the way that Regina froze, her eyes darting sideways, her struggle pausing until she started again with renewed efforts. She could hear her trying to speak, feel the movement of her throat under her hand, but couldn't hear anything more than gasps.

Regina's face became steadily redder, and Emma let out a moan, the thrill of the power running through her getting to her head but she didn't care, she felt strong and potent. 'I won't let you hurt him,' she yelled, feeling the truth of that promise humming through her veins. 'I won't let you hurt anyone, ever again.'

'Emma, stop!' She blinked at the sound of Killian's voice, her grip loosening for the barest moment, enough for Regina to gasp a breath before she it tightened again. She couldn't let her go, couldn't let her live and continue to wreck havoc, not when she threatened her family, her children. Not when she'd almost killed Killian. She could feel the lightness of the magic inside of her darkening with every moment, twisting and turning vicious but she welcomed it, knowing that she needed that strength to do what must be done, that she had to do whatever it took to protect those that she cared about. Killian was injured, she'd heard his cries of pain, and the sooner that she took care of Regina, the sooner she could look after him.

'I won't let her hurt you,' she forced out through gritted teeth.

'I'm fine. Emma, I'm fine, you have to stop.' She heard a groan that sounded like his voice, but couldn't tell if it was muffled because he made it so, or because she could hear a howling like wind in her ears, dimming everything else. 'Emma, look at me! You can't kill her.'

A hand wrapped tightly around her arm, trying to pull her around, but she stood fast, somehow finding the strength to resist him, strength that a part of her knew that she wouldn't normally have. 'Let me go,' she growled, pulling her arm from his grip, and she watched in sick fascination as a gash appeared across Regina's chest with the movement of her arm, blood starting to trail down her skin and into the neck of her dress.

'You can't do this,' he said, his voice quiet but firm, and then he was standing in front of her, blocking her view of Regina and all of the men that had been frozen in place when she'd first felt that burst of power through her. She felt the leather of the brace on his left wrist pressing against her upper arm while his hand clutched her other one, gripping onto her tightly. 'Emma, it's wrong and you know it. You know I'm right. You just have to trust me.'

She tried to look around him, determined to finish the job, but he was just as stubborn, shifting with each of her movements so that she was forced to look at him. 'Get out of my way,' she snarled.

'No.'

Her eyes burned fury into his, but after a moment she couldn't ignore what she saw there. He was still afraid - afraid for her, the emotion plain in his eyes, in the heavy furrow of his brow, his parted lips and the tension in his shoulders. But there was also a redness to his cheek, neck and what she could see of his chest, his skin burnt. His face was in a permanent grimace, his breathing heavy, and she could tell that he was trying to hide how much he was suffering. 'She almost killed you,' she said, her voice strained and desperate, and he moved his hand from her arm to cup her cheek.

'But I'm all right,' he insisted, moving closer until he was all that she could see. 'Darling, I'm all right. She's not going to hurt me.'

She blinked up at him, confused. 'What?'

He seemed to pause, his face tight with pain, before sending the barest glance over his shoulder. 'Tink's here, she's trapped her magic, she can't hurt anybody anymore. You have to let her go, or you'll kill her.'

Her resolve steeled immediately. 'I want to kill her,' she growled, trying again to push Killian away.

His grip only tightened, his fingers digging into her cheek with the pressure he was using to keep her looking at him. 'Emma,' he pleaded. 'Think about what you're saying. You don't need to kill her.'

'I -' She froze, the words sticking in her throat.  _I want to. I need to._  Her lips parted with a low gasp, her eyes flicking between his, trying to find some sort of understanding of what was going on.  _What was she doing?_  'I -'

She dimly heard the sound of choked, gasping breaths and a body hitting the floor, and that, along with the emptiness that she suddenly felt inside of her, told her that she'd stopped doing... whatever that was. She saw Killian's shoulders relax ever so slightly, but his eyes were still trained on her, searching, searching. That emptiness was soon filled with horror, and she tried to pull away, staring down at her hands in shock as if they'd actually been around Regina's neck, watching as she started to tremble. 'Oh - oh... I -'

'Emma?' Killian murmured, loosening his grip on her enough that his fingers weren't digging in anymore, but staying with her, firm and steady. 'Darling, it's all right.'

But it wasn't - it was the furthest thing from all right. 'What did I do?' she breathed. 'How did I do that?'

The understanding on his face was nowhere near enough to force aside the revulsion that was building steadily inside of her. All that she feared, all that she hated, and that power had been inside of her the whole time. And she'd used it for evil, for violence, almost to  _kill._ Her skin was damp and she realized that she'd been sweating, and now she felt a chill break out over her skin. She tasted bile, and swallowed down the rising lump in her throat, desperate for some kind of control but knowing that she was the furthest from all right as she could be. 'Killian...'

Her voice was shaking, and his hand dropped from her face to squeeze at her arm again. 'Do you trust me?'

She frowned up at him, startled by the honesty and intensity on his face, not quite sure where that fierce need to protect him had come from, but still feeling it all throughout her. She swallowed hard, not sure about anything anymore.

'Please, love,' he whispered earnestly.

After a moment she nodded slowly. 'I trust you,' she breathed, gripping onto his forearms in an attempt to steady herself.

'Mother?'

Sucking in her breath, she tensed at the sound of her son's voice, worried yet firm as it was, her grip tightening on Killian's arms until she was sure that her nails were piercing his skin through his shirt, panic and dread filling her once again. 'I can't - Killian, he can't know I did this, no one can know...' She stared up at him with wide eyes, willing him to understand. If they knew that she harboured such wickedness...

He was looking at her so intensely, concern and trepidation the only thing she could see there on his face, and she let out a shuddering breath when he nodded shortly. 'Aye, love. I'll not say anything.'

Henry's hands were on her shoulders, pulling her back and turning her into his arms and she settled into his familiar embrace, somehow feeling a little calmer and a little more lost. 'Are you all right? What happened?'

She opened her mouth but nothing came out; no explanation, no excuse. 'They appeared in the hall,' Killian said quickly, drawing Henry's attention away from her. 'Your mother isn't injured, only in shock. Tink has Regina trapped.'

'None of the fairies have been able to hold Regina for long before,' Henry warned.

She turned her head back to see Killian's eyes flickering between the two of them quickly. 'Tinkerbell is a very powerful fairy,' he said after a moment, his voice tight and she wasn't sure whether it was from how much pain he must be in, or something else. 'She can handle it. Henry, you should take your mother to check on Eva.'

Her stomach lurched at the idea that she might not be safe, but Henry squeezed her arm reassuringly. 'I've just some here from the nursery. Granny and Ruby are there, she's well guarded.'

'Then I'm staying,' Emma said firmly, needing to be doing  _something._  'I'm helping.'

'It's under control,' Killian said firmly, and the look on his face brooked no argument. She opened her mouth to ask him where he got off, telling her what to do, but stopped when she saw the identical frown on Henry's face.

'I need to protect my people,' Emma forced out through gritted teeth, feeling her anger spiking again. 'It's my responsibility, I'm the -' She stopped short, finding that she had absolutely no idea what she'd been about to say. It was as though she was speaking by rote, the words automatic. 'I'm the princess,' she finished, because what else could it have been that she'd been about to say?

Killian was watching her with eyes that were far too knowing, and while she was getting used to that, right now it was just far too much. 'You need to look after yourself just as much,' he said, his voice gentler now. Henry squeezed her arm again, and she got the feeling that they were ganging up on her. 'Everything is under control here. Tink has Regina bound and blocked, the fairies have sent Regina's men far enough away not to hurt us. The best thing that you can do is make sure your daughter is all right, that she's not afraid.'

For the first time since she'd done... since she'd done it, she looked past Killian to the rest of the hall. Tink was beside a shocked looking Regina, who was standing awkwardly with her arms pressed firmly to her side, a handful of fairies enclosing them in a wide circle. The rest of the room was filled with people, but they were her people. Snow was striding through the room, running off orders quickly and efficiently, and she couldn't help but be envious of her sister's cool head while she was in such a mess.

Everything was under control. They didn't need her.

Slowly, she turned her eyes back to Killian, shifting her grip on Henry until she was clasping his hand firmly with hers. She knew he'd be itching to help, but she couldn't quite bring herself to let him out of her sight in case something else happened. Still, she hesitated before leaving with him. 'Your face,' she said to Killian, reaching out to him, wanting to soothe him but letting her hand fall short, knowing that her touch would only make it worse.

 _Unless you could heal him_ , her mind told her traitorously.

She shivered, feeling sick to her stomach.

He plastered a smile to his face, but it wasn't quite good enough to fool her. 'I've had worse,' he said glibly, lifting his left arm and waving his hook slightly. Now that the world was starting to straighten, she could better see the barely hidden pain in his eyes and knew it must be bad. 'I'll get someone to look at it. And I'll keep an eye on Regina for you.'

'I'll join you,' Neal's voice said from behind her, and she turned around to find him standing a few feet away. He nodded to Killian briefly before smiling thinly at her. 'We'll see what information we can get from her.'

She looked between the three of them for a minute before dropping her gaze, the fight going out of her and being replaced by a blend of uselessness and dread. 'All right,' she whispered, unable to deny that a big part of her was yearning to just hold her daughter in her arms and wish everything else away.

'I'll check on you later,' Killian promised her, concern still in his voice and she looked up at him slowly, unnerved at how grateful she felt at his suggestion.

'Will you talk to Tink?' she said, and almost winced at the hollowness in her voice.

'I will,' he said, and she knew that he understood what she wanted - the fairy  _must_  have seen her magic, must have known, and if word got out...

If her family found out...

'And Regina?' she mumbled, not quite looking at him, aware that she was the biggest threat to her... her secret. She must have assumed that everyone else knew that she could wield magic, or else she would have been yelling it to all that would listen. Unless Tink had stopped her from speaking at all, somehow.

'You've got naught to worry about,' Killian said, and she just nodded again dumbly.

'Come on,' Henry said gently, his arm coming around her shoulders and turning her away from the others, stepping them toward the door. 'She'll be wanting to see you anyway, and you know it. It'll make you feel better to be around her.'

She followed him automatically, not really focusing on what he said from then on in. She knew that nothing would make her feel better, not completely, not now.

* * *

Killian held his breath until Emma disappeared around the corner of the hallway, before letting it out in a big whoosh and dropping into a crouch, his hand clutching at the side of his face that didn't feel like it was still on fire. Neal was by his side immediately, his hand heavy on his shoulder. 'Killian? Fuck man, what's going on?'

What the hell  _was_  going on? 'Regina threw a fireball at me,' he managed. He'd held off the pain of his burns for far too long, knowing that it would only drag Emma back down to into her anger, and in her anger she'd been almost uncontrollable. Even when she'd first been learning how to use her magic, she'd been more in command of herself than she had been when she'd been trying to kill Regina.

She might see every need to take out Regina now, but she'd never be able to live with herself when she got her memories back. And even so, while the Emma that he knew now was still brave and fearless, she still had an innocence of the soul that came from the difference of her upbringing in this world. She might know her way around a bow and a sword, but she wasn't used to killing, and she would be traumatized if she killed somebody using magic, even if it was Regina.

He could only imagine how distressed she must be right now. Magic was a part of everything that she hated, everything that had hurt her, and she had no knowledge of how it could be used for good, except for by the fairies. She had no idea of all of the good things that  _she_  had done with magic.

She could have no idea of just how powerful she was. How utterly glorious and deadly she'd looked, with Regina's life in her hands.

'Did she recognize you?' Neal asked, finally coming to the same awareness that Killian had. 'Does she remember?'

Killian started to nod but winced when it pulled at the raw skin of his neck. 'I think so. She looked at me, and changed, but -'  _she couldn't really say much with Emma's magic squeezing the life out of her._ His head started to feel like it was swimming. 'Bloody hell, Neal, I need -'

'All right, all right,' Neal mumbled, pulling away and calling for Blue, but Killian certainly wasn't complaining when it was a pink-clad fairy who was quickly floating in front of his face. 'Regina hit him before Tink got to her,' he told her quickly. 'Can you heal him?'

Nova worked on him quickly, and he was grateful for the speed with which the pain erased. He'd been healed with magic plenty of times, most of them by Emma in the last few years, and that had felt like a warmth spreading from her hands on him throughout every part of his body. This felt less... intimate, more like a bucket of cold water being tipped over his head, and he couldn't help but feel a little grateful of the fact. A furious itch spread across his skin in all of the places that had been previously agonizing, and after a few more seconds even that disappeared. As Nova backed up a little, he raised his hand to rub at his chest, where the hair was singed but the skin was smooth and uninjured. 'Thank you,' he said, his voice surprisingly clear.

'You'll have to rest,' Nova said, but even as she spoke, Killian was pushing himself to his feet. There would be time to rest later, if he had the chance, but right now there was too much to do, too much to worry about. Neal was already walking over to where Tink and Regina stood, and Killian followed quickly. When they ran into David, heading in the same direction, Neal caught his arm and they slowed. 'Is Emma all right?' David asked immediately, fatherly concern all over his face, even if he didn't know it. 'She looked like death, but I couldn't get away to check on her.'

'She's fine,' Neal said quickly. 'We know there's a lot to do. Killian and I can accompany Tinkerbell in escorting Regina to the dungeon.'

David came to a stop, looking between the two, and Killian could see the tiredness in his eyes, despite the fact that it couldn't have been noon, a heaviness that came from being a king in a city under attack. 'There's men who can do that,' he pointed out. 'Better qualified than a prince and a ship captain.'

He knew that it wasn't meant as a dismissal or to be insulting, just a statement of fact, but Killian's temper was held on a tight leash as it was, between worrying about Emma and Regina, Eva and Henry. He tried for a neutral tone, but was sure that it came out a lot tighter than it should have. 'Your men are needed to scour your castle,  _Your Majesty_. They can guard her when they've deemed it safe, and I'm sure that we can manage until then.'

Neal eyed him sideways, pressing his lips together in obvious disapproval of his butting in, but Killian wasn't in the mood to appease anybody. 'Regina won't hurt anybody while Tink holds her, and if we put her in Rumpelstiltskin's old cell, even she won't be able to get out. And we can see if we can get any information out of her in the meantime.' David considered him for a moment, not looking entirely convinced. 'There's no point in wasting time. She might have more men coming by regular means, and we should find out as much as we can, as quickly as possible.'

David still hesitated, but then nodded, giving Killian a long, hard look before he tilted his head a second time. 'Very well. See what you can find out. Put her in the cell, but get your fairy to stay with you until I send more men in case anything goes awry. And Snow will want to speak to her later.' He clapped Neal on the shoulder. 'Thank you, Neal. Captain,' he added to Killian, before turning and calling around for his men. Killian heaved a sigh of relief.

Blue seemed reluctant to let the three of them take Regina out of her sight, but Neal's insistence that it was at the King's order eventually caused her to relent. Killian did his best not to meet Regina's eye, worried about what he would see there, and what his reaction to that would be. They just needed to get her alone. If they'd been right about why Neal had been the only one to remember them, then hopefully they'd have Regina's support now. And even if she couldn't help them break the curse, at least she wouldn't be attacking them anymore.

That was assuming that she did, in fact, remember.

And that was a part of the reason why he couldn't quite bring himself to look her in the eye. If there wasn't any recognition there, he didn't know what he would do. Instead, he exchanged a long look with Tink, but her expression was too guarded for him to gauge much from her.

Tink led the way through the halls under Neal's direction, with Regina walking by her side. Regina must have been magically silenced, but the other three kept an unspoken agreement to wait until the privacy of the dungeons to discern anything more. Neal and Killian followed a few paces behind, Killian with his sword in hand and pointed toward Regina's back, if only for show - or so he hoped. As they reached the first staircase, Neal cleared his throat roughly. 'I thought Emma was stronger than that,' he said quietly, and Killian stopped short, surprise combining with the frustration that was still simmering not too far beneath the surface.

'Excuse me?' he said, brow arched challengingly, almost daring him to continue on the way it seemed like he would.

There must have been something in his tone from the look on Neal's face as he stopped as well, turning partially to face him. 'I mean, I know that Emma's a bit different here, but either way, she wouldn't have been so much of a mess from a bunch of soldiers. She's never been afraid of that, not that I can remember.'

Killian's fist was clenched, and shaking slightly in an attempt to control his irritation.  _He doesn't know_ , he reminded himself,  _not about Emma using magic, and maybe not even about how strong her aversion was to it now._  But even so... that he was so dismissive of what strength she did have, and judging her now more than worrying about her... He cared for Neal, respected him, but he'd never thought that he had appreciated Emma the way that she deserved.

There was no point in venting his anger now though, whether at Neal or elsewhere. Gritting his teeth, he pushed past Neal, walking quicker to catch up to the others. 'I'll not talk about it here,' he said stiffly, focusing his glare on the carpeted steps instead of on the man that quickly followed him. He knew that he was just on edge, desperate for answers and worried about Emma's state of mind, tired of this game and the lives that it had put in danger today. 'Let's just get to the bloody dungeon.'


	15. Chapter 15

The dungeons were situated below the castle, and Rumpelstiltskin's cell in the tunnels underneath that. It had been made by the dwarfs specifically for the Dark One all those years ago, and Killian was certain that they hadn't been used since he'd left with the dark curse - who else would need such powerful, magical constraints?

Well, the Evil Queen Regina, of course.

He'd only been there once before, with Cora by his side, facing Emma and the others through the bars. He'd told her that he was done with her, speaking from a place of bitterness and anger, and had regretted it ever since. She'd still punched him for it later, though.

It was different, now. The tunnels to the cell were dark and damp, the torches unlit until Tink waved her wand and illuminated the way before them, the cell coming into view as they rounded the last corner.

The bars were closed but unbroken, the curse apparently restoring them along with the rest of the castle. Neal stepped up to the lever and as they waited for the bars to lift, Killian let himself take a good look at Regina for the first time since she'd been captured -  _since Emma had captured her._  The gash across her chest that Emma had caused had been healed by either Tink or one of the other fairies, and her neck had no marks or bruises. Her face was strained and her eyes were hard, looking at Tink, who grimaced and sighed. ' _Now_  you want to resist me?'

'You can't put me in there,' Regina said, sounding every bit as indignant as he was used to. She pointed to the cell, her movements clearly now unrestricted. 'My magic will be blocked.' He could have been imagining it, but she almost sounded a little fearful, or at least apprehensive.

Killian breathed a sigh of relief. If she was resisting a block on her magic, that meant that she hadn't been blocked so far, and Tink would only have done that if she knew that her true memories had returned. Neal wasn't quite so on the ball, however, his eyebrows shooting upwards. 'It's not now?'

Regina laughed sharply. 'Don't be ridiculous. No one fairy can incapacitate me.' She glanced across at Killian, and he saw all of the questions that he'd expected in her eyes, before she looked back to Tink. 'Not even the powerful  _Tinkerbell._ ' Apparently answers fell a short second to the extra sassy comment.

Tink rolled her eyes, clearly frustrated already and he couldn't blame her. 'No, but I still managed to gag you well enough, didn't I?' She stepped up to Regina, unperturbed by the added height that Regina's heeled boots gave her. 'If someone comes down on here to check on you - and they will, sooner rather than later - I'd prefer that they didn't have to ask us why you weren't actually in the cell.'

Regina still didn't move. 'Are you even going to tell me what's happening? Why do I remember? Why do you?' she snapped at Neal.

'If you get in the cell, love, and we'll tell you,' Killian answered, his own patience wearing thin.

She sent him a long, hard look, before taking a reluctant step forward. Then she straightened, gliding forward the rest of the way and he got the feeling that she was making it at least feel like it was on her own terms. Still, Neal dropped the lever as soon as she'd cleared the bars, a loud clanking noise filling the cave as they dropped. Regina spun around, anger and frustration clouding her features until they faded into helplessness, stepping forward to grip the bars between them, and for the first time today, he felt like he was looking at Regina Mills rather than the Evil Queen. 'Just tell me, is Henry all right?'

Taking a deep breath, Killian tried to settle his own strained thoughts. He stepped closer to the bars so that they could speak more quietly, and was relieved when the others followed him. 'He's fine,' Neal reassured her before he could speak. 'He's been with me the whole time. He's doing everything he's always wanted to do here, he just doesn't know it.'

'And he doesn't know me,' she said quietly, and Killian knew her pain. A measure of it, anyway. Henry might not be his son by blood, but he cared for him as much all the same. Regina's eyes hardened slightly. 'What's taking you so long?' she asked, turning to Killian. 'Why haven't you broken the curse yet?'

'We've only been here a few months,' Killian told her defensively.

_'What?'_

'Killian thought that a three year nap was the best way to deal with being left behind in the Land Without Magic,' Tink said, rolling her eyes at the glare that Killian gave her. She seemed more relaxed now, with the knowledge that Regina was there to help them. He did as well, truth be told, even if he wasn't sure how much she'd be able to do for them, especially locked in the dungeons. Tink gave her a quick update of what had happened since the curse had taken them, including their reunion with Neal and why he remembered them, and Regina quickly agreed with their theory. 'We know that we need to break the curse as soon as possible, but we're a bit short on ideas.'

Regina turned to Killian immediately, and his stomach twisted, knowing what she was going to say. 'I've tried kissing Emma. It only works if she remembers loving me.' He didn't bother trying to keep the bitterness from his voice.

She nodded slowly. 'Where is she?' she asked carefully. 'Is she safe, here?'

 _Safe, happy, content._  Until today. Leaning back against the rocky wall, he rubbed at his face. 'She's safe. But... She didn't know that she could use magic until today. It was she who captured Regina, not Tink,' he told Neal, who stilled at the revelation. He'd always had the same point of view on magic as Emma did now, and had seemed to be reluctant when she'd focused on learning how to control it back in Storybrooke. 'She doesn't want you to know, or anyone else, so we'll not discuss it again after this, aye?' He waited for Neal and Tink's nods before turning back to Regina. 'She abhors magic after you held her captive for so long. I'm sure she's in a panic as we speak.' And he hated himself for not being able to be by her side, to not be able to tell her that she was strong and powerful and wonderful, and the furthest thing from evil that she knew.

'That wasn't actually me, just our cursed memories of me,' she pointed out quickly. She was watching him with narrowed eyes. 'Why aren't you with her?'

Plastering a sarcastic smile on his face, he crossed his arms, resisting the urge to thumb at his hook. 'Because she doesn't remember that she's my wife, does she?' he said with false cheeriness. 'I'm not the man who she thinks she is married to.'

Regina's face softened slightly, then her eyebrows raised as she glanced across at Neal. 'Ah, that's right.' She stepped away from the bars, rubbing at her temples. 'It's still hard to separate true from false. And it's only been how many years? Three? But I  _remember_  you, Neal, raising Henry in my castle with your  _wife_. How many years have you been happily married for, now?'

Biting down on his lip in an attempt to keep himself from lashing out, he tightened his hand into a fist for the same reason. Regina might have settled into a friendship with most of them back in Storybrooke, but clearly returning to the life of the Evil Queen had rid her of any tact that she'd gained. 'It wasn't real,' Neal said uncomfortably, saying the words that he was still desperately hoping would be proven true. 'It doesn't mean anything, not once she remembers.'

'But in the meantime, you're stuck with the situation.' Her voice still bore a hint of amusement, but there was still more sympathy on her face than he expected when she gave first him and then Tink a long look. 'I bet you two are both enjoying this immensely.'

'Me?' Tink stared at Regina with confusion, but after a moment she let it drop, her head held high despite the redness now marring her cheeks. 'You know? How do you know?'

Regina scoffed loudly, rolling her eyes so dramatically that her head rolled with them. 'Of course I know. Storybrooke was  _my_  town - I know everything that happened there, probably before you did.'

 _I know everything that happened there._ Unable to breathe, Killian moved so quickly that he almost stumbled, pushing off of the wall and pressing himself against the bars of the cell, demanding Regina's attention, his fingers tightening around the bars until his knuckles were white. She and Emma had been friends, she might have... And even if she hadn't told her, Regina did have a knack for finding out almost anything. 'Was she pregnant?' he asked, his voice suddenly hoarse but he barely noticed, didn't care if he sounded desperate because he  _was_. 'Before the curse took you, was Emma pregnant?'

Understanding dawned quickly on the queen's face, eliminating all final traces of dark amusement, and he could feel his heart beating in his throat every moment that she hesitated. 'I don't know,' she said eventually with a helpless shake of her head. 'She had a child?'

Instead of answering he closed his eyes, letting his forehead hit against the bars, feeling more lost than he had in a very long time.

Knowledge wouldn't change anything, especially until the curse was broken, and even then he couldn't expect to replace the role that Neal had taken. Even if Eva was his daughter, it was Neal who had raised her. And yes, she seemed to like him well enough, but was it too late for her to see him as her father? If he even was. Even if they could find out.

Somehow, in his heart, he knew. And then hoped that that in itself wasn't just wishful thinking.

A hand gripped his shoulder tightly, and he felt a small measure of relief that he wasn't the only one dealing with this uncertainty. 'How do we break this bloody curse?' he growled, opening his eyes and stepping back from the cell. He didn't want to see Regina's pity.

There was a short silence in which no one seemed to know how to answer. 'True Love's Kiss is the only thing I know that can definitely break it,' Regina said eventually. 'I assume you're working on getting her to fall in love with you?'

'I was, until we were interrupted by an army magically appearing before us,' he snapped. 'And I doubt she's feeling much inclined to fall in love with anybody when everything she knows is falling apart.'

'That's the best time,' Tink insisted, leaving Neal's side to grab his arm. 'She didn't fall in love with you last time when it was easy. It was when you were  _there_  for her when it was hard, with no other reason than to help her. You should go to her.'

Gods, but how he just wanted to be with her. In any way he could, in any way she would take him, but it wouldn't be enough until he could hold her in his arms and call her his again. He swallowed hard, pressing his lips together and glancing up at Neal. 'She'll want you,' he said, hating that it was probably the truth.

'That doesn't matter,' Neal said, and Killian raised an eyebrow. 'In case you haven't noticed, I haven't been around for her as much as I used to be, and it's not by mistake. We can't expect her to grow on what she feels for you if she's thinking about how she should love me instead. It was you who decided that I can't leave her, that you don't want to hurt her, so this is how I'm helping. You need to be there for her when I'm not, and hopefully she won't feel so awful about falling for you.'

'I'm pretty sure she's going to feel awful anyway,' Regina pointed out.

'But it will still be easier if I'm not so much the loving, doting husband.'

Like usual, the reminder of what Neal had that he didn't make his heart clench. 'I'll go and see how she's doing then,' he said, needing that comfort almost as much as she would now. 'I'm sure you'll want to find out about your father,' he added to Neal, who nodded gratefully. 'Regina, they'll catch you up on anything else you need to know, Neal will be the best person to update you on Henry anyway. And see if you have any ideas on who might have done this to us. But you might want to keep up the villain act when anyone else is around. Snow isn't likely to let anybody kill you even if they ask for it, so you'll be safe here until we can figure this out.'

'You can't keep me in here forever, pirate,' she warned, drawing herself up, but he wasn't intimidated, was too tired and worn, and besides, he trusted her now that he knew she was herself again. 'But I'll play your game for now.'

With one less thing to worry about - for the minute, anyway - he took his leave, beginning the trek up to the castle proper to seek out his wife.

* * *

There was a twisting in her stomach that would not go away.

They'd found Eva in the nursery with James, guarded studiously by Red and Granny, neither of the children completely aware about what had happened. All they knew was that their naps had been delayed because of it, and they had been about to be put to bed when Emma had arrived. She'd had to fight Ruby tooth and nail - not literally, thankfully - to be able to take Eva back to her rooms, and the wolf had only conceded at Henry's request. That she'd tried to keep her from her own daughter, that she didn't think she was capable...

She knew that their hearts had been in the right place, that her voice was bordering on hysteria, but she was  _not_  in the mood to let someone else tell her what she could do, or let someone control her.

She had to take what small amount of control that she could.

She'd put Eva to sleep in her own bed before asking Henry for some privacy. Although she felt a little calmed with both of her children in her sights, she knew that she wouldn't be able to hold it together completely for much longer, and she already feared for how weak he thought her. He'd resisted, telling her that he didn't mind sitting with her for a while, but she could see that he was itching to be back with the others, to find out what was going on and be involved in any way that he could. Normally, she would be as well, would be in the thick of it, ordering and helping as much as possible, but right now she couldn't even help herself. What good could she do now? Who could she help, with this evilness inside of her?

So she'd bid him to leave, insisted that she'd be all right. She'd waited until he'd left to dismiss her servants, and as soon as the door had closed behind them, she let herself fall apart.

Sinking onto the floor beside Eva's tiny bed, she'd wrapped one arm around her middle as though the pressure itself could keep her together, her other hand fisting against her mouth to muffle the sob that fell from her lips. She couldn't wake Eva but she couldn't bring herself to leave her side, not just yet, she didn't have the strength.

What kind of strength did she have? Every muscle felt like it was on fire with remembered power, heat propelling through her veins with every beating of her heart, a white hot brilliance that threatened to burst from her skin and destroy her.

But that wasn't all that she'd felt earlier, with her hands all but around Regina's neck, squeezing the life from her. Merged with that  _light_  had been something different, something darker, that had threatened to pull her down into an abyss that she was fairly sure she would have been unable to escape. That dark power had made her feel invincible, untouchable, uncaring of how terrible her actions or their consequences were.

Had all of this been inside of her for her whole life? This potential, this power, this magic?

This terrible, terrible magic?

_How much longer did she have before it poisoned her?_

She could barely remember what Regina had been like before magic had corrupted her, but she did have a few memories of that time. So full of innocence and life, love and hope. She'd started to change when her Daniel had died, but she hadn't become bitter and malicious until she'd learnt magic.

But she hadn't sought this out, hadn't learnt it. It just was, at her fingertips, destruction ready to take her over.

_How much more horrible would that make her?_

Feeling too restless to stay still any longer, Emma pushed herself to her feet and, after giving Eva a long look, she fled to the sitting room. Her thoughts continued to spiral until they were a blur even to her, a haze of self loathing and fear that she couldn't seem to fight her way out of. Her tears had dried up but her heart was racing, her breathing too fast but she paced the room, unable to still her movements or her mind.

She almost didn't hear the door opening, or the quick footsteps across the room, but she felt the warmth of his hand as it gripped her arm. ' _Emma_.' She heard the concern, the strain in his voice and then Killian turning her to face him, his hook pressing against her shoulder, his hand moving to cup her cheek and tilt her face up to his, looking her over and although she stared right up at him, she felt like she could barely see him. 'Come on, sweetheart, breathe. Where's Eva?'

'In her bedroom,' she said quietly, her voice cracking a little.

He seemed to relax a little. 'Good, that's good.' He smoothed her hair behind her ear gently. 'It's all right, Emma.'

 _Nothing was all right._ Why couldn't anyone understand that? 'How do you know that?' She tried to pull away but he was there, moving in front of her and blocking her in. She dropped her eyes from his, unable to look at him, knowing that she'd find pity there and unable to stomach it. 'How could you possibly know that? I have this... this  _poison_  inside of me; none of you can trust me now. I can't trust myself.' She couldn't tell anybody else, she knew that for certain, but she could only imagine the disgust on their faces if they found out.

But Killian wasn't looking at her like that when she made herself look up at him properly. His features were pinched in worry. She was relieved but not surprised to find that he'd been healed, and had even changed his clothes and cleaned the blood from his face. 'Magic won't make you evil, Emma,' he said gently. 'You're stronger than that.'

She simply refused to believe that he could have so much faith in her; it just didn't make sense, and yet here he was. But it wasn't enough to erase the panic that was still simmering in her chest, threatening to choke her. 'What else is it for? I don't even know who I was earlier, Killian. Did you see what I  _did?_ '

'Of course I did,' he said, anger starting to tinge his voice, his eyes narrowing. 'You saved my  _life,_ Emma. Tell me how that was an evil thing.'

 _'Because I almost killed her for it!_ ' The thought that he'd almost died caused that heat to spread out through her limbs again, simultaneously terrifying her and empowering her, and she clenched her hands into fists.

'You killed that soldier,' he said, and she flinched at the reminder. 'How is that different?'

 _It just was._ She stared up at him incredulously but he didn't back down, and suddenly she was too tired to fight, too worn out to articulate properly just what was going through her head because it was almost too hard to straighten it out for herself. The anger seeped away, replaced by fear and exhaustion. 'I didn't want to stop,' she whispered, squeezing her eyes shut and dropping her head, biting down hard on her lip when it started to tremble. She was a mess, she knew she was, but she didn't want him to see her fall apart so easily. 'I saw that fireball going for you and all I remember thinking was that I couldn't let you die so easily. But then there was so much rage, I've never felt anything like that before. I wasn't in control of myself.'

'But you are now.' His thumb brushed across her cheek before he gently nudged her head back up, and she opened her eyes to focus on the blue depths of his.

She couldn't help the bitter laugh that fell from her lips. 'Do you really think so?' she said, pushing his hand away so that she could swipe at her cheeks, past the point of feeling embarrassed for her tears.

'You're in control of your magic, at least,' he said, his lips twitching hesitantly.

She let herself smile back at him faintly, knowing it probably looked more like a grimace. 'I've never been scared for myself before, not like this,' she confessed. She was always worrying about Henry and Eva, or the rest of her family, but that was different. She'd never had cause to fear her own actions before.

'You're shaking,' he said, his hand dropping from her face to cover her hand, which was still clenched tightly by her side.

Not wanting him to feel more sorry for her than he probably did, she tried to pull away, but he only tightened his grip. 'I don't... I can't...' There was a lump in her throat and a hole in her chest, and she couldn't seem to get the words out, couldn't even admit to him how lost she was feeling.

He seemed to know anyway, of course he did. 'It's all right,' he said again, forcing her hand open and twisting their fingers together, his calluses rough against her skin. 'You can figure yourself out tomorrow. You don't have to be strong today.'

She dropped her eyes again, but this time her eyes fell on the silver bracelet at her wrist, his gift to her because he cared, because she mattered. She placed her free hand over the back of his and held them together, taking a deep breath. She didn't want to cry anymore, but she didn't want to function either, didn't want to deal with it or feel or react. His touch was soothing and offered comfort, and she didn't have enough strength to turn that away. Giving him a long, careful look from under her lashes, she let go of his hand and stepped closer to him, looking away just before she slipped her arms around his waist, one hand flat between his shoulder blades while the other gripped at the material of his vest at his lower back.

He was as tense as she'd ever seen him, holding his breath with his arms by his sides. She knew it was entirely inappropriate but she  _needed_  this, resting her head against his chest, the leather cool under her cheek, she needed some kind of closeness and humanity. It hadn't escaped her notice that he'd been the one to calm her down earlier, to bring her out of her dark magic, and although she wasn't going to think about why that was, she knew that it was good for her right now.

Killian still hadn't moved, so she tightened her arms around him slightly. 'Please,' she murmured, selfishly knowing that he wouldn't deny her, and he exhaled heavily, turning his head so that his cheek brushed the top of her head, his arms wrapping around her shoulders gently, the tension leaving him as she relaxed further into him.

There was still a storm of fear and hopelessness inside of her, but it felt a little less in his arms. He smelt like leather and sweat but she breathed it in, soaking in his warmth, letting him be strong enough for the both of them if only for the moment.

And when she felt his grip tighten slightly and his lips in her hair, she pretended not to notice.


	16. Chapter 16

'Is that all you've got?'

Emma barely had time to register David's answering grin before his efforts redoubled, his sword swinging faster and with more force. She knew that he took it easy on her, and the only way to get him to give her his all was to taunt him and rile him up. And he knew exactly what she was doing, but that was all part of the fun. She wasn't quite good enough to beat him most of the time, but she enjoyed testing herself against someone with greater skill.

He'd only just joined her in the practice yard but she'd been at it for a little while, needing to clear her head and find some calm after the council meeting that had finished an hour ago. She'd worked hard and was at the edge of her limit, her limbs protesting every movement, but that was exactly what she'd been hoping for.

The surprise attack on the castle had happened just over a week ago now, and they still hadn't come to an agreement on how to act on it. The magical barriers had been rebuilt and strengthened, Regina's soldiers hunted down and disbanded, but it was the Queen herself who was causing the most disquiet. Emma hadn't quite believed it when she'd heard that the woman had surrendered voluntarily - if it could be called voluntary after she'd almost had the life magically strangled out of her, but she couldn't tell anyone that. She'd eagerly offered information on where her soldiers were and would gather, their strategies regarding the border attacks, as well as willingly remaining caged in the dungeon that blocked her powers. The only thing that she'd been unable to tell them was Rumpelstiltskin's whereabouts, and she swore that that was only because she didn't know.

It was all a bit too easy, if you asked her.

Her main problem was, though, that people  _were_  asking her. Snow and David constantly asked her opinion and advice, in council and in private, which was nothing out of the ordinary. Snow might be Queen but the family made most decisions together, but this time Emma found herself unable to remain detached.

She wanted Regina's death, for what she'd done to her friends and family, for the lives that she'd taken and ruined.

But a part of her wondered if she only wished it so much because she knew her secret, that it had been revealed only because of her, and she resented her for forcing that knowledge on her. So how was she supposed to remain impartial?

It might have been her distraction or her tiredness, but David's next swing got past her poor defence, the blunted blade hitting against her side with enough force to probably leave a bruise but nothing more. Regardless, it did signal her death and she held up her hands, loosening her grip on her sword but not dropping it. 'I'll mourn you deeply,' he said dramatically, his words steaming the air between them because of the cold, the sombre nod of his head ruined only by his badly hidden grin.

She scoffed, pushing his blade away from her. 'I'm sure,' she told him dryly, but her tired smirk told him not to take the sarcasm to heart. 'I'm done though,' she added, rolling her shoulder to ease the ache that was starting to build there.

'Send someone else across then, will you?' he asked, clapping her on the opposite shoulder with a smile, and she wondered where he found the energy to be so bloody optimistic.

Still, he wasn't as bad as Snow.

Assuring him that she would, she headed back to the sidelines to their small audience, where Killian and Tink sitting on the benches against the stone wall. Killian rose to meet her when she neared them, grin on his face as though he had no care in the world. 'Fine form, love,' he said cheerfully. 'Are you here to request a rematch?'

Thoughts of how their last fight had ended - with his body all but covering hers - invaded her mind but she forced them away, shaking her head to clear it. The way that his tongue flicked out over his lower lip before it tucked into his cheek told her that he was flirting, if it hadn't been obvious already, but there was a seriousness in his eyes that held her back from telling him off for it. He knew that she was highly strung, he knew why she'd run to the practice yard immediately after the council had finished - that he and Tink had somehow wormed their way into after "the incident" - and this was his way of what, lightening the mood?

The fact that he was trying, more than the act itself, was what lightened her heart. 'Not today,' she told him with a small smile, telling him that she was trying too. He'd spent most of the last week convincing her that she wasn't a monster, wasn't any different and although she wasn't sure that she believed him, she'd promised to try. 'But you are taking over from me,' she added, holding out her sword to him. 'Maybe David can knock you down a peg.'

He snorted and she fought against the grin that threatened. 'Not bloody likely.' Still, he reached for the sword but instead of taking it from her, his hand closed over hers on the hilt, stepping closer and ducking his head slightly towards her. 'Are you all right?' he asked, his voice lowered and the humour on his face turning into the gentle concern that had been there all week.

She should have been tired of him coddling her, but she knew that that wasn't what he was really doing. It felt nice to have somebody worry about her when no one else had any idea what was wrong, and it wasn't because he didn't think she was strong enough, or so he told her repeatedly.

_'No one should go through something like this alone,' he'd told her._

_'No one should go through something like this at all,' she'd pointed out._

But it hadn't deterred him.  _'All the more reason to accept my help,' he'd said with a shrug._

She wasn't quite sure what type of help he could offer other than his company, but she'd accepted it and was feeling better for it.

'I'm fine,' she told him now, and even mostly meant it. She'd been riled up after the meeting had ended but had worked off most of her frustration and doubt. She smiled up at him then blinked, realizing just how close they were standing, his shoulder brushing hers, the sword held between them but not much more room than that. Feeling heat spread across her face, she lowered her eyes, slipping her hand out from underneath his.

His hook caught her upper arm before she could pull away, and she looked up at him before she could help it. 'I'll hold you to that rematch,' he told her, raising his eyebrows at her. 'Another day perhaps, but definitely someday.'

There was a twinkle of mischief in his eyes and she couldn't tell if he was flirting with her again or just teasing. Swallowing, she nodded dumbly and pulled away, turning quickly to put some distance between them and avoid wondering what he meant.

Taking her cloak from the nearby peg in anticipation of cooling down rather quickly in the frigid weather, she threw it over her shoulders and took Killian's vacated seat next to Tink as he stepped up to David with a gesture and a smile, the two men stopping in the middle of the field to share words before beginning. Emma glanced across at Tink out of the corner of her eye, who was watching the others with a small smile on her face. She debated briefly about whether to ask or not, but her curiosity and her own irritation at herself got the better of her. 'You've just come from seeing her, haven't you?'

Tink turned to face her, her smile wavering into a frown. 'She deserves to know if you've decided that she'd going to die.'

 _All of the people that she's killed never had any warning._  Emma scowled, a part of her knowing that Tink was right but finding it hard to grant her any leniency. 'She doesn't deserve mercy from us,' she said, the words automatic as she avoided wondering whether she believed them or not.

There was silence for a few seconds and Emma wondered whether Tink was going to argue with her or not - for some reason, the fairy had become one of Regina's few advocators, if only by insisting that killing her wasn't the right thing for them to do - but then she shifted closer on the bench, leaning in slightly and lowering her voice. 'You're not like her, you know.'

She stilled, immediately resenting that the conversation had gone so quickly to what she'd wanted to avoid. 'While I appreciate you keeping my secret, that doesn't mean that I want to talk about it.'

Tink made a small noncommittal sound as she leaned back against the wall, crossing her arms loosely over her chest. Already feeling guilty for sounding unappreciative, Emma tried to focus on Killian and David, who had started to circle each other, identical grins on their faces, but she sighed after a moment. 'I haven't told you thank you yet, have I?' she said quietly.

'No, but it's fine. I haven't been sure whether to offer, but I can help you learn to control it, if you'd like me to.'

Emma turned quickly, raising her eyebrows at her in disbelief. ' _Control_  it? I don't want to ever use it again! I wish I'd never learnt that I  _had_  it. I could hurt people, Tink. I almost killed Regina.'

'And yet two minutes ago you were arguing for her death,' she said pointedly. 'It's not magic that makes a person evil, Emma, or good. It just amplifies what you're already capable of. And your heart is as good as they come.'

She could have argued - she wanted to - but she was tired of insisting upon her own darkness. Killian didn't believe her no matter what she said, and she had a feeling that Tink wouldn't, either. She was a fairy, of course she believed that magic was good. Besides, she didn't really want to push the woman away more than she already had this week because of her own nervousness. So instead, she leaned back next to her, forcing a wry smile. 'Have you met my sister?'

David won the first bout but she was unsurprised to see that Killian wouldn't accept defeat so easily. When he won the second fight they spent a few minutes arguing over who had won  _better_  before deciding to take a third fight as a tiebreaker. Emma was rolling her eyes and laughing with Tink about it - she'd never known David to be so  _childishly_  competitive, but wasn't surprised that Killian brought that out in someone else aside from her - when both men set their swords down. David pulled his shirt over his head while Killian made quick work of the clasps on his vest before he followed suit, the material clinging to him slightly from sweat.

Balling his shirt up and tucking his vest under his arm, he took David's shirt before turning and walking toward them, and Emma couldn't help the way her eyes flickered over his upper body, uncovered for the first time that she'd seen. She was already acquainted with his hair covered chest due to the low cut of the shirts he wore, but she hadn't thought about how that hair would trail down his stomach to disappear into the waist of his trousers. He was more lean than built but certainly was muscular enough, and her eyes travelled up over his skin, taking in the definition in his shoulders and arms.

Her attention was quickly drawn to his left arm, getting a quick look at the one thing she'd been curious about but unsure of how to ask about it. The brace that held his hook in place covered his wrist and the lower half of his forearm, and was held in place by leather straps that crossed up his arm and over his shoulder. As he neared them, he adjusted his grip on the clothing that he carried and she watched as the leather shifted slightly against his skin, wondering how uncomfortable that was as it rubbed, or whether the years of it had dulled the sensation.

Killian stopped in front of her and she slowly raised her eyes to his, her lips parting and cheeks warming as she realized not only that she'd been staring but, from the smug look on his face, that she'd been caught in the act. 'Will you watch these for me, love?' he asked, leaning forward and setting the shirts and vest down on the bench beside her.

Swallowing down the lump in her throat, she made herself look over his chest again, pointedly this time. 'It's  _freezing_  out here,' she told him, tugging her cloak closer around her despite the fact that suddenly it seemed a lot  _warmer_.

'Physical exertion can make you work up quite the sweat,' he said with a shrug, still grinning and obviously pleased with himself. 'I find myself quite warm at the present.'

She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but her mind was frustratingly blank. 'I don't have all day, Jones,' David called out, saving her from responding and she averted her eyes as he turned away.

'He is insufferable,' she muttered to Tink, who laughed lightly.

'Oh, absolutely. But he  _is_  easy to look at, isn't he? He knows it a bit too much for my preference, but arrogance can be attractive if he handles it right. Which I think he does, don't you?'

Emma raised her eyes to Tink sharply. 'I don't have a preference,' she said firmly. 'I have a husband.'

Tink scoffed, which only made Emma more affronted. 'Just because you're wed doesn't mean that you can't enjoy the view,' she said, tilting her head toward the two men.

Swallowing against the lump in her throat, she turned her head slowly to take in the sight of the two men, swords swinging. She watched the way that his shoulder blades moved under his skin as he manoeuvred himself, the way his muscles tensed as he blocked David's strike. Gripping her cloak around herself tighter, she tried to close herself off from the emotions ( _urges_ ) that were overwhelming her, but it was useless - she knew they were coming from within and were only building _._  She wasn't sure when it had started or where it had come from, but she knew that words like comfort and familiarity weren't quite enough to cover it anymore and she was losing the ability to deny that to herself. Maybe if it wasn't all in her head anymore, she'd be able to convince herself that it wasn't real, that it didn't matter.

'I have some feelings for him that I shouldn't,' she said quickly, blurting the words out before she could stop herself and immediately regretting them, but she forced herself to continue. 'A crush, just a silly crush, but... It's wrong, and I... I don't know what to do.' Her cheeks felt like they were on fire.

'Oh,' Tink said, sounding even more surprised than she'd expected, and when she reluctantly looked at her again, she'd schooled her features into something mostly neutral but she could practically see her mind moving quickly.

Just then, she remembered how close she had been with Neal since her arrival. 'You can't say anything,' she said urgently, reaching her hand out into the cold to grasp Tink's arm, gripping her tighter than was probably appropriate but she didn't care, she had to make her know how important this was. 'You already keep my darkest secret; you have to keep my confidence in this.'

Tink closed her hand over hers, pulling it away from her arm to give it a quick squeeze. 'Of course,' she said distractedly, and Emma's gut clenched at the thought that she might not do so, but what could she do about it now? 'But I don't understand. What's so wrong about it?'

 _What was_ wrong _about it?_  'Did you miss the part where I have a husband?'

'But what does that matter? Woman of your status have affairs all the time.'

She pursed her lips. 'I'm not having an affair.'

'Why not, though? I'm not naive, and neither should you be. Royalty doesn't normally get to marry for love, so why not take some enjoyment while you've got someone here who will enjoy you, too.'

Pulling her hand from Tink's, she tucked it back under her cloak, refusing to even consider the idea of what the fairy was saying. She did marry for love, and she knew that the other woman would know that if she'd spent any time with her husband at all. But... it hadn't felt quite like that over the past few weeks. 'I know what it is,' she said slowly, after a minute of silence. 'Neal has been distant lately and, well... It's been a while for us.' She lowered her eyes to the ground at her feet. 'Whenever one of us makes it to bed the other is already asleep, and when I wake in the morning he's gone. We never seem to manage to be free during the day at the same time.' She didn't mention that the urge to seek him out and make time for the two of them wasn't as strong as it should have been, that she was more than partially at fault if they hadn't been together for some time.  _If he wants me, he should be trying as well_ , she thought somewhat petulantly.

'And Killian...' She paused, fighting the urge to look up as she heard a grunt of exertion that was definitely not David. 'He's been there for me lately, especially this last week. I just can't understand why.'

'Huh.' She didn't need to look at her to see the surprise on her face from her tone of voice. 'Do you really not understand?'

Sighing, she closed her eyes, pressing the heels of her hands against them firmly enough that she saw stars. Of course she understood why. She'd known it from the moment his lips had touched hers, even if it hadn't made any sense, even if it still didn't. Love at first sight was ridiculous,  _not_ that she thought he loved her, but... 'It's nice to feel wanted,' she mumbled, picking at her cloak.

'To feel wanted in general? Or wanted by Killian?'

And the truth of that question was what was eating at her so much. If it was just a physical attraction then she could manage that, could figure out how to deal with it, but this was more than that. She'd found it incredibly hard to hold him at arm's length even when she hadn't trusted him, and now that she'd realized that she trusted him with her life, it was harder to ignore just how much she appreciated him.

But none of that mattered. 'I love my husband,' she said firmly, turning from the yard completely to look at Tink squarely, who moved to face her properly as well.

'Do you really? Of course you do,' she said quickly when Emma opened her mouth to retort. 'But do you love him as much as you used to? When you met, when you were married? Do you remember what it felt like when you first kissed him?'

'Of -'  _course..._  Did she, though? She remembered those things, her wedding, their lives together, almost twenty years of it... But she couldn't quite grasp everything. She  _knew_  that they'd always been in love, but she couldn't completely remember their first kiss, or how it felt. Intellectually, she knew how it had felt, but she couldn't  _feel_  it.

That was normal though, surely, for people who had been married for so long.

'I have to go,' she said quietly, giving first the men and then Tink a quick glance. 'I'll see you at dinner, I'm sure.'

'All right,' Tink said, but she was already walking away. She knew that she was probably being rude, but she just needed a little time to herself, some privacy to squash all of those feelings down to where they belonged before they ruined her marriage or her friendship.

* * *

Killian had always been a much more even match with David than he was proving today, but he couldn't help but be distracted, knowing that seeing his upper body bare had flustered Emma even a little. He'd seen the flash of her hair as she'd left the yard just before David had jabbed lightly at his gut, and he'd dropped his sword with a wry grin. 'Perhaps I'll have better luck next time,' he suggested, holding out his hand with David shook with a smile and a nod.

'Luck has nothing to do with it, my friend. It'd be a pleasure to have another go at it sometime.'

'Are you saying that because you won?'

'Well...' he said with an innocent shrug, and Killian found it all too easy to laugh along with him. David personality was probably the most unchanged from the effects of the curse, and now that the King had warmed up to him, he found the familiarity refreshing.

Tink called his name, and he looked across to where she stood alone now, nearby the bench, hands clasped tightly in front of her. Something on her face implied urgency so after he'd returned his practice sword to its home and pulled his shirt over his head, he excused himself from David's presence as quickly as he politely knew how. 'What is it?' he asked.

She gave him a long look before a hesitant smile started to spread across her face. 'We might be making more progress than we thought, after all.'

He stopped short, grabbing her arm to make her halt, too. He was reluctant to get his hopes up but he was unbearably desperate for progress. 'Tell me,' he insisted.


	17. Chapter 17

'I thought all mermaids were... you know, maids. Women.'

'Because you're such an expert.'

'Well, I know a thing or two. You might not know this, Your Majesty, but I've spent more than a few years on the wilful seas,' Killian said with a purposefully arrogant air. 'It's always women that attack the ships.'

'Your attempt at being knowledgeable only makes you more ignorant,  _Captain._  There are as many mermen as there are maids, but the women are usually the ones who attack, because they are  _much_  more fearsome.'

Killian grinned. 'Oh, that I'll believe,' he said with a wink, and Ariel shook her head at him, clearly struggling to keep a smile off of her face.

The mermaid and her prince had appeared unannounced in the early hours of the morning, their ship a day's journey behind. They'd learned of Regina's attack and had come to offer whatever support they could when they'd realized that the enemies focus wasn't moving beyond Snow's kingdom. Ariel and Eric had been eager to see their friends so they'd swum the rest of the way, travelling much quicker than their ship, Ariel's magic cuff around Eric's wrist so that they both bore tails. He understood Ariel's obviously superior knowledge and experience, but he'd never seen a man with a tail before.

And still hadn't. Killian had been in his rooms in the castle when they'd arrived at the doors on two legs each, and his initial excitement at the presence of another person unaffected by the curse had faded quickly when he realized that if she saw him during formal introductions then her likely shock and confusion would be impossible to hide. And so he'd spent the morning hidden, pleading illness until Neal had been able to drag the mermaid away from her reunion with Snow and bring her to his rooms. Like the others, she'd remembered him and her true life as soon as she'd laid eyes on him.

Fortunately for her, her false memories and her life in the Enchanted Forest didn't overly contradict her real memories, not in any way that mattered, or so she'd claimed. It was as though the curse had never happened; she'd stayed with her prince, married, and was living her happily ever after. The only thing that worried her now was that she couldn't share the truth with Eric, but at least they still had each other.

He'd never been overly close with Ariel, but they'd been on good terms and now anyone who was on side was the closest of allies. He was quickly learning that although she was as kind hearted as anyone he'd met, her wit was just as sharp. Any sting from either of their words was erased as they both went from challenging smirks to easy grins.

Feeling eyes on him, he turned quickly so as to catch Emma's gaze before she turned away. She was sitting on the couch across from his in the small receiving room, nodding her head along to whatever Red was saying to her, but as he'd thought, she was watching him with a slight frown on her face. Ever since Tink had told him that Emma had confided in her about her attraction to him, she'd done her best to avoid him. He wasn't sure whether it was because she worried that Tink had told him or whether she was confused about her own feelings, but Killian was doing his best to pretend like nothing was different. He was torn between being hopeful that he was finally winning her over, and sorely missing her company over the last few days, but he didn't want to push her into any gestures or conversations about it; it had to be her decision, her feelings, that pulled them together, because it was her love for him that was currently lacking in the breaking of this damned curse.

So while he wanted more than anything to find out what she was feeling for him, he'd settled for remaining his usual annoyingly flirty self during the brief moments that they'd been together, hoping to nudge her in the right direction without forcing her hand. And so when their eyes met and she hesitated, her face softening in a way that he was certain was unintentional, he winked at her with his best smug grin, his tongue flicking out over his teeth in a way that was  _usually_  habitual but might have been a little more intentional this time.

It had the desired effect. Emma's cheeks flushed almost imperceptibly, except that he was looking for it, and her eyes snapped away from his to focus on David. Killian smiled tightly, wishing he could feel the excitement of the chase that he usually did.

Eyeing the wine in his glass, fancier fair than he was used to, he took a mouthful, using the moment to push down his worries. She might have been avoiding him, but if there had been nothing behind what she'd told Tink then it wouldn't have bothered her. It was a funny kind of progress, but progress it was.

While he'd been distracted with his thoughts, Ariel had engaged Snow in a conversation about her home kingdom. He made himself relax further back into his seat, lifting his glass and nodding to David, who sat beside him. 'I don't envy the lass and her prince their method of travel, considering how cold the air is at this time of year, let alone the coldness of the sea. I don't suppose you've ever travelled by mermaid?'

David chuckled, shaking his head with a grin and telling him that no, he'd never bourn a tail but Snow had, and he settled in for hearing the story that he'd already read time and again in Henry's book, willing to take any chance to pull himself closer into the family circle. He knew he still had a way to go, but his presence at this intimate gathering was a definite step in the right direction, and he'd take any help that he could get.

* * *

'Emma?' She jumped as fingers snapped in front of her face, almost spilling her drink. 'Have you heard anything that I've said all night?'

Giving her head a little shake, Emma looked around quickly to make sure no one had noticed her distraction before she turned back to Red. 'I'm sorry,' she said, rubbing at her eyes with her free hand. 'I've felt a bit at odds lately. You were talking about a discovery that Victor's made in his work?'

Red's eyes narrowed at her slightly. 'Yes, about five minutes ago. What's gotten into you tonight?' She paused, pursing her lips. 'Or not just tonight, isn't it? What's bothering you?'

She'd fielded questions like this all week, to reasonable success. It frustrated her, that she broke down after discovering her magical ability and no one batted an eyelid, but she withdrew because of a little crush that she'd developed on a friend and suddenly everybody wanted to make sure she was all right. Not that she could talk to anybody about either option, of course. She'd avoided Killian and Tink after her last conversation with the fairy, refusing to consider her suggestion and yet unable to think of a more appropriate way to deal with it. "Getting him out of her system" wasn't an option, hadn't even been something that she'd thought about until Tink had brought it up.

Since then, on the other hand...

No, all she needed was some space to sort her head out. And it hadn't even bothered him at all, had it? If he cared for her like she'd been led to believe, wouldn't he have tried to see her more over the past week? He'd sought her out only a few times, and hadn't pestered her when she'd told him she was busy; she wasn't sure whether she was more happy or frustrated by that, and that fact in itself bothered her more than she was ready to admit.

All of this was worrying back and forth in her head, but she didn't feel comfortable in talking to Red about it, let alone anyone else. The wolf was a close friend of hers, but she knew that her loyalty was to Snow before anyone else, and she wasn't sure she could trust her to keep the secret from her.

_Which wouldn't have been a problem, if you just spoke to her about it yourself. She's not going to judge you. She's not going to hate you._

Emma pushed all of those thoughts, and her worries, down as far as she could, forcing a smile onto her face that hopefully wasn't too obvious. 'It's nothing serious, I just have a few things on my mind. But they're mostly on the list of things that we're not allowed to talk about,' she said quickly, her grin becoming a little more genuine as she tilted her head pointedly in Snow's direction, suddenly all the more grateful that her sister had decreed that no words on the war, Regina or Rumpelstiltskin would be spoken for the night, while they were celebrating Ariel and Eric's arrival.

Red snorted. 'Yeah, well if you won't talk about it, then you have to deal with it in other ways.' Grabbing her wrist, she pushed her arm closer to her, lifting her wineglass closer to her face. 'Drink up. Go on, all of it.'

Emma stared at her for a moment before she laughed, raising her glass to her before tossing it back. She was starting to feel the effects of the wine that she'd already drunk, and as she swallowed the last of it and lowered her glass, and could immediately feel the alcohol going straight to her head.

'And now mine.'

Before she could protest, Red had replaced her now empty glass with her almost full one, had lifted it to her lips and Emma's options were to either open her mouth and drink or else spill all of it down her front. Even so, she couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of it, and ended up spluttering and almost choking.

She was still laughing as she wiped at her chin, checking to make sure that nothing more than a few dribbles had escaped and was slightly proud to realize that she hadn't made a complete mess of herself. It had been a while since she'd drunk more than a few glasses of wine with dinner, and maybe tonight was the time to let go and just let herself relax a little. Maybe this was all the she needed.

Both of their glasses were empty now, and since Emma had been the one who'd emptied them - Emma rolled her eyes  _hard_  - Red pushed her to her feet with an order for more. They'd dismissed the servants a little over an hour ago, more than capable of tending to themselves for a few hours and preferring the privacy. Neal glanced up from his seat beside Eric as she walked past and they exchanged a smile before he turned back to his conversation.

Setting their empty glasses down on the table against the wall, she unstoppered the bottle of wine and filled both her and Red's glasses, almost but thankfully not spilling any - where did she get the idea that she could handle her alcohol better than this? She was about to set down the bottle and make her way back to the couch when she heard a footstep behind her, the sound probably the only thing that stopped her from jumping when Killian spoke from immediately behind her. 'If you would, love.'

Keeping her back to him, she turned her head only enough to catch him out of the corner of her eye. 'I would have thought that you'd count it as bad form to sneak up on unsuspecting women,' she said neutrally, but she held her hand out for his glass all the same. The crystal felt cool in her hand in comparison to the warmth of his fingers as they brushed against hers,  _innocently_ , she was sure.

Biting her lip against a scowl - at herself more than anything - she filled his glass and then spun around, lifting her head proudly as she turned, her tongue ready for a sharp retort if he had anything untoward to say to her, but the words died on her lips as she saw the barely hidden concern on his face.

'Emma... Are you well?' He cleared his throat awkwardly, scratching at the skin underneath his ear. 'Not just tonight, you seem to be enjoying yourself well enough, but overall. I just wanted to make sure everything was all right. That you're all right.'

She tried to be annoyed, she really did, but it wasn't the same as when the others had asked, not at all. He  _knew_  that she had a reason to hide, to dwell in her misery and shut herself off, and even though she'd pushed him away every day for the past few, he'd still asked after her every day after that. The others did truly care about her, but he knew why she was out of sorts, most of the reason anyway, the only one that she'd let herself worry about. And he still stuck by her side.

Or was trying to, anyway. If only she'd let him.

Of course she cared for him. He was a good friend to her, fantastic with her children, close now with her family. She felt good when she was around him, because he was a good person, and somehow he'd found his way into her life. And of course she found him attractive, he  _was_. There was nothing wrong with acknowledging that, or that he mattered to her. He was a  _friend_ , and she wouldn't let herself lose that because she'd gotten the idea in her head that her feelings were more than platonic. She just had to stop putting these silly fancies into her head.

And so instead of pushing him away like her first defensive reaction had been to do, she handed his glass to him with a smile, knowing that he'd be able to tell how much of it was forced and how much of it was gratitude and apology. 'I'm well,' she told him, but from the look on his face she wasn't sure if he believed her. 'I see you and Ariel are getting on quite well,' she added, nodding behind him to where their guests were quietly talking together.

Killian kept his eyes on her for a few long seconds, and she fought the feeling that he was assessing her, hoping that he'd not push her for more at least while they were in company. They were far enough away that they probably wouldn't have been overheard, but she truly didn't feel like talking about Regina or magic. She didn't miss his small sigh as he turned to follow her gaze to Ariel, and while she knew that he saw straight through her, she felt relief that he was willing to let it drop, at least for now.

'Aye,' he said with a nod. 'We're both people of the sea, if in different ways,' he told her with a wink. 'I do prefer to be on the water than in it.'

She smiled at him automatically. 'Have they told you about the time that Snow became a mermaid, yet?' she asked.

'David told me all about it a little while ago.'

Silence fell between them for a few seconds, while she fought with the last of her hesitancy. After a moment she shook her head at herself and her own idiocy, before touching his arm gently to guide him back to the couches. 'Come on, I want to hear how much Ariel and Eric will believe about your world. And while you're at it, I'm still waiting to find out why you think I'd like that coffee drink so much.'

The next hour or so passed quickly, and Emma found herself relaxing and becoming more comfortable as the night wore on. She'd only met Ariel and Eric a handful of times due to how far away their kingdom was, but they fit in like any other part of their strange, extended family, and she realized that she was having a lot more fun than she had in a long time. Over the past few months, she'd only felt as settled as this when she'd been with her children or with Killian. Right now, she was sitting between Killian and Ariel as they argued over various types of sea creatures - Killian was adamant that a kraken was the most dangerous thing that he'd defended his ship against, while Ariel was convinced that mermaids could be far more deadly if there were enough of them (and from the barely hidden smirk on Killian's face, she was fairly sure that he agreed, and was only arguing for the sake of riling her up). When Ariel called on her for her point of view, she stared between the two of them in bewilderment.

'You both do realize that I've never fought against mermaids  _or_  a kraken?'

She didn't miss the look that the two of them exchanged, but the topic changed too quickly for her to pursue it. Emma let it drop, not overly bothered by it, and leaned further back into the couch so that the other two could continue their conversation around her. She joined in occasionally but for the most part was happy to listen to the others and just soak in the feeling of contentment that came from being surrounded by such a strong family.

A few drinks later, her head was swimming just enough to feel freeing, just enough for her words to get jumbled every now and then, as they enjoyed teasing her for. Snow had squeezed into the small gap between herself and Ariel to chat excitedly to her old friend, eager to tell her all about James, who Ariel had only met for the first time earlier that day. Letting her eyes slide almost shut, Emma pressed herself further back into the couch, relishing in the warmth that seemed to be surrounding her on all sides.

Until the warmth on her left stiffened, and she realized that the warmth was an actual, physical thing, not just the alcohol or in her mind. And that warmth was Killian.

Opening her eyes, she raised them slowly until they met Killian's. He was watching her cautiously, likely anticipating some kind of defensiveness from her, but she was done with letting this make her feel any more awkward than it already had, for tonight anyway. They were just having fun, she was enjoying herself a lot more than she'd expected to tonight, and she didn't want to move. Smiling at him faintly, she relaxed again, trying to ignore the warmth of his body from where they touched from shoulder to knee.

After a moment he relaxed as well, and she smiled again at how comfortable he felt to lean against. Catching that thought just a little too late, the smile dropped from her face and her eyes flew to Neal, who was sitting across the room beside Ruby, completely oblivious to her and her internal struggle. After a moment he glanced up and, catching her eye, smiled at her.

Resiting a frown as she wondered whether he should have reacted differently in some way to her being pressed so close to another man - but then, no one else seemed to find anything strange in it either - Emma went to turn her head to speak to Killian, but when she turned it was to find him closer than she'd suspected, leaning across her to answer a question from Snow. Her heart jumped to her throat at the lack of space between them, at the way that his thigh pressed harder against hers as he leaned over her, and suddenly it didn't feel like there was enough air in the room. Her eyes flew over the side of his face, the long lines of his neck, and she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, desperately trying to force down the heat suddenly flooding her body -  _that was caused by the wine, that's all, you've had too much, that's all._

'I might retire,' she said quickly, quietly, forcing a smile to Snow as Killian slowly leaned back in his seat and she could breathe again, if only just. Killian offered her his hook and she took it without thinking, using it to help push herself to her feet, the metal feeling cool under her warm fingers. She dropped it as soon as she was upright. 'I'll have to be up early with Eva.' They'd been lucky with the brief respite that Granny had offered them, Eva and James spending the night with her in the nursery.

Snow smiled at her warmly. 'I don't think I'll be too far behind you,' she said, hiding a well timed yawn behind her hand. 'We'll see you in the morning, Emma.'

She turned to Neal, who shrugged at her apologetically. 'I might stay for a little while. I'd not wait up for me.'

'All right,' she said, explaining away her relief in that she'd get to sleep easier if she fell asleep alone. Saying a round of good night's to everyone, she turned to the door and found Killian standing in her way, a his lips twitching upward.

'Would the lady allow me to escort her to her chambers?' he said, his smile spreading wider into a dumb grin, and she couldn't help but laugh at him.

'I know where to find my own rooms,' she told him, shaking her head at him in exasperation.

Catching his tongue between his teeth, he leaned in toward her and lowered his voice. 'Perhaps, love, but not everybody missed the fact that you stumbled twice from your seat to the door,' he said, offering her his arm.

Ignoring the fact that he was probably laughing at her, she eyed it warily for a few seconds before slipping her arm through his and resting her hand lightly on his forearm. She let him lead the way down the hall toward the staircase.

'I'm not that drunk, you know,' she said when she realized that they were walking quite a bit slower than necessary. With that statement, however, she overstepped onto her skirt, causing her to stumble and for Killian's free hand to reach out and grasp hers.

'I can see that,' he said, his voice full of laughter, making sure she was steady before he started walking again.

'How are you so bloody steady?' she grumbled, not caring enough to curb her language and knowing it was useless in her present company anyway.

He chuckled, and she smiled. 'Oh, lass. I'm surely as far gone as you are, but I've had quite a few years to learn how to hold my drink,' he pointed out, then paused. 'Does this mean that you're not avoiding me anymore?' he asked carefully.

Tilting her head to the side, she raised her eyebrows at him. 'We're not going to talk about that,' she told him firmly. She realized vaguely that she probably should have denied that she'd been avoiding him at all, but was too tired to be bothered caring too much about it.

'Aren't we?' he asked, and she couldn't tell whether he was still laughing at her or not. He looked happy, at least.

'No. We're not talking about whether I was, or why I was, or why I'm not anymore. All right?'

'All right, love,' he said gently.

Killian helped her up the stairs and down the hallway to her rooms, stopping outside her door but now that they were here, Emma felt more restless than tired and knew that she wasn't anywhere near as close to sleep as she'd thought she'd been. Killian moved to pull away, but she tightened her grip on his arm before he could. He looked down at her inquisitively, and she struggled to righten her thoughts.

She did let go of his arm, after a moment, and took a step towards the door, opening it but not going in. 'Would you like to come in?' she asked him nervously. After barely seeing him for the past week, she wasn't quite ready to let go of the good feeling that she had from being around him again. 'For another drink,' she added. 'Unless you're tired, but you didn't say...' It felt as though her heart was beating in her throat. She realized that she was fiddling with her skirts, twisting them between her fingers, and flattened her hands against her stomach.

'If you're sure,' he said, smiling at her easily and she let out her breath, opening the door and then closing it behind him after he'd followed her into her sitting room.

There was a lantern burning on a table near the door, turned down low to preserve oil, and she used the flame to light a candle, then that one to light several others around the room, giving them enough light to see by. Killian stood by the door as she worked, and she was proud of herself for only fumbling a few times. There was a nervous energy thrumming through her bones, pumping through her blood, an anxiety that she couldn't explain, a mix of the alcohol and adrenalin but where had that come from? 'There's some wine in that cupboard,' she said, pointing over her shoulder as she waited for the wick to catch on the last candle. 'Normally I keep some rum in here, but it doesn't get drunk often and I think the bottle's empty.'

'You keep rum in your rooms?' Why did he sound so surprised? And... pleased?

She threw a glare at him over her shoulder before she turned and walked back to him, managing slightly better in the now-lit rooms. The candles threw a warm light over the room, shadows flickering across the walls in a way that she'd always found fascinating, but it couldn't hold her attention now. 'I like the taste,' she told him defensively, crossing her arms over her chest.

'Ah,' he told her, waggling his eyebrows at her in a far too knowing way that she wasn't sure she understood, but she enjoyed watching him so playful. 'In that case,' he said, reaching into his coat, 'perhaps  _I_ should be offering  _you_  a drink?'

When his hand emerged, it was wrapped around a flask, the same one she'd seen him drink from occasionally. He shook it gently, the contents swishing around and indicating that it was perhaps half full. 'Is our wine not good enough for you, Captain?' she said teasingly, reaching out to take the flask from him.

'Everyone has their preferences, love,' he told her as she removed the cap, sniffing at it before raising it to her lips and taking a sip. The rum burned her throat a little but wasn't unpleasant, so she took another, longer drink, hoping that it would settle the anxious, churning feeling in her stomach that only seemed to be building.

He said nothing as she lowered the flask, didn't protest when she started examining it rather than handing it back to him. She traced her finger over the patterns and intents in the metal. 'You've had this a while,' she observed. 'It's well loved.'

He watched her more seriously now, and when he smiled it was with less humour and more memory. His eyes were on her, not the flask, flickering over her features as though he wanted to commit her to memory as well. Did he always look at her like this, or was his guard just down tonight? 'It's been well needed,' he admitted, more than a tinge of sadness to his voice.

She didn't want that. Not tonight, not when she was feeling so good. Maybe being apart from him was what had had her feeling so strung out over the last few days. Hiding her smile, she took another mouthful of his rum and then stepped closer to him, stopping the flask as she did so. 'I quite like it,' she said, holding it out to him. 'I think I might keep it,' she said as he reached for it, pulling it back sharply, unable to keep herself from laughing at her own ridiculousness as his fingers grasped air.

'Emma,' he said warningly, but his voice was full of indulgence and amusement and only made her feel better, stronger, warmer, so when he tried to reach around her to where she was holding his flask behind her back, stepping so close to her that she could smell the rum and wine on him, his usual scent of leather and spice invading her senses, she turned her head slightly and leaned into him, pressing her lips against his.

His sharp intake of breath mirrored her own, his whole body seeming to stiffen, and for the longest second she was terrified that she'd been wrong, that she'd been imagining things and he didn't want her, but she pushed that down with every other thought clamouring for her attention. Just letting herself feel, she slid her hand up around his neck and threaded her fingers into his hair, pulling him closer and kissing him harder, and it was that extra motion that seemed to drag him out of whatever shock he'd been stuck in. He let out his breath heavily and then groaned as he finally kissed her back.

The arm that had been reaching around her closed around her waist, pulling her fully against him but it wasn't enough. Dropping the flask, she reached up and grabbed the collar of his coat, using her lips to push his apart and sighing when she finally tasted him, her tongue slipping past his lips to brush against his. That anxiousness from earlier had disappeared but the restlessness was still there, combining with a need for closer and more, and  _now._

His left arm replaced his right around her waist, and then his hand was in her hair, his fingers scratching at her scalp and it felt better than it ever should have done. After a few seconds they broke apart, both of them gasping for air but she couldn't bear the distance between them, trailing her tongue along his jaw before kissing at the skin where his jaw met his neck, relishing in the resulting moan that fell from his lips. 'Emma,' he murmured, and she'd never heard her name said so reverently as when he spoke it. 'Emma, wait.'

'For what?' she mumbled against his skin.

'This isn't... We shouldn't...' She felt him swallow, could almost feel him as he struggled against herself. 'I -'

When his hand settled on her shoulder and pushed her away, she reluctantly let him, but only so she could see his face. She cupped his cheek with one of her hands, forcing him to look at her, a little overwhelmed but only spurred on by the way his eyes seemed to have darkened. The tightness in her chest felt like warning, but she needed to chase the pulling feeling drawing her closer to him. 'You make me feel good, Killian. More than I remember feeling ever before. I... I think I need this right now. Unless...' she said, the tumble of words stalling as her doubt hit her again, her hand leaving his skin to hover above it, uncertain. 'Unless you don't want -'

His hand closed around her wrist, tugging her towards him roughly and then his mouth was on hers, kissing her desperately, kissing her as though he'd been wanting to ever since she'd pushed him away after the first time (he probably had - she probably had). Pressing her body against his, she pushed his coat off of his shoulders before slipping her hand underneath his shirt, unsurprised to find his skin hot underneath her touch.

The only thing she could feel was him, the only thing she could think of was him, so she barely even noticed when they stumbled backwards until her back hit a wall and then he was against her, his mouth leaving hers to trail down her chest with hot, open-mouthed kisses, pausing only to tug her bodice down to reveal her breasts. Her eyes slid back and then closed as he took one of her nipples between his lips, tugging on the other one as he sucked and licked and then biting back a moan when his teeth scraped across her sensitive skin.

The feeling spiralled straight down to her core, an aching so strong that she couldn't wait, couldn't think. Pulling him back up to her, she kissed him again, her hands on his hips pulling him against her more fully and she could feel the evidence of his arousal pressing hard against her stomach. He groaned when she cupped him through his trousers, the leather leaving little to the imagination, and she tugged at the laces until she could push his trousers down far enough to pull him out, her own arousal tightening as he groaned under her touch.

She tugged at her skirts with her free hand, pulling them up around her waist. He tried to help her, and she didn't care when his hook ripped through the material, didn't care about anything other than how his hand felt as it skimmed her bare thigh before grabbing it properly, lifting it over his hip and she gripped onto his shoulders with both hands, lifting herself on him to wrap her other leg around him as he pressed her against the wall with a combined coordination that managed to surprise her despite her distraction. She could feel the length of him against her right  _there_.  _'Killian.'_

'Are you...' She could feel his hot breath uneven against her neck. 'I...' Whatever he'd been wanting to say dissolved into a groan and he ground himself against her, his cock sliding against her easily thanks to how ready she was for him.

She didn't want him to be a gentleman, she didn't want him to be unsure, she just wanted  _him._ 'Please,' she managed, but that was enough. He pulled back just enough for her to reach down between them, helping to line him up and then with a curse that was mostly unintelligible, he surged forward, filling her in one fast movement, the two of them gasping as one, her arms tightening around his neck and his fingers dug almost painfully into her thigh.

It was too much, too much too fast but at the same time she needed more. He pulled out, and when he thrust back into her she angled her hips upwards, encouraging him deeper and she moaned loudly when he filled her, pressing her mouth against his neck to muffle the sound.

'Bloody hell, Emma,' he groaned as he started to find a rhythm, dragging along her insides deliciously with every movement. 'You feel incredible, wrapped so tightly around me, I've -' She cut him off with her mouth on his, fingers twisting in his hair as she kissed him desperately, messily, unable to get enough of all of the sensations flowing through her.

Even before she felt the tension starting to build in her stomach, it felt like nothing that she'd ever experienced before. It felt right in a way that she couldn't explain, the way that they moved together, the way that their pleasure seemed to fuel the other's, how even though he was fucking her hard up against the wall, everything about it felt true. And when it did start to build, it was as though a heat was spreading all throughout her body and focusing in her core. His mouth had been all over her shoulder but he pulled away. 'Emma, Emma,' he mumbled, his nose brushing her jaw and then pressing his cheek against hers. 'How could you ever doubt that I want you?'

His voice was strained, his movements becoming erratic and she could tell that he was close.

_It's never felt like this before._

'I want you Emma, so badly I can't think for it.'

She clutched at him tighter, her fingers scratching at his back as she tried to hold onto him.

_Maybe this is what it feels like to be loved._

'I've always wanted you. I want all of you.'

His voice broke, ended in a gasp.

 _Maybe this is what it feels like to_ be _in love._

_I love him. I do._

The knowledge hit her like a shock but before she could process it, the emotion was being swept up with everything else that she was feeling, the pressure in her core and in her heart rising and rising before it burst outwards, her back arching and her body trembling as she felt herself coming around him. She felt him stiffen, felt him jerk once more against her, cursing through his own release before he leant forward on her more fully, breathing heavily.

Her heart was racing, but as it started to slow, her thoughts could not. Squeezing her eyes shut, she pressed her face against his shoulder, trying to push it all away, but the harder she tried, the harder it pushed back. She couldn't be in love with him, she  _couldn't._  She was  _married_ , happily married and in love with her husband.

_But it didn't feel like this._

_How could something so wrong feel so good?_

Even as she had that thought, the guilt started to creep in, slowly at first and then like punches to her gut. The realization that Neal could be there at any minute jolted her into action, pushing him away from her, dropping her skirts back down over her legs and pulling her bodice back up to cover her breasts, ignoring how the material rubbed against her still sensitive nipples. She refused to acknowledge the thought that she felt colder now that she was no longer in his arms. In her periphery, she saw him quickly tuck himself back into his trousers and adjusted the laces, before he reached out to help her. Seeing her dressed, he stepped back up to her, resting his hook on her waist and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, probably making no help to her likely dishevelled appearance. Moving his hand to cup her cheek, he smiled at her softly, the happiness in his eyes filling her heart and breaking it at the same time.

He leaned in toward her. She turned her head.

There was a long pause before Killian sighed, lowering his arms to hang loosely at his sides. 'Emma -'

'You should go,' she said, her voice strained.

His face fell almost painfully. 'Emma, wait -'

'I can't!' Turning her back on him, she took a few steps, hoping that space would clear her head but it didn't, not while he was here. 'You need to leave. I can't do this.'

He didn't speak, but she heard his footsteps approaching her and braced herself against him if he grabbed her. When he walked around her instead to stand in front of her, she kept her eyes on the floor, not wanting to read his emotions on his face or let him see the cause of the blurriness of her vision. She stiffened when he brushed his fingers against her arm, suppressing the urge to reach out and take his hand, to pull him close to her. 'I meant what I said, Emma. I want all of you. Every frustrating, stubborn part.' His fingers trailed down her arm until they reached her hand, and he twined his fingers with her reluctant ones, raising them almost to his lips before he hesitated, sighed and let them go. 'But only if you want me, too.'

Panic stabbed at her, that he wouldn't just let this go - although why she expected any different was beyond her, since  _she'd_  been the one to instigate everything tonight and  _what kind of a person was she?_  She looked up at him incredulously. 'Don't you see how wrong this is?' she said, her voice full of distress.

She would have preferred his anger to the determined look on his face. 'All I see is you,' he said, so much honesty on his face that felt it tugging at her heart, but she couldn't, she  _couldn't._ 'And I know you see me too,' he continued. 'I will win you over.'

She swallowed hard, dropping her gaze, increasingly afraid of what she saw there. Why wouldn't he just leave? 'I'm not free to be won, Killian. Please, I just need you to go.'

She held her breath as he walked toward the door, fighting the burn in the back of her throat and the tears that still threatened to fall. He opened the door but hesitated before leaving, and when he spoke, his back remained to her so that she couldn't see his face.

'Every woman is free to be loved.'

She managed to wait until the door had closed behind him before she let out the sob, barely muffled with her fist pressed against her mouth, sinking to the ground where she was.

When she saw the flask on the ground beside her, she drained it before throwing it angrily across the room.

* * *

Emma feigned sleep when Neal came to bed over an hour later, staring at the wall in the darkness long after his gentle snoring had filled the room, unable to let her thoughts rest.

The fact that she couldn't get Killian out of her head was what haunted her most of all.


	18. Chapter 18

Lifting the bottle of wine high above her glass, Emma watched in fascination at the stream of liquid that poured into the glass on the table, not a drop of it spilling.  _Because tonight I'm apparently in good control of my actions,_  she thought sullenly.

She was hiding in the kitchens, having escaped the formal welcoming feast for Ariel and Eric under the guise of needing some fresh air, but if she'd actually gone outside then she would have been found sooner rather than later. She just needed two minutes to think, to figure out how to function and to get a hold on the mess that had been her emotions all day. It hadn't helped that Killian had been seated just a few places from her and Neal. Every time she looked up he was there, talking quietly with the people either side of him but never looking at her, not when she looked at him. Whenever she wasn't, though, she could feel his eyes on her, breaking through the semblance of control that she'd built up around herself.

She'd managed to avoid him and everyone else all day, complaining of a weak stomach but she hadn't dared miss the feast in case it was called attention to and someone sought her out to check her health. She'd sat through it as long as she could, pretending that nothing was the matter, trying to put on a brave, sociable face but Neal's insistence on bringing Killian into their conversations had proved to be too much, and she'd fled for a moment of solitude, asking the cooks as calmly as she could to not inform her family that she was there.

She wanted to hate him. A part of her did, the part that blamed him for not pushing her away. A tiny part of her argued that he'd taken advantage of her, that she'd been too drunk to know what she was doing and that he should have known better, but the thoughts were half hearted and she couldn't bring herself to actually agree with them. She had been the one to invite him in for a drink, to kiss him, to force things further. She'd practically begged him to take her, up against the wall like a whore outside a tavern. Once he'd stopped resisting though, she'd never felt so much passion as she'd felt from him then, so much pure, unchecked need...

There was only so much that she could blame the alcohol on, as well. She might not have acted on her impulse had she been sober, but the fancy had been there for a lot longer than the previous night.

That didn't make her hate herself any less. She wasn't a wilful child, with no knowledge of responsibilities. She'd known that what she was doing was wrong, but had tried to convince herself that because it didn't feel wrong, then surely it couldn't be as bad as she feared.

Things hadn't looked such in the cold light of morning.

Neal hadn't noticed anything amiss, and when she'd told him that she felt unwell and was going to stay abed, he'd asked after her briefly and then left to go about his day. She'd wanted to call him back, to bid him back to bed even if it was just to hold her, to offer her a measure of comfort, but she knew that she no longer deserved comfort from him. Even if he didn't know what was eating her up inside, his all but dismissive manner had been exactly what she'd deserved. She couldn't tell him, didn't have the courage to admit the shame of what she'd done to him.

When had things started to fall apart so spectacularly? She couldn't even fault Neal for being the only distant person in their marriage lately, but surely it hadn't always been so bad. They'd been together for almost twenty years, they had loved each other -

 _We_ do _love each other_ , Emma thought firmly, her back straightening and her hand tightening on her glass, but then she sighed and took a long drink. But after last night, she wasn't entirely sure that she really knew what love was. What she felt for Killian had to only be a mixture of lust and friendship, surely.

_Women don't sleep with their friends, unless there's more to it than that._

_Every woman is free to be loved._

Groaning aloud, she pressed her hands to the side of her head, trying to block out all of those offending thoughts, grateful that the cooks were at least pretending not to pay her any attention. Picking up her glass, she brought it to her lips again, but a voice behind her stopped her before she could drink.

'You are rather ill, I see.'

Sliding her eyes closed, Emma took a deep breath before opening them again and lowering her glass, turning around to face her sister. Snow stood behind her, looking probably as out of place as she did in her finery amongst the bustle of the kitchen, her expression the same as her tone: neutral, with a tinge of amusement. If it had been anyone else, she'd have expected her to be annoyed at having to seek her out during a feast and catching her in a lie but of the two of them, Snow had turned out to be the one for rebelling, and so the smile that spread across her face was one of understanding.

Raising her glass to Snow with a nod, she drained her glass before pouring another. 'Well to be fair,' she said, 'I was feeling ill this morning,' she told her. 'I just chose not to mention that it was self inflicted.'

Snow laughed lightly. The melodic sound was one that usually started to cheer Emma up straight away, but she had a feeling that nothing would be easing the guilt that was eating away at her any time soon. 'And the best remedy is to put yourself in the same situation tonight?' she asked, gesturing to the almost empty bottle on the bench by Emma's elbow.

Shrugging, she raised her eyebrows and slowly drank the rest of the wine in her glass, making a sound of appreciation as she finished. 'Well, I certainly can't feel any worse, can I?' she muttered, more to herself than anything.

Snow frowned. 'You don't mean physically, do you? What's wrong?' She reached out to touch her arm gently. 'This isn't like you, not at all. Is it still bothering you to have Regina here?'

Suppressing the urge to groan, Emma just sighed and nodded. 'I don't really want to talk about it.' If her family thought her so weak willed that she was still struggling with the idea of a witch being held in a magic-less dwarf-made cell beneath their feet, then she wasn't going to dissuade them.

_You don't need to. Just because they don't know why you're so weak willed doesn't mean that you're not._

'All right.' Snow just looked at her for a few seconds, and she fought the urge to shift awkwardly under her gaze. 'Are you too drunk to come back to dinner? You've been missed.'

There was no judgement in her tone, but there was a firmness that told Emma that there was no point in pretending from here on in. Ariel and Eric might be friends, but they were still guests, and Snow would have every intention of treating this night, at least, like a formal event. Which meant that she couldn't be absent for too long, and Emma had to either pull herself together and join her, or stick with her tale of illness.  _I am not weak willed._  'I'm not too drunk,' she said, pushing herself up from the stool and leaving her glass on the table.

Linking her arm through hers companionably, Snow led the way back through the corridors to the main hall. The closer that they got to the hall, the more Emma wished that she'd stayed in the kitchens - she didn't want to feel those eyes on her. She didn't want to think about him, or what he felt like, or what he tasted like or the way he'd sounded when he'd moaned her name -

'Do you think that Killian and Ariel might know each other?' Snow said, her abrupt question and it's subject making her jump a little. 'I know it's a silly idea, since I can't think of any reason for them to not mention it, but they seem to be getting on incredibly well. You'd think that they've known each other for years.'

'I don't know,' she said tiredly, wishing more than anything that she could just block him out of her mind. 'I don't really want to talk about Killian.'

'Oh?' Snow paused, before her brows drew together in a deep frown. 'But the two of you spend so much time together. I thought that you were good friends. Has he done something?'

'No,' she said quickly, before catching herself. It wasn't up to her to defend him, especially from something that she was trying so hard to pretend wasn't flooding her mind. 'I just... It doesn't matter. I'd rather not talk about it,' she said, momentarily grateful when they approached the doors to the main hall. Joining the others was marginally better than avoiding the topic with Snow.

Or at least she thought so, before she found her way back to her seat, and could feel two sets of eyes on her. She wasn't sure which made her feel more uncomfortable.

She kept her eyes on the table in front of her as she took her seat. Neal's hand landed lightly on her lower back as he leaned into her, his face an expression of mild concern. 'Are you all right? You were gone for a while.'

'I'm fine,' she said with a tight smile.

'No one will mind if you retire early,' he said gently.

'I'm feeling a lot better,' she said pointedly, and after a moment he let his hand drop. Leaning back in her chair, she snuck a glance down the table, regretting it immediately when she found deep blue eyes staring back at her. With a look that she was beginning to get used to on him, he watched her with concern plain on his face, and she looked away quickly, frowning hard at the table in front of her. What right did he think he had to worry about her?

Why was it that he was the only person who didn't listen to her when she said that she wasn't all right?

The night dragged at a snail's pace, the wine in her cup the only thing keeping her anything close to sane. She'd have preferred rum to get her as intoxicated as she was, but didn't dare let herself taste that spirit any time soon. Neal seemed to be in a good mood but was quickly as drunk as she was, and the more she drank the more determined she became that she could fix things, if only she tried hard enough. Her marriage might have been untangling, but only in her mind, and all she had to do was put in an extra effort to heal things before the cracks became too noticeable. Perhaps it was a good thing that Granny was watching Eva again tonight.

Instead of retiring when she started to feel tired, or when Snow and David excused themselves, she stayed awake, hoping that her battle of awkwardness, shame and resolve didn't show too much on her face. She even managed to force a smile for Killian when he bid them a good night, his reluctance obvious to her even when she hadn't been able to properly meet his eyes.

It was a while after midnight when Neal announced that he was heading to bed, and Emma eagerly agreed with him. The two of them and Tink were the only three who were still seated at the main table, joined only by a few stragglers in other parts of the hall, and when Emma stumbled as she stood up, her body suddenly reacting to the amount of wine that she'd drunk over the night, it was Tink who grabbed her arm to steady her. 'Emma, are you all right?' she laughed, waiting until she had her footing before she let go.

'I've never been better,' she said, and wondered afterward whether she'd sounded sarcastic or not, and whether she'd intended to or not.

'I think you need to get some sleep,' the fairy said, sending a look toward Neal that she didn't have the effort to interpret.

'Yeah, Ems,' Neal said after a moment, his arm coming around her waist and she leaned into him. 'Let's get you to bed.'

The trip up the stairs took a lot longer than it should have, or at least she thought so, but Neal helped her when she tripped on the steps, and the two of them laughed when he tripped as well, grasping onto her to keep himself upright. They said goodbye to Tink at the end of the corridor that led to their rooms, the fairy giving Emma a kiss on the cheek and a warm smile.

Following the formal dinner, there was a servant waiting in their rooms to help her out of her dress, and Neal had managed to undress and don the loose trousers that he wore to bed by the time that all of her buttons were undone and she was changed into her own nightclothes. She bid the girl a quick goodnight, hastening her out the door before crawling into bed beside Neal. He smiled at her briefly before reaching over to extinguish the lamp, but she leaned across him to grab his arm before he could. 'Wait,' she said, and he turned back to look at her inquisitively.

She shouldn't feel so nervous about being in bed with her own husband. Not letting herself think about it, she lifted her other hand to wrap around the back of his neck, pulling him towards her as she leaned in to kiss him.

He responded immediately, his lips moving against hers in the same way that they'd always done, and she felt herself relax slightly into him. He was warm and safe and familiar, which was exactly how he was supposed to feel.

But there was no thrill, no excitement. He was warm, but there was no  _heat_.

Determined to create some, she tightened her grip on him, parting her lips against his and urging him to do the same. Pulling on him gently, she leaned back, trying to pull him down on top of her, but his arm came out to stop himself and hold himself up and she fell back onto the bed alone, the kiss breaking.

Neal stared down at her for a long moment before moving away, the bed dipping as he pushed himself off of her and rolled back to his side. 'You should get some sleep, Emma,' he said quietly.

She lay still for a few seconds, her thoughts slow to catch up and her vision swimming slightly, before she sat up quickly, turning to face him. 'I'm not tired,' she said, reaching over to rest her hand on his thigh, not missing the way he tensed as she did so.

'I am,' he said, shifting his weight, the movement causing her hand to slip from his leg.

She lowered her eyes to it, frowning, hating the churning feeling in her stomach that she was pretty sure was dread. She was right, things weren't the same between them anymore, but she was trying to reach out to him and fix things and he was pushing her away. Didn't he see that things were falling apart, or did he just not care? 'You don't want me,' she said dully, suddenly unable to look at him.

He sighed, taking her hand in his and trying to thread their fingers together. 'It's not that. I really am tired, and drunk -'

'It's not just now, though,' she said, pulling her hand away and pulling the bed covers up to her chest. Suddenly she felt naked and uncomfortable, despite her modest nightgown and the fact that it was her husband beside her. 'It's been months, Neal. Don't you see anything wrong with that?'

 _Don't_  you  _see anything wrong with what you did last night?_

Distressed, she forced those thoughts down, afraid of what she might do or say if she let them free. She might be a terrible person, she might not be fit for anyone but at least she was trying. Even now, when she'd confronted him about how she felt, he didn't offer her comfort, didn't reach out to her. When she finally raised her eyes to him, all she could see was frustration and awkwardness. 'Emma. This happens sometimes after a while. Maybe we both just need to make a bit more of an effort.'

Which she was trying to do, and he was closing himself off to her. 'You don't want me anymore,' she said, swallowing hard. Hurt mixed violently with the guilt and anxiety that was leaving a heavy ball in her stomach. 'After everything... You don't love me anymore.'

He made a sound that she tried hard not to think of as irritation. 'Emma, please. I love you. And we're both drunk and tired, but I do want you.'

 _How could you ever doubt that I want you?_  The words swam around her head, mixing with her thoughts as she watched him as closely as she could, trying to convince herself that she was wrong, she was drunk and it was affecting her ability to tell truth from lies, something that she'd always had a knack for but right now she had absolutely no clue. What she could tell was the tired, dismissive way that he spoke, completely in contrast to  _I've always wanted you._

And just like that, she could feel Killian on her again, in her, around her, wanting him so badly and not just bodily. He'd never made her feel like this, like she was anything less than who she was or who she wanted to be. He made her feel better, made her feel stronger, and she'd been feeling far less than strong lately.

And that wasn't right. She needed to feel like this with her husband, not with the man who was not. Shifting onto her knees, she reached across for him, pulling him closer to her and kissing him with as much feeling as she could muster.

It took him a moment to react, but she blamed the alcohol for that. Slowly, his hand came to rest on her hip and she grasped the other in hers, squeezing it tightly before wrapping it around her waist. Pushing the blankets out of the way, she crawled into his lap, straddling his thighs and pressing her chest against his. His hand tightened on her hip as she deepened the kiss, ignoring the unrest that she still felt.

 _But it doesn't matter_ , she thought. She didn't need to tell him, it wasn't going to help either of them and apparently they were broken enough as it was.  _I can fix it. I will._

Grinding her hips down against his, she tore her mouth away from his for long enough to gasp in a breath and let out a frustrated huff, that she could couldn't feel his body responding to her like she needed. It was the alcohol, she reasoned, continuing to rock against him, moaning to encourage them both. Grabbing his hand again, she brought it up to cup her breast, and when he groaned and started to knead at it through her clothes, she finally felt him start to harden against her.

Pulling away for breath, Emma gave herself only a moment before she started to kiss her way down his jaw to his neck, sucking on the skin there, causing Neal's hips to jerk up against hers. 'Emma... fuck...' he muttered, his forehead falling against her shoulder. A muffled noise falling from his lips, he brought his arm more fully around her and flipped them both, so he lay above her and between her legs.

With that motion, the sick feeling in her gut intensified and when she started to taste bile she knew that it wasn't just in her head. She pushed him away roughly, barely managing to get him off of her and roll over before her stomach was heaving, her dinner making a reappearance, coming up to spoiling the rug at the side of the bed.

Neal cursed quietly, his arm coming around her to steady her and she clung onto him, coughing when her stomach seemed to still but it only lasted a few seconds and she was retching again. They stayed like that for a few minutes, leaning over the edge of the bed, Neal stroking at her hair to keep it out of her face. By the time she leaned back against him, spent, her skin was clammy, her stomach aching and her throat felt like it was on fire.

Avoiding looking at the mess that she'd made lest it start her up again, Emma squeezed her eyes shut but she could still smell it. 'I'm sorry,' she mumbled, wiping at her mouth with the back of her hand, and she was apologising for a lot more than just the mess on the floor. Her eyes started to prickle and then her vision was swimming again, before hot tears started to fall down her cheeks. She'd failed him so badly, and forcing the issue now when they were both drunk was clearly doing the opposite of helping. All she wanted was for things to go back to how they'd been before. 'Neal, I'm so sorry.'

He ran his hand over her back soothingly, but the action couldn't relax her. 'Don't worry about it. I'll get someone to clean it up. Can I get you some water?'

The stress of her day had caught up with her, hitting hard and she suddenly felt tired to her bones. All she wanted to do was sleep, and she told him so in barely a whisper. He helped her back into bed, wiping gently at her cheeks before pulling the covers around her. 'I'll be back in a minute.'

Resting her head down, she squeezed her eyes shut, gripping at the pillow tightly and pressing her face against it.

When she woke up the next morning, she didn't remember if she'd stopped crying before she'd fallen asleep.

* * *

Killian woke early, but took his time washing and dressing. He'd never been quite able to get out of the habit of rising with the sun from his years at sea, but the opposite habit of Emma's had transferred across to her new life. She might not lie abed until lunchtime anymore on all of her free days, but he wouldn't expect her to be awake quite so early after the amount of wine that she'd gone through the night before.

He tried not to think about the night before that, but it was never far from his mind for long.

He hadn't meant for it to happen. He hadn't wanted to push her into that situation, or force her hand in anyway, but he'd never been able to resist her. Each day that passed was a test of his patience, and when she'd stood before him, looking up at him with need in her eyes - both physical and emotional - he hadn't been able to stop himself from showing her how much she mattered, that she was important, how much he loved her. He wanted to give her more, he wanted to give her everything, but he'd been too desperate himself, longing for any sign of receptiveness from her and unable to control himself when he'd found it.

And the price for that was the shame on her face when they'd come back to themselves.

He was done pretending. He wouldn't press her for anything, wouldn't push himself on her if she didn't want him (although he hoped with everything in him that it was still the case). But he wouldn't hide the extent of his feelings anymore, not from her. He was done biding his time - now it was time to fight for her.

Straightening his vest, he left his rooms, closing the door behind him and making his way through the corridors to the room where the family ate breakfast. Unable to help himself, when he passed the passageway that would lead to Emma's room he glanced down it, hoping that he might run into her and have a chance to speak to her privately.

Emma wasn't there, but Neal was, walking toward him and looking worse for wear. Killian stopped, waiting for him to catch up, and didn't miss the way that Neal seemed to hesitate when he caught sight of him. 'Rough night?' he asked. Neal made a noncommittal sound before falling into step beside him. Starting to feel concerned, Killian frowned at him. 'Is Emma all right?'

The heavy way that Neal sighed didn't help ease his mind. 'She'll be okay,' he said. 'I don't think she was prepared to be quite so hungover. She'll be along in a minute.'

Looking over his shoulder quickly to make sure that she wasn't coming up behind them, Killian stepped a little closer to Neal and lowered his voice. 'I think we're making some progress,' he said, unable to keep it to himself any longer. He wasn't sure progress was the right word, but they'd definitely taken a step in the right direction, even if they'd stepped right back afterwards.

Neal glanced up at him, his brow puckered. 'What do you mean? Are you sure?'

'Aye.' He looked at his sideways, raising an eyebrow. 'I'm not giving you the details,  _mate_ , but we became reacquainted a little more after we left the other night.'

'Oh,' Neal said, sounding subdued, before he stopped, and Killian had to turn around to look at him., wondering at the realization on his face. 'Oh, crap. You better figure all of this out soon, because she's not coping with it well.'

His heart sank at the idea that Emma was handling it as badly as she'd seemed to be last night - she'd put on a brave face, but she'd barely looked at him and he'd been able to see how tense she was - and he felt a little guilty for feeling glad that things were moving on. 'Has she said anything? Or...' He trailed off, thinking back of Neal's previous words. He'd been surprised that Killian had seen any progress at all. 'Has she said...' When something caught his eye he paused again, his eyes narrowing at Neal's neck, trying to figure out if it were just a trick of the light, a shadow. When he saw that it wasn't, his blood ran cold. 'What's that?' he asked stiffly.

Neal's hand clapped against his neck, but not quickly enough to erase the image of the mark on his neck, the kind that came from kissing and sucking and passion. A small part of his mind tried to reason with him, to suggest that it could have been made by Tink, but he knew that neither of them were stupid enough to leave marks when they weren't supposed to be together, and there would be no caution in Neal's eyes if he didn't have anything to hide.

Stepping forward angrily, he bared his teeth in a snarl as Neal stepped back, keeping a few feet between them. 'You were going to keep your distance,' he said, unable to keep the anger from his voice. 'You said -'

'I tried, all right!' Neal's expression was as much irritation as it was defensiveness now, but Killian couldn't care less for his excuses. 'She was miserable all night last night, and drank herself stupid to try and escape that. And then she started accusing me of not loving her and not wanting her anymore. What was I supposed to do?'

Killian's temper, which had been hanging by a thread as it was, snapped at the affronted tone of his words. His arm moved before he could think, his fist colliding with the Neal's jaw. 'So you fucked her?' he growled, clenching his fist tighter as Neal staggered back. 'Is this what you've wanted all along?'

Rubbing at his jaw, Neal glared at him but didn't move to retaliate. 'Don't be a fucking idiot, Killian. I didn't sleep with her. You  _know_  who I want.'

'But why can't you have everything in the meantime, right?' Throwing away any semblance of restraint, he stalked up to Neal, twisting the neck of his shirt with his hook and throwing him back against the wall. 'You don't deserve her,' he hissed.

' _What are you doing?_ '

Just like that, all of the tension drained out of him at the sound of her voice, but it was with more reluctance than he thought possible when he let go of Neal's shirt. Before he had the chance to turn around, Emma's hands were on his arm, pulling him around to face her and away from Neal. There were bags under her eyes, which were red as though she'd been crying or hadn't slept, and the rest of her face was pale. She looked tired and worn, but it was the horror in her eyes that made his heart sink so quickly. He'd hoped never to see her look at him like that again.

'You don't understand,' he began, but she silenced him with a terrified, pleading glance. He swallowed the words automatically, then was immediately frustrated by this game that he was determined not to play anymore. 'No. No, Emma, I need to -'

'You don't need to do anything,' she hissed. 'You have no right...' She stopped, glancing across at Neal quickly before ducking her head. 'I don't know what the two of you are fighting about,' she said, and the cold, detached manner in which she spoke sent a trail of dread down his spine, 'but I think you've outstayed your welcome, Killian.'

Any thoughts of anger at Neal fled his mind, leaving only trepidation and disbelief. 'Emma,' Neal said beseechingly, but she held her hand up to stop him, and Killian couldn't spare him a glance because he couldn't look away from Emma, panic rising quickly as he realized that his chance was slipping away.

'Please, love,' he said quietly, not caring that Neal was there, not caring what he heard or what he thought. If she kicked him out of the castle, kicked him out of her life, then there was no chance that the curse would be broken, no way that he'd get his family back. He reached out for her, but let his hand drop when she leaned away.

'You shouldn't call me that,' she said, her voice so quiet that he had to strain to hear her. 'I have to fix my family, Killian.' Finally, she looked up at him again, and all he saw was sadness. And that her hands were shaking, but he didn't dare take them in his to still them. 'I need you to leave for me to do that.'

He stared at her in disbelief, unwilling to accept that it was over so easily, when they'd been so close (but had they?). 'Emma... Don't throw this away... I lo-'

'Don't say that!' And just like that her walls were up again; it was just his luck that one of the traits that she'd regained was one of her harder ones. 'I'm not going to ask you again,' she said, her voice wavering slightly but her head high. 'Just... just go.'

He opened his mouth, to argue, to plead, to beg, to tell her the truth of everything if it would help him, but she was already turning away from him, turning her back and hastening down the corridor, lifting her hand to her face and his words were lost to him, leaving only a hollowness that felt like failure and alone.

Feeling lost, he looked up to Neal, who only shook his head helplessly, one side of his jaw red and starting to swell slightly. 'I'll do what I can,' he said quietly, 'but a public display is only going to make things worse.'

He knew the truth in his words, but that didn't mean he liked any part of them. But when Neal started after Emma, there was nothing he could do but return to his room to gather his things, trying to keep his emotions in check at least until he was alone.


	19. Chapter 19

The rum burned his throat, but it was the only thing that felt familiar, and Killian couldn't bring himself to stop.

The common room of the inn had been loud and rowdy, busy in the midday rush, and he'd had no patience for the customers or the staff alike so he'd paid for a room and a bottle and had hidden away with his misery. Finding no chair was no chair, he'd kicked off his boots, shrugging off his jacket and settling on the bed, but his mood was restless and the mattress lumpy. It was all he could do not to drive his hook into it or the wall in frustration, destruction feeling like the only way to ease the anger that he felt. He knew that it would make no difference, so instead he sought oblivion.

It wasn't supposed to be like this. He couldn't remember what he'd been expecting when he'd first returned to the Enchanted Forest, but he'd never thought that it would take this long to win Emma over. He'd known her marriage to Neal wouldn't make it easy, but despite his initial worries he hadn't been too worried about getting her to fall in love with him again. The years that they'd spent together had given him confidence, had made him arrogant. He'd still felt that spark between them, that connection that had been there from their very first moments.

But after all this time, it was still more one sided than he'd hoped. She'd warmed up to him, felt enough for him to make a drunken mistake, but she'd still chosen Neal over him. She'd still pushed him away, forced him out of her presence.

True Love's Kiss hadn't worked. He'd kissed her with all he had, pouring every ounce of the love and adoration that he felt for her into the kiss but it hadn't been enough. Months later, she still hadn't fallen in love with him, and the defeat felt so much more bitter the second time around. He'd pushed down those doubts that morning, optimistic that he was close to winning her over, but now that he was back where he started - no, worse - it was all that he could think about.

Raising the already half-empty bottle to his lips, he gulped down the rum, chasing his thoughts and hopes away, drinking until he spluttered. He'd been so hopeful earlier, sure that their dalliance must have meant something, sure that she wouldn't have started something unless she felt  _something_  for him, but it wasn't enough.

He was never enough.

Were those few years together in Storybrooke all that they'd have? He should have made more of an effort for her, shown her every moment of every day just how much she'd changed his life. In his eyes, she was the sun, bringing light to even the darkest places of his heart. She was everything.

But he wasn't hers, at least not anymore. Perhaps this whole thing had been a waste of time. Everyone else was at their happiest, living their happily ever after, so maybe she truly was happiest like this.

Perhaps she was supposed to be with Neal after all.

When he raised the bottle to his mouth again and found it empty, he tossed it across the room, not flinching as it smashed against the wall. A second later he was on his feet, stalking across to where he'd thrown his jacket, fumbling through the pockets but his flask wasn't there.

His breath caught in his throat.  _Was it still in Emma's room?_

His mood was growing more and more bitter, a combination of hopelessness and anger rolling over him and there was not a bloody thing he could do about it. If he returned to the castle then she'd just get her guards to toss him out, and he didn't think that he could bear to see her walls up so strongly again. It had been years since she had been so closed off to him - even when he'd first arrived she'd been more open than he'd expected, but as the months had passed she'd become more and more like the Emma that he knew. He'd thought that it had been a sign of the curse weakening, but apparently he'd been mistaken. He hadn't cared; he loved her as she was now and as she'd been, all he'd wanted was for them to be together with Henry.

And Eva. His head dropped into his hands, gripping at his hair, pulling on it as though the pain would drown out the thoughts. He knew in his heart that she was his daughter, could feel it in his soul when he was around her. Her smile lit up the room and he could have survived on her laugh alone. She was so much more than he ever could have hoped for in a child, but he would never know for sure if the curse wasn't broken.

If Emma wouldn't let him back in, would he be able to see her grow up? Would she live her life thinking Neal was her father? Would she be happy?

He felt the ache of it all through him, the need to have his family in his arms. He'd never felt so  _alone_.

He considered leaving, but disregarded the idea before it could form too definitely. If she missed him then it would work in his favour, but he couldn't leave her behind, couldn't be parted from her again. Those years without her had only been weeks to his conscious mind, but any time without her was far too long. Spending the day apart from her, knowing that she didn't want him there, was already too long.

He needed more rum. (He needed her in his arms, his nose in her hair, her laughter in his ears).

Putting his boots back on, Killian left his room and went downstairs in search of more drink. The common room was quieter now at midafternoon, and after exchanging some coins for another bottle and a disapproving look from the innkeeper, he found a corner to tuck himself into and drink the rest of the day away. Raising the bottle to his lips, he paused before drinking, frowning as a humming sound reached his ears. Lowering the drink, he cast a quick look around the room, relieved to see the other patrons looking around in confusion, grateful that the sound wasn't in his head.

Whatever it was, he decided after a moment that he couldn't care less, and turned back to his table and his solitude. It was barely a minute, however, before the buzz of worried conversation became too much to ignore, and his shoulders tensed when he heard a shout from just outside the inn, followed by the all too familiar clash of steel on steel.

He certainly wasn't in the mood to deal with whatever brawling was going on outside, and when the fighting only got louder and innkeeper ushered his serving girls upstairs, he decided that he agreed wholeheartedly with that idea. Standing up, he tucked the rum under his left arm and turned toward the stairs, pausing with a frown when he caught a glimpse out of the window.

It didn't look like just a random street brawl. He only had a narrow view of the street from where he stood, but he could see men fighting with swords and knives and fists, armoured men fighting soldier and commoner alike, and an uneasiness started to twist in Killian's stomach. He frowned when he heard more cries and fighting coming from further down the road, then stopped himself when he realized that he'd taken a step toward the door.

 _It's not my problem_ , he reminded himself. He wasn't responsible for these people. He wasn't a hero. He thumbed at the hilt of his sword, fighting against the need to protect these people because they  _weren't_ his people, he wasn't welcome here. The Captain Hook of old wouldn't have gotten himself stuck in a street fight unless there were something in it for him.

He was broken out of his indecision when a young man, looking about Henry's age, bumped into him as he ran past, a long, worn dagger in his hand. The man paused, glancing over Killian and taking in his sword, and Killian raised his eyebrow challengingly at him obvious assessment. He didn't seem to notice, however, barely stopping before continuing toward the door of the now empty common room. He wasn't sure when the room had emptied. 'Don't just stand there, man. Protect your city!'

He was out of the door before Killian could respond, and he was glad for it too, for he was lost for words.  _Protect your city._  What if it was more than just a brawl on the street... But this wasn't his city, wasn't his home. The only people that he cared about were in the castle and safe from whatever was going on outside.

Turning away from the front of the inn, he'd barely taken a step toward the stairs before a green glow flew over his shoulder, materializing into a full grown, angry fairy in front of him. Tink's hands landed on his chest, stopping him in his tracks and scowling up at him. 'What the hell do you think you're doing?' she said incredulously.

Killian looked at her blankly for a few seconds before knocking her hands away and patting the bottle under his arm. 'Drowning my sorrows, love,' he said, his voice deceptively light and only so due to the rum that he'd already downed. 'If you don't mind,' he added, ducking around her and stepping toward the stairs.

Her hand closed around his arm and tugged him back to her, and when he turned back to face her it was to find her hovering a foot above the ground so that she was looking down at him, and he thought idly that when she wasn't so clearly annoyed at him, he'd have to tell her how well that tactic worked. She glared at him through narrowed eyes, grabbing the bottle from under his arm and tossing it away, and he flinched at the sound of it shattering on the floor.

'What is wrong with you?' Tink hissed at him, and his brows raised automatically, taken aback. Did she really not understand why he wanted to be alone? She continued before he could protest. 'Things are falling apart out there, and you're hiding in here with your rum?'

'Falling apart?' he sneered, pulling his arm from her grip hard enough that she stumbled. 'I'm pretty sure Snow's men can handle a little scuffle.'

'Scuffle?' Tink stared up at him, surprise clear on her face. 'It's not just on this street, Killian, there's fighting everywhere. It looks like Rumpelstiltskin's sneaked hundreds of people into the city, they weren't too far off of breaking through the castle gate when I came for you.'

'Then why are you here?' he snapped at her, trying to force down his immediately worry for his family in the castle. 'If things are so dire, why aren't you warding them off?'

' _You_  should be fighting them off, you idiot. You should be protecting your family, protecting your home.'

'This isn't my home -' he began.

'Oh, shut up,' she said, cutting him off, lowering herself to the ground. 'I heard about what happened. Right now I don't care, and you shouldn't either. You should be making sure your wife and daughter are safe, and doing what you can to help them protect  _your home_. It's not just the fighting, Killian. What do you think that sound is?' She waved her arm above her, and the strange humming sound came to his attention once again. 'Rumpelstiltskin is draining the magic out of the barrier to remove it, and I should be with Blue and the others, trying to stop him from doing just that.'

'So I repeat,' Killian said, fighting against her in an attempt to ignore the large part of himself that was giving into anxiety, 'why are you wasting your time with one man?' One useless pirate.

'Because you're not just one man,' Tink yelled, exasperated. 'You're Captain bloody Hook, and you need to suck it up and fight for your family.'

His eyes slid shut, blowing out his breath as worry finally broke through his defences. She was right, he should be there for them. When Regina had attacked, he'd been by Emma's side, and what if she needed him again this time around? Regina, in all her dark glory, was a malicious darkness, but the Dark One was worse for his fickleness, and who knew what he'd do to those who were hiding his son? Assuming that that's what he was here for.

One person might not make a difference in the grand scheme of things, but hopefully it would make a difference to the people that mattered.

'Lead the way,' he muttered, gesturing toward the door and then rubbing at his face against the headache that was starting to form.

Tink took off immediately, heading to the back door of the inn through the kitchen, sparing only a quick glance at him as they came out into the empty alleyway and started making their way toward the castle. 'How drunk are you?'

He huffed a laugh, drawing his sword. ' _Now_  you think to ask? I'm fine,' he added to her pointed look. There was nothing like a magic attack from an enemy to sober him right up.

They kept to the backstreets and alleyways, only encountering a few hassled looking people as they headed toward the castle. At each cross section he could see men and women fighting on the main street, and the sounds of people fighting and dying became louder and louder as they neared their destination. The thought made him feel sick now, that he'd so easily dismissed the commotion in favour of his own misery. He'd tried to convince himself that he was putting it beneath him, but he'd only been hiding.

That wasn't him. Captain Hook fought for what he wanted. Killian Jones fought for the people he loved.

The closer that they got to the castle, the thicker the fighting became, spilling into the alley that they were running down, and Killian's sword was bloody by the time their destination was in sight. Tink stayed behind him, wringing her hands anxiously and making regular sounds of frustration at each delay that they came across. 'Some assistance wouldn't go amiss,' he said pointedly, throwing her a glance over his shoulder.

She patted his back quickly before darting around him to the end of the street, ducking into the doorway of an empty shop and peeking back out around the edge of the building to the large courtyard in front of the castle gates. 'I need to save my magic to deal with that,' she said distractedly, waving her hand vaguely upwards. 'Speaking of, I need you to make your own way in from here,' she added.

Coming up close behind her, he leaned around her, taking in the scene in front of him. There was a formation of Snow's guards a dozen men thick that were holding the castle gate, but between the guards and Killian were Rumpelstiltskin's men, bakers and smiths and guards alike, trying to force their way in.

'I need to join Blue and help to try and stop Rumplestiltskin from breaking the barrier,' Tink continued, wincing as the humming noise intensified slightly.

'How long do you think we have?'

'I have no idea, but his dark magic can't cross it until it's down. Even if he succeeds, maybe we'll still be able to hold him off for a while.' She paused, her eyes darting over the scene in front of them. 'If you can make it through to the guards, you'll be able to get inside and to Emma.'

Turning slightly toward him, she reached up to squeeze his arm and he caught it there with his hook, unwilling to drop his sword. They stared at each other for a moment, and he saw in her eyes everything that he was trying and failing to bury - frustration, worry, a need for this whole thing to be over. He was tired, so tired, and he knew she felt it too. 'If you see her -'

'I know,' she said with a tight smile.

He paused, swallowed. 'And you, be careful -'

'I know, Killian.' Giving his upper arm another quick squeeze, she shrunk down to her smaller size, her glow enveloping her figure as she darted forward and up toward the higher levels of the castle. Before she was out of sight, Killian's eyes were back on the swarm of men in front of him.

Hefting his sword, he ran out into the courtyard, trying to stay small and overlooked as he weaved in and around people to begin with, trying to make his way through at least part of the crowd before he had to start fighting his way through. He had to assume that they were here of their own will and not under some form of compulsion because the magical barrier would have kept them back if they'd been corrupted with dark magic, but there was the chance that if they had their true memories, then Rumplestiltskin's side might not be the side that they'd choose.

When the ducking and weaving wouldn't do anymore, he had to force his way through somehow. The men trying to advance on the gate didn't seem to know whether he was friend or foe at first, and he used that to his advantage to make more ground, pushing his way through and keeping his sword pointed low. When a man did advance on him with a shout, he almost didn't get his sword up in time, distracted as he was on trying to move forward, and that made a quick end to his peaceful tactic.

Even so, he tried to aim his blows to incapacitate rather than kill. He ducked under one man's blade, reaching out with his to slice at his thigh. The man dropped his sword, both hands clutching at his leg and Killian shouldered him out of the way, already forgotten as he pushed forward. His head darted around, constantly taking stock of his immediate surroundings, and when it looked like he had a clear moment he craned his neck, sucking in air to catch his breath as he tried to gauge how much further he had to go.

There was only a few paces between him and a slew of familiar faces, members of the guard that he'd seen around the castle, some of whom he'd even gotten to know reasonably well over the last few months. They remained in formation, not letting any of Rumpelstiltskin's men through their ranks, taking care of the enemies at the forefront quickly and efficiently. It looked like their strategy wasn't to push the men away from the gate, only stop them from advancing, and each time one of Snow's men fell, another stepped in to quickly fill his spot. His eyes swept over them quickly, shifting his grip on his sword, but then his throat was constricting and his breath catching when he spotted a face that he knew far more intimately.

Pushing his way to the front of the soldiers guarding the gate was Henry, sword in hand but wearing not an inch of armour as he fought, his brow furrowed in concentration. As he watched, he took on him, but as dread knotted tightly in Killian's stomach his view was obstructed with an angry face, a shout and a dagger. Biting off a curse, he made quick work of the man, his previous good intentions discarded as he redoubled his efforts to reach the soldiers.

 _Bloody idiot,_  he thought, feeling anger and alarm in equal measures as he tried to focus on the people around him instead of what Henry was doing. He knew that he was a grown man now, knew that he could take care of himself but  _what was he thinking_ , putting himself into the midst of the fighting when there were men around to do just that? He should be with his family, with his mother and his sister, protecting them while others focused on protecting the castle. His buried his sword in a man's chest, growling when another came at him at the same time, catching and twisting the attacker's short sword with his hook before flicking it away, driving that hook into his neck. Tugging both weapons free, he turned back toward the gate.

Before he could take another step, however, a loud cracking sound filled the city, momentarily interrupting the humming noise that hadn't stopped since he'd first heard it, and it seemed to act as a sort of signal to Rumpelstiltskin's men. They surged forward as one with a roar, a man running bodily into him and causing him to stumble, and in the moment that it took him to straighten himself, the soldiers had reacted. Crying out Snow's name in synchrony, they started to advance, all but the last few rows of their numbers finally pushing back on the crowd.

He felt his chest tighten, and not from exertion. The fighting became thicker but more demanding as Snow's soldiers spilled forward and intermingled with their attackers. It wasn't a stupid strategy; everyone in the guard would have been trained and adept as fighting numerous enemies at once, but his only thought now was for Henry, and seeing him to safety.

He knew Henry was capable, and skilled with a sword (and that he'd hate him for wanting to drag him out of the fray), but his first real battle shouldn't have to be at such close quarters and  _with no bloody armour on._

He was going to kill the lad. As soon as he was safe.

With the bulk of the soldiers scattering amongst the other men, he lost sight of Henry and spent the next few minutes searching desperately for him between blows. Thankfully, most of the guards seemed to recognize him and some of the attackers mistook him for one of their own, so he wasn't targeted from all sides as he'd feared he might be. He was hesitant to call out for him since he couldn't see him, worried about distracting him at the wrong moment.

The need for that very thought only angered him further and he struck out with an increased fervour. A blade sliced into his upper arm and he twisted to face the man who held it, barely feeling the pain in his left arm as he disposed of the man quickly before moving on. He could feel a trickle of blood down his arm mixing with sweat but he didn't take the time to acknowledge it, pushing forward, forward, forward.

The tightness in his chest eased as he finally laid eyes on Henry again, fighting off two men just a few paces from him with a skill that he wasn't sure he'd possessed at his age. All he had to do was retrieve him and then they could make their way to the gate, find Emma and Eva and the rest of their family, make sure that they were safe before Rumpelstiltskin broke through. When he did, he knew that Emma's magic might be needed to subdue him, and he wanted to make sure he was there for her safety and to encourage her to embrace her power. He didn't care that she'd banished him, that she hadn't wanted him. None of it mattered anymore, not to him, he only needed to be with her.

One of the men Henry fought fell to his knees, and he turned to face the other more fully. Killian's attention was taken by a long knife in front of his face, and only his quick jerk backwards stopped him from losing an eye. Even so, he felt a sting at his brow as the blade cut him, and responded with a quick thrust and a snarl, barely paying attention to the man's grunt or where he collapsed. Looking back up, he found the way between him and Henry surprisingly clear.

Henry's opponent dropped, and Killian opened his mouth to call out to him, but hesitated when the lad started turning in his direction anyway. As he did, something else caught Killian's eye, the man he'd previously thought had been taken out pushing himself up onto his knees, supporting himself on one elbow while the other hand lifted his sword.

He was too far away to reach him, his heart stopping when he saw the man's intent. Henry continued to turn, a grin on his face when he caught sight of Killian, quickly becoming uncertain at the expression that must have been on his face. 'Henry, watch -  _Henry!_ '

But the man was too quick. Killian's warning turned into a strangled cry of panic as his sword came up and plunged into Henry's gut.


	20. Chapter 20

After making sure that Eva was safe in the nursery, guarded by Granny with her crossbow, Emma went in search for Henry. She knew that she should be by Snow's side, supporting her and David's command, but she also knew she wouldn't be able to breathe freely until she knew that her children were safe.

It was bad enough that she had no idea where Killian was; if he was still in the city, perhaps caught in the fighting or -

No.

She didn't have  _time_  to worry about him.

She'd fought with Neal before she'd left him with Snow and David and their guard, insisting that he had to stay with them or at least out of sight - with Regina out of the way, it was safest to assume that Rumpelstiltskin was here only for his son, and she was fairly confident that it wouldn't be for good reasons. Of course he'd protested, but the guards had listened to her order over his, and she was confident that they'd keep him out of harm's way.

She didn't waste time denying the truth of where Henry would be, since it quickly became obvious that he wasn't with anyone in the family. She tried to keep her heart out of her throat as she ran through the corridors and down the staircases, glad that any of the enemy that had infiltrated the castle seemed to have been taken down already, for while she came across a few still bodies, none of them were alive or at least conscious, and she was conscious of her lack of a weapon. The smart thing to do would have been to take one off of the slumped bodies that she passed, but she didn't want the pause or the weight to slow her down, at least until she found her son.

Assuming he hadn't gone  _out into the city._

Pushing down that stupid, stupid thought, she flew down the last few steps to the ground floor. The entrance hall was filled with soldiers, facing the castle doors, which were closed for the first time in years but not properly barricaded. She darted through the room, eyes quickly searching faces for Henry's but finally settling for one that was familiar enough when she reached the doors. 'Devin,' she called, slipping between people and raising her eyebrows in question when he saw her. 'Are you in charge here?' she asked as she caught up to him, her hand landing on his arm.

He nodded down at her, sparing her a brief smile. 'I am, Your Highness,' he said, and in any other circumstances she would have snapped at him for using her honorific since she'd known him since he was a child, a foster taken in by the castle's nursery. 'The gate is still holding,' he continued. 'We have a few score men on the outside of the gate, and more in the courtyard between the gate and the doors. Both have been barricaded, but the door here only lightly in order to let more men through if we need, but no one's getting through without our will just yet.' His smile became just a little softer. 'You're safe enough for now.'

She shook her head, waving away his assurances - they mattered, but not foremost right now, not to her. 'That's not why I'm here,' she said, gripping his arm a little firmer, and the way his face tightened told her that he already guessed at her reasons. 'Is Henry guarding the gate?' She bit her lip, hoping that it was the case because as much as she'd rather he not be, it would be a better option that finding out he was out in the streets somewhere.

'He is,' Devin admitted reluctantly. 'Any extra help is appreciated, Emma, you know that.'

Gritting her teeth to avoid snapping at him, she dropped her hand, balling it into a fist at her side instead. 'Let me through,' she said, trying for calm and failing miserably.

His face hardened, losing its personal touch. 'You know I can't do that.'

'Then send someone else through for him.'

'I can't open the doors here unless it's absolutely necessary, let alone raise the gate to search for one man.' She opened her mouth to protest and he stepped closer to her, eyes darting around at the men nearby and ducking his head. 'You know he wouldn't abandon his post anyway.'

Frowning at him - mostly because she knew that he was right and didn't know what to do about it - Emma quickly thought over her options but came up blank. If this kind of worry was what it meant, then she wasn't ready for Henry to grow up, to be out of her protection. Leaving without knowing that he was safe hardly seemed like an option, but she couldn't do anything for him from here.

Before she could come close to deciding, the sound of the gate rising came to her ears, competing against the cries and clashes of fighting and the cursed humming sound caused by Rumpelstiltskin's attempted draining of magic from the barrier surrounding the city. She looked hopefully to Devin.

'They'll just be letting more soldiers out to defend the gate,' he explained quietly. 'In a few minutes they'll -'

'Captain! Open the door!' The words were followed by a hammering against the heavy wood.

Devin's brow furrowed. 'They're supposed to wait until after the gate's closed and secured,' he muttered, the sound of the gate still lowering reaching their ears. 'There's a protocol, soldier,' he yelled through the door.

'Open the bloody damned door,' another voice shouted, this one more familiar and Emma felt immediately anxious at the desperate tone in Killian's voice. 'Your prince needs aid!'

'You open that door, Devin,' she growled, and this time he nodded without argument, the closest men stepping forward immediately to remove the heavy bar blocking the door. 'Henry?' she called, worry making her chest feel heavy. 'Killian?'

There was no response from the other side but a violent curse followed by hushed, frantic talking that didn't seem to be aimed at her. As soon as the barricade was lifted and the doors opened the barest amount, she slipped through, ignoring Devin's protest.

She took two steps before her body froze, her blood running cold as her eyes landed on Henry, lying on his back with his head raised and supported by Killian's arm. Killian's other hand was pressed to Henry's stomach, and Emma's hands flew to her mouth when she saw the blood staining his torn shirt and seeping through Killian's fingers. 'No,' she gasped, falling to his side opposite Killian, one hand gripping tightly at his arm while the other grasped at his face, feeling only the barest amount of relief when he responded with a groan and she realized that he wasn't dead. 'No, no - no Henry, this can't -' Her throat constricted and the words wouldn't come but they were meaningless anyway, pointless and hopeless and  _how could this have happened?_

She was barely aware of Killian's loud request for the soldiers to give them space, only vaguely noticing that they gave them a reasonable berth as they moved forward to replace the men that had been sent through the gate. Henry's breathing was shallow and his skin pale, his face contorted in pain and she felt sick to her stomach at the sight. Heat pricked at the back of her eyes and her vision started to blur. It took her a moment to realize that Killian was saying her name and she reluctantly glanced up at him. 'Emma. I need your help. Can you focus? For Henry?'

 _For Henry._  Swallowing hard, she bit down on her lip hard enough that she tasted blood. 'I can't lose him -'

'And you won't, but you need to listen to me.' He spoke quickly and firmly, but the panic in his eyes belied the confidence in his words. 'I need you to put both of your hands over mine.'

'Killian -'

' _Trust me_. Do it.'

She placed both of her hands over the one covering his wound, one over the other, and had to hold back a sob at the slick heat between their hands. 'All right. Now I'm going to slide my hand out from under yours, and I need you to press down as hard as you can. Do you understand?'

'Mother,' Henry said weakly.

She looked to him immediately, leaning toward his head. 'Henry, I'm here,' she began, her voice cracking but Killian cut her off again.

'Don't talk, Henry,' he said urgently. 'Emma, now, are you ready?  _Now._ '

His hand slipped out from underneath hers and she pressed down with as much effort as she could muster, her face crumpling as she felt the gash in his belly and blood quickly seeped through her fingers to coat her hands. 'Killian,' she sobbed, 'I-'

'Focus,' he insisted, and she bit into her lip harder, willing her heart to stop racing and her shoulders to stop trembling but how was she supposed to not panic when there was so much blood? Killian pressed his fingers to Henry's neck, pausing for a moment before his jaw set and he looked back to her. He was covered in blood as well, but apart from a cut above his eye, she couldn't be sure how much of it was his. 'You have to heal him.'

It took her a moment to understand what he meant, but when she did she froze, fear thrumming through her. 'With magic? I can't.'

He met her gaze, his eyes pained but sure. 'You have to. Magic is his only chance.'

She stared down at Henry desperately. Magic was for destroying, for breaking and abusing. 'Victor -'

'There's no time. We could get to your doctor but he'd stand no chance with ordinary methods now.'

Her lower lip trembled, and as she watched Henry's eyes scrunch closed and heard his groan of pain, tears started to flow hot and heavy down her cheeks. She felt lost, so lost. 'Killian, I - I don't know how.'

'Look at me,' he said, his voice softer now and she tore her eyes from her son to meet his, feeling more helpless than she could remember being before. 'I know you can do this. Magic is about emotion - everything that you're feeling right now, you need to use it. All of that love, that fierce need to protect, it's a tool that you can use to save Henry's life.'

The faith in Killian's eyes and words was too much and she looked back to Henry, feeling those emotions in every inch of her, along with a boundless terror. She'd never tried to control the magic before, had only used it that once, protecting Killian (not quickly enough) and trying to kill the Evil Queen. How was she supposed to use that power to heal? Was she even strong enough?

Swallowing against the burning in her throat, Emma tried to gather herself, to think past her feelings and pull them all together into something useful, but as her hands warmed in a way that was entirely unnatural, they also started to shake, and she cried out helplessly when more blood escaped from Henry's wound. 'I can't. What if I make it worse?'

'Swan, there isn't much worse than this,' Killian said, his voice strained, and she ignored the strange nickname in favour of the intense way he stared at Henry. His fingers felt for Henry's pulse again before cupping his cheek and tilting his head towards him. She wasn't sure what he was looking for, but after a second he removed his hand, leaving a bloody handprint in its wake, before sliding his other arm out from underneath Henry's head, resting it gently on the stone ground. 'We might just have time, but we need to move quickly. We need to get him to Regina.'

Her eyes snapped up to him incredulously. 'You can't be serious.'

He met her gaze firmly, his jaw set in a hard line. 'Do you trust me?'

'Yes,' she said automatically, not questioning her lack of hesitation. She trusted him unquestionably with her life, and with Henry's. 'But -'

'Then trust me on this. Regina will heal him.'

Sucking in a deep breath, she let it out with a shudder. 'All right,' she said, and he started moving immediately, unbuckling his vest of all things, which he did surprisingly quickly with his one hand. 'Surely it's not safe to move him.'

'He likely doesn't have enough time for us to bring her back here,' Killian said, folding his vest a few times until it was a thick square, then reaching over Henry to tear a long strip from her ruined skirt. 'When I tell you, I need you to remove your hands so I can press this against the wound.' He lifted Henry slightly to slip the strip of fabric under his back, and Emma winced against the loud groan that left Henry's lips. 'Then I'll need you to tie this as tightly as you can, so there's as much pressure on the wound as possible. As tight as possible, Emma, do you understand?'

'I understand,' she said weakly, then shook her head, gritting her teeth against her uncertainty. She could do this, at least. When Killian gave his mark she moved quickly, pulling her hands away and immediately reaching for the ends of the fabric, pulling it over the makeshift padding. As soon as Killian's hands were free she secured it as tightly as she could, tugging hard on the fabric and tying a firm knot to keep the padding in place and as much pressure on it as possible. 'Will that work?' she asked doubtfully.

'It'll help to control the bleeding a little,' Killian said, moving to Henry's other side so he could tuck his left arm under his knees and his good arm around his back, lifting him carefully. When Henry cried out in pain Emma reached for him instinctively, grabbing onto his arm. 'Hopefully for long enough. Let's go.'

Emma led the way through the small gathering of men who were still in the entrance hall, caught between wanting to run for the dungeons and check her pace to Killian's, keen to stay near Henry. Despite Henry's added weight, Killian followed her quickly down the stairs, clearly trying to jostle him as little as possible, but her son's gasps, groans and cries still seemed to echo off of the walls. When she heard Killian grunt she twisted her neck, her eyes looking quickly to Henry, but kept her pace. 'Is he...?' Her breath caught at the amount of blood that was colouring their makeshift bandage.

'He's fine,' Killian said, and even though the words were far from true she knew that that wasn't what he meant. When he shifted his grip she caught sight of his torn sleeve, fresh blood in an area that couldn't have come from Henry.

'You're hurt,' she said, her gut wrenching as things fell apart a little more around her. They reached the bottom of the final staircase, the entrance to the dungeons before them, and she paused, but he nodded her onward.

'It's nothing,' he said dismissively, but she didn't miss the way that he was blinking blood out of his eyes, too.

'I'm going to run ahead for her,' Emma said, ignoring her own fears of how dangerous Regina could be.

Killian nodded and Emma stepped up to him, squeezing his arm as she pressed her lips against Henry's forehead, trying not to dwell on how clammy his skin felt. He responded only with a quiet moan and although she knew unconscious was bad, it was better than dead and they'd made it this far. 'You won't need to convince her,' Killian told her. 'Just tell her Henry's life is in immediate danger and she'll come.'

Nodding quickly, she didn't bother to question him, turning quickly and running through the underground corridors. Regina's cell was at the very end of the tunnel, but fortunately there weren't many prisoners deemed as dangerous as her and this part of the dungeons wasn't very large. As she rounded the last corner, Regina was already standing at the bars of her cell, likely drawn by the echoing of Emma's hasty footsteps. 'Emma? What's happening?'

Ignoring her question, Emma went directly up to the lever, pulling on it and raising the gate. Instead of running or disappearing into thin air like she'd feared, Regina just stood there with her eyebrows raised, clearly surprised. 'Henry's badly injured, my son,' she said, unable to keep the desperation out of her voice. She tried to continue, to beg or plead or whatever it took, but Regina was already moving, striding toward her quickly with a stricken expression on her face and Emma didn't question it. Turning, she started running back down the tunnel, grateful to hear Regina pick up her pace behind her.

She's barely taken two steps, however, when there was a loud crashing sound from above their heads and the tunnel trembled. Emma stumbled, then flinched away automatically when Regina's hand closed around her arm to support her, pressing down the panic that the witch caused because it was currently the least of her problems. 'What was that?' Regina muttered.

'Rumpelstiltskin must have drained all of the power from the barrier,' she said, realizing that the humming sound had stopped. What was going on upstairs, then?

'If he hasn't just poofed straight into the castle then he's toying with us,' Regina said. 'It doesn't matter. Where's Henry?'

They continued down the tunnel, and quickly heard the sound of approaching footsteps. 'Killian?'

'Aye,' she heard as a strained reply just as there was another crash and the floor trembled again, dirt raining from the roof but she didn't let herself pause, pushing herself forward and when she rounded the corner there they were. When he saw them, Killian dropped to his knees, and she helped him settle Henry on the ground, pulling his head onto her lap.

_Why was his breathing so uneven? Why - no, no, no._

'Please,' she said, looking up at Regina helplessly, unable to stop the tears that were spilling down her cheeks once more. 'Please, heal him. You have to heal him.'

Regina didn't seem to hear her, staring at Henry with a look of horror on her face. She dropped to her knees on Henry's other side, touching gingerly at the soaked bandage before she took his head between her two hands. Emma tightened her grip on his shoulders, her teeth digging into her lip once more, and she would have reached for Henry's closest hand but Killian already had it tightly in his grip.

She held her breath as a purple light started to glow beneath Regina's fingers. She left one hand on Henry's head while the other moved slowly down his body, settling over the wound at his gut. Her brow was furrowed in concentration, and as Emma watched the glow of magic intensified. 'Come on, Henry,' she pleaded, moving her hand to push back his hair, her head dropping to press their foreheads together. She couldn't lose him, she couldn't.

When his body jerked she pushed herself upright, fearing the worst and entirely unprepared for it, but she let out a sob when she saw his eyes fly open. The colour returned to his cheeks so quickly that it was clearly not natural, and he sucked in a breath, his body tensing. Regina's hand fell from where it hovered above his wound and grabbed his free hand. 'Henry. Henry?'

Henry's eyes flicked to her and he stared at her for a moment before turning to Killian. When he craned his head back and saw Emma he bit back a noise, scrambling onto his knees and she pulled him into her as his arms wrapped around her, burying her face against his neck.  _He's all right._  The relief that she felt bubbled up out of her in the form of a sob and she hugged him tighter, unable to stop her body from trembling. 'Ma, it's all right,' he said, his voice clear and she could hardly believe that this was the same person who'd been lying in her arms just seconds ago, his body lifeless and bleeding out.

'You almost died,' she choked out, her fingertips digging into his back when it felt like he was going to pull away until she realized that he was swaying. With careful hands, she helped him sit back down, but leaned across to pull his head against her chest. 'Thank you,' she said honestly, raising her head, surprised to find neither Regina nor Killian where they'd been just a moment ago. Looking up, she saw them a few paces away, Killian's hand tight on Regina's upper arm, the bizarre mix of anguish and relief on her face a curious thing... to analyse later. 'Thank you,' she repeated, needing Regina to understand just how much she meant it, despite anything else.

Regina's face softened slightly. 'Of course.' She paused, glanced at Killian and then back at her. 'Can I check on him? He'll probably feel weak for a while.'

Her arms tightened around Henry, but at Killian's nod she reluctantly loosened them.  _Trust_. And she found that she did trust him, unquestionably. She wasn't entirely sure why Regina hadn't blown them all to pieces just yet, let alone why she'd saved Henry's life for her, but she was too weary with relief just then to question it.

Making sure that Henry could sit up by himself - he slapped her hand away gently, told her that he wasn't that bad - Emma stood and took a careful step back from him, watching Regina as she knelt by Henry's side and peered into his eyes. When a warm hand slipped into hers she took it unthinkingly, letting Killian twist their fingers together. 'Give them some space for a minute, love,' he said quietly in her ear. 'She's not about to harm him after she's just healed him.'

She was hesitant to agree but he was right, so she let him pull her away a few steps and she turned to face him, keeping Henry in the corner of her vision. Killian let out a heavy sigh, then grinned at her weakly. 'Thank the gods,' he said, his shoulders slumping.

Her heart twinged painfully, and words couldn't have expressed how much it mattered to her that he'd seemed almost as afraid for Henry as she had been. When had he come to care for her son so much? She cleared away the thickness in her throat when she saw that the gash above his eye was still seeping blood. 'You're bleeding,' she said, pulling her hand from his to hover above his wound.

'It's of no matter,' he said.

'Shut up,' she said under her breath, gently wiping the blood from his eyelid with her thumb, careful not to touch the cut itself. There was a heaviness in her chest as she looked him over, deciding that most of the blood that covered him couldn't have been his. They were both covered in it, and she realized belatedly that her bloodstained fingers were smearing just as much redness on his face as it was cleaning off, but she couldn't bring herself to drop her hand. 'You saved him,' she breathed, her lips turning down with a tremble as it hit her that without his help, Henry would have bled out outside the castle gates.

His brow furrowed and he gave his head the barest shake. 'I didn't,' he insisted gently, raising his hand and she couldn't drop her gaze from his as the backs of his knuckles brushed against her tearstained cheeks. 'It was Regina that healed him.'

Her fingers moved slowly to brush his cheek, his stubble scratching against her palm. 'You brought him in, you slowed his bleeding. He's alive because of you.'

It wasn't until Killian huffed a sigh and she felt his warm breath on her face that she realized how little space was between them, but she didn't pull away. She stared up at him, eyes searching for something that she'd known for a long time was there. 'Emma,' he said, her name on his lips barely audible but it sent a shiver through her just the same.

'You came back,' she added, her voice lowering to the same pitch as his, and his face softened again, not trying to deny that one at least. 'After I forced you out, you came back.'

She watched him swallow, uncertainty in his eyes for a moment before his resolve seemed to settle. 'You can't get rid of me that easily,' he said, surprising her with his half-hearted banter even though it shouldn't have by now, and a small part of her wanted to roll her eyes and push him away but she was done with pushing him away. Instead, unable to deny how much she needed him, unable to deny how much she loved him, she drew her other hand around the back of his neck, rocking forward onto the balls of her feet to capture his mouth with hers.

She heard his quick intake of breath before he kissed her back firmly, felt his free arm come around her waist as his hand shifted to cup her head, and her world  _shifted._  Images bombarded her, accompanied by the emotions that partnered them, names and memories and lives.

Her broken childhood, her lonely teenage years, then heartbreak, so much heartbreak, then just... hard. Tough. Resilient, strong.

Until - Henry's smiling face, welcoming her in, filling her broken heart with love, David and Snow - no,  _Mary Margaret,_  her - her  _parents._  Regina, Neal, everybody that had mattered to her, the years that they'd spent together, happy and... Hook, Killian,  _I was hoping it would be you_ and  _perhaps I would_  and  _until I met you, I love you_  and  _you make me a better man_  and  _would you do me the honour_ , the start of a whole life together until.. _._

_The spell isn't working like it should - Something's not right - It's another curse._

_We need a new way to break the curse - You don't have what is needed - No. You can't - I love you, Emma._

And Storybrooke was pulling apart, dragging her away from him and she couldn't breathe for the magic thrumming through her veins.

Pulling her head back sharply, Emma stared up at Killian wide-eyed, her hands clutching at his arms as she stumbled with the weight of it all. 'Killian?' she gasped as two sets of memories clashed together, but for the first time in years, she grasped onto what was  _true_.

'Emma,' Killian said carefully, his voice and his face cautious but as she watched, his eyes lit up with a hope that made her heart break - for him, for her, for everything that had happened. 'I... do you...' He trailed off, his eyes flicking between hers searchingly.

A sound fell from her lips that was half sob and half laugh, her lips stretching up into a disbelieving grin but Henry's voice interrupted before she could say anything. 'Mum?' Without letting go of Killian's arms, she turned toward him, but she wasn't the mother that he was referring to. He was staring at Regina in confusion, but that lasted only the barest second before he'd pushed himself to his feet and thrown his arms around her. Crying his name, Regina hugged him back so tightly that Emma watched her knuckles go white.

'Emma,' Killian said again, his voice more intense this time, and she turned her head back to him.

'You did it,' she said with a laugh. 'You broke the curse.' Her heart swelled when he slumped in relief, his eyes squeezing shut as he pulled her tightly against him, burying his face against her neck and breathing her in with one, shuddering breath.

The feel of his wet clothes against hers reminded her that while the curse seemed to be broken, the blood coating them was still very real, and she looked over Killian's shoulder to where Henry stood with Regina. At her soft call of his name, he looked up at her with a grin. After giving Regina's hand a quick squeeze, he approached them and she pulled him into their tight embrace, unsurprised this time when Killian hugged Henry as tightly as she did, the three of them taking comfort from each other.

'I can't believe it's over,' Killian said tiredly, and she looked up to meet Regina's eye.

'Neither can I,' a voice said, and Emma pulled away and turned to find the Blue Fairy smiling at them serenely, Tink grinning by her side. 'True Love broke the curse, and everybody's memories are restored. We have you to thank for that, Killian.'

Looking back over her shoulder, she grinned at the suddenly awkward expression on Killian's face - despite all of his bravado, he was never good at accepting true gratitude when he deserved it. 'It only -'

Killian cut off as a crashing sound like what they'd heard before sounded above their heads, and the ground trembled again all around them. Alarm filling her, Emma stared up through the rock as though she could see through it. 'What's going on? Why is Rumpel... Why is Gold still attacking us if he has his memories back?'

They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds, Killian's eyes a mirror of her dread, a feeling that only intensified with Regina's hesitant words.

'How do we know that he lost his memories in the first place?'


	21. Chapter 21

There was a strange feeling in the air when Killian followed Emma up the last flight of stairs to the ground floor of the castle, and his tight grip on her hand was just as much for his comfort as it was for hers. He could see the tension in her shoulders, feel it in her grip, and he understood it perfectly.

Regina had left with Tink and Blue to deal with Rumpelstiltskin, and he was at the same time frustrated and relieved that she'd forced himself and Emma to stay behind. She was right that they were needed more in the city in the aftermath of the fighting, and neither of them wanted to leave Henry - who'd become unusually subdued after his near death - but they were both itching for answers... and retribution.

It wasn't just their personal struggles that hung heavy in their hearts, however. And even Rumpelstiltskin wasn't their only problem.

When they finally stepped into the entrance hall, Emma's hand gripped his impossibly tighter, and his breath caught in his throat. The castle doors had been opened and people were helping others in through the doors, guards and commoners alike, men that had not so long ago been desperate to invade the castle and destroy now working alongside the people of the city to help anyone who was injured. Their faces were drawn tight with a mix of confusion and relief, but he understood the regret that he saw there as well.

They were on the same side now that they had their memories back, but just minutes ago they'd been fighting each other as viciously as they could. And being carried to the opposite side of the hall than the injured were just as many unmoving bodies.

'How could he have done this?' Emma said from beside him, and he wasn't sure if her voice was shaking from anger or sadness but he was feeling both in equal measures. 'What did these people ever do to him to deserve this? What did we ever do to him?' She didn't wait for an answer - they wouldn't have one until Regina brought Rumpelstiltskin in. Instead she turned to Henry, who was standing quietly beside them, his face pale as he stared at the people who he'd been fighting with and against. 'You should rest, Henry. You've lost a lot of blood -'

'I'm fine,' Henry said quietly.

'Henry -'

'Mom, I'm fine.'

There was a tense silence for a few seconds. Killian wondered what it was like in her head, whether the part of her that she'd lost in the curse still wanted to treat Henry like the child that he certainly wasn't anymore. Eventually she nodded, her mouth tightening.

Dropping his hand but shooting him a look that told him to stay close, Emma started making her way through the people, searching faces and bending to help where she could. Killian followed her as she did, keeping half an eye on Henry and half on her; Henry was as adamant to help as Emma was, the two of them falling into their roles of responsibility as easily as breathing, but he wasn't about to let them work themselves to the ground without a care.

He couldn't quite believe that it was over. He'd been with them, by their sides for so long now, but now that their true memories were back there was no more pretending, no more hiding how much he cared for them, all of his family finally themselves again. It had been so painful, had worn him down so deeply, but now he'd make sure that nothing kept them apart.

A small thanks, at least, was that most of the people that he spoke to hadn't been separated from their loved ones. In fact, the people that he had a chance to speak to had been living much the lives that they'd done in the Enchanted Forest before the original curse had been cast.

It didn't surprise him that one trait that Emma had retained from her cursed self was a confidence in leadership - previously she'd shied away from it, felt undeserving of it, but now she moved from person to person without hesitation, ordering about whoever was nearby with barely more than a glance and a word. He was more than happy to follow her lead, constantly glancing over the faces of the wounded, trying to get a good look at the dead on the other side of the room. These were people who he'd befriended, either in Storybrooke or over the last few months. Of the familiar faces that he saw, none of them were close friends to him, but they were to someone, and he felt the loss of them burning into an angry pit in his chest, taking away from the relief that he felt at the breaking of the curse.

_Why would he have done this?_

A glance at Emma's face sent those thoughts from his mind, his concern for her making everything else irrelevant. She was still smeared with blood, his and Henry's and countless others', her face pale, and dark smudges under her eyes. She leaned her hands heavily on her knees to help herself to her feet, swaying slightly as she straightened.

He reached out quickly for her arm to steady her, and she glanced up at him only for a moment before trying to turn away.

'I'm fine,' she said, just as convincingly as Henry had. It was a measure of her exhaustion that she only gave a small effort at trying to pull away, but he still didn't let her go.

'You need to rest,' he said, unable to keep the worry from his voice. 'The healing is draining your strength as well as your magic.' He'd seen it happen before when she pushed herself too hard.

Emma shook her head slowly, and he wondered if she realized how heavily she was now leaning on him. He supported her readily. 'It's not just that. I barely slept last night...'

Something flashed across her face, quickly hidden but there nonetheless, and he tightened his grip on her automatically. Whether she hadn't slept because she'd been up with Neal, or because she had been riddled with guilt over their tryst, he wasn't sure, but either way he knew that it was his fault. He swallowed hard to hold back his words of apology and explanation; once he started he wouldn't be able to stop until everything was told, and he knew that this was neither the time nor the place.

Not for the first time, he wondered what damage might have been done aside from the obvious.

There was movement beside him and he turned his head to see Henry reaching for his mother, the look on his face showing that he was aware of her overexertion as well. 'Mom,' he began, reaching for her other arm. 'You should -'

'Emma?'

Snow stood at the bottom of the staircase, one hand gripping the banister and the other clutching David's own. But there was a recognition, a knowledge in her eyes that was Snow and Mary Margaret combined, a tenseness in the way David held himself that spoke of too many times separated and reunited.

'Mom,' Emma whispered, then, a little louder, 'Dad,' and then Snow and David rushed forward, arms reaching. Emma stepped toward them and this time he let her go, noticing the little stumble in her step but not wanting to keep her from this.

He also noticed just how tightly they gripped each other, and itched to have her in his arms again himself. Yes, they'd been together during the curse, and with him for the last few months of it, but it wasn't the same. He never wanted to let her go again.

Snow held out her hand for Henry, and the young prince joined them without argument. Killian stood by awkwardly, unsure of his position in their lives for the first time in years, but it was Snow who reached out to him first.

Pulling back from Emma and Henry, she turned to him with tears in her eyes. 'Killian,' she said, her voice full of relief and a familiarity that had until now been lacking. And then her arms were around him too, despite the blood, despite any reservations that he'd expected her to have. 'You broke the curse. You saved us.'

Slowly, not quite sure of himself, he moved his arms to embrace her. Looking up, he caught David's eye over Snow's shoulder, and relaxed a little at the approving smile he sent him. 'Thank you, Killian,' he said sincerely, nodding at him without letting go of Emma, and Killian could only nod wordlessly back. He'd never done well with gratitude, having not done a lot to deserve it for most of his life, but David seemed to understand.

Snow pulled away, and he busied himself with clapping Henry on the back and making sure that he was still all right as Snow and Emma hugged once more. 'What's happening? How much do you know?'

They filled them in quickly on their suspicions on Rumpelstiltskin, and just as they finished with the immediate details, Regina appeared out of the air a few paces away. Some of the people in the hall barely reacted, but for others the memory of the person that she'd reverted to under the curse was too strong, and they flinched and averted their eyes. Thankfully, no one acted too obviously, hopefully mindful enough of how twisted their own memories had been, and either Regina didn't notice or pretended not to. He was thankful that he'd thought to mention Regina's innocence loudly enough that the people closest by had heard it.

Those false memories, and the actions that had been inspired by them, might cause trouble later, but at least it appeared that everyone's priorities were on the more immediate threat. 'Where is he?' Snow asked, stepping forward before Regina as Blue and Tink materialized a moment later. 'Where is Rumpelstiltskin?'

'He fled,' Tink said, turning quickly to her full size.

'We found him just outside the city gates,' Regina said with a scowl. 'Throwing balls of power and fire toward the castle, cackling away as crazily as ever. We tried to sneak up on him,' she said with a roll of her eyes to show just how well she'd thought of that plan, 'but he sensed us immediately and fled.' She turned to Henry, her voice taking on a different kind of edge. 'Are you all right?'

Henry nodded, clearly trying to keep the impatience from his face at the fact that people kept worrying at him, but the boy had always been smart, and kept silent. Regina's face softened, her lip twitching slightly in acknowledgement of this sacrifice, before looking up to Snow and David. 'It appears as though we have a lot of catching up to do.'

Snow returned the smile, before it faded into uncertainty. 'We do, but we can't let Rumpelstiltskin get away with this. We have to go after him!'

'But not today,' Emma said. Her colour was starting to look better, and she was holding herself taller, no longer leaning on David. 'He's not going to attack us again today, not now that he's seen Regina's on our side. He must know that we have our memories back, and that we'll be pissed.'

Killian heard Snow's reluctant agreement, but his mind was no longer on their conversation. His attention was entirely on Emma; that purely Emma Swan comment from Princess Emma's lips simultaneously worried and thrilled him. To have his wife back was what he'd been yearning for every minute for the past few months, but he could only imagine the conflict going on in her head right now. And for how long? How hard would it be for her to distinguish between her true memories and the false ones brought by the curse?

And what about her feelings? She'd genuinely loved Neal when she'd first met him in her youth. And now, she'd spent several years as his wife, believing in her love for him again. Even if those memories had been false, what if something real had resurfaced from them?

'Killian?' Emma's hand slipped into his and when he turned his head to look at her, the smile that she directed toward him was enough to ease his doubts - a little, at least. 'You look troubled.'

'There's much to be troubled about,' he said, and while it was true, for the moment at least it felt insignificant. No matter what else, the curse was broken, and they were together.

Reluctant to let go of her hand, he instead lifted his arm, ignoring the twinge of pain and using his hook to brush aside her hair. Her smile trembled for a moment and then strengthened, her free hand coming up to touch his face before dropping to his arm. 'Killian, I...'

Her eyes flickered away and then back to his, and for the first time it occurred to him that she might be just as nervous about his reactions to her as he was of hers. He squeezed her hand reassuringly. She smiled, her eyes lighting up, and he was unable to stop the grin from spreading across his face just for having her look at him like that. Neither of them were overly fond of public displays of affection, but he'd spent far too long parted from her and besides, if anyone wanted to protest him kissing his wife when that kiss and woken them all up, they could just try and do so. Slipping his arm around her back, he bent his head toward her.

'Mama!'

Killian's head snapped up at the same time that Emma pulled back, and as quickly, the two of them immediately turning toward the source of the voice. Granny reached the bottom of the staircase, struggling with the three year old in her arms. Eva was clearly protesting not just being carried, but being held with her head to Granny's shoulder in a way that restricted her view of her surroundings - which was undoubtedly necessary, as far as he was concerned, but incredibly unfair in Eva's opinion.

The sight of the young girl sent an immediate twinge of pain and longing to Killian's chest, which only increased when Emma pulled away from him, dropping his hand to run toward her daughter. 'I'm sorry,' he heard Granny say, her voice muffled to his ears as though she was in another room instead of just a few paces away. 'She wanted you, and I thought you'd want to see her too. Besides, I really need to find Ruby.'

'Of course,' Emma said dismissively, then softened her tone with a smile, forced though it was. 'She shouldn't be out here, though.' Granny obviously agreed, surrendering Eva to Emma so that her head was tucked into her mother's neck.

'What's happening, Mama?' Eva said, her voice muffled but much more calm now that she was in Emma's arms.

'Nothing, honey, it's nothing,' she said, glancing around the room. Killian followed her gaze. There didn't appear to be many more people suffering too badly or waiting for assistance, but the row of dead at the other end of the hall was a little longer and just as confronting. Everyone else appeared to have been cleared out of the hall and were seeking treatment elsewhere.

Even so, it was not a place for the child. Emma hurried toward one of the receiving rooms attached to the hall, pausing at the doorway to throw a glance at him over her shoulder. He was too swept up in his own thoughts to interpret the look on her face before she disappeared into the room.

Did she want him to follow her? Did she want some time alone?

_Is she mine?_

He was dimly aware of Snow starting to take control of the situation again now that they'd regrouped, but no one seemed to be asking anything of him and once he took that first step toward that receiving room, he wasn't sure that he would have been capable of stopping anyway. Whatever the truth, he didn't want to be parted from them for a moment longer than necessary, and he'd always be standing ready for her unless she bid him not to.

He hesitated in the doorway, unsure of whether to enter, unable to leave. There was a long table down one end of the room and some couches at the other, and that's where Eva sat, frowning up at Emma, who perched on the edge of the couch beside her.

'Why are you so dirty, Mama?'

Emma, who had been in the process of smoothing Eva's hair, snatched her hand back, looking herself over before smiling weakly at her. 'It's nothing, sweetheart. Some people were hurting and I had to make them better, and I got a little dirty.'

The sight of the sword going through Henry, the blood everywhere, so much blood, made his stomach turn and he must have made some sound because both Emma and Eva looked up to him, the curious expression on their faces almost identical. He couldn't find the words he wanted, or any words at all, so he just looked at them, drinking in the sight of them together, giving into the depth of his longing  _just in case_  he was about to lose that chance.

'Killy's just as dirty as you are, Mama,' Eva whispered loudly and although his lips twitched, his heart ached because he wanted this girl to be his more than he'd dared to admit, and these last few minutes of not knowing might be better than the truth.

Emma could see straight through him, however, staring up at him with her lips parted, a questioning look on her face. 'Killian?'

He opened his mouth, closed it, shook his head. Seeing that he was struggling, Emma murmured something to Eva before walking up to him, pulling him properly into the room and closing the door behind him. 'Killian,' she said again, her brow furrowing in concern. 'Are you -'

'I need to know,' he said in a rush, the stoppered words now falling out uncontrolled. His hand closed around her arm, needing to hold onto something. Eva's attention had wavered from them, and he forced himself to look away from her to face Emma fully. 'It's haunted me every day since I learned about her, and I can't stand to not know for a moment longer. Were you with child before the curse took you from me? Is she mine?'

The look of surprise on her face and her quick draw of breath felt like a fist tightening in his gut, and it took all of his effort to stop himself from immediately jumping to the worst conclusion. Emma's hand quickly came up to cover his, pulling it from her arm and threading their fingers together. 'Yes,' she said, her eyes crinkling, the corner of her mouth lifting in a sad smile. 'Yes, Killian, she's yours. She's your daughter.'

Before he could stop himself, he tugged her towards him, his left arm slipping around her waist, his other hand dropping hers to pull her closer, unable to bear the slightest amount of distance between them in that moment. His head dropped to her shoulder, his face turned into her neck and he actually trembled with the strength of his relief.

Her arms came around him just as quickly, a low sound escaping the back of her throat that sounded just how he felt. 'I found out that I was pregnant the day that we were going to leave,' she said after a moment, her voice strained, and then when she pulled back, he saw dismay forming in her eyes. 'You've been here this whole time and not known. I can't imagine what it's been like for you.' Her teeth dug hard into her lower lip and he wanted to kiss that mouth so badly but was still more than aware of Eva - his child, his  _daughter_  - sitting nearby. He turned to look at her, quietened now that she was near her mother, happily tugging at a small tear in her skirts. 'I wanted to surprise you when we got there, but instead...'

Looking back to Emma, he lifted his hand to cup her face, his thumb brushing over her cheek. '"Surprise" would be an understatement,' he said dryly, trying not to think of his reaction when Neal had first told him. 'It doesn't matter now,' he said, closing his eyes for a moment to let the truth settle over him. And along with the thrill of possibility was a tendril of fear, the knowledge that at some point, everyone that he'd cared for had slipped through his fingers. He ducked his head, suddenly anxious. 'I'm not sure how to be a good father,' he said uncertainly.

Emma's laughter made him look up again quickly. 'Killian, Henry loves you like a father,' she said gently. 'You've always done so well by him. And you've been great with Eva since you've been here. She kind of adores you already.' Her smile turned tentative.

Having more children wasn't something that they'd spoken about - not seriously, anyway - and this was certainly a unique way of broaching the subject, but although he hadn't dared consider it for a long time before he'd met Emma, he'd wanted so desperately to be a father. He knew without a doubt that he'd have given anything to keep little Eva in his life.

He wasn't sure how well he'd do, but at least now he'd have the chance.

'Emma,' he said hesitantly, pulling back a little to speak seriously. This wasn't something that he wanted to broach at all, let alone now, but he knew that Neal deserved better than silence. 'Neal will be wanting answers just as much as I did.'

Her eyes widened. 'Neal hasn't been cursed since you got here,' she said slowly.

He'd told her as much earlier, but he knew that she likely hadn't had the chance to consider the ramifications of that. 'That's right,' he said, a knot forming in his stomach at what her reaction might be. There had been a lot of lies told to her, and he'd played a part in his fair share of them.

Her only thought, however, seemed to be for Eva. 'He'd have spent this whole time wondering if she's his daughter too,' she said, dropping her voice with a glance at Eva.

Killian grimaced. 'And he won't be getting the same good news as I did.'

'He's going to be heartbroken,' Emma said quietly, leaning forward to rest her head on his chest, turning to watch Eva. Pressing a comforting kiss to the top of her head, he followed her gaze. Eva was completely oblivious to their worries, now having torn another small strip in her dress and twisting the two together.

He wasn't sure what was worse; him missing the first years of his daughter's life, or Neal finding out that his daughter wasn't truly his.

'This is so messed up,' Emma whispered after a moment and he couldn't help but laugh, the relief at having his own Emma back unable to be held back. His arm tightened around her, still feeling the need to keep her as close as possible.

He was confident that it would be a long while before that subsided.

There was a quiet knock at the door, and after a pause it opened to reveal Neal, looking just as tormented as he'd felt only minutes ago. His eyes went immediately to Eva, and Killian reluctantly put some space between himself and Emma when Neal looked to them searchingly. He cleared his throat before speaking. 'Snow said you were in here,' he said, his gaze flickering between the two of them and Eva, and it appeared that he was just as scared of the truth as he had been.

''Ello, Papa,' Eva piped up cheerfully from the other side of the room, making everyone wince.

'Hello, sweetheart,' Neal said, forcing a smile. 'I...' Hesitating for a moment, he crossed the room quickly, pulling Eva up into a tight hug. 'Just let me talk to your mother for a minute, all right?'

When Emma looked back up at him, there was a nervous fear in her eyes that Killian understood completely, but he was also unsurprised when it turned into a reluctant determination. 'There's a lot of details to figure out,' she said to him, quietly and quickly. 'Will you watch her while I talk to Neal? We'll deal with the rest later, together. All right?'

He nodded, pressing a kiss to the corner of her mouth before he walked over to the couch where Eva sat, avoiding Neal's gaze as he passed him because he knew that he wouldn't have been able to hide the truth in his eyes. They'd been together in the heartache of not knowing since he'd arrived, but the truth had the power to break the friendship that they'd managed to build over the years. Instead, he focused on Eva, on the warmth that spread through his chest despite his worries when she looked up at him and grinned.

'May I sit with you, lass?' he asked, trying to appear casual but feeling anything but.

Silently nodding her assent, Eva watched him as he sat down beside her, not quite certain of how familiar to act. Eva took that choice away from him, squirming across the couch until her small arm was pressed against his, leaning her head against him. 'Everyone is mad or sad,' she said glumly, looking down to her ruined skirt. 'Is it gonna be better soon?'

She looked up at him with watery eyes, and he let himself slip his arm around her, unable to stop himself from comforting her.

It sent another wave of longing through him when she snuggled against him so readily, and he had to remind himself that this life was his now; this girl was his daughter, the woman nearby was once again his wife.

He tried not to pay attention to Emma and Neal, wanting to give them as much privacy as possible, but he couldn't help but hear as Neal's voice raised from a whisper to something more desperate, his denial reaching his ears clearly. Killian glanced up unwillingly and when he saw Emma pulling a broken-looking Neal into her arms he quickly looked away, all too aware that it just as easily could have been him in that situation. He tightened his grip around Eva, wanting to protect her from whatever distress and confusion that might be coming her way, and needing to take a small amount of comfort for himself.

'I hope so, sweetheart.'


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN: Your eyes do not deceive you - this is an actual new chapter! I'm so sorry for the delay in updating this, I got distracted with another multichapter fic and when I was trying to do both at once I couldn't get any work done on either of them, but now that that's finished I am back on this project with full force.
> 
> Thank you so much for all of the messages of encouragement in the meantime, it means a lot to me to know that there were people who missed this. If you're still here, then I hope you enjoy this new chapter.

Emma woke slowly, aware of little more than the warmth of her blankets and a quietness to the air that told her that the rest of the castle was still asleep. There was a weariness in her bones that she knew wouldn't go away with just one night of good sleep, so she tried to burrow herself further into the blankets.

 

And that was when she realised that the warmth at her back wasn't her blanket.

 

An arm tightened around her waist the moment that she moved, pulling her closer against a firm chest. A face pressed against her neck, rough stubble scratching at her shoulder, warm breath tickling her skin.

 

It was like something snapped inside of her as the events of the last few days caught up with her. The fighting in the castle, the breaking of the curse, Henry almost bleeding out right in front of her eyes - she couldn't push that memory away even if she tried. And before that - her affair with Killian, telling him to leave, her unspeakable relief when she'd seen that he was safe.

 

It seemed that no matter the world, no matter their lives, she was meant to love him.

 

Her heart was so full that she felt like the only thing holding her together was Killian's arms around her. Without turning, she reached up, brushing her fingers across his cheek before threading them through his hair, holding him against her, unable to quite believe that he was here with her.

 

After all this time, he hadn't given up on her. She couldn't imagine what it must have been like for him to be so close but unable to touch, to take his time with her and give her the chance to fall in love with him. Would she have been so strong? Granted, he had tried to kiss her that first night - and oh no, she'd _slapped_ him - but in hindsight she couldn't blame him for trying. But to stand by while she'd played house with Neal, raising a child that might or might not have been his...

 

It pained her more than she could describe to think about it now.

 

But he was _still here_ , despite everything. There was still so much more to deal with, but at least that was one thing to be grateful for.

 

Killian moved suddenly, breathing in quickly as his grip tightened on her even further. 'Emma?'

 

His voice was muffled against her neck but the uncertainty in it was all too clear. She pulled away slightly, rolling over to face him, cupping his cheek as his eyes opened groggily. 'I'm here,' she whispered, offering him a small smile.

 

He didn't smile, simply looked at her, and she understood completely. Carding her fingers through his hair, she ran her hand down his neck, over his shoulder and down his arm, familiarising herself once more with something that she never should have been without. After a moment his arm loosened slightly from around her and his body relaxed against hers, his other come coming up between them, the backs of his fingers running down her jaw, his thumb brushing over her lower lip.

 

'Emma,' he said softly, his brow drawing together.

 

'I know.'

 

Taking his hand with hers, she pulled away from her face, twining her fingers through his as she leaned forward to kiss him softly, gently, savouring the taste of him as she reminded him that she was here with him, that this was okay.

 

They'd come together the night before with feverish need, both of them filled with a desperation that needed no explanation. Aside from their tryst a few nights ago, it had been far too long for either of them, and that night had been tainted for both of them with feelings of guilt. They'd given themselves to each other completely, neither of them holding anything back, needing to remind themselves and each other that they were alive, that they were together.

 

There was still so much to talk about, too much to deal with, but they'd fallen asleep straight after, naked in each other's arms, both of them too exhausted after the events of the day to even try and deal with anything more than the immediate. And now wasn't the time for it either - she needed him, needed to show him how much she needed him, knew that he needed the same thing from her.

 

As well as the part of her that missed him now that she remembered him, there was also the part of her that had been lusting after him for the last few months, no matter that she'd only admitted it to herself recently. There was an fire burning in her that was all too easy to stoke. Rolling onto her back, she pulled him on top of her, deepening her kiss as he settled between her legs, wrapping herself around him as he rocked his hips against her, his cock already hard against her thigh. She reached between them to guide him home, but he caught her wrist before she caught him. 'Wait, I need to -' Cutting himself off with his mouth on the hollow between her breasts, he kissed his way down her stomach, guiding her legs farther apart with his left arm.

 

He brought her to climax quickly, and she felt like it was just as much for him as it was for her - the way his mouth moved against her spoke more of hunger than it did of his usual finesse, and his eyes never left her as she rode out her high. Before she could come down he'd climbed back up her body, settling between his legs, supporting himself on his bad arm while he pushed straight into her.

  
She tilted her hips up when he was all the way in, desperate to feel as much of him as she possibly could, clutching onto his arms with both hands because she felt like she had to hang onto _something_. And then he was pulling out, in and out and in again, setting a pace that she couldn't keep up to with her heart stuck in her throat. His mouth barely left hers, stealing her breath and normally she liked the challenge but today it was too much, everything was too much, weighing her down and she wasn't ready for this to be done yet, wasn't ready for it to be over.

  
There was just too much that had been missed out on to rush everything.

  
'Wait, Killian - wait.'

  
He either didn't hear her or pretended not to, only picking up his pace, but she wouldn't let herself be distracted by the perfect slide or his body against hers. Grabbing his head with both hands, she pulled him up, forcing him to look at her. 'Stop,' she whispered, smoothing his hair back, imploring him with her eyes to believe her. 'Killian. I love you.'

  
He stopped moving but she could feel his heart pumping as though it was her own. It was a terrible thing, this bizarre mixture of relief, frustration and anger, and a fierce longing for the time that had been lost, and she knew that he had no more idea how to deal with it than she did. She wanted to get lost in him just as badly, but there was a better way to deal with it than that. 'Do you hear me? I love you. I'm here.'

  
He trembled above her and her heart broke just a little bit more. 'Emma -'

  
'I _love_ you,' she said, running her hands over his face, down his neck, over his shoulders. 'We're together, and it's okay.'

  
His head bent to hers and when he kissed her it wasn't rushed, it wasn't desperate and needy and out of control for all of the emotions that he was struggling to hold back. Emma could feel it too, could barely keep her grip on it but she didn't need to because he was _here_ , and slowly he let go as well, the two of them giving into this mess of emotions rather than bottling them up. With every breath, every kiss, every long, slow push and pull, she felt it not just in her core but in every part of her, so heavy in her chest, her body tightening and tightening until they came together, fell apart together, came home.

  
Afterwards they lay together, her head on his chest, his fingers tracing up and down her arm. She smoothed her hand over his stomach and realised that while he felt familiar now, he'd been a lot thinner when he'd first arrived. What had those years been like for him, not knowing where she was or whether she was okay? How much had she changed by the time he'd seen her again?

  
Who was she now?

  
She finally knew what it was like to have two sets of memories, two lives that felt just as real as the other. Logically, she could think back and pinpoint what was real and what wasn't, where her false memories stopped and her cursed life had actually begun, but playing in the snow with her sister felt just as real to her as her lonely school lunches.

  
This new life of hers had been _good_. Not perfect, but good. Why would someone curse them with a good life?

  
She'd had her children, her parents, her friends. Even Neal. But that was the one thing that hadn't been right, not quite. They'd worked well together, raising Henry and Eva, and she could  _remember_ passion and loving him. When they got married, for instance, or when they'd had Henry. But in all of the more recent memories, the ones that she'd actually lived, it wasn't the same. It felt like a partnership, a friendship, a team - but not a lover. Not love.

  
Killian was quiet beside her, and she knew that even if it wasn't on his mind now, it had been, and it would be.

  
'I haven't talked to Neal about it properly yet,' she said quietly, 'but he'll know that this cursed marriage thing is over. Right?'

  
He didn't answer her for a minute or so, just touched her, up and down her arm, slowly, like he was reassuring himself that she was there. She wondered how long this disbelief would go on for.

  
'I'm not worried about Neal,' he said eventually, his voice quiet. 'He's had his sights set on Tink since before the curse hit, and ever since it broke for him.'

  
Neal and Tink. She'd seen them together last night, briefly. That was... good.

  
Easy. Good.

  
But -

  
'Who are you worried about, then?' she asked, her tone carefully light because she didn't care what had happened, she _knew_ him, and his voice told her that something was bothering him.

  
They weren't going to hide from each other, damn it.

  
His hand stopped moving, dropped to his side, but she wasn't going to let him run away from this. Rolling onto her stomach and pushing herself up on her elbows, she put herself right in his way so he had no choice but to look at her. 'Killian -' She couldn't ask what was wrong, because the answer was so big that there wasn't one, not really. She couldn't ask whether he was okay when there was so much that must be on his mind.

  
So she stopped, and she tried to wait, just like he had for her while she was off living her fairytale life with her children and her parents and her husband -

 

'Neal knew it wasn't real after I arrived, but it was still... hard for him. To tell the difference.'

 

And there it was.

 

Leaning into him, she reached up to smooth his hair back, letting her hand rest on his neck and feeling his pulse beneath her fingers. 'Killian,' she said, hating the way that there was still so much reserve in his eyes, so much hesitation. 'I'm not in love with Neal.'

 

He looked away. 'You don't -'

 

'No, Killian, I mean it.' She waited until he looked back at her before she continued. 'It is hard to tell the difference,' she admitted, gripping onto his shoulder to keep his attention when he tried to look away again. 'But even cursed Emma... even me, before, I - I didn't love him. Not like when we were younger, and not like I love you. I wouldn't have...' Now it was her turn to look away. Did the fact that she was cursed, that she truly belonged with Killian, excuse what she'd done? Was she still a bad person for betraying Neal, or had she betrayed Killian, or -

 

There was so much not to be sure of, but one thing she did know without doubt.

 

'This is what I want,' she told him, knowing that he needed to hear it, needing him to be sure. 'You and me, and Henry, and Eva. Your daughter.'

 

Reaching between them, his hand hovered an inch from her stomach before he pressed it against her skin, and she had to swallow to push down the emotion suddenly welling in her throat. 'I missed so much,' he said, and he didn't sound any better off than she did. 'For you, and for her.'

 

'You're here now,' she said. _That's enough, right?_

 

She let him pull her on top of him, wrapped her arms around him just as tightly as he held her. 'You'll tell me everything, won't you? Everything about her.' She nodded against his neck and he relaxed for a moment, but it was only barely a moment. 'I want to be in her life, Emma,' he said, and the strain in his voice made her _hurt_. 'I know she has Neal and I don't know how it would work - but I want her to truly be my daughter.'

 

'Hey,' she said, craning her neck and pushing back enough that she could see him. 'We'll figure it out. Of course you'll be her father, but she's too old to forget that Neal is, too.' She smiled sadly at him as she realised something. 'She'll have two more fathers than either of us had growing up.'

 

His answering smile was tight, and she knew that he felt just as bittersweet about that as she did.

 

He shifted restlessly just as she was about to relax against him again, and she paused, waiting for him to speak. There was so much for them to go through, his whole journey and hers to discuss, as well as their future, and as curious as she was, she didn't want to push more of it than she had to just yet. The look on his face, though, told her that what was on his mind was weighing heavily. When he spoke, however, it wasn't what she'd expected.

 

'I'm sorry.'

 

She blinked at him, confused. 'What the hell do you have to be sorry for?' she asked a little too loudly, her voice full of disbelief.

 

His face went from uncomfortable to guarded to tired in a matter of seconds, and she hated that his first response was to hide himself from her. That wasn't going to last for much longer - she'd make sure of that - but she also understood the worn expression. No matter how well she'd slept in his arms, she couldn't imagine that weariness going away completely until Rumpelstiltskin was dealt with.

 

'I didn't know what to do when I first got here,' he told her quietly, his fingers curling around hers when she reached for his hand. 'Perhaps if I'd told you - about the curse, who I really was - then things might've happened differently.'

 

'Yeah, maybe,' she said slowly, wondering where the hell he was going with this. 'I also might have had you carted off to the dungeons, considering we don't really have a psych ward here.'

 

He didn't even pretend to smile. 'You've suffered a lot of pain and confusion because I chose to keep it a secret,' he said seriously. 'With Neal, and with your magic.'

 

She remembered that - the crippling fear that her fate had turned to make her a destructive force, convinced that there could be no good use of magic. None of that fear had lingered, but it had been so real at the time. Still, she couldn't find an ounce of blame for him, not knowing what she did now. 'You broke the curse, Killian,' she said, smiling at him softly, squeezing his hand. 'Yes, things might have happened smoother if you'd told me earlier, but they also might have gone worse. You stuck by me, no matter how much I tried to push you away. You came back yesterday,' she reminded him, her voice thick with emotion at the memory of Henry in Killian's arms, and what might have happened if he hadn't been there.

 

'I couldn't leave you,' he said quickly, and the certainty in his voice was exactly why there was nothing to forgive. 'Not when there was danger, and even before that I couldn't bring myself to go far.'

 

They lay awhile in bed together, talking and touching and learning each other again, and she just couldn't bring herself to feel anything but relief for now. She knew there was a lot to worry about, that they still had Rumpelstiltskin to deal with - because what the _hell_ was with that anyway - but right now she just wanted to stay in bed with her husband, now that she knew he was her husband.

  
Well, she'd wanted to before as well, but now she didn't have to feel guilty about it.

  
It wasn't until she heard the creak of the door that she realised how much she'd lost track of time, and then there was Eva herself, peeking around the door. 'Mama?'

  
Crap.  
  
She sprang up out of bed, grabbing her robe from the dresser and wrapping it around her quickly, walking over to Eva and picking her up to distract her for the moment while Killian found some clothes himself. 'Good morning, sweetheart,' she said cheerfully, her mind spinning as she wondered whether she should take her back into the sitting room, or whether she should suck it up and just start dealing with it now. She'd wanted to talk to Neal first, to make him feel included, to reassure him that he wasn't going to be pushed out entirely, but Neal wasn't here and Killian was and how long could they really put it off for?

  
It was the knowing that Killian's eyes were on her, on Eva, that made up her mind. He'd been without his daughter for long enough.

  
When she turned back around he was sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed, clad in his trousers and his undershirt. He was leaning forward, his left arm leaning on the blankets in a way that she knew was on purpose to hide the scarred skin where his hand would have been and of course, Eva wouldn't have seen him like this before.

  
'I'm hungry Mama,' Eva whispered loudly, clearly not too concerned just yet about why Killian was in her bed.

  
'We'll go down for breakfast very soon,' she promised. 'Will you sit with us for a minute first? Killian and I would like to talk to you.'

  
Her big blue eyes - how hadn't she _known?_ \- went straight to Killian, and her happy smile, no matter how sleepy, made her feel a little easier. Eva liked Killian, she knew she did, and hopefully it wouldn't sound too illogical for her young mind to accept him as family.

  
With a chipper hello to Killian, she squirmed in Emma's arms until she sat them both down on the bed. Eva shifted until she sat right in the middle, all but bouncing in her seat as she faced them. She exchanged a look with Killian, thinking that he was probably too highly strung to laugh at her exuberance, but a small smile played around his lips despite the tightness around his eyes. Anyone would think that she was about to get a pony.

  
Except she already had one, she thought with a sigh, but if this type of confusion was all she'd struggle with from two sets of memories then she'd be far too lucky.

  
'You know that we have a big family,' she started, not really sure what to say but knowing that she'd probably never get it right if she waited a year. 'We have your papa and your brother, and your aunt and uncle and your cousin. And we all love each other very much.'

  
Trying not to be too heavy about it, she reached out and grabbed Eva's little bare foot, giving it a little playful shake and taking strength from her laughter.

  
'Killian loves us too, and he'd like to be a part of our family.' She watched Eva carefully, hanging for her reaction, knowing that Killian was the same. She thought he was holding his breath. 'Would you like that?'

  
She looked from Emma to Killian and back again, 'Okay,' she said, like it was the simplest thing in the world and it was really, wasn't it?

  
Except it wasn't, not at all. It was _everything,_ and she felt Killian relax beside her.

  
But it wasn't quite done, yet.

  
'Killian's also going to sleep in here with me now,' Emma continued.

  
This stopped her, her little brow creasing in a frown. 'What about Papa?'

  
Both of them tensed again, and Emma shifted her robe around her, hoping with everything in her that Eva wouldn't realise that this would normally be a terrible thing. 'Papa's still going to be nearby, darling,' she assured her. 'He's just going to sleep in a different room.'

  
She seemed to think on that for a moment and then smiled again, and Emma felt like she'd break from this rollercoaster of stress and relief. Eva leaned in close to her, but when she whispered it was still loud enough for anyone in the room to hear it. 'Does that mean he's Papa now too?'

 

And her heart just about gave out. Eva looked at Killian in confusion, like she didn't understand the choked sound that he'd made. Her hand found his and he _squeezed._

  
'You can't call them both Papa,' she said hoarsely, and when Eva's face fell slightly she dropped Killian's hand and gathered her up in her arms, unable to stop herself from holding her close. She knew that Killian loved her already, and maybe it wouldn't be a stretch to think that Eva wasn't so far off.

  
Change was supposed to be hard for kids, wasn't it?

  
Killian reached out slowly, brushing against her fingers as he carefully took Eva's hand. 'You could call me Da,' he offered, and the wonder and hope in his eyes certainly wasn't helping her emotional state. 'But only if you want to,' he said, quick to give her an out if she wanted to take it.

  
She wondered what he'd called his own father, and whether he wanted that link or was trying to replace it.

  
It was just at that moment that Eva decided to revert back to shyness, dropping Killian's hand and turning to bury her face against Emma's neck. ''Kay,' she mumbled, and Emma met Killian's concerned look with a grin.

  
This was a much bigger win than she'd expected to have.

  
'Can we have breakfast now?'

  
'Of course we can, sweetheart.'

 

* * *

Alone in his room, Killian washed his face and his hands quickly before dressing, not wanting to take any longer than he had to. He'd yet to move his few belongings into Emma's rooms and he certainly couldn't go down to breakfast in his bloodstained clothes from yesterday, so he'd excused himself to dress while Emma and Eva did the same, with a promise to meet them downstairs as soon as he was done.

  
Despite his rush he paused, staring at his wavering reflection in the shallow basin of water. The mere thought of moving his things to her room, for deliberately joining them for breakfast, the memory of waking up beside her still felt surreal to him.

  
There were still things that they needed to discuss, about Eva, about themselves, but there was so many other things to deal with as well that he didn't protest them being pushed aside for the moment. He could barely believe that she didn't blame him for keeping this secret from her and all of the things that had occurred from that, and she seemed more than willing to accept him once more as her husband, as though nothing had changed. It felt like more than he deserved, but he'd always seen his life that way, ever since he'd met her.

  
But Eva... that was the part that was the hardest to come to terms with.

  
There was a tightness in his throat every time he thought of her, his perfect little girl, his beautiful little miracle. It was too easy, wasn't it? The worry over how she would react to him had been heavy in the back of his mind ever since he'd learned that there was a chance that he could be her father. No matter what the outcome had been, he'd have wanted to be in her life, but all he'd been able to imagine so far was rejection, reluctance, or at the very least, uncertainty. But there had been none of that on her smooth little features, only what appeared to be excitement over her family getting a little bigger.

  
 _Da._ He'd regretted the suggestion as soon as it had slipped past his lips, not wanting to rush her in any way, not wanting to make her uncomfortable or feel like she had to accept him, but she'd taken it in stride.

  
Was it too easy?

  
He'd not complain.

  
Beforehand, he'd been more concerned about Eva's reaction than anything else, but now that they'd at least started building that relationship his mind turned to Neal. They hadn't discussed what would happen to the man who turned out not to be her father, but he knew that he couldn't deny Neal a place in his daughter's life, not for her or for him. As much as the jealousy still ate at him - and he didn't expect that to go away any time soon - he was grateful that Eva had had at least someone to look up to so far, and he wouldn't do anything to lessen that bond.

  
He just hoped that Neal's opinion would be just as welcoming as his was.

  
 _He can't keep me out of her life,_ he thought, clicking his hook into place. _And he hasn't tried to so far._

  
But things were changing now that the curse was broken, and he hoped that his friendship with Neal - however strained it had been lately - wasn't going to be one of them.

  
Running his fingers through his hair a few times to straighten it, he made his way down to the small family dining hall where everyone would be meeting for breakfast. He was looking forward to seeing Henry, David, Snow. All of these people who he had once called family, and had had to work so hard to be able to call friend... they were his again.

 

Despite everything, he still couldn't help but feel like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. They were together, and it made all the difference.

 

He ran into Tink at the top of the staircase, the fairy punching his arm lightly in greeting. 'So how was your night, hmm?' she asked with a grin, and he couldn't help but return it, much as he shook his head in exasperation.

 

'I'd wager it was as good as yours,' he replied, smirking when her cheeks tinged pink. 'Where is Neal?' he asked, his tone carefully casual as they made their way down the stairs.

 

Tink looked at him sideways, her expression blank. 'He went to speak to you and Emma before breakfast. You haven't seen him yet?'

 

 He shook his head slowly then paused, turning to look back up the stairs. He'd be talking to Emma right now, then. He knew he should just wait, they'd be down shortly, but he was impatient to speak to Neal about Eva, to deal with whatever fall out might come. He took one step up but then paused, turning back to Tink. He would have spoken to her about it, surely. 'Do you know -'

 

'He just doesn't want to be shut out, okay?' she snapped, interrupting him. 'You do realise how hard this is for him now, don't you? You could take everything from him right now, if you wanted to, and all he wants is to be a part of her life. He loves her regardless of whether she's his blood or not, and he's terrified that you're going to try and keep her from him.'

 

'Did you not think that's how I feel?' Killian said, his ire rising automatically at her confrontation. 'She might be my daughter, but he's more of a father to her than I am and it's entirely in his power to turn her from me if he chose to -' He cut off, realising that he probably sounded ridiculous but he couldn't push this fear away, that there had to be some kind of difficulty somewhere and he could hardly blame Neal for wanting Eva all to himself.

 

Tink had watched him with wide eyes as he spoke, but now she sighed heavily. 'She can have both of you, you know. Talk to him. I'm sure you'll find that he only wants the same things that you do.'

 

He nodded slowly, but didn't say anything. He wouldn't feel comfortable about it until he could at least speak to Neal.

 

Tink seemed to understand. Reaching up, she squeezed his shoulder quickly before stepping backward toward the dining room. 'Are you coming, or are you going to wait for them?'

 

'I'll wait.'

 

'All right.' She smiled at him, then. 'Just remember, Killian, that you did it. You broke the curse. You won. Let yourself celebrate a little, will you?'

 

The minutes after Tink disappeared from sight felt a lot longer than they probably were in reality, but he'd already decided against going up to meet them despite his impatience, knowing that if he did they'd probably pass each other on different hallways.

 

He'd just about given up on that resolve when he heard Eva's sing song voice from the top of the stairs and looked up to see her running down the stairs them a little too fast, Emma's worried face coming into view a moment later. 'Eva!'

  
Ignoring her mother, Eva raced down the stairs, running straight past him with a 'hullo, Da,' disappearing into the dining room before he could catch his breath.

  
'I better make sure she doesn't cause havoc,' Emma said, reaching him a moment later. Some of his disorientation must have shown on his face because she paused, smiling at him knowingly, her fingers brushing his arm as she passed him.

  
'We'll just be a minute.'

  
Turning slowly, he found Neal standing before him, looking just about as awkward as he felt. He heard Emma's footsteps heading away and had half a mind to call her back, to at least find out from her what had been said already, but he held onto the image of her smiling face - she wouldn't have appeared so if she'd just spent the last ten minutes arguing with Neal, would she?

  
There was no good place to start, not really. They hadn't spoken much last night - Neal and Tink had retired even earlier than they had, and he could hardly blame them under the sympathetic eyes of the family. What they'd been through together, and what they were going to have to deal with together from now, was something more than could be resolved in a single conversation, but Emma had made a start and so would he. 'I'm sorry,' he said simply.

 

Neal looked away, rubbed at his eyes. When he raised his head, there was a defeated look in his eyes that tore at Killian's heart, knowing that there was every chance that their roles could have been reversed. 'But you don't wish it was different.'

 

It wasn't a question, and Killian wouldn't have been able to deny it if it had been. It was easy to say "if it had been me", but he couldn't really say how he would have reacted if it had proved that Neal was Eva's father.

 

He didn't even like to think about it.

 

'How could I?' he said instead, glancing over his shoulder to where his family would be waiting for them. Their family. 'You wouldn't either.'

 

He didn't answer. He didn't have to.

 

He looked tired. Not having to hide his affection for Tink must have been a nice change - one Killian knew too well - but he had a feeling that the change in their sleeping arrangements wouldn't be the whole reason behind his lack of sleep. Despite his relief over how things turned out, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty. 'Did Emma tell you that we've spoken already?'

 

'Yeah, she did all right.' Neal's face tightened. 'Told me she walked right in on the two of you in bed.'

 

Killian started, alarmed by the insinuation. 'It wasn't like that,' he said through gritted teeth, trying to stamp down his frustration.

 

Neal sighed heavily, his body deflating with the movement along with his anger, from the look of it. 'I know. I just... I would have liked to be there when you told her.'

 

He just nodded shortly. 'We're not going to cut you out.'

 

'Emma said the same thing.'

 

'And you didn't believe her?'

 

'I just wanted to hear you say it.'

 

Their eyes met in what felt a hell of a lot like a challenge and, as much as he felt bad for the guy, Killian wasn't going to look away.

 

Eventually Neal nodded to himself, his mouth turning up into a hesitant smile. 'Shall we join them?'

 

The remaining tension drained out of Killian slowly. They still had to deal with Rumpelstiltskin, figure out what the hell he wanted, but at least this was one weight off of his shoulders. Neal had been one of his only confidants over the last few months and a good friend for years before that - not to mention their earlier history - and he didn't want to let this get between them more than it had to.

 

'Aye. Let's see if Henry's left us anything to eat.'


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty Three**

 

The mood had been tense all morning, and Emma was almost relieved when the children had been sent to the nursery under Granny's watchful eye and the rest of them had made their way up to the council chamber. It might have been easier to pretend that everything was okay, but they couldn't keep that up forever, and pushing down her anxiety was getting to her quickly.

 

Seating herself between Killian and Henry, she looked around curiously at the others as they took their own seats. So many people who she was close to, some of them in different ways here than back in Storybrooke. Were they different, now that they had two or three personalities each? Was she different?

 

Yes. Yes she was, but how?

 

This whole thing was making her head hurt.

 

'What's the latest information?' David said, taking the last seat at the large, round table.

 

Grumpy cleared his throat roughly, drawing everyone's attention. 'I just spoke to Blue. So far, they've reformed the magical barrier around the city that keeps Rumpelstiltskin out, and now they're working on rebuilding the parts of the castle that were destroyed.'

 

'Victor and Doc have seen to most of the injured,' Ruby put in. 'I stopped in on them before breakfast. Everyone has been tended to, and now they're on bandage changing duty.' Emma itched to be able to heal everyone, but she knew that there were limits to her power, and Regina had warned her to save it for a more urgent use.

 

'What about Rumpelstiltskin himself?' Snow asked, as though reading her mind.

 

'The patrols came back this morning with no sign of him,' Grumpy said. 'We assume he's returned to his castle.'

 

 _And there isn't much hope that he'd stay there,_ Emma thought glumly.

 

'Why doesn't he attack us again while we're weakened?' Tink asked.

 

'Because we're not weakened,' David said, his voice quiet but clear. Everyone stilled and turned toward him. 'Were tired, and yes, there might be a few holes in the walls. Yes, we've lost some valuable lives and we'll never be able to get that back. But now...' he paused, looking around the room. 'Now we know what we're fighting for.'

 

Emma followed his gaze, watching everyone as David's eyes landed on them. It was like a wave of confidence went through them; each of them sat a little straighter, held their head a little higher. Neal and Tink, Regina, Red, Grumpy. Ariel and Eric, who had joined them to offer what support they could. Even Killian and Henry, on either side of her.  Just a few words, a promise of direction, and he took a group from uncertainty to surety. This was her father, the king, and she regretted that she couldn't remember the first time she'd seen him take such command.

 

She met Snow's eyes over David's shoulder, and understood her knowing smile. She knew just what David was doing - and had done it herself more than once, both in her presence and before she'd been born. This was her family, her blood.

 

And she'd never been more proud.

 

'So,' Neal said. 'What do we do?'

 

The silence drew out, and Emma felt a little of that confidence drain. Just because they had each other, didn't mean that this was going to be easy.

 

'The soldiers that we brought with us are at your disposal,' Eric offered. 'And I'll send for more. As many as can come.'

 

'And they'll come to either die or stand around and look pretty,' Regina said, her scorn clear in her voice. 'Pure numbers won't do a thing. A regular army would be useless against his magic.'

 

'How about a magic army?' Emma said slowly. Regina was right - there wasn't likely to be a way to defeat Rumpelstiltskin that didn't involve magic - but that didn't mean that numbers weren't the way to go. 'You and me, and the fairies. We could take him, right?'

 

Grumpy snorted, and she turned to him with a frown. 'And how many lives do you risk by throwing magic at each other, sister?'

 

'Including your own,' David said. 'You shouldn't put yourself in any unnecessary danger.'

 

She opened her mouth to snap that the likelihood of a safe option was pretty damned slim, then snapped it shut when a clear sound of agreement came from the man beside her. She took a deep breath to tell her father and her husband just what she thought about staying back from danger when there were so many lives at stake, but Regina spoke first.

 

'We'll do whatever it takes,' Regina said with a pointed look in David's direction, and Emma supposed that that small rebuff would do for now. 'Whatever the risk, he needs to be put down.'

 

'No.'

 

Emma's eyes slid closed at the firm tone in Neal's voice. She didn't know what she wanted - whether the right thing was to get rid of Rumpelstiltskin for good, or to try and trap him, or what - but she did know that they had to do _something._ She felt Killian's hand fall onto the small of her back, and even as she took comfort from his touch, she wondered whether his anger and frustration would stand in the way of his better judgement.

 

'Look at what he's done to us!' Red said, gesturing around the room. 'I know we were trying to get back here anyway, but it would have been nice to remember who we were when we got here. What are we supposed to do?'

 

'Something else,' Neal said flatly. 'He's still my father.'

 

Grumpy scoffed loudly. 'So we just let him get away with it?'

 

'Not bloody likely,' Killian muttered under his breath.

 

'We'll put him back in the dungeon,' Snow said, giving Neal a long look that said to Emma that she, at least, wasn't going to let Rumpelstiltskin off too lightly. 'That cage held him well enough before, and it's just as strong as it's ever been.'

 

'I can vouch for that,' Regina muttered.

 

'But how would we trap him?' David said, ignoring Regina. 'The last time we tricked him when he was making a deal with Ella, and I highly doubt that he'd be interested in dealing with any of us anytime soon. And even if we could, I don't know what happened to that quill.'

 

'It wasn't the quill,' Emma pointed out. 'It was the squid ink, remember?'

 

'Well then, can we even get any more squid ink?'

 

Ariel's face lit up. 'Oh, I can.'

 

'It doesn't matter,' Killian said, with an apologetic nod in the mermaid's direction. 'He's not going to fall for the same trick twice.'

 

'Three times,' Neal put in, shrugging when all eyes turned to him. 'I used it against him too, in Neverland.'

 

'So it's hopeless,' Snow sighed.

 

It certainly was starting to feel that way. Emma stared at the grain patterns in the wood on the table in front of her, wracking her brain for something else, but she couldn't move past the ideas that they'd already had. Grumpy was right, in that an all out attack against someone as strong as Rumpelstiltskin would likely only end in more casualties, but he also wouldn't trust any of them to get close enough to him to do anything useful. No one except, maybe -

 

Her eyes met Neal's over the table, and she knew he'd had the same thought.

 

'It's not hopeless,' Neal said with finality. 'He'll deal with me.' No one said anything, but Emma had a feeling that it was more to do with caution than distrust. 'None of us can figure out why he did this to us, but we do know that he's been trying to get to me for years. I'll draw him out. All I have to do is get close enough to him.'

 

The others exchanged looks - some hopeful, some doubtful - but Emma already knew that it would work. She'd only ever known Rumpelstiltskin - or Gold - to have few weaknesses. His dagger, which would be heavily guarded by magic and other means, if she knew him at all; Belle, who could not be used against him any longer; and his son.

 

And, well, his desire for power, but they could hardly offer him more than he could have just taken for himself.

 

'You can't go alone,' Killian said eventually, and everyone seemed to relax a little with the formation of a plan, even as Neal tensed to argue.

 

'It's the only way it'll work. He won't let me close to him if I bring along a party, and especially if it's those of you who are fighting against him.'

 

'I'll go with you,' Henry said.

 

It was the first time that he'd spoken since the council had started, and it took Emma a second to digest his suggestion. She spun around to him, grabbing his wrist. 'No!' She heard the same protest echoed directly at her left and also from across the table from both Neal and Regina, but her wide-eyed attention was completely on her son. 'You are _not_ putting yourself in danger. Especially not...' Her voice failed her, and she felt Killian's hand move from her back to clutch at her other hand. She held onto it like an anchor. 'Especially not after what happened yesterday.'

 

Henry lifted her hand from his arm, gave it a quick squeeze, before letting it go to gesture to the room at large. 'If everyone else can, then why can't I? I'm the only one, of all of you, that hasn't worked against him before,' he pointed out, and she could hardly contradict him there. 'I'm his grandson. He won't doubt me.' Turning back to her, he raised his eyebrows at her meaningfully. 'And that gives you a reason to come, as well.'

 

She stared at him blankly. 'Uh, what? Why the hell would he trust me?'

 

Henry's shoulders straightened a little against the intensity of the attention on him as he looked from Emma to Neal and back again. 'We'll tell him that we want our cursed selves back. That we were happy before the curse broke. All we want is to be a family, just the three of us. Not that it's true,' he added quickly, glancing around at everyone, pausing apologetically on Killian, and she couldn't help but breath a secret sigh of relief that Henry was still welcoming of him in his life. 'But it's something he can believe,' he continued. 'And then once we've frozen him, you can send a signal to the others to come and help get him into the cell.'

 

Emma tore her eyes away from Henry and met Neal's, saw the truth in them that she felt herself. It could work. If Neal went alone and managed to trap his father, then he'd have no way of getting him back to the castle except for on his own. They'd have to go out into the forest, outside of the boundaries of the magical barrier, and for all they knew squid ink wouldn't last as long as he'd need to carry him back by himself.

 

She couldn't ask Neal to put himself in danger and refuse herself - if she was honest, she'd relish the opportunity to play a part in his capture, and to find out just why he'd done this to them. No, her concern wasn't for herself, but for Henry.

 

But Henry wasn't a child anymore, and hadn't been for a while. Now that she knew the use of her magic again, she could look after him, she could keep him safe...

 

She turned to look at Snow, and found sympathy but no help in her mother's eyes. She'd have to make this decision on her own.

 

'I don't like it,' David said after a moment.

 

'Nor I,' Killian said, his voice tight, and she resisted the urge to look at him. She could feel the tension in him from where the outside of his thigh pressed against hers, and wondered whether he was worried for her or for Henry. She loved him for both, and she had a feeling that he wouldn't like where her mind was going.

 

'Me neither,' she said slowly. 'But it might work.'

 

Henry smiled at her gratefully, but others were less pleased. Regina leaned forward, both hands on the table. 'We're not going to just put him into danger -'

 

'No, we're not,' she said calmly, frustrated that anyone would think that she'd agree to the idea if she didn't think she'd be able to look after him. 'I'll be there,' she said, looking pointedly at Regina and daring her to say anything, 'and the second we have Rumpelstiltskin trapped, you can poof yourself and everyone else in too.' She finally glanced up at Killian, grimacing at the tightness around his eyes. She knew that he'd hate being left out, but she could hardly run off with Neal and Henry and bring her husband along.

 

'I'm not a kid anymore, Mom,' Henry said, his voice quiet but firm, looking Regina in the eye.

 

Regina's lips pressed together, but after a long pause, she nodded. 'I hear that you've learnt your way around a sword over the last few years.'

 

Emma dropped her eyes, swallowing hard. As hard as it was to accept that her little boy had grown into a man, at least she'd had the chance to see it happen for the last few years. She still wasn't sure when he'd grown up so much, but she shouldn't be surprised at his willingness to stand up and join the fight - he'd always longed to be a hero, always longed for adventure - ever since he'd jumped on a bus and ended up on her doorstep.

 

Unable to help herself, she reached her arm over his shoulders, pulling him into her side and pressing a kiss to the side of his head. 'I love you, kid.'

 

'Yeah, yeah, love you too,' he said, but she felt something in him loosen as he leaned into her.

 

The conversation moved on to how long it would take Ariel to fetch the squid ink (a day or two, at most) but as soon as she glanced up to Killian, she saw something in his eyes that made her pause. She raised her eyebrows at him in question, but he just shook his head. 'Later,' he muttered.

 

She lifted her eyebrows higher, and after a moment he sighed, leaning into her, his hand moving to rest on her arm. She withdrew from Henry and tilted toward him instead. 'I'm not overly fond of either of you going into danger, if I'm quite honest,' he said quietly, his lips brushing against the curve of her ear.

 

She covered his hand with hers, squeezing tightly. 'He took you from me for years, Killian,' she said under her breath, hoping he could see the depth of her sincerity in her expression. 'People are dead because of him. I'll do what has to be done to see that he can't hurt us again.'

 

Half an hour later, Ariel made her goodbyes, and most of the others dispersed as well. There was plenty to do: people to heal, people to organise, buildings to fix. Killian and Neal had gone together to visit Eva, after much eye rolling from her and, _you know you can both be in the room with her at the same time, right?_ Emma had made to go with them but had stopped at a subtle gesture from Snow.  
  
When the room had cleared except for her and her parents, Emma let out a groan, leaning forward until her head banged against the table. 'Remember when our lives were so easy that we thought moving to the Enchanted Forest was a good idea?' she joked.

 

David laughed, and when she turned her head it was to see him leaning back in his chair. 'Well, I don't know how much of our lives you could call "easy". But in comparison to the years before, maybe. We've survived a curse much longer than this one.'

 

'At least we had you with us, this time,' Snow said, offering her a smile from across the table.

 

'But we didn't have Killian,' she mused. I _didn't have Killian. He missed so much..._ She tried to think about it rationally and not let her anger and frustration get to her, but it was a hard thing. 'Do you think that's what the point was? To keep us apart?'

 

'I doubt it,' David said. 'He'd have been caught up in the curse as well if it weren't for Regina's interference.'

 

Sighing heavily, she straightened up, rubbing at her eyes. 'What I wouldn't give for a coffee right now,' she grumbled.

 

'Or a hamburger?' David suggested.

 

'Oh, hell yes.'

 

David laughed again, but Snow was quiet. When she realised that Emma was watching her, she smiled ruefully. 'I always wished that we could have given you this life,' she said softly, 'and now you have it. But it shouldn't have been like this.'

 

The smile slipped from her face, determination settling over her once again. 'No, it shouldn't have been. But now I'm taking my life back.'

 

* * *

 

 

There was a knot of anxiety growing tighter and tighter in his stomach, consuming everything else. The anger, the frustration, the uncertain joy - all of it was drowned out by an overwhelming worry.

 

What if she didn't come back?

 

What if Henry didn't come back?

 

What if he hurt them, took them, cursed them, killed them?

 

_What if what if WHAT IF WHAT IF?_

 

They'd be leaving any minute. Emma and Henry and Neal, walking through the city gates, out of sight and into the forest until they were on the other side of the magical barrier surrounding the city. Walking into danger with barely more than the Crocodile's soft spot for his son as their plan, and leaving him behind. Ariel had been gone for less than a day and returned barely an hour ago, but everything had been prepared in her absence, the finer details of their plan organised until there was nothing to do but wait for her return.

 

He felt like he was doing an awful lot of waiting, and not a lot of doing.

 

Emma's hands on his face drew him back to the present. 'Hey,' she said, the edges of his frustration smoothing at the sound of her soft voice, only to spike again at the thought of losing her. 'You trust me, don't you?'

 

'It's not you that I don't trust,' he said, his arm going around her waist and holding her close. Her family and their friends were all nearby, giving and receiving some last minute comfort, but they could have been alone for all he cared. 'Let me go with you.'

 

He felt her breath against his neck as she sighed, leaning into him. 'And how would that look? Me, running away from reality with my son and the husband that I really want, but bringing my other husband with me? We're hoping that he'll be gullible, but that's taking it a bit far.'

 

She was right, but there wasn't a single part of him that liked it. He'd finally won his place back at her side, but there was nothing that he could do to help her. 'And what if he doesn't accept the ploy?'

 

'Then I'll call you in, just like I will if things go well.' Emma pulled back, looking up at him. 'As soon as Regina gets my signal, you'll be there too. And then we'll find out why he did this to us.' She paused, and it felt like her gaze went straight through him. 'It's more than just worry for the three of us, isn't it? You're burning to know why he did this.'

 

 _More than I could ever say_. He wanted to face Rumpelstiltskin himself, demand to know why the hell he'd done this to them, cursed them to be happy but apart. He wanted to take some retribution for the time that he'd lost, but he'd settle for his family safe and some answers. 'Aren't you?'

 

'We have to go, Emma,' Neal said from somewhere behind Emma. Neither of them turned to his voice, but he felt his renewed tension echoed in her.

 

He wasn't sure who moved first, but their arms were tight around each other again, his mouth pressed tightly against hers. He considered briefly the idea of never letting her go, but he knew that he couldn't do that to her, even if she would have let him. They needed to finish this, to do the blasted right thing and capture Rumplestiltskin so they could finally have some peace and get on with rebuilding their lives.

 

'Be safe,' he told her under his breath and she just nodded, squeezing his hand for a moment longer before she stepped away. He moved after her, giving into his reluctance to let her go, but then paused when he saw Henry.

 

He was looking at him uncertainly, so he didn't hesitate to wrap an arm around him and pull him close, too. That was another relationship that needed to be re-established. He loved Henry as his own, and their time apart had done nothing to change that. The young man that he'd known in the Enchanted Forest was just as strong as the boy he'd cared for back in Storybrooke, and he was more than relieved to know that Henry still wanted him in his life. 'Don't do anything stupid, lad,' he said, not quite knowing how to put into words just how much it meant to him that the boy remained safe.

 

Henry hugged him back, nodding as he pulled away. 'I won't let anything happen to her,' he said quietly, looking surprised when Killian grabbed his arm to keep him near.

 

'Keep an eye on each other,' he said under his breath, 'but don't put yourself in harm's way either, all right? She'll not thank you for it.'

 

'I know,' Henry said slowly, and Killian loosened his grip. 'We'll be careful.'

 

Clapping him on the back, he let Henry step away, meeting Neal's gaze over his shoulder. There wasn't anything to say that hadn't been said already, and there was understanding in Neal's eyes as he nodded once, firmly.

  
Henry had one more quick hug for Regina and then they were away, through the gate and out of his reach. He held his breath as he watched them go, feeling more helpless than he had in a long time. When they reached the treeline Emma turned, glancing over her shoulder, but he couldn't see her well enough to tell her expression and then she was gone.

  
Taking a deep breath, he let it out heavily, not bothering to hide his frustration. Someone stepped up to his side, but he didn't take his eyes from the forest.

  
'How long will they be?' he asked, aware of the fact that he'd already asked, but any amount of time seemed too long.

  
'Fifteen minutes until they're on the other side of the barrier,' Snow said, her voice strained. 'From then, it depends on Neal.'

  
'They'll be all right,' David said from beside him, his hand gripping his shoulder tightly. He resisted the urge to shake it off, knowing that he needed the comfort more than he needed to vent his frustration.

  
Maybe David needed the comfort, too.

  
If there was anyone else who's reaction was sass and anger instead of vulnerability, it was the Evil Queen. 'Ha,' Regina said, but there was decidedly less sarcasm in her voice than he was used to. 'I would have expected a bit more patience from a man your age.'

  
'And I would have accepted a bit more understanding from someone who's just got their family back, to see them walk away again,' he snapped, unable to quite keep everything in.

  
David's hand tightened on his shoulder, but no one said anything. Guilt mixed with his frustration and made it grow.

  
'Just keep an eye out for the signal,' Regina muttered eventually.

  
He couldn't have torn his eyes away anyway.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty Four**

 

It didn't matter that Emma could barely make out anything except for the shapes of her family as they watched her leave; she still took strength from that moment. They were here for her, here with her, and as she turned and took her first step into the forest, she took in a deep breath, feeling their support in every part of her.

  
She felt like she was walking into battle, and it wasn't quite like she'd expected. She'd fought in battles before, both magical and physical, in this world and the other, but it didn't feel the same. Adrenaline was pumping through her veins as though she was ready for a fight, but there was a nervous feeling in her stomach that made her feel like she could be sick any minute. This wasn't a test of armies or physical skill, or even of magic. This was a test of deception, of strategy, and all she had to put her faith in was their plan, and themselves.

  
She felt like she could use a hell of a lot more armour. Instead, she was dressed in her most feminine riding dress, doing whatever she could to make herself look unthreatening. Any small effort counted, right?

 

Henry's hand slipped into hers after a minute or so, and she looked up at him, a new kind of concern starting to eat away at her. Was she completely stupid to be doing this, to be letting him into this mess? He just met her gaze evenly, smiling at her reassuringly. Somehow, his touch seemed to be more to comfort her than to take comfort for himself, and she wondered when the hell he'd grown up so much.

  
Despite their solidarity, Emma could feel a tension in the air, a stillness. It was cold, the morning air bright to her tired eyes, but she wasn't surprised that she'd barely been able to sleep the night before. There was so much that she had to say, to Henry, to Neal, so much to sort out, but now wasn't the time for any of it. When she felt fingers curling around her free hand, though, she squeezed Neal's back tightly, offering him a grim smile.

  
They were in this together.

  
They'd do what had to be done.

 

She'd been worried that she wouldn't realise when they reached the magical barrier considering that she didn't have any memories of walking through it before the curse had been broken, but that awareness must have been something that she'd actively blocked away. She felt it like a tingling upon her skin and stopped abruptly, pulling her arms back sharply to stop the others. 'This is it,' she said, wondering if she was imagining the wavering in the air. 'We're here.'

 

She watched Neal take in a deep breath and let it out slowly, dropping her hand, and she let go of Henry's too. 'And you're sure he can't hear or see us yet?'

 

'Well, he'd be able to hear and see us if he were just standing there,' she said, gesturing toward the surrounding forest. 'But saying his name won't summon his attention, nor can he magically see on this side of the barrier unless he's actually standing here. Once we cross, though, all you'll have to do is call for him, and he'll be aware of you. Maybe not even that much, if he's looking for you.'

 

Nodding, Neal opened the pouch at his belt and retrieved the small glass bottle that Ariel had gifted him with before they'd left. The purple-black liquid inside was easily visible through the glass, and Emma suppressed a shudder, knowing what the simple substance was able to do. The thought of being trapped, unable to move a muscle, made the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end.

 

It was a temporary fate, though, and even so, she knew that Rumpelstiltskin had done more than enough to deserve it over the years.

 

Unstoppering the bottle, Neal tipped a small amount onto the palm of his left gloved hand, the leather protecting his skin from the effects. 'Is that enough?' she wondered aloud.

  
'Plenty,' Neal said. 'A little goes a long way. Here, will you hold onto this? Just in case.'

  
Emma took the bottle when he passed it to her, stoppering it firmly. She knew he was just being cautious, but any thought of their plan not going well the first time put her even more on edge. Tucking the bottle into her belt, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was Henry's grandfather, but she couldn't look at him like that. She'd always known his history and potential for darkness, but they'd all lived in relative harmony for so long that she'd almost forgotten who he truly was. She couldn't think about the past, though, not of the years before the curse had taken them. It was the last few years that she needed to keep fresh in her mind - a measure of happiness, yes, but an incomplete life, an incomplete family. He'd done that to them, had pulled her family apart, and she wasn't going to let him get away with it this time.

  
'Are you ready?' she asked quietly, opening her eyes. Two similar faces nodded, and they stepped forward as one.

  
She felt it like a vibration in her bones when they passed through the magical barrier, as though some force was testing her very core. She certainly couldn't remember that happening before, but it was done before she could open her mouth to protest. Giving herself a shake to rid herself of the feeling, she stopped when she saw the look on Henry's face. 'What the hell was that?' he asked roughly.

  
'What?' Neal asked, looking between them in confusion.

  
Not letting herself dwell on what it might mean for Henry to be as sensitive to the magic as she was, she held her finger to her lips for quiet - they could deal with everything else later. Motioning them forward with her, she took a few steps further into the forest, trying to push down the feeling of _this is it, this is actually it_.

  
She exchanged a long, hard look with Neal, then wrapped her arm around Henry's. They'd do best to not appear too strong until it was needed, but also she took comfort from having him in her grip. She _couldn't_ let anything happen to him. Taking another deep breath to steel herself, she nodded to Neal. 'Do it.'

  
'Rumpelstiltskin!'  
  
Her stomach was twisting into knots, but Emma held Neal's gaze evenly, anchoring herself to him to stop herself from looking around desperately. She had to play this part well: a little afraid of Rumpelstiltskin, but not more so than her magic, than her past. It was hard, when she was so full of nervous determination.

  
She was sure that he'd have to reveal himself with at least a little flair, but there was no sound other than the regular life of the forest. Emma counted her heartbeats, the blood pumping loudly in her ears, but there was nothing.

  
'What if he doesn't come?' Henry asked.

  
'He'll come,' Emma said, with a lot more confidence than she truly felt. Surely he'd come. For Neal, he would come, right?

  
'Rumpelstil-'  
  
'Bae.'  
  
There was no grand flair of announcement, no crackling of magic, only a tired man's broken voice coming from a few paces to her left. She spun toward it, automatically angling her body so she stood between the voice and her son, but he wasn't paying them any attention at all. And it was a good thing too, because Emma wasn't sure she'd have been able to do anything more than stare.

  
For the first time, she realised that she hadn't actually seen the Dark One in all his glory before, not in person. She had memories of him from her false past but they were unclear, and she hadn't been face to face with him since arriving in the Enchanted Forest. The pictures in the storybook were the closest that she'd had, and they didn't even come close to doing him justice.

  
His skin was an odd yellow-green, and instead of soft wrinkles it looked rough and scaly. His mouth was open in surprise, revealing a row of yellowed, pointed teeth that would have been terrifying in the mocking grin that she remembered. But it was his eyes that were the most unsettling - his irises were huge, taking up most of his eyes and making his tiny pupils appear even smaller.

  
This was the monster that had haunted almost everyone she loved, she knew, and suddenly it was easier to distance herself from the idea of that he was family.

 

It didn't appear to be the same for all of them. 'Papa,' Neal said with a grin, and took a few steps toward his father. His left hand, with the squid ink, stayed at his side rather awkwardly, but his right arm lifted as though to reach for him. She could see what appeared to be genuine relief on his face, and heard the same in his voice.

 

Rumpelstiltskin leaned forward as though he was about to walk towards them but then stopped, swaying backwards. Narrowing his eyes, he pointed one sharpened nail toward them. 'What are you doing here?'

 

He was right not to trust them, but obviously he couldn't know that. Neal's smile dropped a little, but then stretched into something warm and open. 'I'm here to come home.'

 

Rumpelstiltskin's eyes widened a little further, but they stayed on Neal. It was almost like he couldn't quite believe what was happening, and she knew how much he'd hate feeling as though he was out of control. _Come on, Neal_ , she thought, wishing she could force her thoughts into his mind. _You've got to give him more than that._

 

He either heard her, somehow, or else came to the same thought that she had. 'I'm sorry I didn't come sooner,' he said earnestly. 'I've only had my memories back for a few days, but I knew I had to find you as soon as I was myself again. This is the soonest we could get away.'

 

It was impossible to tell what Rumpelstiltskin was thinking. She hadn't really expected him to be as composed as the Gold that she knew from Storybrooke, but so far he'd been a lot quieter and a lot less exuberant than she'd thought he'd be. She had a feeling that it had more to do with him wanting to keep his thoughts to himself than an accurate portrayal of how he normally was.

 

Was he suspecting a trick?

 

She tightened her grip on Henry's arm.

 

Surely that barest movement couldn't have drawn his attention, but Rumpelstiltskin's eyes were on her in the blink of an eye. She swallowed down her nerves when he moved toward them, stalking around them slowly. 'And why are they here?'

 

'We want to go with you, too,' Henry said before she could speak. She hated the idea of him drawing attention to himself, but that was half the reason why he was there, wasn't it? Rumpelstiltskin might trust his grandson where he wouldn't anyone else except for Neal, maybe more so. Nothing could convince her that Rumpelstiltskin didn't love his family, and she was only grateful that he didn't know about Eva to wonder about her absence. 'All I want is to be with my parents, not in a castle full of people that don't care about us. We can be a family, the four of us.'

 

Rumpelstiltskin's eyes bore heavily into her as he passed around in front of her. 'And you, the princess, the _saviour?_ What could possibly make you leave your perfect life behind?'

 

 _Perfect?_ He really believed it, she realised. She could use that against him. She did her best to appear desperate and sincere. 'I want my cursed self back,' she said, pouring her heart into the admission. 'You can give that to me, right? I don't want to be who they want me to be, their saviour, their hero.' There were memories of her own that summoned the right feeling without effort. She could remember feeling that way a long time ago, that she'd give anything to just have her family, that she wanted nothing to do with magic and all the mess that came along with it.

 

That mess _was_ her family, and now she wouldn't have it any other way. But still... 'I don't want my magic back,' she continued. And that wasn't much of a stretch either, not for the person that she'd been just a few days ago. 'I just want to be with Neal and Henry, my true family, and never to have to wield magic again.'

 

Rumpelstiltskin continued pacing around them, and the nearer he drew to Henry, the more uneasy she became. He wasn't calling their lie, not yet, but he wasn't welcoming them with open arms either - which is what they wanted, literally.

 

'Papa,' Neal said carefully, and when Emma caught his eyes the uncertainty in them was clear.

  
'I don't think that I believe you, dearie,' Rumpelstiltskin said, his voice high and sounding more than a little bit mad, but it was where his voice came from - right beside her ear - that startled her. He was standing behind them, leaning forward so his head pressed between hers and Henry's, and it was by simple reflex that she tugged Henry forward and away from him, putting some space between her son and the threat. Her body surged with the need to protect and defend, and it was completely by accident when her quick anger drew raw power, red sparks falling from her fingertips. 'Damn it,' she muttered, closing her hands into fists and willing herself to calm down.

 

The damage was already done. Cackling with glee, Rumpelstiltskin danced around until he was in front of them, standing between Emma and Neal. 'Scared of your magic, are we?' he asked dramatically, covering his mouth with his hand as though shocked. 'It seems to come easily for someone who doesn't _want_ it.'

  
'Dad, please,' Neal said, stepping toward him quickly, reaching out to him with his left hand this time. _Do it. Do it!_ 'She's just learning to control it again -'

  
'Lies!' She didn't see him move but then he was standing right in front of her, pushing Henry aside with the barest flick of his hand. Her first reaction was to reach out for him, but it was becoming glaringly obvious that this wasn't going the way that they'd hoped, that they were quickly losing control of the situation - if they'd had it to start with. Instead of helping Henry or protecting herself, she threw her arm upwards, sending a column of red light into the air.

  
Red: _help_.

  
An unnaturally strong hand was around her neck before she could do anything else, thick pointed nails digging into her throat as he tightened his grip and lifted her off the ground. 'You think you can lie to me?' he roared, and it was incredible how quickly he went from prancing around and laughing to absolutely furious. 'You think that you can _trick_ me?' Her hands grappled at his arm, his hand, but his grip was too tight, his will too strong. She reached for her magic but there was nothing there - was he blocking her? Helpless and struggling for breath, she looked over his shoulder to find Neal running up to them, but Rumpelstiltskin followed her gaze and foiled Neal before he could reach them, waving his free hand casually and sending his son flying back. His attention was back on her immediately, though, and his lip rose in a snarl. She kicked at him with her dangling legs but instead of faltering he only shook her, tightening his grip, and she hissed out in pain as his nails pierced her skin.

  
'Emma!' Her heart leapt at the sound of her own name, and she looked up with desperate eyes to see Killian starting toward her, panic and fury in his eyes. She wanted to yell at him to go, that he shouldn't have come when she'd signalled that they were in trouble, but she couldn't get the breath for the words.

  
He wasn't alone, at least - Regina was by his side, and she felt a spark of relief when Tink grabbed onto him to hold him back. He'd absolutely do something stupid to get her free, she just knew it, and she couldn't worry about herself and Henry if she was worrying about him too.

  
But maybe that was out of her hands anyway, she realised when she looked back to Rumpelstiltskin and saw the malicious glint in his eye. A slow grin spread across his face and yes, it was absolutely as terrifying as she'd thought it would be but then he was gone. Oxygen filled her lungs and made her feel lightheaded, and she had the barest moment of respite before she realised that although she could breathe, she was still hovering a foot above the ground, she could still feel the points of phantom nails digging into her neck and making her breathing harder, if no longer impossible... and she couldn't move a single other muscle on her body.

  
She looked quickly for Henry and found that she could only just see him out of the corner of her eye without turning her head, but it was enough to know that he was okay for the minute. He'd been knocked to the ground but was now pushing himself to his feet, but - thankfully - he hesitated when he saw Rumpelstiltskin turning away from her.

  
Which would have been great, if he hadn't been turning on Killian instead.

 

'You,' he snarled. Emma caught Killian's gaze and held it, held it, silently begging him to leave whatever it was alone and just get out of there. She wasn't surprised at all when all she saw was anger and determination, but she could have kicked something out of frustration if she'd been able to move. Before he could act on it and do something stupid, he was being hauled into the air in the same manner as she was, his hands clinging to invisible hands around his throat, his grunt of surprise filling the air. She tore her eyes away from him to find Regina, but she looked to be just as useless as her and Killian, frozen in place with Rumpelstiltskin's magic, and she didn't think even Regina was strong enough to break free on her own.

  
This was pretty much the exact opposite of the plan.

 

Henry stepped in front of her, his hand on the hilt of his sword, and she would have given anything to be able to tell him to get the hell out of there. He was in her line of sight now, but things just seemed to be getting worse, and all she could do is hang there and watch while their fate lay in Neal's hands. At least Henry was still free - that was a good sign for him, if not for anyone else. And although he was standing in front of her, she was high enough that she could see over his head.

  
'Wait, wait, wait,' Neal said, jumping in between his father and Killian. 'Not yet, don't kill him yet.'

  
Yet?

  
She couldn't see Rumpelstiltskin's face when he looked to his son, but she could imagine his expression from the tone of his voice. 'And why should I believe you after you brought them here?' he shouted. 'Why shouldn't you be the first to die?'

  
'Because I brought them here for you, ' he said quickly, pointing behind him to where Killian and the others stood frozen. 'It was a trick, but I only used it to get them all out here. We can take our revenge on them together.'

  
She stared in horror at Neal, willing him to look over to her, panic rising in her as her thoughts fought each other. He wouldn't betray them like this, he wouldn't...

  
He'd betrayed her before.

  
But that was different, he was different. _Please have something up your sleeve,_ she begged him silently, feeling like her heart was in her throat.

  
'You can have all of them,' Neal was saying, his hands spread wide. 'All I want is Emma and Henry. They don't want me, not with _Hook_ here standing in the way, but you can change that, right? If she's loved me before, you can make her remember that, can't you? Just let Emma go and put them both back to their cursed selves, and you can have all the others.'

  
There was bitter turn to his voice that Emma hadn't heard before, and she honestly couldn't say whether he was putting it on or not. All of his words had the potential to be true... if he still loved her.

  
_Neal is in love with Tinkerbell_ , she reminded herself, glancing across the clearing to look at the fairy. She'd been pushed back when Rumpelstiltskin had taken Killian, and now her face and her reaction were hidden for now. Looking to Killian instead, she wasn't surprised to see confusion there, but she hadn't expected that much anger.

  
Did he believe in Neal, and was putting on an act at his double cross? Or did he think they'd been betrayed?

  
What did she believe?

  
_Damn it, Neal._

  
She saw movement closer to her, and looked back at Henry. When he saw that he had her eye, he nodded slowly. Was he in on the plan, or did he just trust his father?

  
She was having trouble keeping up, and she had a feeling that part of that reason was to do with the lack of oxygen going to her brain. When she straightened her neck, it made breathing slightly easier and brought her attention back to the two men in the middle of the clearing.

  
'Please, Papa,' Neal said quietly. 'Just let me bring my family home.'

 

Rumpelstiltskin and Neal were watching each other carefully. She wished she could have seen Rumpelstiltskin's face, _needed_ to know what he was thinking,  but then she wasn't sure how much better off they'd all be if he believed Neal.

 

Neal's face softened in relief, and her stomach dropped in nervous anticipation. Rumpelstiltskin stepped around him, and Neal caught her eye for the first time without his father's eyes on him. If he had any message for her before he turned his back on her, then she didn't see it in his gaze. _What are you doing, Neal?_ She couldn't spare much more thought for him right then, because Rumpelstiltskin was approaching Killian.

 

'The dashing pirate with the _charm_ and the _swagger_ ,' he said scornfully, walking up to Killian with an exaggerated strut. 'You think that you can just take and take and take and take, don't you? Take, take, take, _take, take, take, take_. Well now I'm going to take your life.' Lifting his arm into the air, Killian rose with it, grunting in surprise, but it was his cry that shook her to her bones - that, and the sight of his body being thrown into the ground. She struggled against her invisible bonds, needing to help him, but couldn't move an inch. He was lifted back into the air, this time a little closer to her, and her stomach twisted at the sight of him. Rumpelstiltskin turned to follow him, the anger on his face was plain, and it made him appear madder than she could have imagined. 'First you took my Milah from me, and lost me my son. And then you took his true love from him. And then you _took mine from me! You killed Belle! You killed her!'_

 

The only sound for a few seconds was Killian's ragged breathing, and his grunts of exertion as he clawed at the invisible force around his neck. Neal and Henry exchanged looks, and then Henry glanced up at her in bewilderment before turning back to Rumpelstiltskin. 'What do you mean, he killed Belle? It was an accident.'

 

Less than that, even - it had been a disaster that was no one's fault at all, purposely or not. Rumpelstiltskin was clearly not of the same opinion, however, as he spun around to stare incredulously at his grandson.

 

'Surely you're not so daft, boy, so as not to see it? He was with her, he was responsible for her, and then she _died_. My Belle, and my son, both dead because of him. Everyone I have ever loved, I have lost because of him.' His voice had gotten progressively rougher and louder, until he was shouting the last words, his whole body shaking with anger. 'And I took it all away from him, but he still manages to show up and destroy our lives.' He turned to Neal, and she saw Henry's shoulders drop a little as his attention was diverted away from him. 'Don't you see, Bae? All of this was for you. Everyone was to enjoy their happily ever after,' he said, all but singing the words as he twirled his hand, 'except for him. He was supposed to _suffer_ , like we've suffered. He was supposed to rot in the street with no home, no one to love him, because he's taken everything that we love from us. But no, the Evil Queen finds a way to spare him, and _all of this was for nothing!'_

 

'Not for nothing,' Neal said quickly, and Emma was sure happy that he was thinking quickly because she was doing anything but. All of this had been for _Killian?_ Because he hadn't been quick enough to help Belle? She couldn't even process that much, not while Killian's face was turning purple, not with his strangled grunts filling the air _, and she couldn't move._ She struggled, trying to twist her arms, trying to reach her magic, but there was nothing.

 

'I had the family that I wanted,' Neal continued, taking a step toward him. That step also put him slightly in front of Henry, and she wondered faintly whether that was on purpose. _But even if he has betrayed you, he still wants to protect you, to take you and Henry with him_ , a voice said in her head, and she squashed it down quickly. 'I had the woman and I love, and my son. But why weren't you there? It wasn't complete.'

 

Rumpelstiltskin deflated a little, looking at Neal with what looked like genuine remorse. 'I had everything that I wanted before, and it was taken from me. I didn't think that I could keep my power, and keep you. But I can have it all, I know it! You've been just out of reach, ever since I realised that I was wrong, kept from me by those cursed fairies' magic and your own memories - that I gave to you!'

 

'I'm here now.' Neal lifted his arm, barely two feet between his outstretched hand and Rumpelstiltskin. 'Please, Papa. Let's go away from all of this. Just you and me, and Emma and Henry. I know you can spell her to love me, if that love exists in her somewhere, and I know it does. Let's be a family.'

 

There was a long pause, and Emma would have held her breath if her chest wasn't already feeling so tight. There was a faint glimmer from the ink on Neal's palm, but it wouldn't have been visible to Rumpelstiltskin. Neal was still on side... and they just needed this one moment of trust... _Come on, damn it..._ She looked up at Killian and felt her stomach twist, a small measure of hope mixing with alarm when she saw the blood trickling from a wound on his head.

 

'All right,' Rumpelstiltskin said, his face and his voice softening to something almost unrecognisable, but it barely lasted a heartbeat before it hardened, the madness returning to his eyes. 'But first, the others are going to die.'

 

Before the words could register properly in her conscious mind, her fear and hope and dread, everything she was feeling, had been absorbed and fuelled on by _anger,_ by a rage so hot that it felt like it burned through her with the pumping of her blood. Rumpelstiltskin turned back toward Killian, raising his hand with a flair, and she -

 

' _No!_ ' she screamed, unable to think past her need to protect and defend, throwing her arms out before she even realised properly that she could move. Raw power surged up from inside her and blasted from her hands, and she threw her head back, almost overcome with the strength of the magic that coursed through her. There was a ringing in her ears and a scream that could have been anyone's, her joints stretching to the point of breaking, her vision blackening around the edges. Everything flashed white, and then there was nothing.

 

* * *

 

'Mom? _Mom?_ '

 

Opening her eyes, Emma found herself looking up to Henry's panicked face staring down at her. Had she blacked out? Reaching up - damn it _,_ she _hurt_ \- she took his face between her hands to get a good look at him, blinking a few times until her vision cleared. 'Are you okay?' she asked, her voice rasping.

 

'I'm fine. Mom -'

 

She pushed him back so she could sit up, but then stopped as soon as she did. Surrounding them was... nothing. The clearing that they'd stood in was now bigger by a good hundred feet or so, the trees flattened and the closest ones to her charred. Her eyes landed on the closest thing to them - a body - Rumpelstiltskin. 'Quick,' she gasped, fumbling at her belt.

  
'I've got it,' Henry said, his hands gently pulling hers away and taking the bottle of squid ink from her. When he pushed himself to his feet she tried to do the same, but cursed loudly when she felt pain spike in her ankle. She fell back to the ground, only just caught by Henry's fast reaction.

  
'What the hell?' she muttered, feeling down her leg. Henry pushed up the hem of her skirt, his fingers gently probing at her ankle. Her teeth sunk into her bottom lip, trying to suppress her groan as pain shot up her leg.

  
'You must have broken it when you fell,' Henry said quietly. 'I've never seen you hold that much power, Mom. You're stronger even than Rumpelstiltskin. You knocked him out cold.'

  
'But he won't stay that way for long,' a voice said from above, and she looked up to see Neal standing beside her, dropping his arms from around Tink. 'Here, let me,' he said, holding his hand out for the squid ink, and Henry handed it over without question.

  
She watched, feeling dazed, as he stepped up to his father and upended the entire bottle onto him. Rumpelstiltskin was covered in a shimmering purple light, and when it faded he was trapped.

  
Their problem dealt with, she looked past him, her heart jumping to her throat when she saw Regina kneeling beside the slumped body a few paces away. 'Killian,' she whispered, trying again to stand but Henry's hands on her shoulders stopped her.

  
'You can't walk,' he reminded her.

  
'Then carry me there,' she pleaded, needing for him to be okay, needing to see him.

  
He didn't have to go quite that far, but it was only with Henry's help that she managed to get to her feet at all, only because of his support that she could hobble across to where Killian lay. At first it didn't look like he was moving, and she had to push down her panic as she approached him. The only thing keeping her at a walk (stumble) was the relief on Regina's face when she looked up at them.

  
Killian shifted on the ground, and his resulting groan was like music to her ears. 'Emma?' he asked Regina with quiet desperation when his eyes landed on her.

  
'Here,' Emma said, dropping to the ground beside him, ignoring the pain from her ankle from the weight that she put on it because it just didn't matter, not right then. Killian was sitting up immediately, ignoring Regina's protest and his own grunt of exertion, all but falling into her arms. Her arms went around him tightly, supporting most of his weight as he held her close. He was trembling from the effort of hugging her as tightly as he did, but she didn't try and make him lie back down - she knew he wouldn't have listened to her and besides, she needed this moment too.

  
They were both hurt but they were _alive_ , her family was safe, and that's all that mattered to her. Burying her face against his neck, she breathed him in deeply, her relief so strong that her heart ached for it. Killian's arms loosened slightly before tightening around her again. 'Never... letting you out... of my sight again...'

 

The laughter that bubbled up through her throat was mostly hysterical. 'I could say the same to you.' His grip slipped again and she finally pulled away, lowering him to lie back on the ground with Regina's help. There were red marks around his throat that she was pretty sure matches her own, and his breathing was ragged. 'Don't you even try to tell me that you're fine,' she grumbled at him when he made a sound of protest.

 

'I could say... the same to you. I saw you fall.' His brow furrowed deeply. 'I saw you limping.'

 

'You're both hurt, and you're both idiots for being out here in the first place,' Regina said matter-of-factly, giving Killian a long hard look before turning that same gaze to Emma. After a moment it softened. 'That doesn't mean that we don't appreciate it. And don't you even think about trying to heal him after the amount of power you just drew on,' she added pointedly to Emma. 'You'd either burn yourself out or give him a heart attack.'

 

Just because she was accepting of her magic didn't mean that she wanted to play with fire, and she had a feeling that Regina was right. At her reassuring nod, Emma pulled back from Killian, settling with holding onto his hand tightly as the other woman worked her magic. She watched as the bruises faded from Killian's face within seconds, the swelling going down, the oozing of blood from the gash on his forehead easing. The next moment he was sitting up again, his arms enveloping her with something more like his usual strength, his mouth pressing firmly against her temple.

 

'I wasn't finished,' Regina said from beside them.

 

'I don't care,' Killian said, leaning back. 'Heal her next.'

 

Emma grimaced as the pain in her ankle flared up again, but now that Killian was okay there were more important things to worry about, and she said as much. 'You have to get Rumpelstiltskin to the dungeon as quickly as possible. You can fix me later.'

 

Regina didn't bother waiting, merely nodded and got to her feet. Leaning back into Killian's arms, she watched Regina approached the others, speaking quickly to Tink and gesturing to Rumpelstiltskin. Emma caught Neal's eye as he took Tink's hand. She knew that he truly loved his father, and if he'd decided that what remained of that bond was stronger than his relationship with the rest of them, then all of the others would be dead; her and Henry's memories likely wiped. But he'd been stronger than that. 'Thank you,' she mouthed. He smiled at her faintly.

 

And then the next moment they were gone, the three of them and Rumpelstiltskin's body. Emma looked up at Henry, heading toward them from a few paces away, and Killian, sitting by her side.

 

She smiled.

 

* * *

 

The previous times that Killian had been magically healed before, the only discomfort that he'd felt afterwards was a weariness down to his bones. This was different - Regina had only healed him about halfway, enough for his wounds to be mended but not enough to rid his body of pain entirely. His own discomfort was the furthest thing from his mind, however.

 

He'd wanted to help Emma back to the castle, pulling her arm around his shoulders and sharing half of her weight with Henry, but it hadn't been a few minutes before he'd begun to lag under the additional weight. It had been Emma who had noticed, insisting that she could walk on her own, but Henry had acted before she could try, lifting her bodily into his arms and carrying her the rest of the way.

 

Stronger than his physical pain was the turmoil in his mind. Over the last few months he'd felt angry and bitter, he'd felt doubtful of the likelihood of his task and guilty over the uncertainty and pain that he'd caused Emma, but he hadn't even considered that he should be feeling guilty for the curse itself, that he might have been the reason why it had been altered to change their identities. If Regina hadn't interfered and left him behind in Storybrooke, then he'd have been cursed right along with them, watching everyone else's happy endings unfold while he was alone in his misery.

 

All of it had been meant as a punishment for him and a prize for Neal. Was it truly his fault, for not being quick enough to save Belle and the child? _Could_ he have been quicker?

 

No. He'd dealt with that guilt already, and he knew that nothing he'd done could have made a difference. He couldn't deny Rumpelstiltskin his right to his grief, but his own had been consuming enough.

 

He knew Belle wouldn't have wanted this. They'd become good friends in the years that they'd known each other, and he knew that vengeance always would have been the furthest thing from her mind, whether he was at fault or not. But Rumpelstiltskin had always been the opposite, and without Belle's placating effect on him, Killian shouldn't have been surprised that he'd needed to put blame somewhere.

 

The trees started to thin, the castle walls coming into view, and Emma turned her head to look back the way they'd come with a frown on her face. 'The barrier. I didn't feel it when we went through this time.'

 

'Huh. Me either.' Henry stopped, looking upward and Killian followed his gaze, squinting to try and catch the faint shimmer of magic. There was nothing.

 

'They must have dropped it to get Rumpelstiltskin in,' Killian said, pressing his lips together to try and smother the grimace that came automatically with his name.

 

'Well it's not like we need it anymore,' Emma mused.

  
And they wouldn't have needed it at all if it wasn't for him...

  
'Hey,' she said softly, motioning for Henry to put her down, and he could have sworn that she could see into his mind sometimes but she'd always been like that. When she started to hop over to him he quickly closed the distance, his arm sliding around her waist to stabilise her. He looked over her face, searching for hints of pain - she was as stubborn as he was, and wouldn't complain until her leg was falling off - and found himself quickly caught in her eyes. She was looking up at him with concern, and love, and relief. 'Hey, you know that none of this is your fault, right?'

  
He knew that logically,  but it was hard to shed the guilt from his mind. Her faith in him, like always, eased it a little. 'I know. But -'

  
'No. It's not. At all.' She smiled up at him certainly, reaching up to cup his cheek. 'You're not to blame, Killian. You're the hero. You broke the curse, and we took down the bad guy -'

  
' _You_ defeated Rumpelstiltskin,' he corrected, the corner of his mouth twitching upward in pride.

  
Emma huffed at him, but she smiled, too. 'Fine, I defeated Rumpelstiltskin, but you did everything else. We did it. It's all over.' Her hand slipped around the back of his neck, pulling his head down and pressing her lips to his. When she pulled away she grinned at him. 'And now we can start building the life that we were supposed to have here. Start raising our little family.'

 

The thought of Eva, waiting for them back at the castle, instantly made him happy and nervous to get back to her, and the joy in Emma's eyes made his heart swell. He'd started to bend his head toward her again but paused when he heard a snort from a few feet away, and glanced upwards to see Henry rolling his eyes at them in a way that reminded him exactly of his mother. 'I'm not sure how much more raising you can do for me when I'm bigger than you, Mom,' he said, grinning at Killian over Emma's shoulder.

 

Leaning away from him, Emma turned to face Henry, and Killian could only imagine the _oh really?_ look that he was getting. 'We'll see about that, kiddo.'

 

Adjusting his grip around Emma's waist, he nodded across her to Henry. 'What do you say we get your mother back to the castle, lad? She might be incapacitated for the minute -'

 

'Hey!'

 

'- But she won't stay that way forever, and you know she can take both of us when she's at the top of her game.'

 

' _Only_ when I'm at the top of my game?' Emma protested, and he pressed his smile against the side of her head. Henry came up to help support her weight and the three of them started making their slow way over the last few hundred feet to the city gates where Snow and David were likely still waiting for them.

 

For the first time since he'd set foot in the Enchanted Forest several months ago, Killian wasn't worried. There was no uncertainty about his reception, no worries about a curse, no nemesis to fight against. Just his wife and his stepson by his side, his daughter and the rest of their family waiting for them on the other side of those gates.

 

His home was safe, his family was safe and together, and that's all he'd ever wanted.


	25. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

 

'Daddy! Daddy, wake up!'

  
Awake in an instant, Killian opened his eyes and pushed himself up onto his elbows just in time to see Eva jump onto the bed, but instead of crawling under the covers like she usually would, her two small hands circled his elbow and pulled. 'Come _on_ , Da, we have to _go_!'

  
Blinking away his last remains of sleep, he glanced to the side and confirmed that Emma wasn't in bed beside him. If she had been, she either would have been welcoming Eva in with open arms or groaning into the pillow for more sleep, depending on the time. Lacking backup, Killian let himself be pulled from the bed, taking note of the light in the room and guessing it to be an hour past sunrise at most. It was abnormally early for Emma to be up so early without reason, but not at all for Eva. 'What's your rush this morning, little love?' he asked with a smile, putting up his hand to stop her when she tried to push him towards his dresser.

  
Eva stopped pushing him and straightened up with all the dignity of her royal line despite the fact that she only had seven years behind her, and her hands on her hips _almost_ didn't ruin it. 'Mama said you'd take me down to the harbour today.'

  
_Oh, did she now?_ He tried his best not to smile at the determined look on her face, but it was a near thing. 'And just where is your mother then?'

  
'She's going to meet us there,' Eva insisted, looking thoroughly frustrated that he'd stopped to question her rather than immediately doing her bidding. 'Please, Da, or we'll be late.'

  
That caught his attention, even more so when her cheeks started to redden and her mouth dropped open when she realised her slip. He'd been unsure whether to believe her or whether using Emma as an excuse was just her way to trick him into taking her to see the ships - she was a trickster, his daughter - but she'd clearly given more away than she'd meant to. Late for what? he wondered. He certainly didn't know of any events in the harbour or even in the city today.

  
_What are you and your mother planning?_ he thought, equal parts suspicion and affection filling his heart. 'All right, I'll take you to the harbour. Give me a minute to dress though, aye?'

  
Her answering grin was the reason why she got away with so much mischief, but he couldn't help it when she brought so much light to his life. Spinning on her heal, she left to wait in the sitting room while he washed his face and dressed.

  
Anyone would have thought that he'd taken an hour rather than the five minutes at most from the way she was fidgeting in her seat when Killian rejoined her. Wrapping her fingers around the curve of his hook, she tugged with surprising strength, and he was grateful that he'd double checked the clasps on his brace. 'Not yet, love. To the kitchens, first.' He'd rather sit her down and give her a proper breakfast, but he knew that there was a better chance of getting her to eat something while she was in this mood if it was the grab and dash kind.

  
He shouldn't have been surprised to see Red standing on the other side of their door when he opened it, especially with the smug grin on his daughter's face. Red's own was full of cheerful innocence as she took the covered basket hanging from her elbow and held it out to him. 'Breakfast, Captain?'

  
He raised an eyebrow at her, pretending that he didn't hear the muffled laughter behind him. 'What a coincidence this is, Red,' he said wryly.

  
She shrugged. 'I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about.'

  
'Uhuh.' He eyed her thoughtfully for a moment. 'And I don't suppose you'd tell me what it is that you know nothing about?' he muttered under his breath.

  
Her keen ears heard him anyway, just as he knew they would. Winking at him deliberately, she lopped the handle of the basket over his hook. 'Absolutely not,' she assured him. 'Enjoy your walk!'

  
Their breakfast consisted of fresh, sweet rolls, sliced open and lathered with butter, and after making sure that Eva had eaten at least one, he took one himself, chewing it slowly while he tried to wrap his mind around the events of the day, as short as it had been so far. He lost himself in his musings as the two of them walked through the streets of the city that was his home, smiling and nodding to familiar faces automatically, the sound of Eva's quiet humming from beside him comforting him somewhat.

  
It wasn't his birthday - or rather, the day that Emma and Tink had decided they were going to celebrate as his birthday since he'd forgotten the proper date many years ago. It wasn't the anniversary of his marriage to Emma - he wasn't going to forget that one if he could help it. Nothing about the day seemed particularly special, nor had Emma or anyone else given any clue to any goings on the night before.

  
If it weren't for the blatant excitement and mischievousness on Eva's face, and the smug knowing look on Ruby's, then he'd be willing to pass it off as a usual family outing. Besides, Emma wouldn't have left without him...

  
He found himself picking up his pace a little.

 

The smell of salt and the steady rumbling of noise reached them before the harbour itself came into sight, and he managed to relax into the familiarity a little before the docks came into view. He smiled at the semi-familiar masts and sails that were lined up, but faltered in his step when he recognised one in particular.

 

Huffing in disbelief, Killian felt the corners of his lips stretch in an uncertain smile. He'd lost hope of ever seeing the Jolly Roger again after watching her sail away from him in this very harbour. He knew that Emma had started looking for her not long after the curse had been broken and Rumpelstiltskin dealt with, and he'd been devastated to hear that the "Jewel of the Realm" had been taken, once more, by pirates. There'd been no word for years, but now...

 

'Da?'

 

Tearing his eyes away from what had been his home for more years than he could count, Killian looked down to find Eva watching him, and he realised that she'd stopped trying to drag him along. 'They found your ship,' he said thickly, his mind filled with memories of the joy on her face when she'd seen it the last time - followed by the panic when they'd lost her.

 

Eva rolled her eyes, but the look in them afterward was full of understanding. ' _Mama_ found your ship. With Grandpa's help. They told me that it was your ship first. I thought we could surprise you.' Her eyes dropped, toeing at the stone road with her little boots. 'Was it okay?'

 

Laughter bubbled out of him before he could stop it, and he quickly knelt down beside her, pulling her into his arms to reassure her that he wasn't laughing at her. Giving her a tight squeeze, he pulled back far enough that he could see her face, using the blunt tip of his hook to push back the hair that had fallen into her eyes. 'Darling, it was a wonderful idea. I'm very surprised.' He smiled at her, his daughter, and felt his heart swelling beyond belief when she smiled back at him. 'I love you very much, Eva.'

 

'I love you, too, Daddy.' She leaned forward to give him a quick kiss on the cheek before pulling out of his grasp. 'Can we go aboard now? Mama said I had to wait until you could show me. Please?'

 

He didn't want to make her wait, nor was he capable of it himself, so he took her hand in his and led her through the crowd of people going about their regular business. He wasn't surprised to see Smee standing beside the gangplank, his red hat in his hands. 'Smee,' he said, acknowledging the man with a nod and the smile that he couldn't rid himself of.

 

'Captain. Your Highness.' Smee bowed to Eva with an awkward wave of his hat before turning back to Killian. 'We've cleaned her up for you nice and right, sir. She's just as seaworthy as the first day I laid eyes on her.'

 

Dropping Eva's hand, he clapped Smee on the shoulder, wishing he could convey to him just how grateful he was. 'Thank you, Smee.'

 

His first mate just nodded him onward, and Killian didn't argue. Turning back to the Jolly, he rested his hand on Eva's back and guided her forward, stopping just at the end of the gangplank. He'd caught sight of Emma and Henry just a few paces away, but he kept his attention of Eva for now, wanting to make this as much of an event for her as it was for him. 'Permission to come aboard, Captain?' she said, her voice strong and clear without a prompt from him.

 

He couldn't help but laugh, knowing exactly who would have told her to say that. 'Permission granted, lass. Go on.' Pushing her forward gently, he followed a step behind, letting his breath out slowly as his foot landed on familiar planks.

 

His home was more than a place now, but he knew that a part of him would always belong here.

 

He welcomed Emma's suggestion that she and Henry show Eva around, offering Emma a grateful smile when she squeezed his hand on the way past. He wanted to share this with Eva, but he also needed a moment to get his bearings. As the others disappeared below, he made his slow way along the deck, running his hook along the railing to hear the familiar noise, feeling the familiar give of a certain step.

 

When he stood before the helm, he took his time in wrapping his fingers around one spoke and curling his hook around another. Closing his eyes, he breathed.

 

He wouldn't trade his life for anything, no matter that it had turned out to be the last thing that he'd ever expected. He had more people to love than he would have thought possible, and the confidence that they cared about him in equal measure. He had a home, a family. As much as he hated to be parted from them, he even had an occasional post in the navy when his experience required, or when his blood couldn't deny the pull of the sea. Even so, he couldn't deny that he'd missed this more than anything else.

 

It felt like only minutes before he heard approaching footsteps on the deck, and he didn't have to open his eyes to know that it was Emma. When she hesitated, though, he turned anyway, holding out his arm to her, taking half a step back so that he could fit her between himself and the wheel.

 

Her hand came up to cover his, her fingers slipping between his own while her other hand held the spoke above his hook. When she leaned back, he pressed forward, taking comfort in the feeling of her pressed against him. Tightening his fingers around the handle, he lowered his left arm to wrap it around her waist, craving that extra bit of contact. 'Thank you,' he breathed against the bare skin of her neck, knowing that it was pointless to try and better articulate the depth of his feeling, knowing that she understood anyway.

 

She nodded, leaning further back so that her head rested on his shoulder. There was no tension in her body, and he wondered at how easily she adjusted herself to the gentle rocking of the ship. 'I'm sorry that it took so long.'

 

Only Emma wouldn't be able to accept his thanks without thinking about what she could have done better. 'How long have you had her?'

 

'A few days,' she told him. 'We found her a few weeks ago, but it took time to buy her back and sail her here. I put Smee in charge of getting rid of anything that wasn't yours and replacing things that you might miss.' She turned slowly in his arms, looking up at him with a glint in her eye. 'I wanted to do it myself, but I figured that he'd know better what a pirate ship needs, and -'

 

'And someone needed to keep me from spending too much time gazing outside,' he finished slowly as things started to fall into place. He put on his most affronted look, even as he felt almost giddy with happiness. 'And here I was, thinking that you were merely feeling particularly amorous,' he teased. He hadn't thought to question her motives when she insisted on spending as much time as possible in bed with him over the last few days, but in hindsight he had to applaud her distraction techniques.

 

Huffing a laugh, she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, catching his attention instantly. 'Well I can't say that I didn't have fun along the way,' she told him, reaching up to pull his head down to hers but he was already on his way, his eyes sliding shut as he closed his mouth over hers.

 

He could get lost in her for hours - often still did - but he contented himself with kissing her until she was breathless, breaking away before it could get too heated. 'Where are the others?' he asked, knowing they'd only be alone for so long.

 

Emma laughed again, pressing her cold nose against his neck. 'Henry's letting Eva believe that she's locked him in the brig. I figured I'd leave them to it, since it'll keep them out of the way until everything's ready to go here.'

 

Taking her by the shoulders, Killian pulled back to see her face. 'What do you mean, ready to go?'

 

Her eyes were full of excitement when she grinned up at him. 'Why, we're going on an adventure, sailor.'

 

* * *

They didn't have a destination, not really, but they didn't need one. Killian spent the day at the helm, sometimes joined by Henry, sometimes Emma and often Emma. He'd made a token protest about the appropriateness of having Eva on board, saying that a pirate ship was normally no place for a young girl, but had been relieved with the sceptical look that Emma have give him. _She's_ your _daughter, Killian,_ she'd said, and there wasn't really much more to it, as far as she was concerned. She certainly looked at home, standing in front of Henry, her face lit up like the sun as she helped him steer, and he truly believed that he couldn't be happier than he was in that moment.

 

After the sun had set and they'd put Eva to bed, Killian left the ship's command in Smee's capable hands and took his wife to bed, having her on the edge of his cot with her legs tight around his hips, her face pressed against his shoulder to muffle her cries as she came, her mouth covering his to stifle his own when he did. Afterwards, they lay face to face on his narrow bed, his leg between hers and her hands resting lightly on his side, her head pillowed by his outstretched arm. 'I apologise that the bed isn't large enough to sleep ten,' he told her with both amusement and sincerity, pushing back the first hints of drowsiness that were starting to creep up on him. He usually only slept well when he was at sea or by Emma's side, and now he was lucky enough to have both.

 

Emma sighed, closing her eyes for a moment and he wondered if she felt the same about sleeping on land or whether she'd acclimated yet. 'I don't think it matters when we barely take more space than one person anyway.'

 

'That's true, aye. But perhaps you'll not steal all the covers now if there's less of them to share.'

 

She hummed in amusement but didn't bother arguing, so he busied himself with tracing the freckles on her nose with his eyes, or what he could see of them in the dim candlelight. He loved every spot, every crease around her eyes, despite her protests of getting old. As he told her, if she was allowed to say that the grey in his hair made him look distinguished, then he was allowed to enjoy her just as much.

 

It was a concept that he'd stopped considering when he was in Neverland. Now, he found that he didn't mind it as much as he thought he would.

 

'You wouldn't believe how excited Eva was when we told her about this,' Emma said quietly, lifting him from his thoughts. 'Well, maybe you would. I hope it's as much fun as she's expecting it to be.'

 

'It will be,' he promised her. 'We won't let her get bored.' He paused, trailing his hand up her side, rubbing his thumb over her shoulder. 'You're certain that Neal didn't mind us taking her when we're not sure when we'll return?'

 

She was silent for a few seconds, then opened her eyes to look up at him. 'He wasn't overly keen at first,' she admitted, 'but he understood. Tink was a great help, though. It'll be good for her to have some peace with Neal before the baby comes.'

 

'Aye, she told me that she's been feeling tired an awful lot lately.' And Eva was a constant bundle of energy and excitement.

 

As happy as he'd been for his friends, it had been hard for him at first not to begrudge Neal this next chance at fatherhood. It was good for him, he knew, not only as a chance to move on from the hurt of finding out that his daughter wasn't really his own, but also to continue to redeem his family line. Rumpelstiltskin still resided in the dungeons below the palace, with few visitors aside from his son. Yes, it was a good thing, and a chance at further happiness that Neal deserved, but it had hurt at first, that he was once more getting the chance to enjoy something that had been denied to Killian. The chance to watch his wife's belly grow large with child, the wonder of the birth and the first years of life. The last years with Eva had been more than he could ever have wished for, but he still would have given anything to have been there for her from the start.

 

They'd talked about having another child, but had decided in the end that they were happy with the two that they'd had, even if Henry was a man in his own right now. Emma was nearly forty now, and she'd been upfront with her concerns about childbirth in the Enchanted Forest. She'd told him that she didn't think she'd have been able to do it the first time if she'd had her memories of her own life and the differences in medicine. And as much as he regretted those missed years, he still had the most perfect daughter, and a stepson that he was so proud to call family.

 

'What about Henry?' he asked, remembering his own conversation with him earlier in the afternoon. 'He told me that he was happy for the adventure, but I can't imagine Grace was too pleased about losing her husband.'

 

Emma laughed, shifting slightly to find a more comfortable position. 'I told her she was more than welcome to come. We can't help it if she gets seasick. Besides, some time apart will do them good. I'm not ready to be a grandmother yet.'

 

He pulled back, eyeing her suspiciously and ignoring her gentle slap at his chest for moving his arm out from under her head. 'You can't lie to me, love. You tried to convince him to stay, didn't you?'

 

'No... Well, maybe I suggested it.' She smiled at him sheepishly. 'He said that he knew how important this would be for you, and he wanted to be there for you like you've been there for him. And that he might as well make this his last big hurrah before he and Grace started a family of their own.'

 

He couldn't help the swell of pride that he felt, both at Henry's consideration and the idea of him becoming a father himself. 'Well, we best not be gone too long then,' he said, setting back onto the bed and pulling Emma closer into his arms, pressing his lips against the top of her head as she hummed her agreement.

 

'Let me guess,' she said dryly. 'Just long enough for Eva to learn that it's a pirate's life for her, yo ho?'

 

Killian grinned into her hair. 'Of course. She's a little young for the rum, but there's plenty more to teach her.'

 

 _And plenty of time to do it_ , he thought, no longer resisting the lull of sleep that pulled at him as he felt Emma relax further against him. He had everything he needed, and all the time in the world to enjoy it.


End file.
